Mf 11th April 2020 My Life My Marriage the Tongue

Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] Hallelujah. Hallelujah. We thank God again for another time in His presence this morning. It has been Him, it is still Him, and it will yet be God. We thank Him for His goodness, for His favor. But for Him, we wouldn't be where we are today. Particularly this season as we talk about the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus. Jesus is indeed the reason for this season, and we are forever grateful for the sacrifice that brought redemption to us. We thank Jesus. We are ever grateful to God. But for Jesus, I just wonder what our life would look like. I just wonder what we would be. I just wonder where we would be. I just wonder what the devil would have made out of our life. All glory, all honor, all adoration to our Lord Jesus Christ. You're welcome again to this month's episode of Family Tent Ministry Marriage Forum. As you connect with us online, everywhere you are, we are welcoming you into this special month of April. The month of April is special because it is the month we of the Christian faith celebrate the resurrection, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. You are welcome to this month's marriage forum, and we believe that it would be a time of blessing to you, to your marriage, to your life, and all of us will be partakers of His divine blessings and His mercies as we fellowship together this morning in the name of Jesus Christ. We want to look into the scripture again. Maybe I should begin like this. Our focus this month of April, we will be commencing a series, a series that may run for several months. Every second Saturday like this, by 10:00 a.m., we want to begin a series. It will run for the number of months that it will run. I cannot say precisely now, but I believe as we journey with the Lord, it will become clearer and clearer as to when we will be coming to an end of the series. The theme for the series is: My Life, My Marriage. My Life, My Marriage. Under this theme, we will be considering various topics. We will be looking at considering, looking at different issues. As you connect with us online, perhaps you have questions, you can also send them and definitely we would respond to them as the time permits for us. Your questions can come in. Remember, it’s a forum. It’s an interactive forum. It’s a teaching time, it’s a discussion time. That is why we are saying that if you have questions, you can send in your question and if you want to be calling us later, by the end of the program, the number on which you can reach us and other information will be passed across to you so that you can later reach us even if you want to reach us after the program. My Life, My Marriage. In beginning with My Life, My Marriage, what is life? What is marriage? My Life, My Marriage. As Christians, we make reference to two kinds of life: the biological existence and the eternal life. Our biological existence and then our eternal life. Eternal life offered in Jesus. When we are talking about His death and His resurrection, where the Bible says in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world and He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in this Son should not perish but have eternal life." So, there is the biological existence and there is the life eternal that is given to man through the death and resurrection of Jesus. As we move on in our discussion, we’ll be making reference to these two forms of life. My life, my biological life, and then the matter of eternal life. My Life, My Marriage. Marriage. For us as Christians, we understand marriage from the perspective of the Bible. For us as believers, marriage originated as an institution from God. It’s an institution that has divine origin, that originated from God. God created Adam and later created Eve and thereafter ordained that a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. It is from this perspective we are looking at marriage. Marriage as ordained by God, as having divine origin. Marriage as an institution involving a male and a female. Marriage, an institution that commences at the point where a man leaves father and mother, receives the blessings of the parents to join his wife, and the two become one. Marriage, we are looking at it from that standpoint. My Life, My Marriage. We are looking at it from that perspective. While there are several definitions for marriage, there are several conceptualizations for marriage, there are several perspectives, philosophical points of view to marriage, we are looking at marriage under this discussion as having divine origin. The divine origin coming from the Almighty God, manifested in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, one God who redeemed mankind through the sacrificial death of Jesus on the cross of Calvary. We are looking at marriage as an institution ordained by God between a male and a female. We are looking at marriage as commencing at the point where the parents bless their children, the man pay dowry as requested by the father or the family of the woman, and the woman becomes his wife. We are looking at marriage from that standpoint. So, My Life, My Marriage. While there are different ways or methods or means by which people enter into marriage today, from the point of our discussion, we are looking at those other means of entry as an aberration. As an aberration. The point we are looking at, we are talking about marriage that commences at the point of parental blessing upon a man, upon their children, and the man pay the dowry to the father or the parents concerned over the lady, and the lady becomes his wife. That is what we are referring to as your marriage. Your marriage. My life, my biological life, eternal life, my marriage. That is the series we want to commence. That is the series we want to start with. And for today, we'll be starting from a very interesting topic. Why we are starting from this topic, I believe as we journey on in this series, I trust that the Lord will grant us life, health, and strength to all continue together. You will be there and I will be there. And you will be able to connect with us more and more online, and we move on together in the name of Jesus. So, I said the topic will be clearer as we move on. We are starting today with the topic: The Tongue. The Tongue. My Life, My Marriage. My Life, My Marriage. The Tongue. The Tongue. And we'll be looking at some biblical references as we navigate this matter of the tongue. The first scripture that I will read is Proverbs 12:18. Proverbs 12:18. Here the Bible says, I'm quoting from the KJV Bible, "There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health." "There is that speaketh like the piercings of the sword: but the tongue of the wise is health." That is Proverbs 12:18. Let me try and read some other translation for you apart from the KJV Bible. Proverbs 12:18. Let’s make it clearer as we read verse 18. I want to read the Amplified translation and the NLT, New Living Translation. Proverbs 12:18, Amplified: "There are those who speak rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." NLT: "Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing." We are talking about My Life, My Marriage. Of course, if a tongue is like the piercing of a sword, you know what a sword is meant for. What is a sword meant for? A sword can be used for several things. But particularly when we talk about sword, we are talking about an instrument that is used for battle. Used for battle. By a sword, a man kill his opponent, a man kills his opponent or he kills an enemy. So, the Bible says the tongue can perform the function of a sword. The tongue can slaughter. The tongue can kill. In relation to My Life, My