Adding Value to Your Relationship

[Female Announcer] Trust in the fellowship cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God will desire a godly home. These are words of revelation and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [background music: singing and chanting] [Speaker 1] Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Blessed be the name of the Lord. We thank Him again for His mercies. We thank Him for His goodness. We thank Him for His grace. We thank Him for preservation, bringing us into a new month and the second Saturday of the month for our marriage forum. We give Him glory and honor. We appreciate Him for His mercies. And as we come together again this morning, I trust in the Lord that it will be a time of refreshment in the name of Jesus Christ. God has always been helping us every time we gather. I believe that this time again, He is going to help us. I want to welcome our brethren who are connecting with us on Telegram. You are welcome. Our brethren connecting with us on Mixlr, you are welcome. And as we move on together today [background noise/static]. Let's have a word of prayer. Let's talk to the Lord wherever you are. Ask Him for an encounter. Precious Father, we are grateful unto You. We thank You as we gather unto You this morning. We believe that as we fellowship together again, You will meet us at the very points of our needs. You will speak to our hearts. You will give us light and direction. You will cause us to know Your ways. The Bible says You showed Your ways to Moses. But for the children of Israel, they did not know Your way, they only knew Your miracles and signs. Lord, we don't want to know just signs and miracles, we want to know Your ways. Lord, teach us Your ways. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. So, last month we were able to come to the conclusion of understanding the depth of forgiveness, what it is. And we looked at it from the standpoint of the offended, also from the standpoint of the offender. And we were able to learn a lot of things about the correct attitude towards forgiveness. If you were not part of last month, October and September program about the matter of forgiveness, please go to our website www.familytentministry.org to please listen to that message. It is something every couple, everybody in relationship should listen to. Today we want to look at something very short but very vital. For those of us who might have been with us at the singles' club, the foundation for this marriage forum topic was laid in our singles' club. Many times people don't know something about life. My dad normally makes the statement. He'd normally say it to us while we were growing up. He'd normally say it in Yoruba, "Eni ti o ba le sin eyan, ko ni le sin ara e." Let me try and interpret that in English because some of us may not understand that. Even some Yoruba speaking people will not even understand that. I think fundamentally what that statement means is that anybody who has not learned to serve others will eventually not be able to serve himself. He'd normally tell us that when we were growing up, that it's something very, very vital. And I realized that, for example, when I was doing my MSc program in University of Jos, I was a total nonentity when it comes to the matter of typesetting. I mean just typesetting with computer. I was a total nonentity. In 2004, I finished that program, then the Lord changed our mission field. We moved over from Jos to Akure in 2004. Coming to Akure in 2004, I had to head my father's school because he needed somebody to help him head the school because he was already growing very old. So I took over the school and then I noticed that my dad normally goes outside to type the school questions. But I took it off to start typing the school questions for them. Of course, it took me a lot of time because I was not too good on computer. I was just picking, typing, using a finger to type, using a finger to type. But over the years of working in that place, I became a computer guru. By the time I wanted to do my MPhil and PhD program, nobody typed for me. I did all my typing. And till today, I'm still doing all my typing, nobody types for me. The point I'm making is that there's a principle about life: the principle of if you have not learned to serve others, eventually you will not be able to serve yourself. Because it is what you learn in serving others that becomes your own. It becomes what you take along. And what we want to discuss this morning, I said is a very short but very crucial topic. I was just meditating on the book of Luke 7. Let's go to where the Holy Spirit just called my attention to this topic. The topic is adding value to your relationship. Adding value to your relationship. Adding value to your relationship. And let me tell you, it could be marital relationship, it could be employer-employee relationship, it could be business relationship, it could be spiritual relationship, it could be social relationship. Of course, it could even be political relationship, it could be academic relationship. This morning, of course, our focus is marital relationship, marriage forum. But it was something that came out so clear to me about our meeting for today that we should look at adding value to your relationship. I don't know how you have been living in your marriage. And if you are not yet married, you are looking towards marriage, I don't know how you are living now. But eventually if you are looking towards that you will marry, I want you to note this: that a relationship that you don't add value to eventually will not serve you. A relationship that you don't