Commitment in Marriage

[background noise] [Music] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Music] [Speaker 1] We are grateful oh Lord. We are grateful Jesus. We are grateful oh Lord. For all you have done for us. Hallelujah. We are grateful oh Lord. [Speaker 2] Oh Lord indeed we are grateful unto you. We thank you, we bless you, we lift you high, we adore you, we appreciate you. We thank you again oh Lord for another second Saturday in the month of July for our marriage forum. Our Father, we bless your holy name as we all connect together. Our brethren joining us on Mishler, our brethren joining us on Telegram, and we that are here physically. Lord God, we pray your spirit will work within us, among us in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, we pray, grant us instruction and direction in our heart in the name of Jesus. Lord, we pray, let there be healing, let there be restoration, let there be salvation. Let it be a moment of refreshment for everyone connecting to the meeting in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. We thank our God again for this opportunity to be in his presence. We are for another time of our marriage forum, a gathering of people who are about to be married, people who are mature enough for marriage, people who are already married, and every young person who is looking forward to marriage. It's a gathering of such people and it's also a time of fellowshipping together in scriptures, learning from one another. So we want to look at a very important topic today which is commitment. Commitment in marriage or commitment in marital relationship: a biblical example. Marriage is a commitment. The earlier intending husband and wife or couples who are already married realize this truth, the better for the health and the stability of their relationship. This is the burden of today's meeting and we trust the Lord to meet with us. Now, we first want to look at one or two things in respect of definition in the matter that we are considering. How do we explain commitment? What actually is commitment? What does it mean to be committing? It says if you look at it, it's actually a noun. It is the act or instance of committing, putting in charge, keeping, or trust especially. Commitment could also be seen as promise or agreement to do something. There is a promise, there is an agreement, there is a decision. A decision to do something. You are agreeing, you are deciding, you are promising that look, this is what I am going to do. This is what I will do. And when we look at it in relation to marriage, which is our focus today, why are we looking at commitment and marriage and how does it relate to the matter of marriage? And particularly we are talking about this matter from a biblical perspective. There are several other perspectives, but we are looking at it from a biblical point of view. What makes commitment a very strong issue in marriage? Let us see just a few scriptures before we look at the biblical example. Number one that I want to call our attention to is something that the Lord Jesus said in Matthew 5. Matthew chapter 5. Commitment and marital relationship or commitment and marriage. Commitment in this relationship, why is it something that we are taking very, very importantly when we are looking at it from the biblical point of view? We want to look at a few things that the Lord Jesus said in Matthew chapter 5. Now I quick and we want to read from verse 34. Matthew 5:34-37 "But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.'" When we are looking at the matter, we said commitment is an agreement, commitment is a decision, commitment is a promise that I will do something. Now when we want to relate it to marriage, we want to look at from a biblical perspective, how does the Bible see the matter of you agreeing to do something? You saying I will do something? What we are first learning is that you should have built integrity to a point, and that is where the problem starts with many young people today. We are not taking time to build integrity. And that is why many times when you tell somebody I will do this, they say "Are you sure?" "Okay look, I swear, I swear." Because the person doubts your integrity. You see, if you have to talk with people and it has to be that "Oh yeah swear, swear, you, you, you" and then you have to be that "Look me, I will surely do it, don't worry I will do it." It means they have watched your life over time. You are not somebody who has built integrity. Your yes is not your yes. Your no is not your no. They have noticed over time that when you talk, when you speak, people doubt whether you will do it or you would not do it. People are in doubt. But what we expect from you is that you should build integrity in a way that when you say yes, people know you are saying yes. When you say no, people don't need to say "Are you sure you will do it?" and that is why you have reason to swear. If you look at the word of the Lord Jesus Christ, he said, "Do not swear, not even by your head, but let your yes be yes, let your no be no." So the matter of commitment in relationship is not something that happens overnight. It is something that as you are growing up, you are building a life of integrity. You have built a life of integrity such that when you say yes, your yes is a commitment. You don't need to document something. When you say yes, it's as good as a legal document. When you say no, it's as good as a legal document. That is the kind of life that we expect in anybody who is trying to grow or calling himself a Christian person, or else you are not dealing with a Christian. So we saw that from what the Lord Jesus. So in relation to marriage, commitment from a biblical perspective is that somebody is saying yes and his yes is yes. Somebody is saying no and his no is actually no. And once he says yes, I agree to do this, he's somebody who is going to stand on that thing that he said. Look at the way the Bible puts it again in Psalm. Let's check these scriptures again in Psalm, trying to compare the word of the Lord Jesus Christ and the matter that we