Loving Your Spouse

[Speaker 1] Blessed be Thy holy name, our God. We thank You for Your grace. We thank You for Your love. We thank You for all who You are and all that You are. We thank You, our Father, as we gather unto You again this morning. Lord, our brethren who are joining us on Telegram, our brethren who are joining us on [unclear: Mixlr], we who are here physically, Lord, as we all fellowship together this morning, Lord, I pray, let Your spirit work within us in the name of Jesus. Let there be visitation for our lives. Lord God Almighty, we pray for several relationships: relationship with parents, relationship with one another, those in premarital relationships, not yet married, those who are already in marital relationships, already married. Lord, we are praying, as we explore this matter of walking in love or loving our spouses, or walking in love, Lord, I pray that there will be divine encounter for every hearer this morning. Regardless of where the person is located, let there be encounter in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Now, we want to focus on something very important: walking in love, loving our spouse. If you look at it as walking in love, we are actually making the topic broader for you to see that the need to love goes beyond marriage. Displeasure and conflict is not only in marriage. There could be displeasure and conflict before marriage, in premarital relationships. There could be displeasure and conflict in your intimate relationship or close relationship with somebody else, with another believer. There could be displeasure or conflict in relationships with your siblings. So it is something that could be broadened to touch on several other kinds of relationships, even though particularly we are majoring on loving your spouse. That is why the topic can be seen as either loving your spouse or walking in love. Loving your spouse is strictly for those who are in marriage. Walking in love transcends those who are in marriage to look at the whole matter of what it means to walk in love, particularly, as we noted, during displeasure or in conflict. And in doing that, I first want to make reference to 2 Peter, just to quickly define something. Please let's turn to the book of 2 Peter. Let's see something there quickly as we try to establish background for our meeting this morning. Let's look at 2 Peter. There is something there that is worth looking at a little closely that will form a good background for us. 2 Peter 1. I read from, maybe I should take it so that we can get the picture clearer, let me take it from verse 2. 2 Peter 1:2-10: "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. But also for this reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, to knowledge add self-control, to self-control add perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly affection love. For if these things are yours and abound [please note that], if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." My prayer this morning is that in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, may I not be barren. May you not be barren. He's telling us that it is possible to enter into faith and yet you remain barren. That is, your life is not fruitful. Your life does not bring fruit in any way. Your life does not contribute to anybody. Your life does not add to any particular person. It is possible, very, very possible. Very, very possible that there is no addition. Your life is not adding anything. So he says that if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Verse 9: "For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble." Hallelujah. Hallelujah. As we try to create background for this matter that we are looking at this morning, I want you to get something very, very clear. The first thing that this passage established is that it is possible that you become a believer and yet the way your life operates, you remain barren and unfruitful. So the fact that we became believers does not guarantee that your life will be fruitful. If your life must be fruitful, the Bible outlined that certain things needed to be added to our faith. From verse 5, 2 Peter 1 from verse 5, he says, "but also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue." So something needed to be added to faith. That thing that needed to be added to faith is what? Virtue. What is virtue? Character. Now, in adding what to be added to character is knowledge. What you need to add to knowledge is self-control. What you need to add to self-control is patience or perseverance. What you need to add to patience or perseverance is godliness. What you need to add to godliness is brotherly affection. What you needed to add to brotherly affection is what? Is love. And that is where we are going today: loving your spouse or walking in love. And the first thing I want to call your attention to as a background to this matter that we are looking at is that the Bible says we should add brotherly affection to godliness, and then we should add to brotherly affection love. The point is, is affection not love? The point is, is affection not love? Is having affection for somebody not love? But the Bible is trying to make us see something very, very, very, very categorical. Something very, very, very, very categorical. And what it is making us to see very categorically is that it is possible to have brotherly affection and not have love. The Bible is trying to make us see very categorically that affection is not love. When you look at your dictionary, your English dictionary will tell you that love is having affection for somebody. But the Bible is saying that affection is not love. That love, from the point of what to add to your faith, if you add brotherly affection, it's one level. To that affection, you needed to add love. So it is possible to have affection for somebody and yet there is no love. So when we are talking about loving your spouse, you know we are not talking about affection. That is the background I'm trying to create. Not talking about affection. You can have affection and don't have love. The first time I spoke about this thing, somebody quickly went to dictionary to define, to give me that definition that, "But sir, love is having affection for somebody." So he said, "How will you say that affection is not love?" And I said, "Okay, just look at this simple example, very, very simple. Two people have affection for themselves. They are not yet married. And then in that affection for one another, they are expressing—they even say they are making love by sexual intercourse. So that affection in which they are making love, are they loving themselves?" So the person was quiet for a while. I said, "Are they loving themselves?" And the person was quiet. And then I said, "See, you need to get something clear. When the Bible is talking about love, the Bible is not making reference to affection. When the Bible is talking about loving your spouse and walking in love, affection—affection is something that if you don't add love to, on one hand, affection can become inordinate. If love is not added to affection, brotherly love can become—brotherly affection can become inordinate affection where love is not added to it." I said, "It is love that gives affection direction. When there is no love, affection don't have direction." I said, "If you look at it again," I said, "let me give you another," I said, "let me give you another very quick example because our concern is walking in love and it is—they normally talk, we deliberately picked the topic because people talk about love, love, love in the month of February. And then we said, 'Okay, let us—let's try to explore walking in love with our spouses, particularly not only in marriage but beyond marriage.' That's why we are talking about walking in love." Now, look at it again. I said, "Do you know that affection is a plant? Affection is a plant." And I said, "What do you notice about plants? What do you notice about plants? Do you notice that plants, when you give them the right condition, what happens to them? They grow. So when you give them the wrong condition, what happens to them? They wither and they die." I said, "Do you wonder how two people married and they are saying, 'Oh, you are the only mosquito that fly in Nigeria. You are the only cow that has horn. You are the only sugar in the tea.' And after three years of going together, it becomes, 'In fact, I regret the day I met you. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me.'" I said, "So what happened to affection?" I said, "What happened to all those things that they were doing and all the 'ah, eh, ee, ah'?" I said, "What happened?" I said, "It died." I said, "So I want you to know something about affection, that affection is a very, very temporary and transitory thing. It cannot last. And that is why it cannot sustain marriage." I said, "Love is the condition that keeps affection alive." Now the person—the person now looked and said, "Sir, I think I'm now understanding what you are saying." Love is the condition that keeps affection alive. Affection is not love, but love can keep affection alive. Love is the—is that condition that keeps affection alive. So the Bible says, to affection needed to add what? Love. Because when you don't add love to affection, what happens to affection after some time? Go and check people who start their marriages. Before they enter, it looks like, "Oh, without you I cannot live." After two years, three years, four years, five years, approximately the first five years of marriage are normally very, very stormy because in the first five years, people are trying to marry. They are not yet married. They are trying to marry. There is a ceremony of marriage, but marriage has not taken place. They did a ceremony, they now enter into the marriage, they now start marrying. So in a bid to marry, people—that process of marrying is like an engine. In every engine, when they try to work, there will be what? There will be friction. And when iron begin to crack on iron, what do you find? Things will start getting eroded. For engine not to break down, they have to put engine oil and lubricant. But many times when people start, they think the affection with which they enter is the lubricant that can run it. They don't understand that no, the lubricant they need to run it, that they must add love to that affection. So when they enter, they just discover that [imitates engine noise]. "I don't like the way you talk. I don't like where you put this thing. In fact, the way you behave sometimes, why do you do this? Why do you twist like this?" Before you know, what was looking like, what was rosy, before they enter, in four years it is dead. It has become beautiful marriage. The affection with which they enter is gone. What simply happened was that they didn't understand the biblical truth that we must add love to affection. It is that love we want to look at this morning. And please, brethren, brethren online, please don't wait till 11:30 before you start sending in your questions. Please, if there is a question as we are speaking, send in your questions so that by the time for question and answer, we'll just be taking them and we'll be responding to them. Now, so the point, the point we are making, the point we are making is very, very clear and I want us to get it. It is that because the world define affection as love, many times too as Christians, we think that feeling of likeness we have for one another is what we meant by love. No, it is that is not what the Bible refer to as love. That's what the Bible calls affection. And because the Bible knows that affection is transitory, affection lacks direction, affection needs condition, the Bible says, "add to brotherly affection," what are you to add? He says, "add love." It is a clear instruction. And that is why you notice, I pray your relationship will not be barren. Your relationship will not be barren. Your relationship will not be barren in the name of Jesus. I'm just about to pray. It just occurred within my spirit that we should actually just pray that our relationship will not be barren. Wherever you are, just pray. You may—maybe yours is premarital, you have not yet entered into the marital stage. Maybe you are about entering. Wherever you are, whatever category you are, you're already inside marriage. Can you just, in one minute, can you just talk to the Lord? That Lord, please help me. My relationship will not be barren. It will not be barren. It will not be. It will not be. It will not be barren. It will not be barren. In the name of Jesus. Thank You, Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Let's move on. It just occurred to me that we should pray. Because you notice something, why am I asking us to pray? Why it occurred to me is that the Bible says that it is the addition, addition of all of these things to our faith—he says, "for if these things are yours," please note that. One, they must be yours. And two, they must abound. Let me read that in NLT. NLT: "The more you grow like this..." The more you grow like this. That is, the more you are adding to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance brotherly affection, to brotherly affection love. The more you—you going like, the more you are going like that, it says the more you grow like this, the more you will become what? Productive. Now let's reverse it. The less you grow like this, what will start happening to you? The less you become product—that is why you see some people, by the time they enter into intimate relationship, their life start going backward. Their life start going backward. Before they enter into relationship, they were doing well. I've seen people that it was marriage that scattered them. I've seen sisters who have been doing well, it was when they started relationship that they started fornicating. They have been virgins all their life. But they didn't understand that that affection needs love. The affection became inordinate affection. So the Bible is making us to see something very, very critical. Brethren, look, we are not like the world. You must get that clear. We are not like the world. We are a different people from the world. The Bible says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by what? The renewal of your mind." If you don't have your mind transformed, you may be born again, but your life will not experience a change. You'll still be living like men of this world. And that is why today you find that many times, you talk about people among us as Christians, you don't know whether we are moral or immoral. The level of immorality sometimes even among believers, you begin to wonder, are we believers? Is it these people? They are not—it's because they are not Christians. Some of them are actually Christians. You can see what the Bible says here. He says if you don't add these things to your faith—some actually got born again. It's not every—I tell people, "These people, they never got born again." Some of them actually got born again. The point is something was not added. They were not made to see that something needed to be added. And my concern today is about this matter of affection and love. All other virtues are there, but it's about this matter of affection, having to add love to affection. Believers are living today many times like those who don't know God, those who are governed by affection because you don't understand something. Look at something. Let's go back to where—before we got to this point. Look at, please, look at verse 4 again of that 2 Peter. I want to show you something about affection. He says, so that—so that you can get it clear. Let me take it from verse 2 into 4. He says, "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our savior. As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who