add value to eventually will not benefit you. A relationship you don't dedicate yourself to putting value into... remember, he who sows sparingly will reap sparingly. He who sows bountifully will reap bountifully. A lot of people want to harvest so much in their marriage, but they don't understand that it is the law of sowing and reaping. People are looking towards "I want to have a good marriage, my husband will be an understanding husband, my wife, oh, we will do this, we will do that." They are looking towards a happy home. But they don't understand that it is the law of sowing and reaping. What you don't deliberately add value to, selflessly add value to, don't expect to reap so much out of it. If your aspiration and expectation in life is to have somebody who will do so much into your life, the way to it is to make up your mind that as I go towards marriage, I will be somebody that will selflessly serve that person. If you don't understand that marriage is the law of sowing and reaping, you are getting it wrong. So as we consider this very important topic, adding value to your relationship, please understand that it is the relationship that you add value to that eventually benefits you. It is the relationship that you selflessly add value to. It's not a relationship that you get into and you want to start taking, taking, taking, taking. If you get there and you want to start taking, taking, taking, and you are not adding, let me tell you something: if you take more than what you add, later there will even be nothing again to take. That's the reality. I see people talk today about "I just pray God give me a good husband, I pray God give me a good wife." Yes, I'm not saying they are bad prayers. But I notice something about people: people don't understand that life is about sowing and reaping. Life is about sowing and reaping. The Bible says, "Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that he will reap. If you sow to the flesh, you will of the flesh reap destruction. If you sow to the Spirit, you will of the Spirit reap eternal life." If you sow sparingly into your marriage, if you are praying to reap bountifully, you are a thief, "ole," "gbaju e," 419. If you are hoping to reap bountifully out of your marriage, the law of life is to sow bountifully into it. The Bible says he that does not work should not eat. Anybody that wants to eat and have not worked is not a Christian. I'm talking about a Christian marriage. I was just meditating on scripture, and God called my attention to adding value to your relationship some three months ago and I began to write down. I wrote down, I wrote and wrote, and that's what I want to share with you from the book of Luke 7. In the book of Luke 7, let's see a very simple story. We'll look at just Luke and Acts. Those are the two scriptures today. I said it's a very, very short one. And as you are thinking, if you have questions, brethren online and brethren who are here, if you have questions please just note the question so that we can attend to them at appropriate time. Now, Luke 7. I read from verse 1: "Now when he had concluded all his sayings in the hearing of the people, he entered Capernaum. And a certain centurion's servant, who was dear to him, was sick and ready to die." Please, I read that again: "And a certain centurion's servant, who was dear to him, was sick and ready to die." Now, you'll be wondering why the story began like that. A centurion's servant who was dear to him. The question is: it means there are several servants. But there was a particular one. That particular one was dear to him. What made that servant a dear servant? He was a servant like any other servant. But suddenly he began to climb a ladder in the estimation of the master until he came to a point that he became very dear that the master don't want him to die. Centurions, they are commanders of army. They had several people under them. But the reason why the writer said... you know Luke was the writer. Luke don't live with the centurion. I hope you know. Luke was a servant of who? Of Jesus Christ, a disciple of Jesus. Luke was not living in the centurion's house. But how did he write it? And he was writing. And Luke wrote that there was a centurion who had a servant. That servant was dear to him. It means something happened that Luke saw, that made him to know that that servant was very dear to the centurion because he doesn't live in that house. I don't know whether you are understanding me. He's not living with them at home. But he knew. And when I began to read that verse two in other translations, when I read it in NLT, it makes another sense to me. It says, "Now, the highly valued slave of a Roman officer was sick and near death." May you be a highly valued husband. May you be a highly valued wife. I'm talking about adding value to your relationship. May you be a highly valued officer. May you be a highly valued Nigerian. May you be a highly valued businessman. May you be a highly valued teacher. May you be a highly valued student. May you be a highly valued daughter. May you be a highly valued son. It's about relationship. Highly valued. And I was wondering: how did Luke, who was a follower of Jesus, knew that a Roman officer had a servant that was highly valued to him? That was how the matter started in my heart that "Ah, wait oh." If it was the centurion that was writing, I wouldn't have a problem. It was Luke, somebody who don't live in the house. It's just like somebody just came: "Ah, there is a professor who have one highly valued student, that student..." Won't they ask you how do you know? But if the professor say, "I have a