AFFECTON VS LOVE (contd.)

Church fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] Another time in His presence. We appreciate Him for His grace. We thank Him for His goodness. We thank Him for all who He is and all that He is to us. Honestly, it has been God. It is still God, and it will yet be God. To Him be all the glory and all the praise in the name of Jesus Christ. We want to welcome all our brethren again. Those of you who are joining us on Telegram, our brethren joining us from Mixlr, we want to say thank you for connecting with us. Thank you for joining us again. It is another marriage forum, the May edition of it. I trust the Lord that it has been Him since January, February, March, April. This edition again, May edition 2023, I trust the Lord that it will be a refreshing time of about one and a half hours to two hours together this morning. We started a topic in the month of April which is "Affection versus Love." We were not able to do justice to all that needed to be said under that topic in the month of April. So we noted that we would continue with it in the month of May. The month of May will actually be a continuation of Love versus Affection. I trust the Lord that as we try to tidy up all that remains about it this month, the Lord will meet with us and bless us in Jesus' name. Amen. So let us have our—okay, before that, before I take the prayer, I sent out the invite yesterday and as usual, I would love to read the invite again. I said our topic is "Affection versus Love." Affection and love are often taken as meaning the same thing, but in reality they are not. Transcending affection, love is the only solid basis for building a godly home. We started this topic last month and the burden of the May 2023 marriage forum is to continue with love and affection from a scriptural point of view. So let us have a word of prayer this morning as we go on again. Our Father, we thank You. We bless Your holy name. We lift You high for all who You are and for all that You are to us. We thank You again for the May 2023 edition of Marriage Forum under the ministry, Family Tent Ministry. Lord, we trust in You again that as we look into this matter, love and affection, love versus affection from a scriptural point of view in the month of May, Lord we pray that You will meet with us individually and collectively in the name of Jesus. Lord, please speak to us. Meet us where we need You most. Lord, reconcile men to Yourself. Reconcile marriages to Yourself. Reconcile spouses to one another. Let there be love, let there be peace, let there be unity, let there be oneness again in our homes. Thank You, Eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So as usual, I would remind us again as I start, remember that you can send in your questions at any time. However, once it is 11:30, we will begin to attend to questions. If there are no questions, then around 11:30 or thereabouts we will begin to round up. If there are, we will attend to such questions. So if there are questions from the month of April edition, please send them in now. Maybe as we are going further today in the month of May, as questions come up in your heart, send them to whichever of the platforms: the WhatsApp group, the Telegram platform, the Mixlr platform. Any of them, the technical will get the question and we will be able to attend to your question. So, Love versus Affection. We noted in the month of April that often these two words are mistaken for one another generally speaking. Perhaps before I go on, let me ask any of us here, is there anything you want to say or add? Okay. All right. So, we noted that however, when we look into the scripture, particularly we went to look at—just trying to do a little recap of what we did in the month of April before we move on squarely to continue from **1 Corinthians 13** where we stopped last month. Just a little background for those of us who may just be joining us for the first time in the month of May. The background I was giving was that we noted in the month of April that affection and love are something people generally use one for another. But strictly speaking, they are not the same thing. Often, people when they are emotionally attached to people or there is an emotion of likeness or an emotional connection between two people, they normally say "we are in love" or "I love you." But the reality is that those affectionate connections, they are not actually what love is. Love is something greater, higher, deeper, stronger, irresistible, indefatigable than affection. Affection is something that is easily collapsible. Affection is a phenomenon that rests on circumstances. When the circumstances are okay, affection is like a plant; it continues to grow. When the circumstances are not favorable, affection is like a plant that will begin to die. So affection is very, very unstable. That is why you notice that when marriages are built on mere affection, they don't last. The young man and the young woman tell themselves that you are the only cockroach in my cupboard, you are the only butter on my bread, you are my sweetheart, you are my heartthrob, just to mention a few. But within a year into the marriage, or within six months into the marriage, you begin to hear, "In fact, I regretted the day I met you. You are the evil that happens to my life. You are the story of my life that should not have been told." All kinds of statements expressing regret, bitterness, deafness, hurt, grief, sorrow. Sometimes if you check the English dictionary, even when people are having sexual intercourse, it is also described as love: "let us make love." I'm not talking about the various ways the words sexual attraction, emotional attraction have been described as love. But what we looked at very categorically in the month of April is that all of these cannot be described as love. When the Bible is talking about love from the scriptural point of view, the Bible is talking about the God kind of love. And that God kind of love, which is actually what love is, because the Bible says in the book of **1 John** that this is how we will know what love is. This is how we know what love is in that God laid down His life for us, God gave us His Son and so we are now able to know what love is. So we are able to know