hath called us by glory and virtue. Now, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of what? Of the divine nature, having what? Having escaped." What did we escape? Corruption. That is where? Why is there corruption in the world? It is through what? Affection. Through lust, desires, affection, what they feel like, what they like, what they want. You see what I'm trying to make you see is desires, affection, likeness, they cannot stand alone. The reason why the world is in corruption, why the world in corruption, it is in corruption through what? Through lust. Now why did the Bible calling it lust? Because it is an affection without what? Without direction. The various things you find in the world today, the corruption you find in the world, the envy, the killing, the destruction, the—look at what we are seeing today in the world. Why—why do people kill others because of money? Love, affection. They love this money that "Yeah, this, ah, this." You can't—you can't define it. Once you put affection and you begin to define love by it, then you're going to get it wrong. So the Bible is wanting us to see that it is important for us to know that if we grow in these things, if these things abound in you, they will make you to be productive and useful [verse 8] in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. You see, certain people today, in their relationship, are useless. They are not useful. They are not useful. Not because they didn't start their relationship with the so-called love, but many times what they are calling love is brotherly affection. What people explain most times as love is affection. That affection, that likeness that brought you together, "Oh, I love this my brother. Oh, do you love him? I love him." And then with all of that you love, "Oh, I love her." You know, all those things we say, "I don't want to marry who I don't love. It must be who I love." You know all those things we say. But many times what we are talking about is our affection for that person. You see, as a result—as a result of this, many of us have find ourselves in our relationship not being useful. What I mean is that we find that you find people enter into marriage, you find people relationship and you find people a situation where the husband begin to provoke the wife to anger, the wife provoke the husband. That's why you find that there is conflict they could not resolve, this and that. They need to see marriage counselor, they need to do this. How did they get to that point? So instead of becoming more useful to one another, what is happening? They're not getting useful to one another. They begin to set lines and boundaries that children must not even learn from. Why are these things abounding among us as believers? It's because we are not seeing a critical thing that the Lord spoke about, that to affection brotherly love, to brotherly affection we must add love. We must grow beyond affection. We must rise above it. So that we can be useful. And the Bible also noted that the person who lacks these things is shortsighted. Have you seen that? So many things—I tell people many times because if you look at the flyer we sent out, we said "Walking in love, particularly, particularly during displeasure and conflict." How do we walk in love? How do we walk in love? Because that is the one so much that affection cannot manage. Affection too cannot manage inordinate affection when it becomes inordinate, when it becomes unreasonable. When people cannot exercise discipline in certain things. But the one we are trying to—the one we are trying to manage today, that is this one of displeasure. There's so much conflict in Christian marriage. There's so much and I tell people the problem is not the disagreement. The problem is the attitude to the disagreement. The problem is not what people are disagreeing about. The problem is the attitude—and that's what we want to look at this morning. Is the attitude to the disagreement. We must have the loving attitude to our disagreement, or else our disagreement, instead of managing our disagreement, our disagreement will manage us. And that is when we say there is conflict in our marriage. That's when they say there is conflict in our relationship. Why? Because we could not manage our what? Our disagreement. What is managing us is the disagreement. We are not managing it. Because there will be—like I tell people, happy marriages don't involve perfect people. They involve two imperfect people who have learned to manage their disagreement. That's why they are happy. That's why they are glad. But the way you find people everything is just going straight, no this, it's a lie. You can't find anybody in this planet like that. Maybe perhaps if you get married to maybe Angel Gabriel or Angel Michael, that possibility—there may be the possibility of that. But if you—if you are marrying is a human being, no matter the level of maturity, just look at your life as an individual. Even with God you have disagreement. Am I right? Am I right? Even with God. God will be saying, "My daughter, go this way." Your head will be going this way. Even with God, talk less of with man. So the fact that you are coming to a human being—the fact that you are a human being, even if that person is a perfect person, you will have disagreement with that person. But the truth is that the two of you are not even perfect. So as you are having with him, what will happen? He will also have with you. So that there is a disagreement is not the problem. I keep telling couples, in every relationship, the problem is not the disagreement. The problem is a disagreement that is not managed by love. A disagreement that is not managed, where we could not walk in love. That is what now leads to, "Ah, those people in fact," like somebody—people say, "Ah, you see they are irre—they have irreconcilable differences." Have you heard that language before? Have you heard that language before? What's the meaning of that language? Who can help us, brethren who are in the physical hall? Brethren online, you can write something, oh please. You can also write online, we will—we will see it. "Irreconcilable differences." [Speaker 2] It means they can't be brought back together. [Speaker 1] That is—no, nothing can bring them back together. That's not what it means, oh. Brethren online, please if you have something to write, write. We will—we will have it here. Brethren who are here, can you say anything? When you say irreconcilable difference, that you cannot reconcile, irreconcilable, you cannot reconcile. It's talking about we have a difference, but there is no way it can be reconciled. That is, we have difference. Maybe me I love sleeping with light, but you like that the light should be off. That's the difference. But we cannot reconcile it. [Speaker 3] They are separate things. [Speaker 1] It cannot be reconciled. That is, we have tried and tried and tried, we could not reconcile. But let me ask you, don't you see that the ingredient of incompatibility and irreconcilable differences is selfishness? [Speaker 2] You cannot compromise for the other person. [Speaker 1] That is the bottom line. So the problem is not whether one can sleep with light or the other cannot sleep with light. That's not where the problem is. That's the normal thing. There will be a lot of things. Me I love—me I like saving, you you like spending. That's not the problem. Me I like—you will see these differences. One like talking, one like being quiet. One is quick to talk, one is not quick to—you will see all personality difference, gender difference, background difference, upbringing difference. No two people marry and not see all these differences. But when we now begin to say it is irreconcilable, we cannot reconcile it. I keep telling brethren, fundamental to these things is that many times we don't understand the difference between affection and love. So eventually