Life and Your Marriage (1)

[background noise: hymn singing "Glory be to the Lord on high, Hallelujah. Everybody shout Hallelujah. Praise the Lord, shout Hallelujah."] [Speaker 1] Church fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God will restore the godly home. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 2] Kindness towards us and as we start this morning, we want to take this song, very simple song together, and then we pray. we take an overview of what was said in January, and then we go into our topic for today. Let’s take this song of thanksgiving together. [background noise: hymn singing "We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Father. We are grateful Oh Lord. Amen Hallelujah. We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Jesus. We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Lord. We are grateful Oh Lord. Oluwa, Olorun wa, for all you have done for us. Amen Hallelujah. We are grateful Oh Lord."] [Speaker 2] Our Father, we are indeed grateful. We give you glory. We give you honor. We give you praise. We give you adoration. We appreciate you for your mercies. We thank you for love. Lord our God that indeed darkness covers the earth, gross darkness the people. So many things are so confused today. The Scripture says those of the world, they are hopelessly confused. So many things have been confused today, muddled up and mixed together. But Lord, we thank you for light. We thank you for direction. We thank you for certainty, even though we are surrounded by so much uncertainties. Lord, we are grateful. Lord, we are really, really grateful. We come into your presence this morning to reflect on the matter of life and our marriage. Lord our God, we pray as we all listen together, God, you will speak to us. For those who are already married, that their marriage needs restoration, visitation, Lord, as we all listen together, Lord, there will be visitation, there will be restoration. For those who are yet to be married, Lord our God, we pray there will be definite instruction in the heart to prepare our young people for correct marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, our eyes on you, both for those of us who are still single looking towards marriage and for those of us who are already married. Lord, we pray let nothing prevail against your purposes for our lives. Thank you, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So, in the month of January, we looked at walking in love. The summary from that discussion was that it is crucial for us to know that when the Bible says if any man says he loves God and hates his brother, that person is a liar. So, if any man says he loves God and is in a marital relationship and yet he's not walking in love towards the person he's in that relationship with, that person is a liar. If you cannot love such a person you have relationship with, you cannot walk in love. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not rejoice in iniquity, love is not easily provoked. If you cannot walk in love towards that person, how will you say you love God? You are just telling a lie. Then the next thing we noted was that the Bible says eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, it has not even entered into the heart of men the things that God will do for them who loves Him. So, I noted that God will be revealing so many things in 2025. Many deep things, things that eyes have not seen, things that ears have not heard, things that have not even entered into the heart of men. God will be revealing it to His people. God will be bringing amazing wonders, amazing opportunities, privileges upon the land. If you are not walking in love towards your spouse, you may deny your marriage of this. That thing that God wants to do is for those who are walking in love towards their spouses. It is for those ones and not for people who are not walking in love towards their spouses. It is for those people. It is for those groups of people. So, be careful not to deny your relationship, your marriage, of the wonders that God will be privileging His people to enter into. I'm telling you, you will see many families, many marriages this year, many people in relationships, God will be bringing their way things that eyes have not seen, things that ears have not heard, things that have not even entered into the heart of men. That's what you will be seeing. It will be manifesting. You'll be finding it manifesting upon the land and you'll be wondering, what about me? If you are not careful, may you not just be a spectator of what God wants to do. Let us walk in love. That was the summary of what we did in January. Today, Marriage Forum for February, our focus for the month of February is "Life and Your Marriage." Life and Your Marriage One. It is actually a series that is starting today. Life and Your Marriage One. We are going to have two, three, I don't know how many will be coming up as we explore Scriptures together in this series. But we are starting today, and we are trusting in the Lord to carry us through the journey of this topic, Life and Your Marriage. I'll just give a prayer that may we indeed experience life in our marriages, in our relationships in the name of Jesus Christ. So, our focus is Life and Your Marriage. What I first want to do is definition of concept or what I will call clarification of concept or explaining the meaning of words, trying to explain the meaning of the word that we have in the topic. I believe the word marriage is clear. We have often, under this ministry, defined that family and marriage is not the same thing. I believe that those who have been listening to us at different times properly understand this. Marriage simply means the relationship between the man and his wife, while family is that which includes the children. The children, they are not part of the marriage, and it is important that we see that very clearly. Children are third parties to marriage. Marriage stands from family, and many times people muddle up family and