are discussing in that place. Let's see Psalm 15. [background noise] Psalm 15 "Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart; he does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a vile person is despised, but he honors those who fear the Lord; he who swears to his own hurt and does not change; he who does not put out his money at usury, nor does he take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things shall never be moved." I want to pick one of the quality of this man who shall never be moved, and that is what I want to talk on. It says, "he swears to his own hurt and does not change." We are talking about commitment. That is what we are talking about, commitment. I am trying to make you see biblical point to commitment as against the way we handle commitment today. For Jesus, let your yes be your yes. If you have said yes, make it yes. You have told somebody "I am going to love you," then do everything to love. You have told somebody "I am going to submit to you," do everything to that. You have told somebody "I am going to care for you, it's going to be well with you living with me," do everything to make it that. Now the Bible says, "he swears to his own hurt and does not change." I want to read that in some other translation. I am reading the NLT now. It says, "Those who despise persistent sinners and honor the faithful followers of God and keep their promises even when it hurts." That is NLT. They keep their promises even when it hurts. [background noise] In relation to marital relationship, either you are thinking of entering, you are about to enter, or you are already in it. Let me begin with those that are already in it. The truth is that you can't find anybody that will have everything you are looking for. The fact that he is a man means that he has some points of weakness. That's what it means. If you want somebody who does not have any point of weakness in his life, then you need to marry a spirit. That is the truth about it. But if you are marrying somebody who is called human being, even if everything about him was perfect before, that he is bringing human being into that thing, it still will no more be perfect. Human beings are beings that has vulnerability, they have their weaknesses, they have their shortcomings, they have their inadequacies. I am not talking about sin. I am not talking of somebody lying, somebody stealing. That's not what I am talking about. I am talking about human infirmities, things like forgetfulness, things like poor communication. You know some people don't have good strength of communication. I am talking about things that has to do with short memories, things that has to do with impatience, not taking time to hear the whole thing very well. Things that has to do with personality. Some people are extrovert, some are introvert. And I tell people, if everybody were introvert, what will happen to this life? It will not be beautiful at all. If everybody are just quiet, then who will go out to initiate relationship? Then imagine that everybody again are extrovert, then who will be the listener? I don't know whether you understand. The beauty that God has made in life is that diversity is a beauty and strength. There is diversity. And as you pair up, the strength of an individual make them weak. So you find something about them and all of that. What I am trying to say about that is that many times when people make commitment, when they begin to see the things that hurt, maybe certain things about the person's person that is not favorable to them, instead of them to keep to their promises even when it hurts, you know what they do? They begin to fight the differences in the person. I am talking about those that are inside. Many times today couples fight their differences instead of tolerating, accepting, and living with it. It hurts, but they don't want to keep their promise. For those that are about to enter, in several ways you find the same thing. While there are fundamental reasons why relationship cannot continue, I hope I am very, very clear. There are red flags that will make one not to continue a relationship. But for some, it's not a matter of red flag, it's a matter of selfishness. You are looking for a relationship where you will get somebody that lives all around you. You know for some people life is just all around them. They do not realize that the ingredient of incompatibility is selfishness. So the reason why some people will enter this one, break it, enter this one, break it, enter that other one, break it and they cannot keep any stable one till they eventually enter into marriage is their selfishness. Because they want life to revolve just around them. That does not remove the fact that there could be fundamental reasons why relationship cannot continue. Everything just goes off like that. Look at the situation of somebody who left, he was even already settled down already. And the reason why that marriage could not stand was because the wife could not cook. He said she could not cook real food. And I said, "What does it cost you to teach her? What does it cost you to teach her?" He said, "You don't understand that now you have got her before when you were courting her, you go to eateries to eat, now you have come home and then you want her to cook real food, she says she doesn't know how to cook anything." That was his claim. "And what I can cook, I can't imagine fighting for this and that." And the marriage did not work. And when I was asking her, her statement was "I don't know how to cook." So that was the major reason. Because if there are other things that are stronger than that, that should come first. Do you understand what I am trying to say? So that could be the beginning of their crisis. What about the one that the marriage run into crisis because one of the spouse is somebody who snores? "I cannot tolerate that kind of noise, so let's have our separate room." That's how the whole thing started. And before you know it, it takes different dimension, it took different dimension and then eventually it scattered. The person that snores, this is