Marriage, from that scripture we are gathering that there is a way some people speak and in their speaking, they are actually drawing up a sword, and with that sword, they are piercing through their life or the life of their spouse or spouses, or they are piercing through their marriage just through the use of the tongue. So, the tongue, from Proverbs 12:18, is something that can have a direct effect on your life, a direct effect on your marriage, the life of your spouse. The tongue can have a direct effect. Again, I read another scripture, still in Proverbs. I want us to see Proverbs 15:4. Proverbs 15:4. That’s another scripture again that made reference to the tongue. Proverbs 15:4. I read the KJV translation. Proverbs 15:4, the KJV translation says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit." Hallelujah. Don't forget our theme: My Life, My Marriage. "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit." Let me take the Amplified translation. "A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit." Willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit. NLT translation: "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." So, we are looking at something, we are linking them together. My life, the life of my spouse, the life of that person I have a relationship with, the life of my fiancé or my fiancée, that relationship. Number one, we said when the tongue is rash, when the tongue has cutting remark, then it becomes like a sword. A rash tongue is a sword that cuts through the life, that cuts through the marriage. Again, we are looking at perverseness, perversity in the tongue, that can be translated as a deceitful tongue, a lying tongue. A lying tongue, when a tongue lies, when it is perverse, when it is not honest, when it is not truthful, when it is not upright, when it is not sincere, when it is not straightforward. Said perverseness or perversity in the tongue, or what we are looking at in Proverbs 15:4. Now, a wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness or perversity in the tongue is a breach in the spirit, breaks down the spirit. It means when a tongue is sincere, when a tongue is truthful, when a tongue is gentle, when a tongue is straightforward, when a tongue, what is coming out of that tongue is the reality of what is happening, there is no cover up, nothing is hidden, there is sincerity in the tongue, the tongue is upright, the tongue is sincere. The Bible says such a tongue will bring healing. It is health. It is life. It’s a tree of life. We’re talking about the theme: My Life, My Marriage. That life can be sustained, that your life, that your marriage can be sustained by a tongue that is sincere, by a tongue that is gentle, by a tongue that is wholesome, by a tongue, a tongue that is straightforward, a tongue, a tongue that what comes out of it represents the reality of what is going on, a tongue that does not have cover up, a tongue that is not deceitful. But when the tongue is deceitful, when the tongue is not gentle, when the tongue is rash, when the tongue cuts like the piercing of the sword, when the tongue is deceitful, the Bible says it will not be a tree of life. Can we look at the direct opposite of a tree of life, to become a tree of death. So, there is an instrument in you that can directly affect your life and then destroy your marriage. You need your life to run your marriage. But once the life is destroyed, the marriage will die. You need your life. You don't need a broken spirit to run a marriage. You don't need a shattered spirit to run a marriage. You don't need a spirit that has been broken, a spirit that is depressed, a spirit that have been crushed to run a good marriage. You need a spirit that is alive, a spirit that is healthy. Mental health. Of course, that is why you discover that the World Health Organization defines health as not just the absence of diseases, but something that encompasses psychological well-being, physical well-being, social well-being, mental well-being. So, a man may not be having any biological discontinuity, but the person is not healthy because he is depressed, because mentally he is shattered, psychologically the person is broken. Why? Because there was a tongue in that marriage that is rash. There is a tongue in that marriage that is deceitful. There is a tongue in that marriage that cuts through the life. There is a tongue in that marriage that is not wholesome. There is a tongue in that marriage that is not sincere. There is a tongue in that marriage that does not represent the reality of matters. A lot of cover up, a lot of lies, a lot of deceit. It all proceeds from the tongue. And so the people in that marriage, whether the husband, whether the wife, they are not healthy. And because they are not healthy, they cannot run a healthy marriage. I don't see a depressed man running a healthy marriage. I don't see a depressed woman running a healthy marriage. I don't see a man or a woman whose spirit have been crushed by the rash tongue of the husband, or whose spirit have been crushed, a man whose spirit have been crushed by the deceitful tongue of the wife. I don't see them running a healthy marriage. A marriage cannot be healthy. So, what do you expect in that marriage? Instability. What do you expect? Brokenness. What do you expect? Trouble, fight, contention, restlessness. I told you in my earlier post on Facebook, which is just a follow up to what we are discussing today, that we'll be looking at matters that makes the rate of marital instability today to become alarming in our society. Marital instability have become so alarming, so alarming that it has become the concern of researchers, the concern of religious leaders, the concern of families, the concern of the health sector, the private sector, the organized private sector, concern of individuals, concern of government. Because marriage today represent so many things that is not healthy. Marriages today have become wasters of life. You will hear this one, this person stab the wife to death, that person stab the husband to death, this person killed the husband, this person killed the wife. That happened, this happened, this happened. So many troubles, alarming things, worrisome trend in society. And this series that we are looking at, My Life, My Marriage, is actually a voice, lending our voice to this matter of this alarming rate of marital instability among people of all walks of life in society. The religious, the non-religious, the intellectual, the illiterate, the rich, the poor, the seemingly devotees of different religion. The trouble cuts across all walks of life. The trend is alarming. The magnitude is something that calls for concern. And as a ministry that is concerned about the family, we are lending our voice and we are starting a series: My Life, My Marriage. And we are encouraging you, as we're starting the series with the tongue today, continue the series, invite friends, let's look at this matter, send in your questions, call us. We must find a path out of this problem. And I believe that Jesus is the answer for the world today. We believe that Jesus is the answer. We believe it. We are persuaded of that. And we are looking at this matter and we trust that the Lord, our God, will meet with your marriage. Is there trouble in your home? There will be peace. Is there contention? There will be rest. Jesus that we are celebrating His death and resurrection today, made a statement in Matthew 11:28-30. He said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Come, come, come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am meek and lowly in spirit: and ye shall find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." We believe as a ministry, because our ministry is a faith-based ministry and it is the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ. We believe that the peace of Jesus, the rest of Jesus, will rest upon your marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. We are looking at the topic: The Tongue. The Tongue. Under the theme: My Life, My Marriage. Still on the matter of the tongue, I still want to read a scripture, still in Proverbs. Proverbs is that book of practical wisdom where we can learn a lot of things. It’s a book of practical wisdom where we can learn so many things. Now, let’s look again at another verse of the scripture. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21. Proverbs 18:21. Proverbs 18:21. Let’s see that scripture together. Proverbs 18:21. I will read again like as usual, I will read the KJV translation, I will read the Amplified translation, and I will read the New Living Translation. Proverbs 18:21, the Bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." Life and death. Our theme is My Life, My Marriage. That life, whether the biological life or the eternal life, that life, that your marital life, life and death they are also in the power of the tongue. That very tongue in your marriage. Your tongue in your marriage. Life and death are at the disposal of your tongue. Life and death, they are at the disposal of your tongue. Depending on how you use it, you can bring life and you can bring death. Let me read the Amplified translation. It says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]." That is the Amplified translation. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it whether for life or for death. NLT translation: "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Hallelujah. The Bible is just telling us in which direction are you putting your tongue? In which direction are you indulging your tongue? In which direction are you indulging it? In which direction are you using it? But what we are seeing this morning is that My Life, My Marriage has a strong association with what? With your tongue. My Life, My Marriage has a strong association. There is a relationship between your tongue and your life and your marriage. And what is the relationship? The relationship is that the tongue can bring death and it can bring life. In other words, the tongue can either promote life, that your life, it can promote it. It can help it, it can sustain it. And in sustaining your life, it sustain your marital life. It sustains your relationship. It sustains your association. It sustains it. At the same time, death. That same tongue used in another direction can destroy you, can kill your life, and to kill your association, kill your relationship, and kill your marriage. And the Bible says, whichever one you indulge, another translation says those who love to talk. In other words, the one you love doing determines the consequence you get. In other words, those who love to be rash with their tongue, those who love to be deceitful with their tongue, what will they get out of it? They will get the death that is in the tongue. What I’m saying is that that tongue of yours may neither sustain your life nor your marriage. May not sustain your relationship, may not sustain your association just your tongue. Because there is death in it. How do you bring the death? You bring it by your cutting remarks. You bring it by the perversity in it, the deceitfulness, the lies, the hypocrisy, the insincerity. As you bring those things into your life and you bring them, of course if it is in your life, of course it will be in your marriage. That’s why I’ve always believed that until you get a sincere life, you can also not get a sincere tongue in a marriage. It is individual life that transits into the marital life. You can't separate your life from your marital life. So, if a man before he enter into marriage has not been sincere with people, have been deceitful with them, there is perversity in his tongue, he is never straightforward, you can be very sure it is with that same tongue that he will deceitfully get into marriage and it is in that marriage he will also be deceitfully running the marriage. I don't know whether you understand what I’m trying to say. What I’m saying is that life, life cannot be separated. My life, my marriage, they are inseparable. And then my life, my marriage, my tongue, they are inseparable. If there is life in your marriage, it is about your tongue. If there is death in your marriage, it is about your tongue. If there is life in your life, it is about your tongue. If there is death in your life, it is about your tongue. So, the matter is about the tongue. And I said we are starting this series, My Life, My Marriage, with this topic: The Tongue. I don't know for how long this series will run, My Life, My Marriage, but we are starting with the tongue. I’m showing you a very small element of you, a very small part of you that is so vital in your marriage. One small organ, compared to the hand, the leg, the total size of the body. Look at the ratio of the tongue to the total size of your body. I believe as we go on, this matter will be clearer when we get to the New Testament, what we’ll be looking into this matter more and more. But we are making you to see something very practically, that life and death they are in the power of the tongue. Depending on how you guide the tongue, also determine the consequence that you get. So, your life, your individual life, your marriage, your marital life, your association, your relationship, that your life in it is sustained or destroyed by your tongue. By your tongue. So, how are you using your tongue? So, let's see what the Bible says finally in that same Proverbs as we look at the last scripture in that Proverbs. I want us to see Proverbs 21:23. Proverbs 21:23. Let's see that scripture together before we go to James. Before we go to James. Proverbs 21:23. I will read the KJV translation. It says, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." I pray you will be wise with your tongue. I pray your tongue will not trouble your soul. I pray your tongue will not trouble your marriage. Your tongue can trouble your soul and when your soul is troubled, your marriage will be shaken. Your tongue can trouble the soul of your spouse. And when you trouble the soul of your spouse, of course you are troubling your marriage. What I’m trying to say is this. With that very tongue of yours, you can be standing against God. You know the Bible says something. "A man shall leave father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one." (Genesis 2:24). You remember how we defined marriage during our conceptual clarification. Say a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. That is what we call marriage. That is what we mean by marriage under our discussion. Another thing else is different. And it said they are no longer two, they are one. "Whatsoever God had joined together, let no man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6). Now, what I’m saying is this. Your tongue, your own tongue can be putting your marriage asunder. Your own tongue. I’m not talking about the tongue of your spouse. I’m talking about your own tongue. Bible did not say the tongue of your spouse. It say your tongue. Of course, your spouse also have her own tongue or have his own tongue, whichever way the case may be. Or your fiancé or your fiancée. That your association. It says, "Whosoever keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." And when you keep your soul from trouble, you keep your marriage from trouble, you keep your home from trouble, you keep your family from trouble, you keep your children from trouble, you keep the whole of your life from trouble. Amplified puts it in a way that is very, very interesting. It says, "He who guards his mouth [and his tongue] keeps his soul from troubles." Mind you, the tongue already has a guide. If you want to bring some sense of humor to our discussion, you see how God place the tongue between thirty-two teeth like a chain around it so that it does not just go out anyhow. As if something should chain it down. God did not stop there. He put the lips again. So, there are two gates, gate one, gate two that you must open before the tongue can come out. Maybe God is trying to say be careful with this tongue. Even biologically. That is just a sense of humor anyway, which is not written in the Bible anywhere. But I want to say that there seem to be two gates before you get the tongue. You need to open the lips, you need to open the teeth to get the tongue where it is secured. And it’s so important. Bible says that he who guards his tongue, the person who guards his tongue, who guards his mouth and his tongue, keeps his soul from trouble. So, there is a need to guard. There is a need to guard. And what are you guarding against? I believe you can put our discussion in perspective now from where we started. What are we guarding against? You remember where we started. What are the things? A rash tongue. A tongue that have cutting remarks. A tongue that speak like the cutting of a sword. Remember what we are guarding against. A perverse tongue, perversity in the tongue. A tongue that is not sincere, a tongue that is not upright, a tongue that is not truthful, a tongue that is not real. It does not say what it means, it does not mean what it says. A tongue that cannot be trusted. You remember when a tongue cannot be trusted, it becomes a tree of death. When a tongue is rash, you remember, it breaks the spirit. When the Bible says he that keeps his mouth and his tongue, the Bible is saying he that keeps his mouth and his tongue from cutting remark and from insincerity. He that keeps it, he that guards. You are making sure when you want to talk, you are making sure it is not rash, you are making sure it is sincere. What you are saying is the truth and the whole truth and nothing but the truth. In dealing with your spouse, in dealing with your children, in dealing in your association, in your relationship, you are sincere, you are truthful, you are upright. You are guarding that. You are making sure any time I open my mouth to speak, I’m not rash. It is not cutting. It is not a cutting remark. It is not speaking like the piercing of a sword. You know the way they use sword in battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyhow, anyway. Hit to the front, hit to the back. That is how some people speak. That is how some men are in their marriages. That is how some wives are in their marriages. That is how some young men and some young women are. And then somebody will be wondering, "Why am I not able to keep my relationship?" How will you keep your relationship? How will a man even stay, stay with you in a long relationship? One, two, three times the person associates with you, all you can bring is death. So, we are looking at this matter and we are carefully evaluating it. The Bible says, "He that guards his tongue." The person who guards it, the person who keeps it, the person who watch over it, "keeps his soul from trouble." What are the troubles? We have mentioned them earlier. What’s the first trouble? He that speaks like the piercing of sword. What is that kind of a tongue? Bible says it crushes the spirit of the spouse. Your tongue can bring depression. Your tongue can bring mental imbalance. Your tongue can make the other person to commit suicide. Your tongue can kill the spirit of the second person so that by the time you want to use the other person, the other person is already dead inside because of the way you use your tongue. You can save yourself all of these trouble. What is the other thing? You can save yourself the trouble of your tongue being a tree of death. That is the fruit people eat from that tongue is death. You can save your marriage, you can save your home, you can save your children, you can save your association, your relationship. You can save them all of these trouble if you will guard your tongue. And quickly, I want us with this background in Proverbs, I want us to now see one of another of our main text for today. Let’s go to the book of James. Another of our main text for today. With all of this background from the book of Proverbs, let’s see another of our main text. Let’s see something there in the book of James. If you look at James 1:26. James 1:26. The Bible says, the KJV version, "If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain." Amplified translation: "If anyone thinks himself to be religious [piously observant of the external duties of his faith] and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person’s religious service is worthless (futile, barren)." Do you understand what we are trying to say at all? When you see a man that is, that looks religious, when you see a pious observant, a preacher, Bible study teacher, prayer, choir mistress, choir member, deacon, deaconess, pastor, reverend, GO, call them anything. Look for any religious person who looks pious, holier than thou, "I know what I’m doing." When you see such a man, the Bible says if that man does not bridle his tongue, the Bible says that man is deceiving his own heart. In other words, that man is thinking he is religious, but he is a fool, he is not religious. He is deceiving himself. And you know the greatest deception is to be deceiving yourself. Because who will deliver you from yourself? When you think you are religious, when you think you are pious, when you think you are holy, you think you are godly, you think you are somebody who is observant of the external duties of your religion. I just remember that Pharisee who said, "I paid my tithe regularly." "I pay my tithe regularly. I'm not like this worthless sinner." And he said so many other things about religious duties. I don't know what the religious duties are. But the Bible is saying that if you see a man who is seemingly religious, if you see such a man who is seemingly religious and that man, let’s just take two things about bridling the tongue that we discussed at the beginning of this meeting. What’s the first thing about bridling the tongue that we discuss? The first one is tongue that speaks as the cutting of a sword. Tongues that are rash. Tongues that make cutting remarks. Number two, what’s the other thing about an unbridled tongue that is not bridled? A tongue that has what? Perversity. A tongue that is not sincere, a tongue that is not truthful, a tongue that is not upright, a tongue that you cannot trust. The brother is saying, the brother is saying, "You know, I’m not there," whereas he had been there five, six, seven, eight times. He saying, "No, I don't know anything about it," whereas he knows everything about it. He’s saying, "No, I didn't mean to do it," whereas he meant to do it. He’s saying, "No, I don't really understand." "I don't understand." Whereas he understand the whole thing. The Bible says, do you see a man that does not keep his tongue? Have you seen a man that cannot guard his tongue? No matter, no matter how religious he may describe himself, the Bible says the religion of that man is barren, is futile, is worthless, is vain. And I know sometimes when there are issues between a man and his wife, you will see that both parties, when you speak with the first party, the first party will speak in a way that he looks like the saint in the marriage. By the time he will describe what happened, he will tell you the effect and the aftereffect of actions and counter-actions. Oh, you will say this man is innocent. By the time you call the other person to also describe what happened, the