Childlessness and Marriage (4) 4 Biblical Examples

[Background music and singing] [Speaker 1] Christianity is fellowship. It cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God is the designer of godliness. These are words of salvation and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 2] Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. We thank God again. We give Him glory, we give Him honor, we give Him adoration as we gather again for the month of November edition of Marriage Forum. And as we start this morning, I want us to deliberately thank the Lord. Let's thank the Lord. Honestly, we cannot but thank Him for preservation, keeping us till today again, helping us till this time. Let's give Him glory wherever you are. Please just worship the Lord. Worship the Lord. Worship Him. Thank Him, thank Him, thank Him. It has been Him. It is still Him, and it will yet be Him. We give Him honor, glory. We worship You, our God. You are worthy to be praised. Lord, we give Him honor, glory. We worship You, our God. You are worthy to be praised. Our Father, we are grateful. Our God, we thank You. We honor You. We appreciate You for Your mercies and for Your love. We thank You for all who You are and for all that You are. We bless Your holy name. We say, Lord our God, be Thou exalted, be Thou lifted high. As we gather to You again this morning, we who are here physically, our brethren who are joining us on Mixlr, our brethren joining us on Telegram, Lord, we say we commit ourselves into Your hand. As we fellowship again yet further on this matter of childlessness and marriage, this is the fourth edition. Lord our God, we pray that You will speak to our hearts again. Lord, You will meet with us. Lord God Almighty, You will bring light into our darkness in the name of Jesus Christ. Oh Lord, our eyes on You. Let nothing prevail against Your purposes for our lives. Thank You, eternal Father. Blessed be Your holy name, our God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So we are looking at the matter of childlessness and Christian marriage, and we are taking it from where we stopped the last time. And as usual, I'll just try to do some what I call high points from our last lesson. In our last lesson, our focus was on the marriage of Isaac, Zachariah, and Elkanah. And we saw very clearly from our last episode that it is very, very important for us to see that the Bible described Zachariah as blameless. The Bible described them as upright because despite the challenge of childlessness, that family remained intact. Zachariah was ready to stay in that marriage even if it will mean that Elizabeth will not have a child. Because we saw that when the angel came and he said, "Zachariah, your prayers have been answered," from the response of Zachariah, we saw clearly that he had given up the hope of having a child. And yet the Bible described their marriage as a going marriage, as a strong marriage, as a godly marriage. And it is so crucial for us to take serious lesson from that. That where believers have correct Christian life, where the focus is on eternity, where the walk with God is upright, where there is no deliberate hypocrisy, lies, and insincerity, a marriage can survive childlessness. Couples can remain childless till death. I'm talking about biological childlessness. But they can have one thousand and one spiritual children. They can have foster children. They can raise people. They can adopt children. They can do a lot. When a marriage doesn't have a biological child, it doesn't really mean that they are childless. We are coming to that later. There are one thousand and one things to do. But the first thing is that the people involved in that marriage must be correct, particularly the man. The focus must be on eternity. There must be genuine work and love for God. There should be no deliberate hypocrisy and there should be complete sincerity. That is what we saw in the marriage of Zachariah and Elizabeth. We saw also the marriage of Rebecca and Isaac. And we saw that Isaac and Rebecca were also having similar challenge. And one thing happened that was clear in the marriage of Isaac and the marriage of Zachariah. The Bible said Isaac entreated the Lord for the sake of his wife Rebecca because she was barren. Isaac entreated the Lord. Isaac interceded. Isaac stood his ground and said, "No, God, answer my wife." And we saw that the Bible says, and the Lord heard him, and Rebecca became pregnant. That is what led to the birth of Esau and Jacob. And we also saw that in Zachariah, the angel said to Zachariah, he said, "Your prayers have been answered," which means he had been praying also. So we saw that one very important thing in any marriage where there are childlessness, where there is a serious challenge—it could be childlessness, it could be health, it could be financial, it could be anything—we need a man who is an intercessor. And I said any man who is not an intercessor is not a marriage material. That was something we said last month also. That one of the things, when you talk about the dignity and integrity of manhood, one strong dignity and integrity of manhood is the ability to pray the marriage through, is the ability to pray a challenge out of the marriage, the power of intercession. And we also balanced up the matter in Hannah. We saw that in the case of Elkanah, Mr. Elkanah, we had a husband who was not an intercessor, who was also not a prayer partner but was a prayer project. And I pray that our daughters not marry men that are prayer projects. A man should be, a man who is correct should be an intercessor. So we find the case of Hannah, and that's why we balanced it up that it doesn't mean that the prayer life of a husband who has a correct prayer life, it doesn't mean that the prayer life of the wife should be weak. No, that's not what it means. And that is what we were able to learn from the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Elkanah. The husband was a man who was a prayer project, and the woman prayed the marriage through into having Samuel. Hannah stood in the place of prayer, and Samuel came. And not only Samuel but other sons and daughters. So we