not that he snores. So what I am trying to bring out of this is that many times when people make promises, when people make commitment, when people say "I will do this," one capacity that people are not developing today is the capacity for commitment. Commitment is a promise to do something to somebody. "You see, when I marry you, I will not understand you. Not only listen to you, I am difficult to understand. You cannot even understand me. And you know what thing about me? I and when I get there, I can scatter anything." Will you ever get somebody like that? Of course not. You must have said, "You see, I love you, I will do this, I will do that." And then you got there, you are a changed person from what you have said. I was in a meeting one day counseling two people and the young man said, "You see, I regretted the day I met you. Ah, I wish I never did. Because there is nothing good about you. You are completely evil." And I told the husband, I said, "If nothing good about her, you wouldn't have married her." He was looking at me. I said, "Then if the day you met her she was evil, there was nothing good, you were with somebody for about two, three years and there was nothing good? Uh oh, were you charmed into the marriage?" I said, "What actually happened was that in relating with you, you destroyed the good in her. Why if you had left her the way you met her, there would be something good about her that people will meet if you leave her." You know, what I am trying to bring out is that people make statements, people say things, but we are not reflecting on a very important issue about commitment. This matter of commitment. [background noise] Psalm 15:4 again, "He who swears to his own hurt and does not change." Even when there are things that looks like ah, it should have been like this, ah I wish it was better like this. But the point is that as long as they are not red flags, as long as they are not fundamental issues of life, you are supposed to be able to do what? Keep your words. These are very, very vital things in life. I am showing you commitment from biblical point of view. Commitment from biblical point of view, commitment is a very strong thing. From biblical point of view, commitment is something that makes us, that is what I am trying to say. It is what makes us Christians. When people are not committed to the things they say, for me they are not Christians. That is the point I am making. They are not Christians. So one major problem today with what is happening among us is that we are dealing with several people who does not understand what it means to be a Christian. I will end this matter of commitment, trying to define commitment with this last one. And that is what the Bible says about God. It says in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. I am quoting John chapter 1 verses 1 to 4. He says through him were all things made, without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines into darkness and the darkness could not possibly comprehend it. Now what am I trying to say? Why did I quote that scripture? Do you notice something? In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God, and the Word was God. What I am trying to make you see, do you notice that when people challenge the Word of God, as far as God is concerned, they have challenged God? You will see God equating himself with his word. Do you notice that? You will always see God equating himself with his word. And that is what it is for us as believers. You are your word. If your word don't stand, it means you are not a stable person. That's what it means. You are your word. You don't need help, you don't need fear of what somebody will do. What makes some people want to keep promise is "Ah you know ah you know we signed a legal document, I don't want police to come over." That shouldn't be. You, that nothing was written, even when it hurts and they ask you, "What did you say?" You say "Actually this is what I said. This is what I did and I actually promised that I will do this." You are your word. You don't need people to measure it. When you see people that their words they don't stand, be afraid of such people because they are unstable people. When you look at the scripture, God consistently equates himself with his word. As we leave that matter, let's now look at this very popular example, just learning from this example. I've been studying the book of Ruth for a while and I want us to look at what happened in the book of Ruth as something to learn from as to what is commitment in a marital relationship. We are very familiar with that story. The book is called the book of Ruth, but the story is about Elimelech and Naomi. It's not about Ruth originally. I don't know whether you can get the point I am making. The story is about Elimelech and Naomi. Ruth was just somebody that was met in their journey. They met her in their journey. And in meeting her, they met her a godless person in the land of Moab, having her own gods and her own people. But when it was time to put down divine chronicles, it was not called the book of Naomi or the book of Elimelech. Heaven said no, the book of Ruth. It was a woman that had a commitment. A woman that stood by her word. It is something that is mind-blowing that you are telling the story of an Israelite where the name of a non-Israelite is used. Not even a Moabite. You know who a Moabite is? You know their background story? Lot and the daughters. Their background story is that they came out of incest, the daughters with their father. You now want to tell the story of an Israelite, you began that their story should be summarized inside the name of a Moabite. I'm trying to show you how God esteems men of commitment. These are simple things people overlook. They are not just to be swallowed up. Somebody whole story inside the name of a Moabite. And that people, Elimelech, whose God is King, was swallowed inside Ruth. Ruth became more relevant to put them than Ruth. The strength of commitment and a capacity we must build in relationship. Something that you must not be thinking of starting when