condition will now be set that will kill affection. Because affection is a plant. And as the affection die, relationship begins to die. And by the time it dies completely, you say, "Look, I don't have any attraction towards him again." But it was so strong some four years ago. It led you to the marriage vow and you said for better for worse, for richer for poorer. Nobody forced you to say it. Something moved you into that. And now the thing was gone within the space of five years. It's normally between first—first year one and year five. Because once you don't set it right in that place, year six to year ten will have set a pattern of everybody going on their own side. Once we don't marry in the first five years—the first five years is time to manage marrying. Once you don't get married, you know what will eventually happen for—what happened in those situation? For people that have it, burst, is that they start going on a side that eventually they will be looking for divorce. For people that manage it better than those who are going to that of worse, they will be together but they will not be one. The way you put kerosene—water inside kerosene. You know they are together. But you will still see the water standing in isolation. Kerosene too will be on its own. So they will form a mixture, not a solution, a mixture. They will just—they are together oh, but they are not one. For those who handle marriage well, who handle that first five years well, they would have set a path of what you find between milk and water. You know milk and water is another kind of mixture. By the time they mix together, you don't see the milk, you don't see the water, you see one. That is who got it perfectly. So you see these stages in marriages. Those that have set the path of going their different way. Those that have the path of they are together oh, that's why you will see my money is my money. You will see "No, you pay this, me I will pay that." "When—go and meet your father." They are together oh, "Go and meet your mother." You will start seeing those kind of picture. You start seeing preferential treatment. Maybe the daughter and the first son will love the mother, the last born and the second son will love the father. The—you understand—you start seeing everybody is creating a kingdom for himself. Why? They are together, they are not one. All of these things they were set in the first five years of their marriage. And what bring about all of these things is not being able to understand this matter of walking in love. And so walking in love or loving our spouses—loving our spouses. I've been able to set a background for this matter. Now I want to go to the act of the place of displeasure and conflict. What did the Lord say about this thing? Let's see. Let's see walking in love. Let's see what the Lord say. It is the same Peter. It is the same Peter. This time we are going to 1 Peter chapter 2 again. The first one is 2 Peter chapter 1. The next one is—is 1 Peter chapter 2. Let's see what the Bible says in 1 Peter 2. I'll just first read through, then I will ask for comment. Please, any comment online? Please check if there's any—any definition about—any definition? Okay, so let's move on. Let's look at something in 1 Peter—1 Peter chapter 2. Are we all there? 1 Peter 2. Please make sure you are looking at your Bible. We want to read something, something that dovetail into marriage. That is why I said that our discussion today is not only about just—it's not—it's something that transcend marriage. It transcend marriage, only that we are looking at it within the context of marriage. Look at what dovetail into marriage in this—in this reading. 1 Peter 2. Please look at your Bible. I'm reading from verse 18. We'll just take the reading through to chapter 3 again. And please don't forget that when the Bible was originally written, there was no chapter and verses. Are we aware? There was no chapter and there was no verses. It was somebody who later introduced verses, then somebody introduced chapter. So I want to read like it's an epistle, the way it was originally written. Just see the flow of the discussion. So knock—knock off the chapter as we are reading now. 1 Peter 2:18 - 3:7: "Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that we should follow His steps: 'Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth'; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. Likewise, wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former days, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Please what—can we just—can we just make comment from this reading? Before we look at the matter of walking in love. Can we just make general comment from this reading? You know we knock—we knock off the chapter. We just follow the reading that ended from that verse 18, the matter ended in 3:7. From verse 8, it is "Finally, all of you be of one mind." Something else started from verse 8. But from 18 downward to that place, it was addressing something. It was saying something. It was showing us something very critical. And I don't know, who can first—let me take—I hope brethren online will hear you without the mic. Bring the mic so that brethren online can hear us very clearly. Anybody that want to—on the—on the other one. [Speaker 2] Yes, sir. What I noticed so much was the issue of that like Jesus, it says that he committed no sin, yet he died for us, that servants should be submissive to those that are just good doing, but that those that are also bad, those that are also harsh, that we should likewise be good to them. That is one of the things I noticed. [Speaker 1] That's one of the things you noticed. Thank you. Any other observation from what we have read? [Speaker 3] What I can say concerning where we read is that irrespective of the person you are living with, as a child of God, you learn tolerance, endurance, and being patient. And over time, there will be a change from your own attitude towards the person. They will think—they will think for better when you keep acting good, showing virtue of God to them. Because that portion that said, "even to the harsh master, still do good." It's not easy to do good to somebody that's doing you bad. It takes the Spirit of God to do good to whoever is bad. So it'll take that good part to help them over time, they will change and they'll be better. And the same thing applicable to marriage. If you have your husband or your spouse that is not living up to expectation, just with good heart, with all the virtues the Bible told us we should add that will sustain the affection with love, hopefully, over time, the person will become a better person. [Speaker 1] Okay. Thank you very much. My brother, is there anything you want to add? Is there anything you saw different from what they have seen? Any addition to what they have seen? Anything further? [Speaker 4] Thank you so much, sir. Let me just put this—keep to this. My own understanding of that line in the epistle there, Jesus was set to us as an example. He committed no sin and He bore our—that epistle there is given to—given to believers, a set of believers. Now I now want to talk as a believer and comment to the believers based on this epistle. Now you see that it was set to us that Jesus Christ, being a man that sinned not, bear the brunt of the judgment of sin. And despite that, in the presence of His judge, He never defend His righteousness that, "I'm not guilty of this, of this accusation." Through the judgment was being passed, He keep calm and He carry the judgment. And that was the perfect example that Christ is actually God—God Himself called us to follow His steps in a family or in a marriage or in any relationship. If you are into a marriage, here we are looking at what love does as walking in love now, not in affection now. Earlier we have discussed that affection is an—is an offshoot of—of love and affection cannot stand on its own