love because of what God did. What I'm trying to say is that what actually love is is not something that is known by man. Men don't know what love actually is. That is why sexual intercourse is called love, emotional connection is called love, emotional affinity is called love, sexual attraction is called love. But unfortunately, all of these cannot be described as love. So in the month of April, we looked at a very important scripture in **2 Peter**. Let's see that scripture together. **2 Peter 1**. Let's see how the Bible describes that word love for us so that we can appreciate how the Bible separates—tried to explain the difference between affection and love in the month of April. Now if you look at **2 Peter 1**, I read from verse 2. It says: "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love." So we see from the word of God that brotherly affection and love are two different things. If you only add brotherly affection to your faith and you don't have love, you don't add love, there will be problem. Because many times, unless you add love to brotherly affection—we noted in the month of March—brotherly affection can become inordinate affection. The word love there is "Agape," which is what the Bible describes as God. So we noted from the word of God the place of brotherly affection and the place of love. And we noted this, added to brotherly affection, brotherly kindness and Agape. So those are the words we tried to look at in the month of April, so many things were said. Eventually we came to what actually is love in the month of April. And in coming to what actually love is, as against what the world thinks love is, we used **1 Corinthians 13** in a bid to explain what love is. So let's go to **1 Corinthians 13**. That was where we left the matter in the month of April. So, we noted that for any marriage to be stable, what the couples need is not affection, but love. For any marriage to be stable, the governing principle is not affection; the governing principle must be love. When the governing principle in a relationship is affection, that marriage cannot be stable. The reason why it cannot be stable is because affection is not a stable thing. Affection is something that is zigzag. Once the person does what you like, what is good, what is okay, you say "I love." When you are to face the person's shortcomings and the limitations of the person, you begin to have challenges. You say "I don't love you." Whereas when you come to the realm of love, we have looked at what it is. So let's go to that text, **1 Corinthians 13**. Let's read something there. Let me read from one again. "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." The greatest of all of these is love. And what we are seeing this morning that we are reading in **1 Corinthians 13** is the very basis why so many marriages are having challenges today. Many marriages are confusing love and affection. And what they don't understand is that affection cannot keep a relationship going. Affection cannot keep a marriage going. Affection is only but a while. Before you know it, affection has become something that vanishes away. And then you begin to wonder, "how did I enter into this marriage? I thought we loved ourselves. I thought I married the person I love." That is why many times people say love is blind. I just laugh. Love is not blind. It is lust that is blind. It is lust that is blind. It is affection that is blind. Love cannot be blind. Love is something that is deliberate and intentional. When you look at what love is, you know that love is not something that is blind. Love is something that is deliberate and intentional. When you look at what we read about love in **1 Corinthians 13**, in the month of April we have looked at verse 1, verse 2, verse 3, and verse 4. To put us together again, I just want us to look at all of these things that we read. We are taking our discussion from verse 5 for the month of May. But I just want you to look at all the things we read again about love. Number one is that love suffers long. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. Love is not puffed up. Does not behave rudely. Does not seek its own. Is not provoked. Thinks no evil. Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. Bears all things. Believes all things. Hopes all things. Endures all things. I want to remind us again, something that we mentioned last month as the basis of starting for the month of May. When you look at all of these things that we just mentioned now, which of them has to do with feeling? Lust is a feeling. Affection is a feeling. If you look at all of these things that we mentioned, when you are suffering long, is it a feeling of "I love you" to be suffering long? When you don't envy, when you are not arrogant, when you are not rude, when you don't think evil, when you don't rejoice in iniquity, when you can bear all things, when you can believe all things, when you decide to hope in all situations and when you endure all things, which of them has to do with the way you feel? One thing that we said very strongly last month, don't ever let us forget: love is a decision of will. Love is a will. Love is what I will. Love is a will. Love is a commitment. Love is a resolution. Love is "I have said something and I am doing what I said." Love is standing by a commitment. Love is something that has to do with a deep level of understanding. Love has to do—love is something deeper than feeling. Love is something—when the Bible says that we don't know love, we only know love, we only come to know love when God shows us love. Let's look at it from God's standpoint, this thing that we are trying to discuss. When God was to show us love, what did He do? Physically, were we attractive to Him? No. Emotionally, were we connected to Him? No. By any orientation, were we related to Him? No. In fact, the Bible says, "But God commended His love towards us in that while we were yet sinners..." The one that is even more interesting to me is that when He now wants to describe who a sinner is, how did the Bible describe them? In that same scripture, **Romans 5**. [Speaker 1 referencing **Romans 5:8-10**] Who are sinners? He says, "But God commends His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from His wrath