you are in marriage. Something that must start and you begin to increase before you enter. Build it. And if you are in it and you have not built this thing, please sit down and repent. Make a turn around about the way you are running your relationship. Turn around. Say it. Are you committed to it? The strength of commitment. Now this book played out that if the woman was to have a male child, ordinarily nobody want to associate with this kind of family. A family that looked like a tragedy. No fruitfulness, no capacity, nothing. Barrenness for so many years, stagnation, death. You don't want to associate with this kind of people. People will think you are jinxed. On that background, this woman got up and she addressed her children-in-law. "Go return to your mother's house. The Lord deal kindly with you as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find rest." So I want to make you see that Naomi addressed these young people that this family has no rest. There is no rest here. There is no prospect here. You are still young, go and get another husband. You are much younger. So having spent 10 years with my own line and you did not find rest, go and find rest somewhere. She kissed them and they lifted up their voice and wept and they said to her, "Surely we will return with you to your people." But Naomi said, "Turn back my daughter. Why will you go with me? Are there still sons in my womb that they may be your husbands? Turn back my daughter, for I am too old to have a husband. If I say I have hope, if I should have a husband tonight and should bear a son, would you wait for them till they are grown? Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? No my daughter, it grieves me very much for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me." Then they lifted up their voice and wept again, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. Now, and she said, "Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. Return after your sister-in-law." But Ruth said, "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you. For wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. The Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts you and me." On what basis? On what basis? [background noise] Okay no no, don't worry. That's what she said. Do you remember Nabal and Abigail? 1 Samuel chapter 25. David sent his servants to go and bring things. Nabal refused. Abigail went and intercepted David. David went back. 10 days later Nabal was struck down by God and then he died. David sent a proposal to Abigail. Bible says she stood, she put everything together, and then she went off. There was no commitment there. She was only helping David. She had the right to go. And you notice that the mother-in-law has said, "Look, even if I'm when will you get off? Will you wait for a son I want to bear? Please go and get husband." That's what she meant by go to your rest, go to your mother's house and find rest so you can get another husband. In my own case, you can never have children. I want to make you see what commitment is. This one is even more than when it hurts. She has been released to go. Who would not have left that family? On what basis? On what grounds? But Ruth stayed. Ruth stayed. The book of commitment is an evidence that heaven was just looking. This is a person of decision. And what was the basis? The virtue of commitment. [background noise] Now this spirit played out that even if the woman was to have a male child, ordinarily nobody want to associate with this kind of family. Nobody want to associate with this kind of people. People will think you are jinxed. On that background, I want to make you see this woman, she was showing a spirit. She was showing something about commitment. She said "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you. For wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. The Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts you and me." On what basis? One thing that we are failing to realize is that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. When you are saying the reason why I did that, Ruth was watching you that day. There was no reason to stay. There was no reason why I could not go and start a new life. But she stayed. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. People who are watching how we are going with our own, how we are running the race. I keep telling us, Christianity is not something that began with us. Christianity is something that a baton was handed over to us. In this relay race, some run them they gave us, we too we run, we keep passing. It did not begin with us. It began somewhere, there were standards. There are people. There was somebody was saying the other time that look, the way Nigeria is, God there is a way God will judge Nigerians because to be upright in Nigeria is something that is almost impossible. And I said the three Hebrew boys will judge you. Because they were facing death and fire. And they did not. God is not looking for excuse. I said you are lying because of your head. They were given standard that this is fire, the fire was heater. They said "No we can't do it, God whom we serve is able to deliver us. Even if he does not deliver us, we will not bow." But you, it's about zero enough. It's about you will not get promotion if you say the truth. "Ah no I must get it, ah ah." And then you told lie to get it. Can you see the difference at all? What's at stake? Promotion. What's at stake for them? Life. Why do you equate those two things? Talking about commitment, commitment a biblical example. Let's go back to our relationship and look at what we are doing. Let's check how much we value what we say to our spouses, those we are relating with. How much we are standing by it or not standing by it. These are things that God measure and he will reward. This woman was only honest to this particular woman and God was watching. Commitment in relationship, commitment in dealing with one another, commitment in dealing with people. That is what we are talking about, but now particularly in marital relationships. God reward