presentation of the matter, you'll be wondering, who do we believe? Where is the missing link? But what the Bible is saying is this. No matter how pious you seem to claim, no matter how godly you seem to claim, no matter how pious a man want to claim he is, if the matter we are discussing in a marriage is about rashness of tongue, is about perversity in the tongue, then there is a problem. There is a problem. There is a problem with the tongue. No matter how innocent people want to claim they are. So, we are looking at a scripture in James. It says, the NLT says, "If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless." If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, your religion is worthless. And can I also make you to understand what that implies from what we have been discussing? Your life is worthless, your marriage is worthless. We move on. We are looking at this matter of the tongue. This matter of the tongue. And we are just journeying through these books of the Bible carefully, diligently, trying to look at this matter of My Life, My Marriage, which is our theme, and our topic for today: The Tongue. And we are looking at the relationship between the tongue and the marriage. Between the tongue and the life. Or your tongue and your marriage and your tongue and your life. Now, can we move still in the book of James? I want us to look at something again in chapter three. Chapter three. Not chapter two. Chapter three. I want us to look at something in chapter three. Having noted in chapter one that what? What did James note in chapter one? A man religion is vain if he does not bridle his tongue. Coming to chapter three, he now took time to address the matter. He said, "My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation." I will come back to this verse one of chapter three later. "For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." (James 3:1-2). Amplified: "Not many [of you] should become teachers [self-constituted censors and reprovers of others, not just teachers of the Word], my brethren, for you know that we [teachers] will be judged by a higher standard and with greater severity [than other people; thus we assume the greater accountability and the more condemned]. For we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. And if anyone does not offend in speech [never says the wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature." NLT: "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we teachers will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way." (James 3:1-2). Are you looking at scripture? You want to give us Yoruba translation of that thing? Okay, let's have it. [speaking in Yoruba] Do you understand what we are trying to say? The tongue. That’s our concern. Now, in our concern about the tongue, the Bible is making us to see something very, very clear. And that is why some times back on my Facebook and on the ministry group page, I noted something there. I noted something in on the group page. And that also I tried to put it together in such a way that we could all we could all, maybe I should read what I wrote as we continue this morning. I wrote something a few days ago, a few days back, and I want us to just look at that together. I wrote something for the benefit of us all as I studied this aspect of the scripture some days ago, and my mind was called to some issue about it. Okay, I couldn't easily get that now. Let's just continue. Now, the Bible is saying in this place that indeed, indeed we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. In many things, in many, many, many things. In many things we often offend. I will get to that. I will get to this many things later. In many things we often offend. Not only in the tongue. In many things we often offend because of our frailty, our human weakness, our nature. In many things we offend. Why you are trying to think that you can judge the other person and you can just talk anyhow to that other person, the Bible wants you to know that several times you too have offended that person. In many things we offend all. In many things we cannot claim to be innocent. We cannot claim that you don't get people angry. Let me give you a good example sometime. Sometime, somebody talk to you, you just got angry. "Ah, no, I was just trying to look look look, I'm not in a good mood, the way it makes me, I did not just like it and that's just how I feel about it." You know that that same thing, several times you too, you have said something to somebody and the person says, "Look, look, what are you trying to say? Do you understand me?" In many things we offend all. In many things we cannot claim that he can stand as a judge over others. The judge in this sense is that he can stand as somebody who have not in any way wrong others. So that in your handling of discussion with people, in your handling of your issues with people, you need to bear in mind that we all often offend. We all often make mistake. We all often offend people. Thank you, I've seen that thing now. Let me just read to us. I said, "Good morning, family members. How is the home front? I decided to share my meditation particularly with couples, then all others. I want you to realize that those who with extreme rigor magisterially reprove others, pretended a zeal for perfect holiness, but they ought to have begun with the tongue. If they wish to be perfect, as they made no account of bridling the tongue but on the contrary did bite and tear others with it, they display only a surreptitious uprightness. It is therefore evident that they are the most blameworthy of all, because they neglected the primary virtue of bridling their tongue." We will be looking more into this during marriage forum this coming Saturday, which is today, by 10:00 a.m. Join us. What we are trying to say is that people who with extreme rigor, why are we picking extreme rigor from now? Speaking as the piercing of the sword. People who speak rashly. People who just talk anyhow to people. People who just, because they think that somebody has done wrong, and so because he has done wrong, let me say something to bring his head right. You know we all have... and so you also cook your revenge. You cook it, you cook it. So that by the time you give the person, his head will just be straight. If it is your wife, the madness will just disappear. That is what you think. But you forget that the Bible said, "be slow to speak, slow to anger, quick to hear." For the wrath of man don’t work the righteousness of God. It will work something, but you will not work God's righteousness. It will work. The person may stop doing the thing, but don't forget that a rash tongue is also just crushes the spirit. You will have gotten what you want, but be ready for the consequence because you have also sown a seed of death. It is later when you begin to see the manifestation, you won't know that it was the the rash language that you spoke some one month ago. Myself and a brother were discussing something, and he said there was a brother who strive, who strive and strive and strive and strive, he did a lot of labor, a lot of labor, a lot of labor, a lot of labor, a lot of labor, and then became like the the mainstay of the family. And at the point where he was to enter into the fullness of his labor, he suddenly died. Then they began to make consultation here and there, consultation, ah, what kind of thing is this? You know, church people, the family too made some traditional consultation and all of that. Only for them to discover that it was one time that the mother spoke rashly to the young man that... whether the mother or the father, that at the point where you want to enter into the fullness of your blessing then you will be cut down. The family want to enjoy