without love. Here what's being said is that if you are looking at affection, "this is what I'm going to do, I'm doing it," they are not coming to the line of agreement. "Okay, let me submit my differences to you, let me obey and honor." Because you see that epistle was going on, going on, He now set that wives should obey and give to the husband too. So if we must do that as husband, before the wife can obey, we must accept that here I'm not a superstar that I'm not guilty. Come to the line of agreement with your spouse or with your partner that, "Okay, my differences, let me drop it here so that we can be on the same page." Be like a mixture of milk and water that come together or like petrol mixed with kerosene that ignite a high inflammable fire that cannot be separated. Not water with kerosene, it cannot be mixed. That mixture we can get it, you will still see the different essence. So as a result of that, we must understand—we making a very germane point that we are—we all have our differences, we are not the same and we cannot be the same, but we must submit. That subjection is actually what God want from both of us. Drop your ego and drop your authorship as Christ dropped His own—His Christship, everything, He submitted it to God. And that is actually what that epistle was giving to us, to the believer in total. And that's my own submission. That way we take it from a believer point of view, we get it right. [Speaker 1] Okay. Thank you very, very much. We are grateful. Thank you, please take the mic from him. Honestly, these are wonderful and beautiful contributions from everybody. And we—are—I really pray that we are all learning. And that's why sometimes I tell people, when I say, "Why are you not in meeting?" he says, "I joined online." I said, "Let us also come physically, let us also talk." If we are all online, sometimes we cannot interact like this. So it is also good, brethren online hope you are listening to me, it's also good for us to come and also meet sometimes, meet physically. But of course if you cannot make it, joining online is just fantastic, you are able to—but when we are around physically, we're able to interact more and learn one from another. Now, look at what we are trying to say. I want you to read—I want to read—you see, this thing was—you know the word of God is like a sword, a two-edged sword that—that—the person—the person who is coming to teach something is also being taught by that same sword. I don't know whether you understand me. You see, when this thing came to me, I want you to look at that verse 18 again very closely. That verse 18, walking in love as against affection. I want to really appreciate all the contributions. Christ, the other person is able to eventually change. So those are three major things: the other person is able to eventually change, Christ is the example, Christ is our perfect example. Thank you so much. And this link directly to marriage. Three major things that we are trying to bring out from that place have already been mentioned by the brethren. So let us throw more light on them, which that brethren had made reference to. Now, look at something. He says—I want to read a simpler translation of that verse 18. It says, "Servant, be submissive to your own master with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh." Let me read that thing in—in Amplified: "You who are household servant, be submissive to your masters with all proper respect, not only to those who are kind and considerate and reasonable, but also to those who are surly [that is, they are not kind], they are overbearing [they are not considerate], they are unjust, and they are crooked." Now, so the Bible makes us to see—it is very, very obvious that if somebody is not kind, considerate, and reasonable, the person makes submission, agreeing with that person a difficult thing. If you are somebody who is not kind, who is not considerate, who is not reasonable, you are making people being able to live with you a difficult thing. The Bible establishes that. The Bible makes us to see, he says, "Servant, not only to these ones." You tell me that God knows that quickly when the person is kind, considerate, you quickly submit. "Hello!" Not only to this type. There's another type. If you like, just tell servants "Submit to your masters." Submit to your master not only because when person submit, in fact everybody will look for [unclear: Enitori epe, Enitori etutu, Enitori ewale], and everybody will quickly, "Ah, yes sir, yes ma. Ah, go and do this. Yes sir." You quickly, you do it gently, you do it happily. The Bible is making us to see that actually we don't need love in a situation where the other person is just kind and considerate. Affection will flow. But the reality of life is not like that. To every man and every woman, there is strength and there are weaknesses. So there will be another side. The person who combine these three things perfectly, without any bit of fallibility, is God. And that's why you notice that Jesus said something. He said, "Learn of me. My yoke is easy, My burden is light," isn't it? But He made something very clear. He said, "I am meek and lowly in heart." I want to ask, who has become exactly like Jesus? We are all becoming like Jesus. Nobody is exactly Jesus. We are all becoming. None of us is exactly. You get the point I'm making? He said He gave—He gave one to be apostle, another to be prophet, evangelist, pastors, and teachers. For what? For the perfecting of the saint, in view of the work of the ministry, for the buildup of the body of Christ, until we all come to the unity of faith unto the knowledge of a perfect man, unto the measure of the fullness of the stature of Christ. That's where we are going, but we are not yet there. So the person who will be able to combine consistently, perfectly, being meek and lowly consistently, that person is Christ. You will see that at some point, the wife is meek and lowly, at some point [unclear: atu she] you can't—the husband will be [mimics angry noise]. "Haven't you heard me?" You will be—that's the reality—it is the reality of life. And this is what we must come to accept why God is saying, "Look, you must have love to brotherly affection." You must have it. Because the reality of it is that that person you are trying to marry is becoming like Christ. You too, you are becoming like Christ. [Yoruba language: Bo se eni tie lowo], as he has his own, you also, you have your own. Christ is perfecting you, Christ is perfecting him. And so you will not see—you will not see consistency. Sometimes you will see variation. Sometimes it will be up, sometimes—so that's why we say—that's why I said marriage contains imperfect people. However, you also see that in this place, the Bible is saying that agreement can be constant. Because it said "not only to the good and gentle, but also to..." So one thing that is constant is submission. What is not constant is behavior. You may have good and gentle, you may have the one that is not good and gentle, you may have—so you will be seeing variation. So if you don't bring yourself to being able to live with the two, you are the one that have a problem. If you don't bring yourself—so you are the one to add. You don't say, "When he changes, I too will change." No, that's not it. And that is the foolishness people do in their marriage. They say, "If he changes—" What's the problem? "Ah, the only problem I have is my wife. If she can just change this behavior, there will be no problem in this house." You know what I tell those people? I said, "You are not ready for a marriage." You say, "Ah but sir, you're not—" I said no, you are not ready. As long as you are thinking the other person is the problem, the problem can never be solved. You must realize you are the problem. The day it dawns on you that I'm the one to bring myself to an understanding that actually love—even if I speak with