commitment and commitment will be rewarded. I don't know whether you have seen a family that is looking for a baby. To stay in that family is fine, it's physical. In some marriages today, after 5, 6 years, kids have not come, they have turned out somewhere and they are moving another way. This one, the person died, she still refused to leave. I'm talking about commitment. Some in marital relationship that they only have female, they don't have male and the marriage scatter. This one there was nothing. And somebody is saying that how will I die in this life, life goes on. How will I die? I keep telling you, are you related to Bible? Are you a Christian? [background noise] The issue of commitment is something today that is dying in our society. That is why you see it in business, in relationship, in ministry. You can't trust believers. When they tell you that "actually this thing I bought it for 10 Naira," because they don't want you to know how much they bought it. "Actually this thing I bought it for 10 Naira." They bought the thing 3 Naira. Because they don't know what it means, they don't know the power of word. Commitment. Standing by it, staying with it, you equate yourself to your word. You equate your name to your word. It is the life of word. Do you stand to gain? What do you stand to gain? [background noise] I'm trying to show you who we are as against what the Bible wants us to do. I'm showing you why God and you could see and you could see why we know that Elimelech made some mistake in leaving the land of bread for that place. But there's something about Naomi and that is why the history of this woman was not lost. I began to ask myself, could it be the reason why she was the one that was preserved? Could that be what God saw in this woman and say despite all the mistake of your husband, you will not go, you will still have a legacy in this world. Could it be that the woman was not the one that said "No let's go, no Moab for us. Shut up, what do you know? I am the head, so whatever I talk, you will just listen to me, follow me." Because you see if you check the scripture, you'll see that everything that happened in that family was on Elimelech. Can we enter into relationship and forget about ourselves? Can you relate with your spouse in a way that you forget about yourself? Can you just forget about your interest? Because that is the basis of our walk with the Lord. He said "If any man want to follow me, let him deny himself." Can we enter into relationship with our spouse in a way that we don't remember ourselves? Can we just be committed to this person must become what God want the person to become? I must make sure this person is happy, I must make sure this person is godly. Can we just enter into relationship and just be committed to that? And see whether if you sow to the spirit, whether you will reap corruption. One major problem today is that because we cannot trust our life in the hands of God, is why many Christians don't enter into the rest of God. There was a rest of God for Ruth, but look at the pattern. A person of commitment. There was a rest of God for her. She trusted her life in the hand of the Lord. One major root of crisis today is the husband entered with a mentality of to be served. The wife entered with a mentality of to be served. Then who will be the servant? Can two master, two drivers drive a car? And then we are shouting "In fact marriages are not working!" Why will it work? How will it work? But if one today, if we will have a rewrite, we will have a rethink and then change our method. Marriage is commitment, a decision to be at the service of the life of the other. That is what it is. And that is why it is "till death do us part." That is what you should find in the person you want to service it. Look at all that Ruth find in the life of this woman. Husband gone, children gone. Look at the things that were going with this life. But when we begin to see things about our spouses instead of serving it, we fight it. We begin to say "Ah I don't want my own life, you want to save your life, ah me I cannot go and let my own life," and as you carry our life, we don't place this in God's hand. We still don't arrive at the bus stop that we are looking for because I am telling you, it is only in God that we have rest. I've often told people, the best of anybody is in God. The best. The best you can be is in God. Outside God, whatever you will be is less than the best. So let's aim high, let's look at, let's look at what it has been. Let's go back to what it should be. Let's reorientate ourselves. Let's be people of godly principles. Let's begin now, those of us who have not entered, start to check our life. And I keep telling you people, begin to check people that you relate with that don't keep to their word. Be afraid of them. Start to measure it from friendship. "Ah don't worry I will do that tomorrow, okay, okay, okay, okay, the other thing I'll get it done." When you notice people are consistently doing like this, that's how they also grow never to know the importance of what to say. As we close this afternoon, I don't know, I should have said this earlier because some brethren are online. Brethren who are online either Telegram or Mishler, if you have question please send. We should have said that much earlier. Maybe I was also carried away by what I was saying to you know. But we have, if you have questions please send, send in your question. We have about 15 minutes to do that. We have about 10 minutes to do that actually. I should have tried to stop around 11:30 so we have a lot of time to be able to do that. But let's just see how we can interact. You will need to use the mic, brethren are online. [Speaker 4] Can love help commitment? What I mean by love, when you find somebody attractive, find somebody like Jacob. He wanted Rachel but they gave him Leah and they told him if you want the second one, the Bible says the seven years were like a few days to him because she was the object of his love. Can love help commitment? [Speaker 2] Actually commitment is an aspect of love. You see, commitment