through Him." Look at what he said in the verse 10. "For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son..." So who are sinners? Enemies of God. If while we were yet enemies we were reconciled to God through the death—so who was God showing love to? Enemies. So you will notice that when the Bible says that we don't know love, we only understood love when God demonstrated love. It means everything we were calling love before God came, were they love? No. We have a clear understanding of what love is until God came to show it. Now, when the Bible was talking in **1 Corinthians 13** about this love, it is showing you the indices when you actually love. And God is saying yes, you are in love. When God wants to say yes, this man is in love with this woman or this woman is in love with this man, the things that God will see to say that there is love is the things we are reading in **1 Corinthians 13**. So before we can say a man loves, and understand what love is, I want to take you a little back, reflecting on what we just talked about about God and man. Look at that love that God demonstrated to man. When He was demonstrating the love to man and He was dying, what was the emotion like? "Father, if You are willing, let this cup pass over Me. Yet not as I will, Your will be done." And then He feared so much that angels have to strengthen Him. And when they strengthen Him, He said, "Okay, now let Me go and demonstrate this love." Now, when He was busy demonstrating the love, what were they doing? They were beating, they were mocking, they were doing everything. Were they appreciating the person who was loving them? Were they showing any signs? Did they have any sense of value for what He came to do? No. Now I want to speak further. Eventually when He was on the cross and they were busy misbehaving and misbehaving, one said, "Look at this stupid man. He was able to save others, He could not save Himself. If You are truly the Son of God, now we want to know. Come down from that cross then we will believe You." He can come down easily. He can come down, but did He? He didn't. So what held Him to the cross was not the nail, was not their power; it was His will. What kept Him there was not them; it was His decision. I'm trying to explain love. It was His decision that kept Him there. It was His decision. If He just said, "Legions of angels, wipe them off!" and He just said, "Release Me today," what happened? Everything would go that way. What I'm trying to make you see is that when love is being demonstrated, it's not because the object demonstrating love lacks power or might to wound the object the person is showing love to. But it is a choice. It is a decision. It is a will. "Father, not My will, but Yours." So it was the will of God to do it. If it was that "let Me see if they will appreciate," that love would not be demonstrated. "Let Me appreciate," it won't be demonstrated. So it was a will. So love is a will on the part of the person showing love. It's a will that is directed, or that is demonstrated, or that is displayed toward the person that is loved, toward the object that is loved, regardless of the worth of that object. Love is a will. So He said not my will, but Yours. So it was the will of God to do it. Love is a will on the part of the person showing love. It is a will that is directed or that is demonstrated or that is displayed towards the person that is loved, towards the object that is loved, regardless of the worth of that object. The motive of directing that will is to bring into that object a worth that hitherto did not exist. It's to bring into that object—I take it again. I said love, as far as we saw it in God, is a will. It's a decision, it's a volition. Directed towards a person, that object, that element that is loved. It is not directed because of the worth of that person, or the value of that person. It is directed because it is your will. And the motive for directing it towards that person or that element or that object is to bring into that person or into that object a value, a worth that before then did not exist. That is what we understand about love in God. Now, the second thing I'm defining this love that we saw in God. The second thing you will notice about this love that we saw in God, what makes it so different from affection? This thing that I defined, what makes it different from affection is because affection, the bottom line of affection is reciprocity. You like me, I like you. You bring value, I bring value. You give, you take. That is the motive behind affection. That is not the motive behind love. That is why in affection, once the other person is not giving the value you saw for wanting to show the affection, what would happen to your affection? It will die. It will die. Because it is built on reciprocity. Affection has a sense of investment. Affection has a kind of entitlement mentality. When I'm giving you, I'm expecting you to give me back. But when you look at what God did in showing us love, the object receiving the love number one did not merit the love. Did we merit it? And that is why I say, I'm saying, that it is not directed towards the object, the value or the worth of that object. It is not directed towards it because of that object, because of the value in it. And that is why when the Bible says "Husbands, love your wife," any man who wants his wife to merit his love does not understand the love of God. She is not to merit it; she is to enjoy it. She is to enjoy it. It says, "Love her as Christ loved the church." But what happens in the realm of affection, which is what many people use to enter into marriage today, is that affection has entitlement mentality. "I gave her this and she's not even giving me back. You can see what I've given you, you are not even giving me back. You could not even—" Are you understanding me? There is this entitlement mentality that you must get back what you are giving. And you will notice that immediately you are not getting back what you are giving, you begin to see that the strength of affection dies. And that is why people say, "I no more love her." What I'm trying to make you see is that what makes the love of God to be eternal is that it is built upon a will. It is built on His volition. It is built on His decision. Not