the young man now. But a tongue that was something that was said at one point because somebody was angry. Somebody was angry. You see, I am trying to make a point that the rashness of the tongue, the Bible is saying that we all often offend, we all often make mistakes, and we often offend all. Which means that you offend different people at different times. You make some things, some mistakes here and there. Mistake is human. You see it here and there, here and there, here and there. So, it should not bring something that has to do with the rashness, extreme rigor, extreme rash languages, cutting the cutting of the sword, start speaking anyhow to correct, to instruct and to make right. It says for we all often offend. However, it says, "If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." It now makes us to see that although we all often offend, the most vulnerable place, the most vulnerable aspect of us that bring offense is our tongue. Our hand can offend people. Our eyes can offend people. Our dressing can offend people. Our behavior can offend people. Do you understand? But where we cause problem most, where the real issue is, the most that aspect of us where harm is mostly done is in the tongue. The place where harm is mostly done in any marriage, in any relationship, is where? Is in the tongue. Is in the tongue. The tongue. That is why it says that "if any man will not offend in word." If he can bring everything that in his life, in his home, in his relationship, he does not say a wrong thing with his tongue. Ah, then every other part of the body, what has happened? He has been able to manage every other thing. Which means once the tongue can be captured, the tongue is the primary thing that gives outlet for all the others. When you are angry, where is this expressed? The anger, the anger will be there, the anger will be there. Where you want to expression your anger, where do you come to? The tongue. When you are bitter, where do you come to? The tongue. Some of you did like this. You did not see it as stretching finger because among Yoruba they believe that it means your mother or your father. That's our belief. You know what we call symbolic interaction in sociology. It's a symbol. You are interaction with... the tongue. The tongue. The tongue is the medium. If you ever do something that is not just very good, the next thing... the tongue. You find that what you can, once you can pull the tongue, all the inside you that keep on like this, if you can say the right thing, you would have controlled your anger. If you are still angry and you can still say the right thing, it means you control that anger. If you cannot control the anger, you will not be able to say the right thing. So, if you are somebody annoying you, the person is annoying you, and you want to talk, if you have controlled the anger, you will say, "Look, I don't like this thing that you are doing. You know, it's making me angry. I don't like it." It is because you have controlled the anger. If the right thing can come out of your mouth, all the tension inside, they have been caged. Once you cannot cage them, you will see. Where will they come out from? The tongue. Where the wife cannot beat the husband, [singing in Yoruba]. You see she is singing alone, but she knows what she is singing about. What is she firing? She is firing the husband. Do you understand me? I was listening to an issue between a man and his wife, and the woman said every time there is a problem, then the morning devotion will be centered on the misbehavior of the wife that led to that problem. Even though we’ll be praying even if the devotion is on prayer, the husband will turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it, and bring it to that thing. If it is John or Matthew, that topic, that morning devotion will come to that problem, that thing that the wife did. So, the wife too now say okay, no problem. Every time too she has to share, she will also turn it, turn it, turn it. Are they doing devotion? They’re not doing devotion. They are not doing devotion. But where are they taking revenge? What is showing that they have not dealt with themselves is the tongue. The tongue is revealing that they have not handled themselves. That’s why the Bible says that if any man can eventually say the right thing, that person have been able to cage all other aspect of himself. If any man, something has happened and the man just speak anyhow and just talk anyhow with extreme rigor, no minding... and then he has done all that. Say no, [speaking in Yoruba]. What the Bible making us to see? That man religion is vain. If he is if he is really, really, really spiritual, if his life is really correct as he is thinking, it should have begun from where? With the tongue. There should be no rashness in the tongue. That’s what the Bible is saying. For you to know that somebody is mature, he begins with how he even brings the correction. That is why you will notice, because some people have said that why did Jesus say that "Judge not that you be not judged." "Condemn not that you be not condemned." Jesus said we should not condemn. Jesus said we should not judge. But you notice that that place is addressing something. People don't go through the whole context of that reading. Say, "Why do you say to your brother, let me remove this speck in your eye, when you have not removed the log in your eye?" What is the log in the eye? The log in the eye is that you are standing as a judge. That’s why you notice that Paul, it’s not that we don't correct mistake, but the Bible has is addressing something about the use of the tongue. You will see that, please I'm we are reading James is our main text but I want to make reference to something in Galatians. Galatians chapter six. Are you there? I read verse one. King James says, "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." Amplified: "Brethren, if any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should also be tempted." NLT: "Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself." Are you seeing something about fault? What we are trying to say that when there is a fault, this thing is even addressing sin. But when he is talking about we all often offend, he’s not talking about sin. Offense differs from sin. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? What’s the difference between offense and sin? Let me just quickly say something about that. You see, some things in which we will make people get angry is because of our human frailty, our human weakness, our nature. You understand? Our human tendencies. It is not necessarily sin. For example, that my wife when she want to talk to the children, talk with a loud voice. There is no way in the Bible where the Bible says I don't talk with a loud voice. Do you get what I’m trying to bring out? Or my my husband does not give response on time. When I say what do we do? For one week I’m still waiting for him. After one week he’ll now come and give answer. "I hate this thing. I want immediate response." It’s just a tendency. That’s an offense. It’s not a sin. Like if you want to pick my own, one of my own guilt after of several, is forgetfulness. "Help me get this thing done." "I've heard." Then they will call you again, "Don't forget." "Ah, I can't forget." Then I will get to the house. "What of the thing?" "Oh, oh, oh! I meant to do it oh, but when I got there, I received a phone call." Is that the issue? Instead of saying I'm sorry. You are still explaining why you... Somebody call you twice on a matter, you are still explaining that you received a phone call that's why you did not... Is that an is that... I don't know if you understand me. Those are offenses. But they are not sin. Like I remember one time when a brother was speaking