highly valued student," it is understood because it is between the two of them. So I began to raise questions in my heart: how did Luke come to know that this person was highly valued to him? Look at what followed. Look at what followed. Verse 3: "So, when he heard about Jesus, he sent elders, elders of the Jews to him, pleading with him to come and heal his servant." Verse 4: "And when they came to Jesus, they begged him earnestly, saying that the one for whom he should do this was deserving, for he loves our nation and has built us a synagogue." Do you get where the thing connects together? Where it connects together and Luke got to know that okay, there was something about that servant, was that the Roman officer went to meet Jewish elders. You know he's a Roman. He knows that religion to Jesus might be a problem. But an officer now went to the Jewish elders and started begging them: "Ah, please, please, I don't want him to die. I don't... they say you people have Jesus, I want that Jesus to come." And when they came to Jesus, it was by what they said, by the interaction with Jesus, by the earnestness they put. He said they plead with Jesus how? Earnestly. Which means that centurion, when he got to those elders, what did he do? He bowed his head and everything: "Ah, look, you must bring him, that servant must not die, that servant must not die." And so when they got there, they too... it was in that conversation that Luke got to know that, eh? A Roman officer can go to this extent? This servant must be a highly valued servant. And the question is: what is it that this servant could have done particularly that could have made this servant to become of high value? That was where I made that statement at the beginning: that an individual who have not learned to serve others will eventually not be able to serve himself. Of course, the work of a servant is to serve. Am I correct? The work of a servant is to serve. The point about serving is very simple. It's taking us back to something we made reference to about young people in our singles' club of last Saturday. We said one thing that Jesus has done for us as Christians. If you remember, we read from the book of Luke in that singles' club. I took them to Titus, the book of Titus. Look at Titus. The book of Titus, Titus chapter 2. Look at what the Bible says about Christians in Titus chapter 2, verse 14. What did the Bible say? It says Jesus gave himself for us that he might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people, zealous for what? Good works. I read it in the Amplified version. Amplified version reads: "Who gave himself on our behalf that he might redeem, purchase our freedom, from all iniquity and purify for himself a people to be peculiarly his own, people who are eager, enthusiastic about living a life that is good and filled with beneficial deeds." And I was telling our singles last Saturday that if you are somebody who is not enthusiastic, eager to have a life that is good and filled with beneficial deeds, then as a young person you have lost your peculiarity. You are not what makes us different from others. Our peculiarity as Christians is that we are enthusiastic about beneficial deeds. Now, let me tell you, that is the secret. If you, if as an individual you have not grown, you did not start growing in this field, being enthusiastic about beneficial deeds, being eager to do good, by the time you get into your marriage, you will not be able to add value to the person you marry. If we have not learned this thing in your other relationship as you are coming up in life, if you have not learned to serve others, by the time you now enter your marriage, where you are now called to serve, I tell people that go into marriage: marriage is ministry of works. Your marriage, marriage that works, are the ones that we worked in. If you don't work your marriage, it will not work. You work your marriage. It's ministry of works. And how do you work it? Forget about yourself. Begin to add value. Add value. How do you add the value? Good deeds. Focus on your spouse, forget yourself. Focus on their spiritual life, focus on their physical life, focus on them. Begin to invest, invest your life. And let me tell you something, I have seen this thing work several ways. I remember, I keep telling people, as an undergraduate in University of Benin, I was in a relationship where all of us... I don't know how God just gathered those three of us, we were three. But that thing taught me a great lesson in life later. The three of us somehow, I did not know how it happened, we were three people who were willing to serve. Nobody was looking towards getting. So you know what normally cause problem among us most of the time is when you get there, you may meet one meat inside the pot. And many times you say, "Ah, I don't know whether this person have eaten meat, he did not eat it." He will just take his own rice like that. Next person will come, say, "I don't know another person have eaten meat, he did not eat it." And the meat will be going around because people were thinking that that other person... oh, I'm telling you. Everybody was looking towards the other person. If we don't have enough, the argument is not why did you take it? It is who should have it. Say, "No, no, no, you know me, if I go out now, I will get... you, just take... no, don't worry. By the time I go like this, I will get... no, me, I can fast oh, let others eat." You see everybody giving it up for the other person. Eventually it is who will take it that is the problem. And once somebody have taken it, and somebody have taken it... do you know that if marriages are