what you want to do, on what He wants to give. That love that makes God to give—and that's why I tell people, we need to understand that there is nothing you want to do, there is nothing we did, there is nothing we actually put in place to attract God to love us. No. We were enemies. That's why the Bible says that by grace you were saved through faith. That's not of yourself, but a free gift of God. Salvation is of God. It's—nobody earns it. Nobody actually earned it. It was not earned. It was just a decision to give it. It was given. And it is this thing that the Bible is asking us, when we talk about love in the Christian community. The Christian community will seem to be confusing something, and that is why I started from **2 Peter 1**. That when you add affection to Christianity, don't confuse affection for charity. You may have affection, you may not have love. Brotherly affection is that kindness that you have towards people. Brotherly affection feels okay as long as the person can behave. And before you know it, what will you do? Instead of when your enemy is hungry give him to eat, your brotherly kindness will disappear. When he does something, you too you revenge back. Not because you don't have brotherly kindness, but brotherly kindness cannot sustain relationship if you don't add love to it. It is love that makes you to be able to bear with the instability in your brother. Brotherly affection cannot do it. And so you notice that when people build their life on brotherly affection, which is more of affection and sometimes again you find inordinate affection too—and sometimes there's narrow margin between the two. That's why you notice that sometimes people say, "Actually, she has been very, very helpful to me. The reason why I love the brother was he was very helpful and one day he came to visit me and we don't know what happened, it was the devil, we slept with each other." You see, there is a small boundary between brotherly affection and inordinate affection. The stabilizer of brotherly affection is love. It's love. Brotherly affection can cross boundary to inordinate affection. What happens in the world, that is why today you find a lot of immorality that happens in the world also happening in the church. And why? Go and check where it happened. People begin to say, "She's my friend" or "my fiancé," "he is this." That's when these things happen much more deeply. Why? Because we are not—we are not understanding that there's narrow line between brotherly affection and inordinate affection. Inordinate affection is the same thing with lust that operates in the world. That's why it is inordinate. When something is inordinate, it is lust. Lust is a love that is not reasonable. It's an affection that is not reasonable. And so what do we see, brethren? As we try to capture, as we capture these things one after the other. Look at what the Bible says again in that place that we are reading, **1 Corinthians 13**. Look at what the scripture says. It says in describing this thing, it says love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I want to show you something again about this love because we only know it as we saw it in Jesus. Please, when they were busy beating and killing and doing all of that, He eventually died. When He died, what was His mission when He died? He went to the grave, do what? To set captivity captive. So what was He busy doing? When He was rising up, what did He bring for men? He gave gifts unto men. What was He busy doing? So when the Lord said, "Do good to them who hate you, bless them who curse you," is it something that He did not do? I'm trying to make you understand this love. This love that can rule your marriage, that can make your marriage to be sweet. Do you notice, brethren, if the Bible says that love don't rejoice in iniquity, love rejoices in the truth, love bears all things, love hopes all things, believes all things, please what picture is the Bible creating to you about two people that are in marriage? What picture is it creating for us? What I'm saying is that if the Bible is saying that "Love one another, make sure you husband love your wife, wife learn to love your children, love your husband," all those things and he was telling us all of that. Now, and we are seeing that it's saying love is patient, love is kind, love is not easily provoked, love is not rude, love does not keep records of wrong. What is the Bible trying to make us see about the two people that are inside marriage? Let us see that in **Ephesians 5**. **Ephesians 5**. Let's look at it the way the Bible puts it in **Ephesians 5**. Maybe it will come out clearer when we read **Ephesians 5**. I read from verse 31. "For this reason a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I am speaking concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless [verse 33], let each one of you in particular so love his own wife, and let the wife see to it that she reverence her husband." Are you getting it? Do you notice—what I'm trying to make you see is that the Bible is trying to make you see that what makes a happy marriage is not two perfect people. What makes a happy marriage is not two perfect people but two people who have both decided to do what? To suffer long with one another. Are you seeing it? Two people who have decided not to keep records of wrong. Two people who have decided not to be easily provoked and angry with each other. Two people who have decided—together now, that is what is involved. It says "A man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. It is actually a great mystery." This is something that ordinarily will not happen. This is something that ordinarily may not happen. It ordinarily may not happen. It says, "But I speak concerning Christ and the church." That is, what is the Bible saying? That the husband, the person you are calling that he should love his wife as Christ loved the church—is that person Jesus Christ? Has he become exactly like Jesus? No. The wife you are telling that she should submit to her husband in everything as the church submits to Christ—I want to ask you, the church that submits to Christ in everything, that perfect church, are we already there? Are we already there? Do you notice that many times the church will go this