with us, said one offense of his wife is that every time the wife leaves the bedroom he will not close the door of the bedroom and he wants the bedroom door to always be closed. I remember the offense of one wife, the wife was not working, the husband was working. When she wanted to use toothpaste, he would take from the beginning to the brush, beginning of the brush to the end of the brush. That was the offense of the wife. And the husband was angry. "Look, I'm the one working. Let's look, we are not you are not yet working. Let's let's minimize let's minimize waste in this house. This is not the way to use toothpaste. You just put small. Isn't it just to wash your teeth?" The wife was angry. "Me wasting things? How is the way to use toothpaste? Is just to put small?" The wife said no. "The way they use toothpaste is beginning to the..." The husband said no, "That's not the way they use toothpaste. That's wasting it. If you put small..." and it became a matter. What is that? It's just an offense. And what is causing offense? Different upbringing. Is that not it? The husband was brought up in a family where they would just put it down and he is used to that. He is used to that. The wife was brought up in a family where they put the thing from beginning to the end. So the wife was wondering why the way they use it is like that. The husband said no, it’s like this, it’s like this. It was because of their background. And before you know it, the husband said even Jesus when He provided bread and they could not finish eating it, they gathered the rest that should be no way. And the wife answered, "Our God has supply our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." It became spiritual matter. But what is what is the problem? And before you know it, big big big counselors were called oh to come and reconcile them on the matter of toothpaste, how it used to be used. Those are not sin. Those are just offenses. Those are mistakes. If the husband was to be wise, he would just know that it's because of my upbringing. Your own is right, my own is right, but please what of we use in this house? Maybe we should take it to half so that our salary can go through. I don't know whether you understand me. And they would have reconciled themselves and the home would have been peaceful. Or the wife would have said, "Okay, okay, okay. Since there is no much money now, maybe we should be using your style. When I now start work, we’ll increase to my style." Whichever way, you know, there are different ways to reconcile that matter. Unlike trying to... what was the problem? Somebody have a log in his eyes. He felt his own is what? Superior. That’s what Jesus was addressing when He said do not condemn others. Do not judge others. First remove the log in your eye. The log of what? Of superiority complex. Of this magisterial, "I know what I'm saying. I know what I'm doing." This issue of rightness, superiority. People who do that, it's wrong. And how does it show itself with the tongue when we want to correct? It show itself with rashness. You talk with offense as if you are talking about sin. Offense is offense, it’s not even sin. But when it came to the matter of sin, even when it is sin, the brother stole, that is a sin. God said we should not steal. The brother lied, that is a sin. God said we should not sin. The brother committed fornication, that is a sin. That is not an offense, it’s a sin. He says even if a brother is overtaken with a sin, not offense now, when we want to correct, it is those people who are spiritual, [speaking in Yoruba], not the one that will just come and talk anyhow. Say let those who are spiritual, who are mature, let them come to restore him. And when they are doing it, they should do it in the spirit of meekness. Do you know what that means? You know what he called the spirit of meekness? Meekness sometimes some persons say meekness as humble. Please it's not correct. Meekness is not being humble. Meekness is not being revengeful. You are not revengeful. You know sometimes a brother commit fornication and that brother is a brother who have been very, very active in church, and you have been envious of him. "He only behaves as if he is the only one in the choir. Every time he is singing a solo, singing a solo." The brother may not be doing show off. May just be serving his God passionately. But you are just the envious person. Or maybe when the brother preaches sometimes, some of his messages they prick your soul. And instead of repenting, "I know, it is my case he's referring to. He's talking to me." Brother didn't know anything about you. But maybe maybe the brother offend in one thing and you happen to be those that will talk. Then you want to talk, you want to you want to bring your revenge. You want to talk to spite. You want to talk to wound. That is the meekness. "You should not come with... you should come with meekness. You should come with a spirit that comes to restore. It is for the health, the benefit of the brother that you are speaking. It's not to do show off." Some people at some time... you want to you want to bring some comparison to make you know one one wickedness in man is trying to score a point in their brother's failure. It’s wickedness. You want to score a point in the failure of your brother. That’s why you want to score your point. And so that’s what talking about this meekness. This meekness. So, he said let them restore in the spirit of meekness. And when they are doing it, they should do it with what? Considering themselves, because they also can be tempted, they can fall into the same thing. So, what is that place telling us? That a brother fall does not mean he is the worst of all. If we too don't consider ourselves, we can do what? We can also fall. But what is addressed in Galatians is what? Sin. What is James is addressing is what? Offense. He says in many things, not many of you should want to be this magisterial spirit wanting to talk down others, wanting to talk anyhow to people, wanting to rebuke, correct, and sometimes you see the husband, you see the wife, you see it in marriages, you see it in homes. She has done something and you want to show that yes, I will take I will take my own pound of flesh. [speaking in Yoruba] and all those kind of spirit. He says in many things, we often offend. We often offend. And why is why is it that we often offend? Because we all have tendencies. Is that not true? Is that not true? We all have tendencies. And sometimes like Yoruba will say, [speaking in Yoruba]. So, you are not trying to annoy the person. It's just your own way of doing things and the person is angry. You just may love singing and the person says, "Look, you are disturbing in this house. I don't like this thing. Can't you sing inside your heart?" It's just your own way. It's your own tendency. Do you understand me? Just your own way of doing things. You like salt to be a little more in the soup. The other person don't like salt at all. He doesn't want to feel the salt. And you cooked the thing, you brought it. You have already offended. Have you not offended? If it is the wife that cook the soup, [speaking in Yoruba]. Nonsense. "If you want to cook for me..." She just offended, she's not a sinner. It's just her own way of doing things, the other person own way of doing things. "Oh, my dear, my husband..." Ah, but what can we do on this matter of salt? Can we reduce it? There are ways to put things. She has not sinned. It's just an offense. An offense comes from tendencies, it comes from... Do you understand me? And we all have tendencies. In my own house, until the before I left my parents' house, my offense was that I wake up everybody in the morning. Because I don't know how once I pray slow, I will be sleeping. So, I must be shouting not to sleep. So, everybody by once it is four, the whole house will have... [speaking in Yoruba]. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I meant to do it oh. Okay, okay, I will try, I will try." By the time you bring me again the second time when I want to pray in the same morning. After after some time everybody got used to me in the house. One day when a new one of my brothers were talking, say, "Ah! One thing that he can he will never forget is that you must everybody must wake up by four in this family." But it was just my way of doing things. But it was becoming an offense to some people. That was when I learned how to go away from people when I want to do devotion. But it was just my way of doing things. In many things we all offend. So, if any man does not offend in word, in your relation in your handling people, in your speaking to people, then that person is a perfect person. And what we are trying to say, therefore, is that it becomes so crucial in any relationship, it becomes so evident in any relationship, that one thing, one thing that the husband and the wife must understand, one thing we must understand in every relationship, is that we must abhor what? This magisterial spirit. This rebuking people with extreme rigor. With extreme talking sharply, sharp remarks. The Bible says it breaks... it does what? It’s like the cutting of the sword. It breaches the spirit. It quenches, it breaks spirit. Once you want to achieve, you may not necessarily achieve it because you will be causing other problem. You’ll be causing other problem. This is very, very important. And the Bible says that one way, one way to know that we are really becoming spiritual and mature is how much we can remove a cutting tongue from our life. How do you know you are getting mature in your relationship with your spouse? How do I know I'm maturing? I think it was in this meeting one day I talk about the news I heard on the radio. It was over who charge his phone first. His or her phone first. They brought light. They have not been light, NEPA brought light. I heard it on the radio. I think they said it happened in Katsina state. They brought light. There was just one charger. The husband wanted to charge first. The wife said no, I should charge first. The husband wanted to charge first. No, I should charge first. No, I charge first, I will charge first. The long and short, the wife stabbed the husband to death. In during interrogation, police of course, it has become a murder case so police, the wife said no, they brought light oh and he said, she said, he said, where are the things coming from? That great storm that took the family began with what? The use of words. That storm that swept the family away. The wife now is a widow on who will charge first. The children have become fatherless on who will charge first. I guess on that would I charge first? Ah, somebody said no, I don't know, I'm not there. Ah, I bought this thing. It's with my money. Say, "and so what? Am I not your wife? You married me to come and enjoy your things with you." I don't know how the thing went. They went and went and went. The wife said it was the husband who first took the knife to kill her. Because he was angry when he was arguing with him. So, when he ran in to bring the knife because he was angry because they were both arguing, then the she took the sword, the knife from the husband in to defend herself, she mistakenly killed the husband. That was what she said. What I’m trying to bring out is this. The tongue. The tongue. How are you using it? How am I using it? How are we using our tongue in our home? Is your tongue crushing the spirit of the other person? So you can see that your tongue, your life, your marriage, they are tied together. But in many things we offend all. We will meet next on this matter. We'll be looking into that verse two more and more. Saying in many things we offend all. How do we how do we relate to this matter, both in the use of the tongue and how we behave in our marriage, our actions and our tongue? In many things we offend all. How do you how do you relate this? What is the implication of this our life and our marriage? Relate it now to our life and our marriage. And I pray your life and your marriage will experience the peace that Jesus brings, will experience the rest that Jesus brings in the name of Jesus Christ. Let's have a word of prayer. I want us to say something to God. Let us pray. Let us ask the Lord to help us. Let us ask the Lord to help us. The Lord has spoken to me, the Lord has spoken to us all. Let us ask the Lord to help us as we make up our mind to make our tongue speak forth life and not death. Oh Lord, help us. There is no other, there is no alternative than this, that our tongue speak life. And all that it requires, all that we need to be this, oh Lord, you will work it in us and through us to the glory of your name, the blessing of our life, of humanity, of our marriage everywhere we are. So that by the word of our mouth, the fruit we bring out, men will see that we are His disciples indeed. Help us, Lord. In Jesus' name we pray. Heavenly Father, we are grateful unto you for your word that is spoken to us again. Unto your hand, oh Lord, we commit ourselves. Bible say you send your word, it heals and deliver us from all our afflictions. There is no greater affliction than the affliction of sin, and Jesus has delivered us from this. And if you can freely give us Jesus, what what can't you freely give us with him? You will freely give us the strength to live, to use our tongue rightly in the name of Jesus. Oh Lord, we are yours. Cause the fountain of life which is life, truth, the word of God, meekness, gentleness, all the fruit of the Holy Spirit, let this virtue, Lord, flow from within us in Jesus' name. Lord, we bring our tongue under your control as we also submit to you, Lord, in the name of Jesus. Father, beyond this point, as you burden our hearts yet to pray more and to also meditate more on your word that is spoken to us, we pray, Lord, that we will see you in a new way. That Lord, this word will become flesh in us and will become us and we will live it out in Jesus' name. We give all the glory, Lord. Thank you for your son that you've used. We pray, Lord God Almighty, that the source from which he draws from will not be corrupted in Jesus' name. And we know this fountain of living water never go dry, cause her to continually drink from you, Lord, in Jesus' name. Father, we give all the glory. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. We also want to use this opportunity to tell our brethren here and those everywhere hearing us that Family Tent Ministry is not a church-based ministry but is an avenue through which God ministers to homes, youth, families, and as many the Lord will touch. And we this we have our program, different programs. We have every Monday, we have a discipleship class. Every Monday by 5:00 p.m. It is also online, we transmit it live. We enjoin you to join us. Every first Saturday of the month, we have our singles and adolescent club, 10:00 a.m. too. And every second Saturday like this, today is second Saturday of April, every second Saturday of the month, we also have our marriage forum, that which we have taken today. Then we also enjoin you to join us on our website, www.familytentministry.org. By the grace of God as you go through this go attend this program or also go through our messages online, the Lord will bless you richly in the name of Jesus. And by this same meeting will be broadcast by 5:00 p.m., rebroadcast by 5:00 p.m. today. So do good to link up with us to the website, and the Lord will bless you richly in Jesus' name. Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. [Music]