marriage. Some even, in a bid to run the home, some use the family to kill the marriage. I mean you see situations where husband prefers the children to the wife or wife begins to prefer the children to the husband, those kind of situations. In such a situation, the family is destroying the marriage. Normally, when marriage is sound, when marriage is good, it brings about a healthy family. It is problems in marriage that lead to unhealthy family. Marriage, we have often defined under this ministry to be that relationship between the man and his spouse. Over time, I tell people children will leave. They will find their way. Nobody prays for their children to be with them forever. At some point, you pray for your boy child to become Mr. Somebody and then marries to somebody. Just so your girl child, you pray for her to become Mrs. Somebody. So, they will move on. If you are not careful sometimes, if you don't separate your marriage from family, when they go to form their marriage, you start becoming a mother-in-law or a father-in-law that will be interfering in another marriage because you have not had a successful marriage. Instead of you to start enjoying your own husband and wife, you start prognosing into somebody else's home. So, it's important for us to make our marriages successful so that we don't become trouble to our children while they are with us or trouble to their marriages after they have gone away from us. It is very, very important. That is the aspect of marriage. Then coming to the aspect of life. In trying to clarify the word life or what I meant by that in this topic, it is important to take our mind to the creation story. I want to believe that we are all familiar with the creation story. In the creation story, you realize we read that the Lord told Adam and Eve that the day they would eat of the tree of their knowledge of good and evil, that day they will die. Of course, in the process of time, the temptation came and they ate of that tree. When they ate of the tree, what happened was they died. But you notice that the death in that place was not termination of biological life. Biologically, Adam was still alive. Eve was alive biologically. But as far as God is concerned, when they ate that thing, they died. How do we know that they died? They died in the sense that you notice that the glory of God departed from them. The glory that covered them departed. So, they knew what clothed them before was glory. The glory left them. All have sinned and come short of the glory of God. The glory left them. They knew they were naked. The glory left them. They could no more stay in the presence of God. They were hiding. The glory left them. You notice that it now became a matter of being able to interpret, take revelation insight into things, take insight into things outside inspiration and revelation from God. Because God asked, God told him, "Who told you you are naked?" That is, what becomes understanding for Adam before that time was something he was normally told. But in this situation, he got insight without revelation. So, God said, "Who told you? Have you eaten of the tree that I said you should not eat?" So, what I'm trying to make you see is that death is not just falling down and dying the way from the standpoint of God. Death transcends that. So, something may be biologically alive, but it is dead as far as God is concerned. It's just like the Laodicean church. If you look at the Laodicean church, let's see that matter in Revelation 3. As it says in Revelation 3:15-17, "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing'—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked." You see these people, they had so much around them, but God said they are wretched. For somebody to say, "I am rich and have need of nothing," you can know how comfortable that person is. But God said the person is wretched. So, God's definition of concept of matters, they are not exactly as man defines them. So, when you look at it, it says you are wretched, you are miserable, you are poor, you are blind, you are naked. But of course, for these people, they would have eyes. They are seeing for them to be saying what they were saying. So, it's possible for your eyes to be open and yet God says you are a blind person. It's possible for you to be wearing clothes and for God to say that you are actually naked. It says this church was miserable, wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked. So, it is the same thing I'm trying to say here. When talking about life, God is not making reference to biology, the biological existence. So, the way we are using life in this topic is not biological existence so to say. We are using life from scriptural definition of life. So, when talking about life and your marriage, in this particular context, we are relating it to what we find in Genesis. We are talking about not just biological existence. We are talking about that situation of being in harmony with God. That's number one. You are aligned with God. Life and your marriage. Your marriage is in harmony with God. Your marriage, look at it again for Adam and Eve, when they were alive, they were at peace with God. Your marriage being at peace with God. Again, if you take Adam and Eve, God was their sufficiency. God being the sufficiency in your marriage. When you look at Adam and Eve again, God was their provider. God was their support. God made them to have all they needed. God was supplying what they needed. It was peaceful, it was blissful. It was peaceful, it was blissful, it was without fear. That is what we are defining as life in this context. So, when we say our focus is life and your marriage, we are talking about a marriage that is experiencing harmony with God. A marriage that is experiencing God as the sufficiency. A marriage that is experiencing God as the support. A marriage that is at peace with God. A marriage that God is making to enjoy His supply, His goodness, His sufficiency. That was what it was in the Garden of Eden. So, if you want to put