way, Christ will bring us back again? Is that not what is happening? So what are we trying to see in a marriage relationship? What do we see? What we see is that there will be times when the husband will do what? He will come with his own not getting it right. There will be times when the wife will come with her own not getting it right. But what makes the marriage a happy and godly and loving and sweet marriage is that they are not building that relationship on affection. It is built on love. And what is that love? A decision. It is a will. It is a volition. "I will demonstrate actions towards you, not because of your worth or your value, but because I have so decided." And I'm directing the actions towards you, the sole aim I have in this action is to add value to you and worth to your life. If you don't put it that way, you will notice that you will not be able to suffer long. You will notice that the shortcomings in the other person will begin to give you challenges. And that is why affection cannot build a home. Affection cannot. It cannot. And that is why I also mentioned something last month. You remember somebody said where then do we get this love from as Christians? What was our answer last month? **Romans 5**. What did we say? We said the love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. This love is not possible except by the Holy Spirit. This kind of love cannot be demonstrated by those who don't have the Holy Spirit. Because it is God's kind of love. It is the life of God. And the life of God is moved by the Holy Spirit of God. Are you understanding me? It's a life that is in God. And when the Holy Spirit is in you, it becomes a life that is in you. So the truth is that like I noted last month, the more you yield to the Holy Spirit, what happens? The more this love is able to come out of you. It's not a love that has to do with human; it has to do with—the more we yield ourselves to the Holy Spirit. That is why you remember the fruit of the spirit. Anyhow you look at it, people have argued that scripture. When they say the fruit of the spirit, people said, "is it the Holy Spirit or the spirit of man?" Some say it is the Holy Spirit, some say it is the spirit of man. But this is the meeting point. That spirit of man that was dead before, that now came alive, who brought it alive? It is the Holy Spirit. We were dead in sin, the regeneration, we came alive by the Holy Spirit. So whether you say it is the fruit of the spirit of man or the fruit of the Holy Spirit of God, whichever way you are not far from yourself. That regenerated spirit, what generated it is the Holy Spirit. So without the regeneration, can the spirit of man have those fruit? No. So you still see that it is the work of the Holy Spirit in our life. So what I'm trying to make you see actually, to build a godly home, it takes two people who daily yield themselves to the Spirit of God. Because the love of God actually that we are talking about is a function of the Spirit of God. This love, do you know why it's not common today in marriage? Because most people that enter into marriage, they are not also people who daily yield themselves to the Holy Spirit. They don't daily yield themselves to the Holy Spirit. This is very, very important. So when you are thinking of marriage, think beyond good suit. Think beyond money in your pocket. Think beyond the brother is 5 by 6 by 4, tall and elegant and handsome. The sister is 2 by 5 by 10, beauty by excellence. Think beyond all of that. Think to how much yieldedness are you having to the Holy Spirit? Because you need the love of God that is a product of yieldedness to the Holy Spirit to do what? To build a godly home. Or else, you will find a home that is full of hatred and bitterness. You will find a home that is full of unforgiveness. You will find a home that is—are you understanding me? You will call some couples, they say, "You see this thing, it happened five years ago. I've been keeping it in my heart because it has not been resolved." I wonder how your heart was able to keep it and it's still alive. The Bible says see to it that bitterness don't spring. You find a home that is blighted with bitterness. It is not because of the error of the other person; it's because of the unyieldedness of the individual heart. What can we say brethren, as you try to capture—as you capture these things one after the other. Look at what the Bible says again in that place that we are reading, **1 Corinthians 13**. Look at what the scripture says. It says in describing this thing, love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud. Love is not rude, does not demand its own way, does not insist on its own way. Love is not overbearing. Love is not irritable. Love does not keep records of wrong. Does not keep records when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, love never loses faith, is always endure through every circumstance. What do you notice about that statement of Jesus when He said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they do"? What is that statement portraying in why Jesus did not come down from the cross? We said He could come down. What held Him to that cross was not the nail. What held Him to that cross is not the wickedness of man. What held Him to that cross is not their injustice. What held Him to that cross was His will. That all of those things could not stop Him. That is why I'm saying that you should choose to be revengeful. What makes you to show love is not because you cannot show the other one. That's what I'm trying to say. We can go the other way. Jesus could have gone the other way. He could have come down. He could have said, "Gabriel, cut off their head! Me? Do you know who I am? I will show you today! Me, your creator, you are acting like this? Your own has finished." And with their own has finished, they would have finished. So what kept Him to that cross is not that He lacks power or might. You know that He lacks the ability to do otherwise. He has everything He takes to do otherwise. So love is not a sign of weakness. That's what most people don't know. It's not a sign of weakness. In fact, it's a great strength. What I'm showing you is this: when Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they do," please what is