like that there will be less problem? But if it is that no, no, no, no, no, you see you just wait, me I want to... and if it takes a pattern, the other person start feeling cheated. The other person start feeling not being remembered. The other person start feeling... you know, I'm trying to make you envision something that many times the beginning of the crisis in most marriages is that the individuals who come into it, they are individuals who are not enthusiastic, who are not eager about being filled with good, or being filled with beneficial deeds. So I charge you today, if you are in your marriage, if you are already married, go back and look at it: are you enthusiastic about serving your spouse? Do you deliberately plan to do things to make the person feel "Ah, I can't lose this person, he's of great value to me"? What are you doing? Go back home and begin, forget yourself and begin to invest, begin to invest. Very soon you will see your spouse running around for you. Those things you have been saying you did not do, he did not do, eh, he cannot even do this one for me, he did not do that for me... you will see the person because let me tell you, there is a law of life: give and it will be given back to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will men give back into your bosom. God will make men to serve you. But before they will serve you, you must have served. That's the law of life. That's the law of life. It's the law of life. And let me tell you something, one mysterious something about this matter before I show one more case and then we close. Let me tell you one mysterious thing about this giving, because it's mysterious. It's a mysterious thing. People don't know that it's a law of life that always falling down to the ground and die is a law of life. People don't know, people always follow wanting to exist. The law of existence is the law of I will not die, I don't want to die, I want to maintain my nature, I don't want to go out of my way do that, you just want to remain... you know, if a corn fall to the ground, that initial nature will change. It will absorb water, isn't it? It will tear, it will... but by the time it's coming out, it will not be a seed. It's going to be a full corn. You get the point I'm making? Now, let me tell you one mysterious thing about this thing that many people don't know. When the Bible says give and it will be given back to you, it's a very mysterious thing. But I'll try and make it very simple like this. Sometimes, what you sow into your husband, or what you sow into your wife, that deep sacrifice that you are making, you may not even first reap it in your spouse. You will first go and reap it in your career. It's a mysterious thing about giving. You see, when God asks us to fall down to the ground and die, He's not asking us to be dying because we are looking to the person we are giving to for a reward. Or else, your reason for dying becomes selfish. Your motivation for dying is not to receive. Your consequence for dying is that you will receive. You know when something die, it will multiply. That's the consequence, it's the consequence. The consequence is that if you fall to the ground and die, you are bound to multiply. There is no enchantment against you, there is no divination. And if you abide alone, if you sow sparingly and you are praying for multiplication in abundance, you're only deceiving yourself. You must first obey, sacrifice, you must first obey. Now, the motive for falling to the ground and die is that that is what we have been called to do. Am I making sense to you? The motive is that this is my call as a Christian. It's not "Hehe, see now, I've given him one naira, he must give me two naira tomorrow. Hehe, I'm watching him now. I gave him five baskets yesterday. If by next week he does not see that, eh, I'm going to withdraw my five baskets." You are going nowhere. Because what you are doing is investment. Your motive is to receive. You are not understanding that that shouldn't be your motive. That is why you will find some people, let me tell you, you will find some people, once they begin to invest into people and they seem not to be getting back, you know what they begin to do? Instead of them to continue to live their life on who they are, what they are doing is centered on getting back. It's not centered on obeying God. We are living that life, we are adding value to our relationship because that is our Christian call. That is what we have been called to do. The way God will reward you, you don't understand it. It is God who said men will give to your bosom. God is not saying be looking to that person to... that's not what He's saying. He's saying obey me and you will see it. So many times, when you begin to obey God, you may not even first see it in your spouse. It may be after five, six years that you may now begin to see it. You may first begin to see it in other areas. You may first begin to see it because you are obeying God. For example, a husband is not good and gentle, and a wife continue to be submissive. He may not reap anything immediately from that husband. But because her way please the Lord, God may lift her up in her career. God may make her enemies to be at peace with her in her business. Every other thing will start working around her. God is coming. And eventually God is still coming to break that person. You see, the point I'm trying to make you see is that don't think that the person to which you are sowing into is the one that God will use to bring that reward. No. No. It's a mysterious thing. It's a mysterious thing. And that is why you notice that for some people, they are