it in another way, when we say your life, life and your marriage, we are saying having a marriage that experience what our very first parents experienced before the fall. Experiencing that kind of situation in your marriage. You can see the way God was the one that went out. "It's not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a wife suitable." God was the one taking initiative for him, helping him out, meeting his need. Adam did not even know that there was a need. It was God that said, "It will be good for him to have this." It was God again that went on to be the supply, to bring, God molded the woman, brought her to Adam. If you look at it again, look at how God put in place a lot of things for them. He said, "Look, I have commanded all of these vegetable, fruit, nut for your food." It was being in harmony with God. That's what we mean by life and your marriage. When we are talking about life and your marriage, our focus about it is how can we enjoy life in our marriages? That's our focus actually. So, having taken time now to define the concept, I believe I've been able to properly clarify the concept for you to know what we are talking about. Marriage, the relationship between the man and his wife, not the family. When the marriage is healthy, the family will be healthy. Once the marriage can be correct, there will be no problem in the family. That's the truth about it. Most times, people focus on family as against their marriages, and unfortunately, when they do that, they miss it in their marriage, then the family becomes unhealthy. That relationship between you and your spouse. And two, how can we make enjoy life in that relationship? Once you can enjoy life in that relationship, it will spill over to the children. It will spill over to your siblings. It will spill over to the mother-in-law, to the father-in-law. It will spill over. But once that thing is not in the marriage, the family will become unhealthy. It will affect the children, your siblings, it will spill over to them like that, it spills over on and on. So, how can we enjoy life in our marriage? How can life be in our marriage? I want to take you to something very, very simple, something very, very fundamental. I was meditating on this matter a few days back and I saw that the matter that was raised in Psalm 34 was not a matter about the law. It was actually something that is an eternal truth. Let's look at Psalm 34 vis-a-vis 1 Peter 3 from verse 8. In Psalm 34, the Bible raised the matter of life in a very simple, itemized way of behaving. Very practical way. It says: Psalm 34:11-16 "Come, children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Who is the man who desires life?" Do you see it? So life in this context is what I have defined for you, not biological life. I've defined the life. The life here is in the context of Genesis. "Who is the person who desires life and love many days and that he may see good?" Look at three important things here. One, you desire life. Two, you love many days. And three, you want to see good. Having said that, he now went on to itemize the practical things that it requires. He said, "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." That's two. Number one, keep your tongue from evil, your lips from speaking deceit. Number three, "Depart from evil." That's number three. Number four, don't just depart from evil. What should you do? "Do good." That's number four. Number five, "Seek peace." Seek it. But don't just stop at seeking it. "Pursue it." That's number six. Six things. Now, he now said, "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth." Now, when you compare this with what you have in 1 Peter 3 from verse 8. Look at what the Bible says. "Finally..." If you go and look at when you say finally, you have been saying some things. Am I not correct? Now, time will not permit me to go and look at everything that Peter was saying. But I will just make the one that has to do with marriage. He has mentioned that they should, in the chapter two, he has mentioned the need for us to follow the footstep of Christ in living not for ourselves but for the purpose of Jesus. And for husband and wife to be sure that they don't live for themselves but for the purpose of Jesus so that their prayers will not be hindered. Now, when he was now concluding, he's now concluding for everybody, for husband, for wife, for servant, for the body of believers, concluding for all the categories he has been speaking to about making sure that you live a life full of good, goodness, a life full of good works. That's what he has been telling every category of people he has been speaking to between chapter one, chapter two, chapter three. He was now concluding. Now, in concluding all the exhortation, he now said, finally: 1 Peter 3:8-12 "Finally, all of you be of one mind. Be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted." Please be noting each of these words. "Be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling." That is insult. You don't return insult. "You must be stupid." "You too must be stupid." That's insult, that's reviling. When somebody speak harshly to you, and you know normally you feel like returning it to the person. So, he say not returning evil for evil, reviling for reviling, "but on the contrary, blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing." Are you getting something? Now, called to this life so that you can inherit a blessing. Now, he now said, "For he who would love life..." Do you see it again? That is why I said what was raised in Psalm 34 was not an Old Testament truth. It was actually an eternal truth that God is pointing believers to. It is an eternal truth. It is something that is eternal. A truth God that is in the shadows. Now, the reality of that truth is that actually what was outlined in Psalm 34 is what the believers are called to. The only way to know that you have the life of God inside you is to exemplified what was said in Psalm 34. If your life is not exemplary for that, then you should know that it is not life that is reigning in you, and so you may not enjoy life in your marriage. You will not see it. Look at what it says. It says, "For he who would love life and see good days..." I pray we all see good days. May we not see evil days. May we not see adversity. Now, it says, "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil." The same thing word for word. "And his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn from evil and do good. Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" Are you seeing something? The same Scripture was repeated. But in this place, I want to show you something before we now go back to that Psalm 34, comparing it with 1 Peter. Look at the verse 9. It says, "not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling," that is insult. You don't return insult. "You must be stupid." "You too must be stupid." That's insult, that's reviling. When somebody speak harshly to you, and you know normally you feel like returning it to the person. So, it say not returning evil for evil, reviling for reviling, "but on the contrary, blessing," blessing, no matter what is coming from the other person. You are giving blessing. He said, "knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing." Are you getting something? Now, called to this life so that you can inherit a blessing. Now, he now said, "For he who would love life..." Are you getting something? Telling you that actually the way to inherit a blessing, when he was talking about a blessing, the blessing is to inherit eternal life. When he says to inherit a blessing, now he said, "For he who would love life and see good days, let him..." So, I want you to get something correct as a believer, that actually you are called to live this life so that you can enjoy life, see good while you are here, and eventually also come to be with the Lord. So, if you really want to enjoy life, Jesus Christ said, "I have come that they may have life, and not just they will have life, they should have it abundantly." It is a life that will not just be something eternal. Eternal life has plenty physical blessing that is also life. For example, you prosper and be in health as your soul prospers. So, if your soul is knowing God, what will happen to your health? Your health will prosper. That is good. If your way please the Lord, he makes your enemy to be at peace with you. So, if somebody even wants to do you evil, God will make the person, like God did to Laban. He made up his mind to go and attack Jacob. That was his mind. When he got to Jacob, he could not do anything. What did he tell Jacob? He said God warned him that if he did anything to Jacob... You see there's a way God makes your enemy... that is what he's calling the abundant life. So, it's not just eternal life in going to heaven. That life is also not just life but abundantly. It will spill over to our physical temporal life. People will see it. It will have benefit even for the life here. That's the point. So, you see, you have been called to inherit a blessing, and that blessing is that you can have life. It's our Christian call. So, the point we are making this morning, Life and Your Marriage, is that there are practical things that you must be doing to enjoy life in your marriage. And when we began to count, we did the counting in Psalm 34. How many things? They are six things. It is these six things that will be forming the series of our discussion in this matter of life and your marriage. These six practical things, they'll be forming the matter of our discussion in life and your marriage. Many times, people who are looking towards marriage and people who are inside marriage, they don't realize that what we are often... or let me put it like this, what often appeal to us are things that actually make us to experience death in our marriage. Normally, if your spouse insult you, what will you feel like doing? You don't feel like blessing. You feel like insulting back. If your spouse is doing, is hurting you, you don't feel like not hurting him. You feel like revenge. So, what I'm trying to make you see fundamentally is that the things that naturally appeal to us in our relationship, they are actually things that make us not to experience life in our relationship. And that is why you notice that many, many, many people today don't experience life in their marriages. Because many times we are often controlled by what we feel like doing, what we want to do, and what we like to do. Many times, we are not controlled, we are not pushed to do what we ought to do. And I'm speaking with you right now, you see that over and over and over and over again, this practical truth don't reflect in many Christian marriages. It doesn't reflect. By the time you talk with people, "actually I did what I did because she did that to me," or you will hear, "I did what I did when he refused to..." you start seeing, and it looks like they are doing what is right. Yes, it looks so, but the reality is that that is not the way to life. That is the way to exist. After Adam and Eve sinned, they died, but they were still existing. So, let me tell you, there are two similar things, but they are very different. It is one thing to live, it is another thing to exist. You must choose that I will not just exist in my marriage. That you have children, you are giving birth, you are having this, you are having that, you may just be existing. Many Christians are just existing in their marriage. It's just an existence, they're just existing. There is no life. Everything about them is biological. What gives them joy is biological. The center of their joy is material things. The real ones that come from God, it's not something inside. It's not something real. It's not something Jesus is giving. It's something money is giving. It's something material is giving. Jesus said, "I they will have life and they will have it abundantly." There is one that gives us once to give. And the way to that one is what we are showing you. Make up your mind. My