that telling you about the reason for which Jesus did not come down from the cross? For which Jesus stayed there to that place? For which Jesus kept suffering, dying, still doing them good despite what they were doing? Please, what do you see from that statement when He said, "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do"? What can we bring out of that statement? What is making that love to flow? What is the basis of God's love? You get the point. What brings us to—when we say love is patient, love is kind, love is not easily provoked, love don't keep records of wrong, love bears all things, love believe all things, is that there is a depth of understanding inside love that it takes only the person who is ignorant not to live in the fear of God. So when you see your spouse misbehaving, what should come more from you is mercy. It's mercy that, "Ah, the person is still yet to really understand. This person is still..." And why should mercy flow out of you for your spouse? Why should mercy flow out of a woman for her husband? Why should mercy flow out of a man for his wife? Why should this thing be so? Three things that we saw in the word of God. Number one, both of you are work in progress. Is that true? That is very true. Because the Bible says that He gave gifts unto men, one to be apostle, to be this, to be that, all of those gifts for the perfecting of the saint, in view of the work of the ministry, for the build up of the body of Christ, till we all come towards the knowledge of Him unto the measure of the fullness of the stature of Christ. Nobody has gotten there. There's this understanding that we are both work in progress. If you have that deep understanding, it makes you to become—I'm trying to make you see that when people think that love is blind, it is not God's kind of love. God's kind of love is a deep-seated revelation. It is a deep-seated knowledge. It's a deep-seated understanding of who God is and understanding of who man is. You see, it was because Jonah was ignorant of the real state of the people of Nineveh that made him angry and he wanted God to destroy them. And God wanted to make him see that "Look, you don't understand. As evil as these people are, as evil as they are, these people that you are calling evil, it is because they don't know their right from their left." And that is why you will notice when the Bible says that if for example two unbelievers married themselves before and one becomes the Christian, it says the one that becomes the Christian should not leave the other one. You know what he says? He says by your life the other person will be saved. You can see God still bearing on this thing. So that when you begin to see the other person doing all kinds of things, makes you slow to anger. It's not because you are weak; it's because you have a realization, "It is because God has not opened my eyes to what is right. This person, his or her eyes are yet to be opened." So what he is calling—the reason why he is still living on affection, "When I do good, that is when it happens. When I don't do good, that is when it is. He cannot live like me." It's because he's not like me. You see, I'm trying to make us understand these things. This is what sustains a marriage. For what we can see today, brethren, any man that walk in this love of God, it's not about how you feel. Is that not the truth? It's about what you will and what you know. Are you seeing that? Are you seeing that? That the love that we are talking about is not about how you feel. It's about what you decided, what you will. It's about your volition and what you know, your level of revelation about God and man. But everything, brethren, don't forget, is powered by your communion with the Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, nobody can do this. This is not the man kind of love; it is the God kind of love. And that is why I encourage people today, brethren, what we are seeing in marriages today is a display that Christianity for most people today lacks depth. It's just surface. It's just surface. It lacks depth. Depth is not there. It is surface. It lacks reality. It lacks substance. When Christianity comes with its depth, when it comes with its substance, when it comes in its reality, what rules our home is the love of God. And this is the only thing that can make marriages to stand. So when I'm patient with my wife, what am I doing? I'm loving her. When I don't keep records of wrong, what am I saying? I love you. When a woman is not easily provoked, what is she saying? I love you. So love is not about how you feel. It's about what you have decided under God, through your communion with the Holy Spirit and the depth of the revelation you have about God and about man. God knew who He was. Jonah said, "I know You are always gracious, You are slow to anger, You are always merciful, You easily turn from doing harm." What is the basis why God is like that? The knowledge about the nature of man. So it's not because God is weak. It's not because God cannot just look—like I was saying that in one meeting, if God wants to destroy everybody today, it doesn't cost Him anything. You, what did you say about Me? You said I'm stupid. Die! What will happen to that one? Instantly, what will happen? Die. But I keep telling people, there's a difference between possessing power and being possessed by power. God possesses power. God is not possessed by power. That's the difference between power with God and power with man. For men, men are possessed by power. Men don't possess things; they are possessed by those things. Some are possessed by money, some are possessed by age, some are possessed by position. They don't possess position; they are possessed by those things. Those things rule their life; they don't rule through those things. Will we not be possessed by what we ought to possess in the name of Christ. Technical please, I believe there is no question. We are getting towards 11:30 gradually. Now, do we have questions from the house? Question, comment. Question, comments before we close this morning. Okay, our brother says he has a question or a comment. Let's give the mic to our brother. Let him switch on the mic. A question or a comment, let's have it as we close this morning. [Speaker 2] I'm sorry I