not consistent in good works. They become wearied. Because their motive for good work is to get from who they are sowing into. Whereas, that's the consequence. What you must know about life is that you will come back. That is one thing God has said. For example, the people that Jesus... let me give you a good example in the life of Jesus when the Lord want begin to deal with me about this matter. It began with the Lord Jesus. The Lord Jesus Christ, who are the people that He sold His life into? The first people that He showed himself to, I mean giving the mystery of the kingdom, were the disciples. Isn't it? The next people were who? The multitude. It was the multitude that joined the Pharisees to say, to say what? "Give us Barabbas and not Jesus." Is that not? Number two, the disciples that were close to him, that He showed the mystery of the kingdom, what did they do? They ran away, they went to hide. He was on the cross. Mind you, the body must be prepared for burial. In a way that prophecy about his life was that at his death he will be with the thief. At his grave he will be with the rich. That's in Isaiah 53. That was the prophecy concerning his life. The disciples to which he invest all his life, teaching and training them, they ran away. The multitudes for which he did miracle, they are the one who said kill him. It was a disciple who was following on Telegram and on Mixlr. Joseph of Arimathea. He was not with the 12, he was following on what? The Bible said he was a follower of Jesus from afar. [inaudible] He came boldly to Pilate. "Give me the body of Jesus." He demanded for the body. He was given the body. He took the body to his own grave that he has prepared. The disciples who were looking from afar, prepared the body for burial, put it there, everything. And when they went away, so the prophecy for Jesus' life was fulfilled: that at his grave it must be with the rich. But none of his disciples, immediate disciples did it. They were to do something else later. Oh, are you understanding me? Eventually, did they come back again to do something else for Jesus? Did they come back? They came back after He resurrected. He now began to train them again. He was still investing. Hallelujah. Oh, He went to Peter: "Peter, do you love me more than these?" Peter went back to fishing. Jesus went to call him again. Peter... eventually, eventually, eventually, that your spouse you think you won't get something from will get it right. Eventually did they get it right? They got it right. Jesus spent all His life investing, investing. He died again, they ran away. He resurrected, He was still investing. You tell them, "Hey... I die for..." after all my investment, you, you ran away. Oh, may God help us. May we understand this art of adding value to our relationship. As we close this meeting, please make up your mind. Make up your mind. I will live for Jesus day after day. That's the law of sowing. It is living for Jesus. That is what makes you peculiar. It's not looking for a reward. As I go into my marriage, I'm going there to live for Jesus. It is living for Jesus, that is who I am. A life full of beneficial deeds. That is my calling. That is what He redeemed me to be. As a wife, I just want to go and live for Jesus. I want to be a life that is full of beneficial deeds. I want to forget myself, I want to deny myself, I want to live for this person. That is my Christian call. That is my call. Lord, help me to go into my relationship to add value. Help me to understand that that is my call. That is my life. Help me, help me, help me, help me. Help me Lord to go in a new dimension, no matter what level we are, we can be better. Help us to go in a new strength. Because that is whom you are. They call you [inaudible], God. We call upon you our Father, that Lord you let this attribute, oh Lord, burn seriously in our hearts. That irrespective of what we see, maybe even not receiving or not being appreciated, help us to know that the basis, the ground, and the motive for this is that we are obeying you. Lord, please help us to keep obeying you. Help us to keep looking up. Even if there is nothing to look up upon down here, even if there is nothing encouraging, please help us to look up. Help us to keep obeying. So that indeed, the value we look for in our life we'll get it. So that we will not be seeking what we cannot get. Because if we don't do the right thing, there will not be the correct harvest. Thank you, faithful God. We lift up your son, oh Lord. We thank you for passing through him, for always choosing to use him for your glory and for the edification of the church. Lord, we trust in you, oh Lord, that you will prune him, that he will bring forth much more fruit. He will not be an abandoned vessel. But he will be a vessel, oh Lord, that you keep pruning. You keep nourishing so that he can keep serving and doing the very purpose for which he has been called. Thank you, faithful God. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. [Speaker 3] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in reaching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission health. Our regular activities are discipleship class every Monday, 5:00 p.m., adolescent and singles club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 a.m. Marriage Forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 a.m. Family Life Seminars, regular school outrages, and every day counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location, Life Camp by the First Bridge, Ilere Community, opposite Very Joy Filling Station, along Igerre Road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.