marriage will not just exist, my marriage will live. And if you have not entered into it and you are looking towards it, set up your mind now. Be resolved about it. Be resolved that I will not just be like the generality. I remember sometimes when we are talking about class grade in Nigerian university system, we say you know normally very few people make first class. Then another good number will make 2:1. Generally the Dugbe market will be 2:2. The same thing I want to make you see. The first class marriage, they are not many, the one enjoying life. They are not... most marriages are second class lower. They are in where they are just existing. Some even move to third class. Some move to pass and some even fail where they are even killing themselves inside it. But don't be in the... be among the first class people. Be among the... make your marriage among the first class. Be among the... don't be in the generality. What is happening in the world. Generally people exist in their marriage. Choose that my marriage will live, not just exist. We will experience life in it. And the way to it is what we are itemizing. This eternal truth that will ever remain over and over and over and over again. The eternal truth that was raised in 34 that we are comparing with 1 Peter 3 from verse 8. Psalm 34:11 "Who is the man who desires life and love many days that he may see good?" Refrain your tongue from evil. Word for word. "Keep your tongue from evil." And in keeping our tongue from evil, what is it that I want to quickly point you to? If you're in a relationship or you are in your marriage, I want to point you to practically speaking, because these are practical things, they are all verb, they are action. Action you must take to move your marriage, like you will tell some students, "You can still move now. Move to the first class, move. Do your assignment well, do more reading." Practical things that you can do to move your marriage from failure, from pass, from third class, from 2:2, how you can move it up to excellent. Excellent is to experience life. And these are practical things. What does it mean to keep the tongue from evil in a marital relationship? Practically speaking, what does it means to keep the tongue from evil? Because it says the Bible separates evil from speaking deceit. The Bible separates the two. First and foremost, let us try different translation. Different translation sometimes help us to get what the Bible is saying. Because you will be thinking that deceit is also evil. That's what you will be thinking, that why is he separating deceit and evil. And when you get to 1 Peter too, the same thing, evil and then deceit. Why are they separated? Let's look at evil. I have about five translations here. I have Amplified, I have KJV, I have NIV, I have NLT. I don't know which other ones others have that I don't have. If you have others that I don't have, please you will read them. Amplified says, "Keep your tongue from evil," so it did not change what KJV said. KJV says, "Keep your tongue from evil," it is still the same thing. NIV, "Keep your tongue from evil." So it is still the word evil. NLT, "Then wash your tongue. Keep it from telling lies." So for that of evil, it says, "Then wash your tongue." Wash your tongue. In fact, it puts exclamation. "Wash your tongue!" for NLT. The Message Bible says, "Guide your tongue from profanity." Guide your tongue from profanity. So, we have evil, evil, evil, evil, wash it and then profanity. What are what is the evil that we must guide our tongue from? Practically speaking and from our own experiences, one major evil that you must guide your tongue or you must wash your tongue about in your marriage is to have a revengeful tongue. A tongue that is revengeful. People who are sarcastic with their tongue. People who tongue-lash. Revengeful tongue, being sarcastic, being revengeful. The Psalmist use a word to describe these three things in a way that is very practical for us when you look at the Scripture. The Psalmist call our attention when he said there are those who speak like the cutting of the sword. When they speak, it will look as if the sword is cutting through you. When they speak, it is as good as somebody is using sword to cut through your body, to destroy you. And you will be wondering that, is this person, how is this person different from carrying a sword and just killing? He said there are those whose tongue, they are like the cutting of the sword. That is what psychologist call verbal abuse. Verbal abuse. The reason why they're saying verbal abuse is because the use of the tongue is as good as you have, you took a sword and you are cutting through the person. And how will you know this? You will know it when your tongue is posed to speak from a negative attitude. That's how you will know it. Any time you want to speak with your tongue to your spouse, first watch your attitude, whether it is negative or it is positive. If your attitude is negative, that thing that you want to do with the tongue will be negative. That's how you know evil. That thing you want to do with the tongue... That's why I tell people, when you notice you are having negative attitude, you must, that's when the Bible says wash your tongue. It might be good to say nothing. It might be good... I'm talking about practical ways to make your marriage enjoy life. Practical ways to make your marriage enjoy life. When you notice you are having negative attitude, you notice you have been wrong and you want to strike, you will know it in your attitude. You will know it. You will know it in the way you are coming to your spouse. You will know it in how you have set your heart what you want to do. That is why actually the Bible says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speak. So, what is in that tongue is actually a reflection of the heart. And that's why I say that you can check evil with the state of your heart. When the state of your heart is not positive towards your spouse, I want to beg you, watch how you open your