first and foremost is not necessarily a feeling, it's a decision. It's a decision. Why it could be helped by a feeling, but it is not a feeling from the biblical point of view. A feeling of likeness could propel commitment, but the problem with that is that if that likeness goes, the commitment may stop. But the type of commitment that the Bible is talking about is all weather. That's why commitment is not necessarily love. But the emotion of likeness, you are talking about liking something, admiring something can bring commitment. But it is important to know that if commitment is rooted in an affection, then it becomes problematic. It must be rooted in a will. So that even when the person behaves contrary, even when you get the point I am making. That's why you will notice, let me use the same example for you. You'll notice that when God noticed that Leah was not loved, Rachel was loved and it's going to be a problem for Leah. But because it was not Leah that stage-managed herself into that place, it was the father's imposition. Although of course too, I keep telling people, be careful how you live. What you sow you reap. Jacob deceived people before that time, so he too was deceived in Laban. He was also deceived again in his children. You keep seeing the trait following him. But the point I am making was that he was deceived by Laban. So God had to protect Leah because it was not, she was a victim of circumstance. So God protected her, she was given birth to children. And because of that, children, children, children, Jacob was getting attached to her. You noticed that at a point when Rachel did not have a child, she now came to Jacob and said "Give me a child or I die." And you saw that look, "Am I the commitment?" You get the point I am making. So if it is founded on that just emotion, there could be time when you know there are contrast situations then the commitment will not be consistent. But to Jacob, that love was consistent. You find it that later when he was to meet with the brother, look at the arrangement. Leah first, in case he want to kill, let them first finish all those other ones, kill all of them. He placed Rachel last. You get the point I am making. So you still see that the love would be commitment, but I'm just trying to say that it should not be founded on it, it should be founded on a will. But of course the emotion of likeness can help commitment, while the emotion of dislike can hinder commitment. You get the point I am making? But if it's founded on a will, that is why even to your hurt you will still be committed. I hope I have answered that question. Okay. [Speaker 5] You gave an example in the name of he wanted more gain then he tried to cut corners. And going by what is actually in the society, people, both parties they always have almost the same mind most of the time. The person you are talking to too has a mind of "Let me whatever I can do to get this thing at the in fact sometimes like you want to cheat me." Then the other person too want to cheat. In this kind of society, in this kind of situation, how would you now thrive in your business? I happen to be at the center most of the time because I happen to be an architect. When they want to, when you are giving out "This is how this the material this this," but when it come when it get to your own charge, that is where they want to in fact sometimes like it should not remain anything for you. In the face of that, how do you now thrive in your business? Because it becomes sometimes it pushes me to a very tight corner sometimes. "Okay now, how do I I want to work, I'm doing I'm giving you the best of the service, how do I now get my own from this?" So it's a whole lot of issue most of the time that in fact sometimes delivering my job will not even give me as a tough time as what I have struggling with "How do I now do it in this how do I manage this situation most of the time?" That's number one. [Speaker 6] Number two is when somebody got married outside God's instruction. Maybe they were unbelievers when they got married, or by mistake maybe along the line because maybe he was already overage or she was already sinking she was under pressure to get married. and eventually he or she could not really "Okay this is they just got married." and along the line issues come and they now begin to hear this kind of teaching. "Oh, how I should have done it like this, I should have done it like this," but now they are already in it. How do they, especially when one is the one that is exposed to that truth, the other one is still in that former knowledge? How do they now come to agreement still living together? [Speaker 2] The answer is very simple. What you are saying is not in isolation. We are all inside this same society. The architect, the teacher, that's why some officials because they want to survive no salary, the students write WAEC to make money. So it involves, it evolves around both civil servant and non-civil servant, the artisan, all of that. But this is it. I'll just give you a very simple example. If you on this thing in the night, what do you normally notice about light? It attracts insects. What's the best way to deal with the insect? If you put off the light, will you see again? That seems to be the easiest, but that's not the wisest. People think the best way to deal with darkness is to put off light. Do you get it? It's the easiest. "Oh you want to cheat me, I will cheat you back." That's the easiest. But when you put off the light, you too will not have light. So while light attracts insects, the best way to deal with the insect is not to put off the light. But I am trying to say in a very simple way is that we must over time be able to set a standard. When you are true to what you do consistently, over time you will be known for what, who you are. Crop comes with a lot of labor, but grass don't need any labor. So there's a time of weeding the grass, doing all of that before you begin if you want to get yam, cassava. But if you want to get grass, you don't do any labor. Evil thrive without much sacrifice, but there is sacrifice before