came late, but the little I met, I am still blessed. Oh, you should have joined on Mixlr while you are coming. All right, so let's have him. All these things about love and all these attributes that can make us to overcome problems in our marriage and everything. Are we to pray it to our life or how do we get this thing manifest in our life so that it can really, really be—we can see the manifestations? I have heard, the love of God is beyond feeling, that it's a matter of understanding to see how God is seeing so that we can be patient with our wife no matter what or the behavior. Now I'm asking, all these attributes we have listed, are we to pray it to our life or how do couples now cultivate all these values? [Speaker 1] Okay. Is anybody from the house giving answer? Okay, our mommy there is trying to give answer. Give the mic to our mommy. [Speaker 3] Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. Apart from praying, we need to take deliberate action. We need to put these things into action. We need to make it a deliberate will to love. It is not easy, we are all human. But with the help of God and deliberate action, I believe God will help us to love and be patient with our spouses. [Speaker 1] Thank you ma. Any other addition? Any other comment to that before I say one or two things? Okay. I think the answers they are just coming as even our brother who asked the question has provided one answer. How do we practice this thing? Men ought always to pray and not to faint. Jesus said pray, lest you fall into temptation. Give yourself to prayers. Prayer is communion with God. As you rub on God, God rubs on you in the place of prayer. So prayer, we pray them. Lord, God Almighty, I want to walk in the fullness of this thing. This is the will of God. He that seeks finds. So you pray it. Number two is what our mommy have also said. The Bible says don't be hearers of the word alone. What our mommy said is just the reality. But be doers of it. Don't just hear it. That is—it was like the case of somebody who came to me and he said he had two jobs. Two jobs. One about 150,000, the other one about 300 and something. I can't remember the actual number very well again. So that he's wondering what to do, which of them to take. Ah, so I wondered why you are wondering, which of them to take. It's clear now, one has higher—so the one he said, what happened is this. So what happened is that, you see that one that is giving about 300 plus, actually he has to tell a little lie about his age. Eheh. But this other one there is no problem. So that's why he has been wondering what to do. I said, "Bro, you are not wondering, you are wicked. You are not wondering, you are only wicked." I said do you need to go back and pray to God, "Father, please lead me. Should I lie about my age? Should I not lie? Lord, Holy Spirit speak to me." I said a spirit will speak to you, it will not be Holy Spirit. There will be a leading. I said you remember Balaam? Balaam went to God, "Should I go?" God said, "Don't go." But when Balak now sent more money, more honorable representative and he promised half of his kingdom to Balaam, and they came, when Balaam saw everything, "Ah, I want to miss this one. Ah, God." He now ran back to God again. "God, this situation, are You actually saying that I should not go to the place or You are explaining that there is something..." God said, "Then go. Go." He went. Go now. Go. I said that is what you are. You are not confused, you already know the will of God in this matter. You know the will of God, but you don't want to do the will of God. Go and do God's will bro. It is not a matter of counsel; it's putting into practice what you already know. You get it? That's what our mommy is saying. We choose to practice God's word. Love is patient. So love is not a feeling. When somebody provoked me and I'm patient—it may first start like it may first be mechanical because that is not our nature. If somebody slaps me and formerly before I normally slap back—that's what I know. Now I'm now growing in the knowledge of God to know what love is. My wife now slaps me again. You know the feeling will still come! You feel! And then you are, "No, love is patient." I'm just giving an example. Or she insult and I wanted to do back, no, no. Even if I'm, "Ah!" I go back and I say, "God oh, God please this thing, I don't want to do it again." Now, you know it starts mechanical. If you look at you are struggling with it. But the more you are saying "I don't want to do it again," you are making it a will. You know what happens? The more we submit to the word of God. And that is the mystery of the cross. That's what I tell people. The more we look to Jesus, the more we are changing to Him by the spirit. That is one thing most people don't know. The more you say "I will" and you commit yourself to it—this is the word of God, this is who I am, I am not the other person again—you begin to see the manifestation of that thing happening to you. It comes that way. How does it come again? It comes by meditation. Your word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Bible say let the word of God dwell in you richly unto all wisdom. Do you know that the word of God begin to dwell in you—just let me give you a very good example why the place of meditation is so strong that brings word of God to dwell in us. Look at Jesus. What was He told? "Turn this stone to bread." What was His answer? "It is written, man shall not live by bread—" He didn't say, "Ah, I won't turn stone to bread. Me? I will not turn stone to bread! How will I turn into bread? No, I will not turn stone to bread." Why didn't He say that? Let me tell you one thing. Listen to why that is very—people don't know the power of these things, but I want to make you understand it. If you look at what you call satanic power, where does the Satan get all his power? From God. Those power, how do they operate? They cannot operate without words. They will speak enchantment. They will speak words. Is that not? When they want to do anything, they will speak, speak, speak. Then they will now go into action. Is that not? That is the same thing with the word of God. You know what the Bible calls the word of God? **Ephesians 6**. It says it is the sword of the spirit. When you say "I will not do it," your spirit don't have sword. When you say, "It is written, if any man is in Christ, a new creature, old things have passed away, all things have become new," that is the word of God. That word brings life in Him, His life. If you say "I will not do it," it's just your spirit don't have a sword. That happens to me a lot. Something will happen and I say, "No." The scripture will just flow through my spirit. It says, "It is the honor of the wise to defy his anger. It is his glory to overlook transgression." When that word flows through my spirit, I just become a changed person. The word of God is so powerful. That's why he says, "let the word of God dwell in you richly." Let the word of God be dwelling in you, be meditating, be taking it inside, dwell on the word of God. When you begin to hide God's word into your heart, you will be surprised. The word of God is power, the word of God is life. So it's very, very—it's very, very—so by the power of meditation, bringing the word of God into your life. The fourth one is by revelation. Seek revelation. The Bible says you will know the truth and it set you free. Do you know thing about revelation? Revelation is a light. You will find that in **Ephesians 1**. **Ephesians 1** from verse 15. Revelation is a light. If you don't have revelation, revelation is the key. Any life that lacks revelation will walk in darkness. Revelation is a light. Without revelation you cannot do the things of God. It is revelation that transforms—listen to me. Revelation transforms head knowledge to experiential knowledge. It's revelation. Your eyes become open because until you see, you cannot have it. Those are spiritual rules. If you don't see it, you cannot have it. For something to become your own, you must see it in spiritual terms. That's called revelation, it's a light. You seek revelation. Look at what the Bible says in that place. I read from **Ephesians 1:15**. Look at what the Bible says. It says: "Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and your love for all the saints, do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him." That is something you must beg God for. God, give me the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. It's so crucial. Paul said he did not cease to pray for them. Look at it. What does that spirit do? What it works in our life. It says "that the eyes of your understanding being enlightened, you may know the hope of your calling, and what is the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead." Are you seeing? So without revelation, there's need for revelation. You seek it, you cry to God. That's what happened to the disciples. He says He opened their mind to understand scriptures. God open my mind. Because bro, let me tell you the truth my brother, your bondage is in your mind. We are transformed by the renewal of our mind. Once your mind get transformed, your character will change. If your mind don't get transformed, your character cannot change. And what changes your mind is revelation. I hope I've answered that question in addition to what had been said. So let's close the meeting today. Let's begin to thank the Lord. Let's thank the Lord for today. Everywhere we are, let us pray. Let's thank the Lord. Thank God for the question of our brother. It has helped us to add some more things to how we can walk in this thing. So we can say that we have also looked at how can I walk in the love of God. That's what we use to conclude in answering that question. In addition to what we looked at today, apart from the love of God, affection versus love, we have also seen how can I walk in this love in my marriage. That's what we used to conclude in answering that question. I want us to talk to the Lord. This is what can make marriage to stand. Affection cannot hold marriage. It is a mirage. It will disappear. It cannot—look, when there are storm it cannot face it. It cannot face the failures of your partner. It cannot face the weakness, the weak point. Your affection cannot. Anger will come, bitterness will come, unforgiveness will come. Affection cannot stand it. It cannot. What we need is this love so that we can build godly home. So that we can build godly home. Talk to the Lord this morning. Talk to Him. Talk to Him this morning asking the Lord for help. Lord God Almighty, I want to walk in the fullness of this thing. I want my home to be a Christian home, a godly home. A home where Christ is honored. A home, a home, you know, that is full of song and love and joy and praise. A home where the father is strong, a home where the mother is the queen. A home where the word of God permeate, a home that is free from the blight of wrong, unforgiveness and heart. That kind of home. Oh God, I want my home to be a Christian home, a godly home. Thank You, Father. Thank You Father, thank You Father, thank You Father. Lord, we just pray this morning that You will help us. You will help us, Lord. You will grant us more and more insight into this matter. We pray for every home that is here and every home that is yet to be formed. Those listening to us that are not yet married, Lord we pray. Homes that are challenged, oh Lord bring healing in the name of Jesus. Lord, those that are yet to enter, may this wisdom guide their future home in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, we pray for we that are here physically and our brethren that are online, together as one people, Your purpose for our lives will not be frustrated. Thank You, Eternal Father. Blessed be Your holy name our God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Let's share the grace together in fellowship. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with us now and forever more. Amen. This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission aid. Our regular activities are discipleship class every Monday 5:00 PM, Adolescent and Singles Club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, Marriage Forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, family life seminars, regular school outreaches and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location, Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Rejoice filling station, along Ijare road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.