mouth. Watch very, very carefully how you open your mouth. So, when NLT says wash your tongue, that is what we are saying. Wash your tongue number one not to be revengeful with it. Wash your tongue not to be sarcastic with it. Wash your tongue, wash it, not to tongue-lash. Be careful about tongue-lashing your spouse. Be careful. And if you are not married, you are looking towards marriage and you are somebody like that, you better start rethinking. It might be better for you not to marry. If you are thinking of marriage, then start making up your mind. Because the first thing about enjoying life in marriage, it begins with the tongue. Do you know why? Why the Bible begins with the tongue? Everything in the heart first find their expression on the tongue. What is in your heart find their expression. If you can find a man who can wash his tongue not to do this evil I've just mentioned, you can watch a man who no matter what will not be revengeful with the tongue, will not tongue-lash with the tongue, will not be sarcastic with the tongue. That person have been able to gain victory over his heart. The person have gained victory. It may be you do the person something, the person have taken time to forgive, to... the person must have dealt with his heart before he can remove those three things from his tongue. Because those three things, they are actually a reflection of the state of the heart. A heart that is revengeful will be expressed on a revengeful tongue. "You are mad." "Are you mad?" Revengeful tongue. "Why is it that sometimes you just be acting as if you are a dog? And you will be your memory sometimes look exactly like that of a fish. I hope there is senses. Is there any thing like sense in your head?" Look the person is talking with you, but that is being sarcastic. It is being sarcastic. That's what the Bible is talking about. You did something to the person and the thing it the person didn't like it. And the next thing is once you come, tongue-lashing. The person just used the tongue to give you "fye, fye." The person did not carry cane. If not that you are very stupid, you'd not have been thinking like that. You must have been out of your mind. What is the person doing? The person actually whipping you. He's beating you. What we call tongue-lashing. The Bible says that if we must enjoy good, if we must have life, life in our marriage, one thing we must do, one thing we must do everything to do something about, is to be careful, to be watchful, not to be people who speak evil with our tongue. I must make up my mind relating to my spouse that number one, I will not speak evil with my tongue. It's a decision you must take. Make up your mind. And if you're already, if you are not yet in marriage, please make up your mind about this thing before you get there. Because by the time you get there, let me tell you, there is no perfect husband somewhere and there's no perfect wife somewhere. Your husband will annoy you one way or the other. Your wife will annoy you one way or the other. There'll be element of personality differences, upbringing differences, background differences, maturity differences. Some things you expect your spouse to just overlook, the person may just take it very seriously with you. "Ah ah, why did you talk to me like that?" "Ah ah, you are just..." maturity differences. And before you know it, if you have not made up your mind that no, these three things will not be in my marriage from the very beginning, you starting together, you would have started inviting death into your marriage. How do you do it? Tongue-lashing, revengeful tongue, and being sarcastic. You must guide these three things. You must guide it. When you are angry, I tell people, say your mind, but mind what you say. Say your mind, but mind what you say, and in more importantly, mind how you say it. Why is it so important in marriage? Like my wife will always put it, why is it so important in marriage? If you injure yourself and you want to deal with that injury, maybe you are cutting something and your right hand, you are a right-handed somebody who use the right hand and inadvertently in cutting the meat you cut your left hand. You don't just jump up and say, "You right hand, you are so stupid! Don't you see the left hand? Are you so blind that you did not see it?" Is that how you will say it? Why won't you say it that way? Why? Because it's yourself. It's yourself. You see, "Heh... ah!" Then you begin to look at how to treat it. But you don't begin to insult yourself. Because when you do that, it means there's already a problem. Is that not true? Somebody just say, "Ah! Heh! This right hand... oh! I didn't know you were this useless," for you to have cut the left hand. Quickly they will be thinking of psychiatric hospital because something has gone wrong. But it's the same thing in your marriage. The Bible says a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife. So they are no longer two, but one. It is he who causes his wife, does what? Causes himself. So if you understand that in this relationship this person is me, you want to say your mind, but you will also mind what you say and you will mind how you say it because it's yourself. So there could be provocation, there could be annoyance, there could be things disagree, but because you understand that this is my marriage, we are not two we are one, and so you bring the matter. The right hand and the left hand they will begin to look at how to treat the wound. So I'm not saying you leave matters unattended. What annoys you what is not too, you look for how both of you will look at it and make it more your relationship more harmonious. But in doing that, the tongue is not speaking evil because you understand that you are not two but one. The tongue is not revengeful. The tongue is not sarcastic. The tongue is not a tongue that is tongue-lashing. It's not lashing the other person. Because when you do that, it shows that you have spiritual mental problem. That's what it means. Spiritually you are not