the tongues of angel and the tongues of man and have not love, I'm just making noise. Even if I have all gift to move all mountain, I can perform all miracle and have not love, it profit me nothing. Even if I give my body to be burned, I give myself in marriage, I make all the vow, I give my money and I have not love, it profit me nothing. What is love? Love is patient. Love is a decision. It is not a feeling. Love is a decision. It's not what you feel, it's what you decide. It's a decision. You decide it. And I gave—I gave—I gave one brother this example when I was teaching him about loving your wife. He said, "Ah, [unclear: Oni kini ile sir, Oni imu...]" I said no. I said, "Ah, [unclear: Onisese doju kun ni sir, moni Jesus na ku]." [Laughter] But the point is this. Please, if somebody—look at the word of Christ trying to—trying to teach this love, trying to make us understand it. Christ said, "If they slap you on one cheek, what are we to do? Turn the other." Now, the point there is not the simplicity of turning the second, but it is showing us something: that when somebody do evil to you, what do you feel like doing? "I will slap you back!" You see that God sees that when somebody slap you, you want to slap back. That is what the affection, that is the feeling. But you must not be governed by that feeling. You mustn't be governed by the feeling. And that is why many times when people tell me that, "Ah, I'm planning my marriage, sir, I love him," I said, "Look, wait. You don't know whether you love until it has been put to test." I said no, "There's this feeling." I said no, that is an affection. You are confusing two things. That's an affection. That thing is because you are seeing some the area that you like. By the time you see the area you don't like, this thing will die. There's another one that you need to sustain if [unclear: sile] are seen now, because you haven't seen it from outside. [Yoruba language: Ese bo wari riran tan, e riran tan]. You are still coming to see more. You'll see some things that you will like more, some things you will say "Ah! Why is this in you?" You are still going to see. But the point I'm trying to make you see is that love is that decision. Is that decision to do what you ought to do as against what you feel like doing. Love is that decision to do what you ought to do as against what you feel like doing. So when the person is considerate and good, what do you feel like doing? You feel like submitting. You feel like there will be no conflict. When the person is overbearing, unjust, crooked, unreasonable, what do you feel like doing? [unclear: Ah, ijayin o ni tan loni. You say your head is not correct, me too I'm a madman.] You say "Ah!" And then you will see the wife say, "Look, he doesn't understand. I'm a graduate, I'm a graduate." The other one will say, "I'm the one that married you with my money." And then the thing begin to add and add and add. And they keep thinking the problem is with the other person. No, the problem is with you. It's not with the other person. The point is, you, to love, if you truly love the person, what that thing calls for is still submissiveness. Still do what you ought to do to the person. And that is what it means to love the person. That is, love is patient. Love is kind. Love will not insist on its own way. Love will not be easily provoked. Love—go and look at those things the Bible calls love. You will see that it is actually a decision. What are you patient with? What is doing you good? [Laughter] When they say "love is patient," what are you normally patient with? When they say "brother, be patient, be patient," what is happening? Is it something you are enjoying? [Laughter] No, you are suffering something. You are enduring something. And they say "love is patient." So when you see patience, what is going on? Love. When you see impatience, what is going on? Lack of love. When—[laughter] may the Lord deliver us. May the Lord help us. May the Lord help our relationship. Many times what you call "I love, I love that person" is "I like, I like that person." We always run from the areas of patience. We run from it. From the areas of no insist on our own way, we run from it. The one we are looking for is the one that the good, considerate one and then everybody begin to dance, begin to jump around that one. Once you don't have that, you start seeing lack of love. It's actually "I love him," it's just that "I don't want to be around him." Actually, you know, brotherly love, but you see—you see, we begin to call it wisdom. We begin to look for way to describe our not walking in love. Our not loving our spouses. We begin to create justification. "I'm—[Yoruba language: mo n se suuru ki ija ma baa wa]." We begin to define it in different ways. But the what we are doing is that we are not loving our spouses. We are not walking in love. That's what we are doing. The Scripture gave us a clear, a clear thing that if we truly want to—to—work as Christ worked, this is the way to go. And that is why, why are we calling it loving? It is because that is what the God define as love. He said, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son." He said that is the example. That's why I pick the word of my brother there. That's the example. You want to know what love is? It is when you are reviled, you don't revile back. When you are insulted, you did not insult. Do you truly love your wife? When you have to suffer in—Christ did not do anything. [Yoruba language: Oun to wa nle o se]. You didn't do anything wrong, and yet you are the one that is being blamed for it. And you just leave it to God. What are you doing? You are loving. You are loving. So to know whether you love, that is how to measure love. That is how to measure love. You see what to measure whether you love your spouse, whether you are walking in love? It is when injustice shows up. When that other side of them shows up and then you take it patiently. You take it inwardly. You are not fighting it. You are trusting the Lord. You believe God. You are saying, "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they are doing." You are bearing—you are taking it. You are acting it. You don't think Christ was feeling like, "Oh, it's—" Look, when they were whipping Him and they were putting things and blood was coming out, He was feeling good? It was that—that love was not an affection. He was dying! He was—He was feeling, in fact at a point what did He tell His disciples? He said, "Look, my soul is heavy. If only this cup can—" for you to know that that thing there was not something that is going to be "Wow, it's cozy, it's rosy." What the Bible calls love was not something cozy and rosy. It was suffering. It was dying. It was crying. It was weeping. That's what the Bible calls love. So it is when I have to die for the other person to live, when I have to suffer injustice and I say, "God forgive, he doesn't know what he's—you are doing." That is when I'm walking in love. And that's what I'm talking about. So I what I want us to—what I want us to see is that it is this when it said, "for this is commendable to God," it is this that the Bible use to define husband and wife relationship. "In like manner you wives." [Yoruba language: Oun mo na o lo n so] for the other. That same manner. That's why I said the matter of walking in love transcend husband and wife. It is what we do in our offices. It is what we do to our neighbors. It is what we do. That's why I want to tell you this. The reason why you are having problem in your marriage is because you have never lived a true Christian life before you married. If you have been living that life as a Christian, because to this that you are called. It is to this that you are called. If you don't enter mind saying "my wife is my problem, my husband is my problem," it means you have never understood your calling before you married. You never understood what you