good can thrive. It is that sacrifice that many believers don't want to pay and so we switch off the light. "You cannot beat them, join them." But by the time we switch off the light, you too will be in darkness. So darkness covers the earth, gross darkness the people, but the glory of God can rise on you. That is the truth about it. If I tell you about our own profession, we that are teachers, and what people do, what people do around students because they want to survive this period and what they do and what they and then they will be telling me that "Hehe this one that's the way me I am doing it oh." The point is that if you remain light, you will still reap the fruits of light. It's challenging honestly, but I must tell you this that it is given to us in Christ not only to be saved through him but also to suffer for him. Suffering is an essential part of the cross of Jesus and that is what is missing today in our Christianity. Suffering is a ministry. When you suffer, it makes you to cease from sin. If today you are afraid of going to prison for Christ, by the time you go to prison once, twice, you go to it the second time, it perfects you in having the courage to face issues. But we don't want to suffer and that is where the point is. But the truth is that if we remain consistent with who we are and what we do, over time you will be known for who you are, you will be known for what you do. You may lose a lot of customers, meet with a lot of people, it looks as if the thing is not but over time when people are looking for "when the job is complete, look at this person's work, it is correct, it is complete, nothing will be missing," people will begin to get to know you. I know people who work like that too, some of my artisans that work that way. They are a little expensive in the things they do. So over time, some of the customers have gone to some other customers. Later they have returned back that "Ah hello, I thought it was cheaper, but the amount of materials that went with going to the cheaper person..." So over time it is just to suffer a while. After some time, the fruit of standing right. The society is so, is so sunk in corruption. I mean so sunk and it is pervasive. I mean it's everywhere, everybody want to steal, want to is true. But we must never forget that where sin abound, grace much more, the more abound. The power behind grace is stronger than the power behind sin. But when we throw away grace to now be in sin, we only leave the place of honor. I hope you get the point I am trying to bring out. To the second question, the answer is very simple. Whether they were both unbelievers before, they were both unbelievers and later one became a believer, the other still an unbeliever. The one who became a believer will begin to show the light of commitment. As he shows the light of commitment, the life of commitment over time, his life is able to change the other person. What was said earlier, it was the life of Naomi, the life she lived made people to know that there is a God that she served. When Ruth said "Your God will be my God," there was a life that was lived that the Moabite saw and wanted to follow her God. So the person who is right begins to shine the light, live correctly, and over time the person who is not is able to see. It will be a time of sacrifice again and sowing, like with the first principle. And if it is that they married wrongly, two unbelievers, one became a believer there is no wrong choice in that one. But that I am a believer, I out of pressure or something married somebody and now I am realizing that ah the person is an unbeliever and now I am hearing all of these things. The point is this, that you mistakenly married an unbeliever is still not a reason, it's not a ground for divorce. It's not a ground for divorce but rather it is a ground for the person who felt "it is not right, I have not married the right person" to see how he goes through that marriage living the right way. Because it is not the person's fault that you married the person. It is your own fault. So you can't push your fault on the other person. Do you get the point I am making? If as a believer I mistake married an unbeliever, who has a fault? The unbeliever or the believer? So why must the unbeliever suffer for my fault? Do you get the point I am making? It is me that will pray for mercy. It is me that will trust God to help me see me through this mistake that I have made. And that was the point Joshua was making with the Israelites when they wanted to kill the Gibeonites. "You can't kill them. We have entered into covenant, let's see how we bear with them, let's see how we continue with them, let's see how we move on with them, let's see how God help us through this thing that we have entered into." But if we begin to live correctly and live the way we ought to live, then mercy can now speak for us. The mercy of God can now avail for us. But if we think that the way to correct a wrong is by doing another wrong, do you get the point I am making? I say I have married the wrong person, so divorce. You can't turn against God and ask again for the help of God. I hope you get the point I am making. So the best way to handle if I feel that it was a wrong choice that I made and I am now realizing that it was a wrong choice that I made, the way forward is not trying to correct wrong with wrong. The way forward is you begin to, just like I said in the first again, you begin to put on light, trusting God for mercy that because it is mercy that saves, that mercy will meet with that person or that mercy will carry you through the relationship. It's still the matter I am making is that life, as long as life remains light, it will eventually conquer darkness. It may take time, it will take sacrifices, but light will eventually displace darkness. Darkness don't displace light. What happens most of the time is that we switch off the light. So when we switch off the light, we are now equal. And you see two wrongs cannot make a right. That's where it then becomes a more complicated assumption and that's why the Yorubas will say [Yoruba language: "Ori fifo ori bibẹ kọ logun ori fifo"]. If the head is aching you, you don't cut off the head. The ache could have stopped, but you too will not be alive. I don't know whether I have answered that question. So can we go ahead to pray this afternoon? Can we just pray briefly? Can we just talk to the Lord? Commitment. The matter of commitment. That's what we are evaluating, that's what we are looking at. Commitment. To be committed. Commitment to the Lord. Commitment to the Lord. Commitment to our spouses. Commitment in our relationship. Building the capacity for integrity. Building capacity for a correct living. Building capacity for integrity. Begin early, begin now. Begin, begin to build up, build capacity. If you faint in the day of adversity, the problem is with your strength. It's not with the adversity. It is your strength that is little. Bible says your strength is little. If you faint in the day of adversity, the problem is with your strength. It's with your strength. It's with your strength. Your strength was little. Your strength is little. So begin to build strength now so that in the day of adversity you will not faint. You you know, it will I was just looking at what my wife was saying. There was an adversity. The daughter-in-law, they were not bringing forth children and yet you know that adversity, the woman was still living a correct life. The woman was still true to them and so when the husbands were gone, they saw a reason to be true to her. They did not see a mother-in-law that wanted to kill them because they were childless. So in the day of adversity, the problem is with your strength. If you faint, the problem is with your strength. Let's build strength. Bible says the people that know their God shall be strong. What we are talking about building strength is about knowing and knowing the Lord. Developing intimacy with God. Knowing him better and better, having better understanding of the matters of life so that you can live and not just exist. There is a difference between existing and living. He came to give us life so that we can live, not just exist. We not just be biological beings, we'll be spiritual beings. We will live as not as mere men but live as spiritual men. Our mindset will be the kingdom of God first and his righteousness. Let's talk to the Lord. Let me invite Funmbi to close the meeting this day, Mrs. Oluwa-femi. [Speaker 3] In Jesus' name. Our Lord and our God we are grateful to you for your word again. Thank you Jesus for sending this word to us this day to be committed in marriage and in life. Holy Spirit we ask that you will please make us people that can engender commitment in others in the name of Jesus. Naomi's life engendered commitment in Ruth. Lord God Almighty we ask that you will help us to build character, to build life in you, to build relationship with you, to be true to you, committed to you. It is the commitment of men to us and us to men can only stem from our commitment to you. Father help us to be committed to you with everything that is in us irrespective of the clime that we exist in, irrespective of the situations that surround us as Nigerians and even people outside Nigeria Lord. Irrespective of what society demands, Lord help us to stay committed to you. So committed to you that our lives begin to engender commitment even in unbelievers in the name of Jesus. That it be that because of the lives we live, somebody somewhere will say "your God will be my God" in the name of Jesus. Lord, this is what you have called us to. This is what you have called us to. You said "go ye into the world and make disciples." It is by reason of our commitment that men can look at us and decide to follow us. Ah Lord help us. Help us Lord. If you don't help us we cannot, we can't carry the load alone. Help us that Lord we will love you, love your cross with the suffering that is included in it in the name of Jesus. Help us Lord to gather the capacity to deny ourselves and take up your cross in the name of Jesus. Though your cross may mean pain, though your cross may mean living and not living in a way that men will normally despise. Lord help us to stay with it. Help us to stay with you. Help us to show commitment with you in the name of Jesus. Our the commitment of others to us, the commitment of our spouses to us is a direct in the direct correlation with our commitment to our Master. I ask oh God that you will help us. The strength to stay committed to you grant unto us. Bible says that we should fix our eyes on Jesus the author. You began it oh God, you began it in us. You sowed faith as a gift unto our hearts. We ask oh God that you will be the processor and you will be the completer, the finisher of this work of faith in us in the name of Jesus. So that Lord we will be fruitful in commitment in the name of Jesus. Thank you so much Lord. We ask that your blessings be upon your son, that he will continue to be a vessel unto honor fit and ready for you to use for your good work in the name of Jesus. We pray oh God for Family Tent Ministry, that this ministry will continue to grow in leaps and bounds and the reach will be unending in the name of Jesus. Thank you glorious God for in Jesus' name we have prayed. Amen. Let us share the grace in fellowship. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen. Praise God. Hallelujah. Thank you to everyone who is around this morning. We appreciate your coming. We appreciate your presence. Your presence is indeed an encouragement to us. [background noise] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission aid. Our regular activities are: discipleship class every Monday 5:00 PM, adolescents and singles club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, marriage forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, family life seminars, regular school out-reaches and every day counseling. For further counseling you can reach us at our location Life Camp by the first bridge, Ileme community opposite [unclear: Rejoice] filling station along Ija-re road, Akure, Ondo State Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.