sane. That is not normal. It's not about your spouse offenses. It's about your own abnormal spirit. Your own spirit is not normal. Because you are the one who will tell yourself, "No, I want to bring life into my marriage. I will not with my tongue..." So it is for you. It is what you are called to, regardless of what the other person did or did not do. It's you making up your mind. So practically speaking, that is what we have found in our marriage. You must make up your mind about these three things. Summed up to the evil that are in the tongue. As we round up this morning, as we close, I want to call your attention to this about these three things we call the evil that is in the tongue. Tongue-lashing, sarcastic speaking, and a revengeful tongue. Wanting to pass the venom of a serpent as you open your tongue, just pour out venom on your spouse because you felt, like somebody said, was speaking Yoruba, "O tẹ mi lo joni, ẹ joni tẹ gẹ gẹ." Speaking about what she did to her, I just laugh that let me please translate that, that do I step on the tail of a snake? The snake will bite. So sir, that's just what happened. You can't step on the tail and a snake will not bite. I said, "So you are now a serpent, abi?" I said, "But you are better than a snake. You're a human being in the image of God." Is a snake made in the image of God? I said so if you reduce yourself to a snake, it's a pity. It is not about the snake stepping on the tail of a snake, it's you making yourself a snake. If you're a human being, if they step on you, you will not bite like a snake. So please don't be a snake, I beg you, because it's not a good picture to make reference to that. Now the point I wanted to say something in closing as we close. You know I mentioned something now that there is no perfect man and perfect woman. Like I normally say, in fact I don't think there is any... most times when me and my wife go for seminars, talk with churches, most times we say this thing. Happy marriages are not made of perfect people. No. They are made of imperfect people who have made up their mind that their marriage will work. They have made up their mind that this thing, it will work. "This person, I accept the person the way the person is, and I will make the person a better person. By my life, this person will be better." You have making up your mind about that. That's what makes a happy marriage. So most happy long and happy marriages, go and check it. What they are celebrating is constant forgiveness, constant overlooking, constantly accepting one another, constantly working towards it. That's what they are celebrating. Not as if they are perfect people, they are two angels. If you are looking for a perfect human being, please go to heaven to marry Gabriel or marry Michael. You can just go to heaven. But if you are marrying human being, please prepare for these things. There will be element of misunderstanding, provocation, because of personality difference, upbringing difference, background difference, all expect them to come. Now, I said you should make up your mind about this evil that is in the tongue. Now in making up your mind, there's something very, very important I want you to also note. Please don't go into the marriage like a Superman. That's what I want to say now in closing. Don't go like a Superman. What I mean by that is don't think that because you have made up your mind, you will not make mistake. After you have made up your mind that yes, this is how it's going to go, something may happen sometimes and before you know it, you have tongue-lashed your spouse. You know what you will do? Don't ever justify it. Go back to your spouse and say you are sorry about that thing you did. Don't ever justify wrong. That is one way to deal with your imperfection. When you notice you do it, when you notice at any point the thing goes so much and as humans, you missed it, the Bible says he that covereth sin is the person that will not prosper. But the person that confess and forsake it will be shown mercy. So you go back to your spouse and confess your fault. The Bible say confess your fault one to another and pray for one another. That is the book of James. Go to your spouse and confess your fault. "Dear, I'm very sorry. I was so angry and I tongue-lashed the other time. I'm so sorry. I should not have done that." Be somebody, confess your fault to your spouse. Don't top it. Don't say, "You know if you have not annoyed me, I would not..." that is foolishness. That is stupidity. You are being stupid. The reason why marriages are failing today is because people are stupid. They think that they are... but they are stupid. The wisdom of God is not like the wisdom of men. We call ourselves Christians but we don't practice godly wisdom. We start bringing intelligence. You know there's what you call self-defense. Actually, if not the way you just did it or that said that thing, so that makes it right. It doesn't make it right. What is wrong is wrong. You did what you did. Yes, the person did something that was wrong. But you did what you did, not because of what the person did. You did what you did because you also missed it. Two wrongs will never make a right. So don't say because your spouse is wrong, you have a right to be wrong. It's a stupid way of thinking. And you must wash this. You must wash this. So make up your mind as you are going into that relationship, make up your marriage, don't ever justify the evil of the tongue. Once you have seen it, go to your spouse and I know some people that I call them "terrible human beings." Let me tell you something. Once you notice that you are somebody who is not quick to apologize when you are wrong, you are a terrible human being. You are a terrible... please note it about yourself, that you are a terrible human being. In fact you are not fit to be in marriage. If you are somebody who when you are wrong, you are not quick to say you are sorry. Once you notice you are wrong, this thing I see it in several husbands, I see it in several wives, and