were called to. What you were called to is not to like. It's not to have affection for the other person. What you are called to is to love. And you see Christ touch this thing again in another way. He said if you only greet those who greet you, what do you do better than unbelievers? If you only love those who love you, what are you different from sinners? How are you different from sinners? He said but if you do good to those who hate you and you love your enemies, you will now be like your Father. Am I correct? Am I correct? Who makes His sun to rain upon both the good and the wicked? Who makes—you see—so go and be like God. Go and be like your Father. It was because as Christians, we have not been living like our Father when we now enter marriage. We think, eh, we now throw away that Christian life and we now live another—there's no other life to live than the Christian life. It's the Christian life. What I'm trying to make you understand, brethren, what you are calling the problem in your marriage today is not your spouse but you. What you are calling the problem—that's why I said it is not the disagreement that is the problem. It is not the differences that is the problem. That is not where the problem is. Where the problem is is that we are choosing to have affection than to walk in love. Do you notice that he said "in like manner you wives"? What our sister said. And do you know one mistake, and that is what I want to emphasize. She said something. She said, "Hopefully, the person will change." You know why people say "hopefully"? You know, I want to—I want to call something, a very important thing to our attention that most many times we don't see. People normally think God's submission and loving—submission brings suppression. And that is why people define a limit to submission so that it does not bring suppression. But what people are not realizing is that God is not teaching submission as a passive thing. That's what people don't know. When Jesus was submitting to death, it was not a passive thing. "Let's see." No, the Bible says he was looking at the joy that was set before him as he was going through that. When submission becomes a passive thing, you are not working with God. It's not a passive thing. It's an active thing! You know this is what God define. Jesus know there will be a resurrection. Jesus know that there is a joy after it. He was certain of something. God is not speaking to us as believers to enter into loving as a maybe or maybe not. Rather, God is showing us something. He's showing us the way to deal with something. There are two ways to deal with matters of conflict and displeasure. One way to deal with it is the way of fighting it, talking it, dragging it. The other way to deal with it is to understand that it is God that actually changes people and that I'm going to provide the room for God to change this person. So it's not a passive thing. It's an active thing. I'm going to provide the room. You deliberately begin to provide that room so that when Jesus was dying, he was dying deliberately. He knew what he wanted to get. Was that not true? He knew what he was going to get. He knew that he was doing a work. And that's what I—that's what I tell people. You are deliberately working with God on something. You are taking a project up. A project up! And you are working in love because you are working to get a target. But do you know what you do many times? Let me tell you what you do many times. Why people don't get result? Do I tell you what they do? They do what James warned against. James said, "If any man lack wisdom, let him ask God." Said "but let him ask in faith, not doubting. For he who doubt is like the wave, the sea that is carried about by the wind. That man is double-minded. Don't let him think he can receive anything from God." People who practice loving and submission today, they practice it double-mindedly. And they will never receive anything from God. They will now say it is not working. But I am telling you today, this is how God conquered the world. God conquered the world by love. That is how God conquered witchcraft. That is how God—your husband is a witch? God conquered witchcraft by love. That is how God conquered armed robbers. That is how God conquered idol worshippers. What did God use to conquer the world? For God so loved the world. So is your husband a witch? There is something that can conquer him. Or is an armed robber? There is what can conquer him. Tell me one categories of person that God have not conquered through love. Brethren, we—we leave the matter here. But let us go back to our houses, let's go back to our marriage, let's go back to our relationship and understand this matter of walking in love. Walking in love particularly in the face of what? Conflict and displeasure. This is where believers have missed the mark so much today. We have missed this mark and many Christian home is not different from—from the home of non-believers. That is where the matter is today. You say, "I love my husband but," "I love my wife but." There's always this but, but, but, but. If you go and check it, there's this thing in her life, there's this thing in his life. And it has been like that since you married him and for 15, 20 years it has not changed because you have not brought the atmosphere that can change it. There's only one atmosphere. If actually you had brought the atmosphere, your wife would have been better. Your husband would have been better. They would have become better person in marrying you. They would have have an improved version because you keep provide—you are deliberately providing. That's why I tell people that goes into marriage, please before you get married, you need to understand that marriage, for those who enter into it, is the first and primary ministry. That person you marry is the first person to convert and bring to the image and the knowledge of Christ. That person you marry is the first person to—that is the first ministry of perfecting, of becoming, of making that person to become the fullness of Christ. When you say you are in ministry, that's the first ministry. The one you go to preach outside is the second one. If you don't miss our primary—do you know that if you don't miss our primary ministry today, churches will have lesser problem? Because what you call church is a collection of primary ministries. What do you call church? Who gather inside church? Where do they come from? Is it not from the marriage? So if all marriages are running well, will there be problem inside church? It is because we have left the primary ministry. We are all running to secondary ministry. [Yoruba language: A o komon ni ABC, a ti n fe wa maa ko sentence]. That's what we are seeing. We place fellowship and church over the primary ministry. But forget that the people inside that place, you can't be a disobedient wife and be a submissive deacon, deaconess. You can't be an unloving husband and be a loving pastor. Because for God, the being precede the doing. So if we get it right at home, by the time we now meet brethren, when they slap we won't slap back. All of this malice, all of these things in the church will have been less problem. The Lord will help us. The Lord will help us. [Diarization note: check online for questions.] Is there any question online? Please check if there's any—is there anything because we want to close now. You have question online? Do we have question physically? Yes sir. No? Yes! Okay, one question. [Speaker 2] You should have said you have question by 11:30. I said it. You should have maybe written, sent it, we would have answered it actually. But since let's hear you. [Speaker 3] From all that has been said, I want to—the responsibility has been given to everyone, each of us, whether wife or husband. But [inaudible] as Christ—as being this—this thing it has told the woman and a part that most of what you said, like trying