noted that while the prayer life of the man should be fervent, should be deep, should be strong, it does not necessarily mean that the prayer life of the woman should be weak. The prayer life of the woman should not be able to answer to God. That's not what it means. But we are only saying that the man actually, there is a duty for the man. And it is important for you to note as a man, to ask yourself important questions. Am I sure I'm actually a man as I prepare to go into marriage? So we ended the matter looking at Elkanah, that marriage of Elkanah and Hannah. That's where we ended the matter. And I noted that we noted that the Bible says Elkanah loved Hannah, but Elkanah took Peninnah even though he claimed to love Hannah but he took Peninnah. And I noted that polygamy is not the solution. Marriage is actually an honor. The honor of marriage is one man and one wife. That's the honor of marriage. Polygamy is for animals. Animals are polygamous. God has so designed man that except where the heart is not correct, marriage should be for life. And if one is to leave, if one is living to marry another, it should be consequent on the death of the other one. Where you see something different from this, it is because the heart of men, the heart is not right. Jesus said it because of the hardness of your heart. And for I will not speak so much about that. You may go online on the website, check the topic, "Heart Fit for Marriage." Under that topic we dealt with the matter of the heart. You can look at that topic and listen to it. Our website www.familytentministry.org. Just go there, open the album "Marriage Forum" and check, search for the message "Heart Fit for Marriage." You will see the kind of heart that as far as God is concerned should go into marriage. So that's that. So we want to move on from where the Bible says now where Elkanah was speaking to Hannah. And the Bible says now Elkanah loved Hannah. And we want to take it from there for this month edition of Marriage Forum. So please let's go to the book of First Samuel, First Samuel chapter one. First Samuel chapter one. I want to read from verse four. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions, portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year, and as often as he went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. And Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. She was deeply distressed and prayed to God and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your servant and remember me and not forget Your servant, but will give to Your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life and no razor shall touch his head." That was Hannah in the temple crying to God for a way forward where the husband had left the duty post. So we want to take it from where we left it now. It says that on the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave double portion because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. Now we are looking at a very, very, very important thing now. The Bible was talking about Elkanah and Hannah in this situation of childlessness. The Bible says that actually Elkanah loves Hannah. And in loving her, any time the animal had been slaughtered and he had given portions to the other wife, he would give double portion to Hannah because he loved her. That is what we are trying to look at. We're trying to look at scripture. What does it mean to love? When the Bible says, "Husband, love your wife," particularly in a situation where there is a major challenge, as in this case now, a challenge of childlessness. For some family, it could be a challenge that has to do with finance. For some families, it could be a challenge that has to do with the health of the husband or the health of the wife. The challenge could be any type of critical challenge. But we are looking at this family that has a challenge, a critical one, the one of childlessness. That's the one we are looking at. And the Bible says actually in this marriage the husband loves the wife. And in loving the wife, what he does to demonstrate that love was that he would give Hannah, instead of one portion since it is only her, he would give her a double portion. Now what is it that we want to call our attention to? What is it that we want to talk about? The Bible says, "Husband, love your wife." Look at Ephesians, let's look at the book of Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five. I read from verse 22. "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and He Himself is Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives." Do you see something there in the front of the Lord? What do you see there in the front of the Lord? It says, "Husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church." Husband, you are not allowed to love your wife the way you so desire. You are not allowed to love your wife the way you so wanted it. No. Husbands are to love their wives in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. And that way that is pleasing to the Lord is loving your wife according to the standard of the sanctuary that God has set. What is the standard of the sanctuary? What is the standard? He says you cannot love her the way you feel. You cannot love her the way you want. You cannot love her the way you choose. You can only love her, and that loving her will be acceptable when you love her as Christ loved the church. That is the point that I'm calling us to today. Elkanah loved Hannah. But the standard of the love is not according to the standard of the sanctuary. It is not according to the measure. Look at what the Bible says. Let me read on further. It says, "So let wives be subject to their husbands in everything," isn't it? Now look at something. Look at something further in that scripture. He says, verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and..." What did Christ do? Look at that scripture. Do you see what the Bible says? "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself." Elkanah was not ready to give up his interest. Elkanah was not ready to give up his passion. There is a passion for children. There is a desire for children. "Oh, somebody must inherit me. Somebody, there is himself, something that touches himself." Elkanah was not ready. Christ loved the church and gave up Himself. The Bible says He was equal with God but He did not count that equality to be anything to hold on to, but He laid down that glory and took up flesh, even the flesh of man. Not only that, was ready to die the kind of death that He died. He came down to our level. Christ could have saved us from His level. But what is needed to redeem us was that a sacrifice—maybe you don't understand—you know the offense is against the Godhead. What did we sin against? The Godhead. It is also we that you sinned against. So you see, you have been pardoned. It is possible to pardon man without paying the sacrifice because the person who sinned against, whom man sinned against, is the same person that loved man and wants to pardon man. It says God so loved the world. Elkanah loved Hannah. God loved the world. And because God loved the world, He wanted to redeem the world. But what is required to redeem the world was that something must die. And that thing that must die will have to be something whose blood is holy. Animals could not redeem man that they were using in the Old Testament. They could only cover sin. So there is a need for a lamb that is not subject to sin, a blood that can be offered eternally because man died eternally. It is only God that has that kind of blood. It is only God that can bring that kind of blood. So God gave up Himself. He gave up His glory. He came down to show that kind of love of giving up Himself. He left heaven. He left His convenience. He came down for our redemption. He could have just sat there and said, "Anyway, okay, let's just save them now. Let animals keep covering the blood. Animals can just keep covering it. This kind of death, you know what Christ said? Christ said my soul is sorrowful. Oh, Father, if only this thing can pass away from me." For you to know that what they came to do, they could have just looked for a way to escape it. That is why I'm telling you that the love that Elkanah loved Hannah was not a love in which he gave up himself. And I'm addressing you men and I'm addressing you women, but particularly I'm addressing the man. There is a standard of the sanctuary. The standard of the sanctuary is that a man love his wife, not the way he wants. No. Not the way he feels. No. Not the way he desires. No. A man love his wife. That love is that he gives up himself. Elkanah should have given up, giving up his desire, something the sacrifice should touch him. The sacrifice he gave did not touch him. He quickly looked for animals to give Hannah double portion, but he quickly took another wife so that he can still meet his vision. That is what I'm saying. And that is what many men do today. They want to replace themselves with money. "I bought her car. After all I've given her this. After all I gave her that. After all I've given her that." The matter is not first about what you can give in terms of your things, it's whether you can give up yourself. The matter I'm talking about is the standard of the sanctuary today. Childlessness and Christian marriage. Childlessness and marriage, particularly when we are dealing with believers. I know unbelievers can do as they want, and that is why I am saying when you see a man who love his wife the way he feels, who love his wife the way he wants, who love his wife the way he desires, who love his wife to the point that he can give up things but not himself, then we are not dealing with a Christian man. Am I making sense to you? Am I making sense to you? Are you understanding the matter? There is a challenge, a critical challenge. A challenge like childlessness. A challenge like health. Sometimes you may have a situation where the man because of some illness could no more act as a man, could no more have sexual intercourse with his wife. What will the woman do in that situation? Will she give up herself? Or will she quickly go and be looking for how to meet her desires somewhere else and abandon the man? It could be the other way round. It could be the woman who has serious health issues, and then the man. You see what I want you to understand is that the many things we are seeing today in society is because the heart of those who enter into marriage never truly and really encountered God. I'm not saying they are not inside church. That's why I said please go and listen to that message, "Heart Fit for Marriage," so that you know what I'm talking about. Not every heart is fit for marriage. Many hearts may be fit for the churches. They may be good in the church, giving and giving and saying, "Dedicated brother," but they may not be fit for marriage. Marriage calls for himself, not his things. That's the point I'm making. There are people who love to the extent that they can give up things. They can give up precious things. But the heart that is fit for marriage is the heart that can give up himself. The heart that can give up herself. Many things happening around us today that we are saying, "But they are Christians," we may not be dealing with men who truly encountered God. You may not be dealing with women who truly encountered God. Look at First John, First John 4:7 and 8. I'm not saying they are not inside church. That's why I said please go and listen to that message, "Heart Fit for Marriage." Not every heart is fit for marriage. First John chapter four. Let's see that scripture there. First John chapter four, verse seven and verse eight. It says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God. And whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." How many things do you see there? What are the two things that has happened to somebody who loves? There are two things. Two things happened. Beloved, let us love one another if we will be able to love, for God is love. Whosoever loves has been born of God. That is one. To be able to love, two things must happen to us. The first one is that we must be born of God. But that is not all. That's why I'm saying that there are many born again who cannot love. Are you understanding me? When they get born again, they enter into our churches. Some may not even actually be born again anyway. But I'm talking of those who even got born again. They are born of God. That is one level. But that is not the full level. The person who can actually love, two things must have happened to that person. Number one, the person must be born of God. The second one, the person must know God. There must be intimate knowledge of God. So when you see somebody say, "But he's a Christian and look at what he's doing to his wife. Look at what she did to her husband," you might be dealing with two things. Number one, you may be dealing with somebody who was not born of God. The person was never born again. Number two, you may be dealing with somebody who is born of God but does not know God. That's what I mean by encounter. When an encounter gets to the measure of the sanctuary, it brings two things. The person is born of God, number one. The person knows God, number two. And a simple illustration I can easily give you was when Jesus touched the blind man, when he gave him the first touch, the first dose of encounter with Jesus. And they asked him, "How do you see men?" What did he say? He said, "I can see them as trees." The Lord said, "It is still not enough. You still need one more dose." And there was the second dose. He said, "I can now see men properly." There is a first dose of being born of God. That dose is good, but you may still be seeing men as trees. You'll be seeing men as what you can just handle anyhow, cut down, use for firewood. That's why the way men use women today. They say, "I'm a Christian, I'm a member of this church, I did this," but they may be seeing men as trees. I pray for you everywhere you are seeing men as trees, may the second encounter come to you in the name of Jesus. When a man is seeing his wife as trees, when a woman is seeing the husband, seeing men as trees, there will be a lot of nonsense in that marriage. The measure of love will not be according to the sanctuary. The point I'm making, and that is what I'm trying to make you understand about Elkanah. So as we go back to that scripture where you have Elkanah, First Samuel chapter one. Let's go back there again. "So it went on year by year. As often as he went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat." Let me first take verse five before I come to seven. I want to finish with five. It says, "But to Hannah he gave double portion because he loved her." So you know the kind of love now that Elkanah loved Hannah. We have described the kind of love. Though the Lord had closed her womb. And a rival—look, please, who brought rival into this marriage? Who brought the rival? A man in his selfish ends to satisfy his own desire will be doing certain things that are critical. Human beings can be so selfish and self-centered, both in men and in women. They will be the source of problem. Yet they will be bringing a solution, a solution that looks as if they are not the cause of the problem. They will be saying, "You see, I gave her some, I gave him, after all there is something, I normally cook my husband food all the time. I normally do this all the time." There are women who cook their husband food all the time and place it on the table, but they don't ever reference their husband. They know what is the cause of the problem. They know where the problem is. And they'll be doing some other thing to compensate it because they don't want to give up themselves. Wicked individuals. They'll be using some alternate things. The core of the matter, because they want to satisfy their selfish ends. I'm talking now about men and women. Self-centered men, self-centered women that got into marriage. They are born again but they don't know God. Anybody who knows God is delivered from self-centeredness. If you have not been delivered from self-centeredness, you have not truly encountered God. You may be claiming to be born again, and I'm not disputing that with you. But you have not genuinely encountered God. There is still an encounter you need. You must daily pray God for an encounter that makes you die to self. The Bible says we die daily. We must be dying daily for Christ to increase in us. Daily we must be dying. That is the encounter. Paul says we die daily. Daily we are killing self, we are dying to self, and Christ is increasing. If that is not happening to you, it means you are not growing up even though you are growing old. Many people have grown old but they did not grow up. They have grown old. That is why a lot of old people can be foolish because they grew old but they did not grow up. Look at what the Bible says. Rival. The real problem in this marriage is that there is a rival. If there was no rival, Hannah wouldn't need double portion of meat. If there was no rival, Hannah wouldn't need double portion of meat. What Hannah needed was a commitment of a man to her. A man that will say, "If we are both going to dry like this, let it be so. Let's keep going and serving God year by year. If God doesn't deliver us, then we will die like that." A man like Zachariah. That is what Hannah needed. Not somebody who was carrying meat, he gave them double portion. Many of us are guilty of this. The core of the matter, he went and bring a rival. It says and a rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her because the Lord had closed her womb. The Bible says so it went on year by year. Every year. Would the man not know that the woman is doing this thing? And when that happened, look at the painful thing in this scenario. Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad?" Please, which type of question is this man asking? Does he not know why she was weeping? Does he not know why this woman is weeping? Does he not understand why this woman is weeping? That's why I said let us not be hypocritical in our marriage. You know something that you are doing in your marriage that is not according to the pattern of God. You know something you are doing, and you keep justifying that thing because of your selfishness, and you are explaining it away. You are not a good person. Check your heart. Deliberate hypocrisy. Subtlety and wickedness. Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons? If he is actually more than ten sons, why did he go to get son in another woman? If he knows that he is more than ten sons, if he knows that, if actually that is a state of heart, that is a correctness. Why did the man actually go and get sons through another woman? These are important things we need to ask ourselves. These are things we need to check within. Childlessness and Christian marriage. Childlessness and marriages, particularly when we say we are Christians. Childlessness, I'm talking about critical when there are critical challenges in a marriage where we need to now prove that there is love. What do we do? When we need to now show the Christian love, when we need to now show the God kind of love, when we need to say, "No, love is a commitment even unto death. Even if I have to lose all things, this person I've made a commitment to her, I've made a commitment to him." Or we quickly look for alternatives. Secretary in our office. One sister that was showing her face very well. One brother that has something that is not in this one that I married. Is that what we do? As we close this morning, my concern is let us look inward. Let us look inward. Let us check inside. Let's check. Which kind of man are you? Are you already married? Which kind of husband are you? Are you already married? Which kind of wife are you? Are you in a relationship? Which kind of man are you? Which kind of woman are you? Are you looking forward to it later? Which kind of brother are you? Which kind of sister are you? These are very, very important things to check. May the Lord help that we know Him better and better and better so that we can really run what is a Christian marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. Technical, please do we have any question online? Have brethren sent in any question? Are there questions? Please check. Okay, so since we don't have any question online, we'll be rounding up as I just want us to pray a little. I want you to pray a little. Please pray for yourself. Please talk to the Lord for yourself. Love is easier said than done. I repeat again. Love is easier said than done. Love, according to the pattern of God, is not according to the pattern of the world. Wherever you are, I want you to pray. Pray for yourself. Lord, touch my heart. Lord, that I may know You better and better and better. That my love will measure to that of the sanctuary. That my love, my love for the brethren, my love for fellow believers, my love for my wife, my love for my husband, my love for my fiancé, my love for my fiancée will measure up to that of the sanctuary. God, Lord God Almighty, Lord Almighty. Baba, help our hearts. Lord, encounter in our heart. And Lord, we pray for the church. In our brothers, in our sisters, in our men, in our women, in our husbands, in our wives, may our Elkanahs become Zachariahs. May our Elkanahs become Zachariahs. Both in our sisters, in our brothers, all our brothers that are Elkanahs, all our sisters that are Elkanahs, may they move to become Zachariah, Elizabeth in the name of Jesus. Understanding the love that Elkanah has for Hannah. Our focus for this month. And we are talking about understanding love in the face of critical challenge like we are seeing in this matter. He took a wife and there was barrenness, and he quickly skipped to meet his own desire but was giving the woman double meat. And look at the painful thing in this scenario. He went and bring a rival. If there was no rival, Hannah wouldn't need double portion of meat. What Hannah needed was a commitment of a man to her. Many of us are guilty of this. The core of the matter, he went and bring a rival. He went and brought a rival because he wanted to satisfy his selfish end. I'm talking now about men and women. Self-centered men, self-centered women that got into marriage. They are born again but they don't know God. Anybody who knows God is delivered from self-centeredness. If you have not been delivered from self-centeredness, you have not truly encountered God. You may be claiming to be born again, but you have not genuinely encountered God. There is still an encounter you need. You must daily pray God for an encounter that makes you die to self. We must be dying daily. That is the encounter. Paul says we die daily. Daily we are killing self, we are dying to self, and Christ is increasing. If that is not happening to you, it means you are not growing up even though you are growing old. Many people have grown old but they did not grow up. They have grown old. That is why a lot of old people can be foolish because they grew old but they did not grow up. Look at what the Bible says. Rival. The real problem in this marriage is that there is a rival. If there was no rival, Hannah wouldn't need double portion of meat. If there was no rival, Hannah wouldn't need any portion of meat. What Hannah needed was a commitment of a man to her. A man like Zachariah. That is what Hannah needed. As we close this morning, my concern is let us look inward. Let us look inward. Let us look inside, let's check. Which kind of husband are you? Which kind of wife are you? Which kind of brother are you, which kind of sister are you? These are very, very important things to check. May the Lord help that we know Him better and better and better so that we can really run what is a Christian marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. Let's share the grace together in fellowship. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen. Looking forward to see you next month for a continuation of this episode. Please invite someone, don't come alone. God bless you. [Speaker 1] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission help. Our regular activities are discipleship class every Monday, 5:00 PM; Adolescents and Singles Club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage Forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; family life seminars, regular school outreaches, and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location, Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Rejoice filling station along Ija-Are Road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.