that's why they keep saying, "Marriage doesn't appeal to me. I don't understand." Since I've been married there's no day I have joy. How will you have joy? You have peace for the weekend. You will never have joy except you repent. You are a terrible person if you don't know how to say you are sorry when you are wrong. If you have tongue-lashed your spouse in any way, if you have been sarcastic in any way, if you have been revengeful with your tongue in any way, then you must do something. Go to the person and be quick to say I am sorry. That is the correct thing to do. Don't begin to go round it trying to... you know some people instead of saying I'm sorry, they start going round, they start... no. If you notice you are wrong, if you have done any of these thing, it's not correct. Don't justify it. Be able to say you are sorry. I know if somebody was saying that, "No, you know it's not mannish to tell a woman that you are sorry." I said you are not in the image of God. I said you don't understand what it means to be mannish. I said you are carrying a wrong image in your head. Who told you that it is not mannish to tell your spouse that you are sorry? It means the type of you, when you offend your children, you will never say you are sorry. Let's pray now. Let's pray, let's talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord about your heart. The matter is about you, it's not about your spouse. "Who is the man that loves life? He wants to see many days and he wants to see good in that many days." You are the one who will make up your mind. He says refrain your tongue from evil. Make up your mind. If you have been doing these things, repent. Repent. If you have been doing it to your younger ones, maybe you are not married but you do it to your younger ones, you do it to your parents, begin to correct yourself now before you enter marriage. Because when you enter marriage, you will do the same thing to your spouse. If you have been married and you have been doing these things, please look at it now and make up your mind so that your marriage can enjoy life. Many people are not happy in their marriages today and they are believers. But they are not happy. Some are wondering, "How did I come into this bondage? I never married my soulmate." Some may say, "I made a mistake in the person I married." Sometimes it's not that you made a mistake. Sometimes you married correctly, but you threw away the principles of God about how to make it work. It was God who led the people out of Egypt. But eventually, virtually all of them died in the wilderness. It's not because God was not the one leading them. But they didn't work according to the principles of God. So sometimes God might have led you to somebody. It's actually God. But when you got into it, you started the journey, you left the principles of God and eventually you were overthrown in the wilderness of life. I pray, may you not be overthrown in the wilderness of life. May you not be overthrown. May our lives not be overthrown in the wilderness of life. May our marriages not be overthrown in the wilderness of life. May we experience life in our marriages. May we experience life. May we experience life. In the month of March, we'll be marching on on this matter. We'll be marching on. We'll be marching on. As we close this morning, I want to invite my wife to pray for us. [Speaker 3] In Jesus' name. Our Father we thank you for your word. We pray oh Lord that you will help us to live and not be hearers but doers of this word in the name of Jesus. We pray oh Lord that our life, our marriage, our life in its entirety, our relationship, in everything we experience life in the name of Jesus. Help us to guard our tongues. Help us to watch our attitude. Help us oh Lord not to give place for negative attitude in the name of Jesus. And help us oh Lord that even if there are things that we have done wrongly, let us be humble enough oh Lord to be Christ-enough, to be like Jesus enough to repent and make amends in the name of Jesus. We pray oh Lord that out of our tongue will come Lord, life, fountain of life, that it will not bring revenge, sarcastic behavior, tongue, or any form of evil, tongue-lashing in the name of Jesus. Father we pray oh Lord that even more than ever before, our marriages, our lives, our relationships will bring you glory. And it will not only bring you glory, it will be because in your glory we will have glory, and our life will begin to radiate your glory in the name of Jesus. Thank you for your son oh Lord with more of your grace, more of your life, more of your breath, more of fountain of life will he ever draw from you. In his life there will not be any form of negativity but Lord he will draw positive, he will draw strength from you always in the name of Jesus. We pray Lord that the power and the spirit of God will rest upon him in this work, over his marriage, over his relationship, over everything that concerns him, and he will live and be doers of this word more than ever before in a new vigor, new strength, new grace in the name of Jesus. And so shall it be for each and every one of us. Thank you, faithful God. In Jesus' name we pray. [Speaker 2] Let’s share the grace in unison. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forevermore. Amen. Praise the Lord! [background noise: hymn singing "Hallelujah! Everybody shout Hallelujah! Praise the Lord, shout Hallelujah!"] [Speaker 4] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission aid. Our regular activities are the discipleship class every Monday 5:00 p.m., Adolescent and Singles Club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 a.m., Marriage Forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 a.m., Family Life Seminars, regular school out-reaches and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location Life Camp by the first bridge, Ileyi Community, opposite Rejoice filling station along Ije road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 080-338-61136, 070-336-13148. God bless you all.