to build our marriage together has been presented as the responsibility of a woman. It is not the responsibility of a woman to make sure the whole—like read your Bible, it's not. He said, "Likewise for wife," and then "Likewise again for who? For the husband." [inaudible] it's the woman that's given and own responsible. No, my sister. My sister, what you are saying is because the church have lost its place. [inaudible] that's why we are talking. That's why we are teaching. That's why we are having men submit. That's why we are having things to—that's why this thing need to be correct. You see, the—the society is patriarchal globally. That is, it's a man's world. So the man don't see anything he ought to do. It is the woman that does things. That's what the—the world version of looking at marriage. But that's not the biblical version of it. Some believers, because of this world version, the only thing they quote is, "A wise woman build her house." That is the only word in the mouth of some pastors. But they will never see that the Bible also says, through wisdom a house is built, but understanding it is established. Speaking to the king, that if a king want to build his kingdom, he need wisdom to build his kingdom. He need understanding to establish it. He need knowledge to dress it with precious stones. We won't go to that. You get the point I'm making? In the society that we are in, it is—it's not today. The days of Jesus, people who were caught in adultery, a man and a woman. They said they caught her in the act. Where is the man? Who did they bring for condemnation? The woman. Where is the man that they caught with her? They didn't bring him. If you look at it again, society justify polygyny but condemn polyandry. Society says a man can have many wives, but fight against women marrying many husbands. The man don't want to share. But the Bible says the body of the husband belongs to the wife. The body of the wife belongs to the husband, giving neither of them the liberty to share it. But we said the man can share, the woman cannot. So there are—there are a lot of, for example, the Bible never said the man is the head of the house. It is nowhere in Scriptures. He said the man is the head of the woman. But today we say the man is the head of the house. That's not—that's not in a Christian home. In a Christian home, the man is the head of the woman, Christ is the head of the man, God is the head of Christ. So there is no man that heads the house. The ultimate head of a Christian home is God. So everybody submit under God. That's why He said Christ is the example, everybody submit under him. But we have made the man the head of the house, submitting to nobody. Hope you are getting me. So it's a—it's a societal thing just like, look at immorality. Is it only in the world today? Is it not everywhere inside the church? Look at the lust for money. Is it only in the world today? It's also in the church. So the point, the point is that you must have a clear understanding of something. I want to say it and I'm saying it very deliberately. The way of life is not for majority, it's for few. The majority will not get it right. He said few find it. Number two, to make it that it is actually true, even with Christ, a sower went to sow. The same seed in the heart of men fell on four. Only one was useful, 75 percent was not. So every time we sow the things of the kingdom, the majority don't get it right. And to sum it up, my sister, as you bear the image of the—of the first Adam, we bear the image of the second Adam. Is that not true? Is that not true? What is the image of the first Adam? How did he get his wife? They took a rib from the bone. So the fraction of the bone that was taken in relation to those that was—that was left, look at the ratio. What was taken and what was left? Which one is more? [Speaker 2] The one that was left is far more than the one that was taken. [Speaker 1] It is from that rib that the bride was made. So the bride of Christ is in the body of Christ. A rib will be taken out of this body to form the bride. Majority will not get it right. Hope you are understanding me? Are you understanding point I'm making? So the body of Christ again, the body, this body, the church, the body of Christ is all the local churches, everything put together, it's one body globally. I hope you know that. It's not denominational. It's neither Baptist nor Anglican. It's one body. That body, it is from it that we will take the bride. So don't say, "Majority are doing this." The point is, are you—are you in the rib or in the bones? That's the point I want you to get. That's the point you need to get. At a point I was troubled by this thing. I was saying, "What is wrong? What is going on?" But today I have a better understanding. The way of life is not for the majority. But we must make up our mind to set it right. Brighten that corner where you are. Talk to those that you can talk to. Change those that God brings along your way. I've had opportunity to disciple people along this my own part, that it is not about this, this is societal view, this is biblical view. So and that is the point today. It is the world philosophy. Look at Christian dressing today. What is—what is directing it? Decency or the world? The world. And I can keep picking everything for you. In eating, we don't eat God's way, we eat the world's way. In dressing, we don't—we don't dress God's way, we dress the world's way. We are always—and that's why you see the Bible keep warning us, "Be not conformed to this one." Love not the world. The Bible keep warning us about the world. Because it's our close—it's enemy that our emotions quickly stick to. We go to what we feel, what we like, what we want, as against what we ought. So it's just—it's not only in marriage. I only meant to say that it cut across everything. Let us pray this morning. Brethren, we need to pray. Let's talk to the Lord. Let's just thank God for this time together. Let's thank the Lord for this time together. Let's pray. Let's appreciate God for His mercies. Let's appreciate God for His love. Let's thank Him and above all, just repeat that prayer again: "My relationship will not be barren." I will not be barren in my relationship. Many people are barren in their relationship. Their life is not making their partner a better person. They only pro—they don't provoke to love. They provoke to anger, they provoke to displeasure, they provoke to scattering, they provoke to conflict. Their life is not making things better. Don't pray that your life will not be barren. It's about your life. Forget the other person. You will be judged one by one. Everybody will—everybody will reap what they sow. What are you sowing in your relationship? Everybody will reap what they sow. He said, "Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. Whatsoever a man sow, that is what he will reap." Look, don't begin to think, "If my husband don't change, I will not change. If my wife don't change, I will not change. If that my friend don't change, I will not change. If that one don't change, I will not change." What you don't understand is that you are shortchanging yourself. We will come back to reap what you are sowing. Don't bother about what other—what the other person is sowing. You sow the correct seed. Sow the correct seed. Pray, "God, my life will not be barren. My life—I will not be barren in my walk. I will not be barren in my walk with God. I will not be barren. My life will be fruitful, producing—producing kingdom life. People of—of same mind, growing into Christ, becoming like Him. And people around me becoming like Jesus, not carrying the mentality and the conformity of the world." In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. Thank You, eternal Father. Blessed be Your holy name, our God. In Jesus' name we pray. Let's take the Grace together. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen.