Mf 14th Sept 2019 the Love of Marriage

[Speaker 1] Since July, second Saturday in July, we were looking at personal liberty and the use of love. In August, we took a different dimension of securing your life and your marriage. And today we want to try and see if we can close the curtain today as we look at enduring love. Enduring love, love of commitment, anyhow you put it. Enduring love or love of commitment. I will try to close the curtain on this matter of love. But let me give us the benefit of saying one or two things. Two of us that were around for that of August. Who want to say one or two things? Tolulope, you were around for that of August? You are not. [Speaker 2], were you around for that of August? Can you tell us one or two things about it? Any way you wish you were blessed. Or what was the major blessing to you if you don't want to repeat the whole lesson? [Speaker 2] It made me look at personal liberty in a sense of enduring life and looking at the fact that what I lay down... if I use my personal liberty for my benefit, I use much more. And if I use it to serve others, I will be dwelling in God. And then by dwelling in God, I have more to do than if I said, "this is mine, this is me." And then I will be exposed to that. [Speaker 1] That's true. That's true. Do you have one or two things you want to contribute or you want us to move on? [Speaker 3] Let's just move on. But for me, what I have to lay down cannot be compared to the benefit. What I have to lay down to serve, whether my spouse or others around, it's not compared to the benefit that I have to get or the reward that I have to gain for laying down. I have more to gain. If you are thinking of, "do I have to sacrifice this much?" That much that you are thinking is nothing compared to what we have to gain at the long run. [Speaker 1] That much that we are thinking in laying down for our spouses is nothing compared to what we stand to gain. That thing that looks so much is actually not much if you compare it. Because sometimes it looks so much to us, but in reality what we stand to gain when we are in a relationship by not living for ourselves, by living for the other person, is so much more. In fact, it is far greater compared to what we may be sacrificing. And today, even though we are starting a little late because of so many reasons—the road, majorly the road, because I experienced it myself. It took me about an hour to navigate roadblocks to this place. But I will still try to see how we still finish for 12:00. It is ten to 12:00. Even if we have to go beyond that five or ten minutes, I still want us to have like a ten to 12:00 meeting so that people can plan their day and do other things with their day. Let me, I hope you know that God himself has a sense of humor. Who knows that? [Yoruba phrase]. God has a sense of humor. Sometimes God does some things and you just wonder. Now look at it like this. How long is the marriage life? How long is the marriage life? Till death. So how long, the number of years that we spend in marriage? Nobody can say. Okay. If two people are together for about 30 years, some for 40 years, abi? [Background noise: audience response] Okay. But we want to assume a lifespan of 80. Or let us use my father's own since he left two weeks ago. He left at 96. Let us assume that somebody is to live for 90 or for a hundred. How long is the married life? [Background noise: audience laughter] It depends on when you get married. Okay, so you have given one answer. Married life is shorter than lifespan. But we want to get how long is the married life. That life of being married. We want to check how long it is. So for some people, some may marry at 50. So 50 may just be the married one, abi? Some at 25. So the remaining 75 they will be married, isn't it? Some at 13. Now let us look at it. Let us imagine the person who got married, expects to live for a hundred, and the person got married at the age of 25, an average, after his first degree and everything, masters, PhD, if the person wants to do all education. Maybe he finished everything by 25 and then the person settled down to get married. If he marries at that age, how long is the married life? If the person is to die at 100, how long? 75 years. If you calculate by the law of time, it is 75. But in the actual sense, it is far lower than 75. In the actual sense, it is far lower than 75. Let us look at it. Of that 75 years, let us assume the medical hours of sleeping. The person is to sleep for eight hours of a day. That is one-third of a day. So you remove one-third of 75. Because at that time, he is not with his spouse, he is just sleeping. So it remains 50. It remains 50. Only when he is touching each other when they are sleeping. But there is no interaction. He is not making any sacrifice. He is not trying to love. He is just asleep. Just minus the daytime siesta. I just say let us assume the medical time of eight hours so that we can be able to calculate. 25 years will be gone. Are we together? We said if he married at 25, expects to live for 100, if we remove 25 years, a quarter of that 75, it will remain 50. Then we remove another eight hours of work every day. We work most of the time 8:00 to 4:00. Eight hours every day off. Tolulope, you need to arrange more chairs. [Background noise: sound of chairs moving] Daddy B is coming. Just clean, arrange other chairs behind. Now, we are left with, from that 50, we have removed another 25, abi? It is left with 25 years. Are we together? Now look at the actual time of togetherness. That is what we are trying to calculate. Now of that 25, can we remove the hours of several others like church, outings? Church, fellowship, outings, traveling, all of that? [Background noise: audience laughter] Research. Let us remove all those hours. But for the benefit of analysis, let us assume that all of those you went to visit, you traveled, you went to church, all of that, let us assume another eight hours. It is too small. Let us assume eight. Let us put all into eight. It will remain 25. No, if we assume eight hours per day, the 25 will be gone. So let us assume that all of those your outings you use for church, for outings, let us cut it to four, half of the eight. So instead of 25, we have 12 and a half. So remove 12 and a half from the 25. You are left with about 12 and a half years. So if somebody gets married at the age of... if somebody is to live a hundred years and he married at 25, the actual time he engages himself and his spouse is just about 12 and a half years. What about the time they spend arguing? Let us leave all of those ones. I am assuming that instead of that, let us assume all of those ones away. Let us assume that the one for the children, the one for your travels, you go to church, fellowship, visitation, the times you go, just put all of those. That is why I make it four hours of a day. So that we will be able to get 12 and a half. So 12 and a half out of the remaining 25, we have 12 and a half. So if somebody even took a case study, somebody is to live a hundred years and he married at 25, the actual time with his spouse in that hundred years, if he marries as early as 25, some of us marry much more, but we are assuming 25, the actual time of engaging himself and his spouse is just about 12 and a half years. That is the actual time of engagement with the spouse. Now let us now look at the reality today. We talk about a hundred, it looks very far. How many of us will really get to the hundred we are talking about? If we look at our life for most of us, most of us marry far above 25. So that if you are to look at the actual time you will be with your spouse, the actual time you will engage yourself to make sacrifices to live peacefully, for some of us it may not be more than five hours. Because I was telling somebody that if somebody have lived for 70 years and 70 plus today, it is a fulfilled life. Somebody live for 80 years today, you say "Ah, okugba". Am I not correct? So if you look at it very practically, the actual time we may engage our spouses, we will be ranging between five years and 12 years of our life. That is the really time you want to engage your spouse. So when we look at, with that background in our minds, let me now play out something. We are talking about love of commitment, the love of marriage. And I want to make us see the difference between the love of commitment and the love of attachment. Let me explain. We are looking at the love of commitment, the love of marriage. The love of commitment, the love of marriage, and the need to have learned this thing for many of us before we even enter into marriage. Now let us look at it. Let me explain the difference between the love of commitment and this love of attachment. Let us think back, brothers and sisters, before we entered into the thing. You remember the way... some of you are shaking their heads. You remember the way Brother Pius... let me use hypothetical people so that people will not be laughing too much. If I go and use Godwin and Funmbi now, if I use Brother Gbenga and Sister Titi now, Brother Gbenga will start laughing. Let me leave Brother Gbenga. Let me just use hypothetical names. Brother Pius see Sister Titi and then he looks at Sister Titi, he prayed and then God spoke to him and then he proposed to Sister Titi. Sister Titi says, "Okay, I will". Then they start. And when they start, you know this love of attraction. Then you will see Brother Pius, he will call her today, "Ehen, ewo, I'm coming, this and that". And then the emotion will be so strong. Am I very clear? During the birthday, he has called Sister Titi, "Eh, Titi me dear, Olomi". And then the thing look shocking and sparking. You get the point I'm making. And sometimes the pleasantness gradually you start seeing emotions will be rising. Even sometimes the emotion rises to the point of wanting to misbehave before marriage. You understand what I'm trying to say. But "Ah no no, we are Christians, we must wait, we must wait till that night, don't let us spoil our testimony". And then finally they enter into the marriage. But look at it, when they enter, after about six, seven, eight months, you know this time the person don't go for long, you are together. You now see everything about the person. Suddenly that emotion will begin to go down. That emotion, you start getting angry with some things. Everybody will even go their way. You go that way, you go that way. You are angry with him, he's angry with you. And then sometimes you may even go for people who can keep malice in marriage. You know some people can keep malice. Who has kept malice before in marriage? [Speaker 2] Malice? My own system is just to keep quiet. [Speaker 1] You know, it becomes, you say, "Anyway, I'm trying to avoid trouble". You don't want trouble. And then you just do your own thing, do your own thing. Everybody is doing their own thing. Sometimes it becomes shortwave. "How are you?" "Fine." "Are you going to work today?" "Yes." "What happened in the office?" "No problem." You understand me? Shortwave. The normal talking, those things will just suddenly die. Then after some three, four, five, six days again, everybody will start repenting of his or her sins. And then gradually you are not being a Christian, you are not being Christian, you are not being Christian. And then suddenly maybe they were in church that Sunday and the message was on forgiveness. And the thing fired the husband. Then when he gets home, he tried to amend a little. The wife too tried to amend a little because they want to make sure they get to heaven. And then gradually... Am I being real? Now you see, the reason why I'm saying this thing is that many times we don't know that or we don't realize that the love that makes marriage is not the love of attachment, it is the love of commitment. The love that keeps marriage going has nothing to do with how you feel or you don't feel. Many times we think marriage love is about a feeling. And so when you feel bad, the marriage should be bad. When you feel good, the marriage will be good. And so we find our marriage running at different... I am trying to look for the best word for it now... ranging from tolerance to hostility. At one point, you are just tolerating the person. You are just tolerating so things need to be peaceful. Gradually the tolerance will be breaking down, it becomes hostility. After some time again, come back again to tolerance. Then a few times you enjoy your spouse. But for most times, it is between tolerance and hostility. Tolerance and hostility. Just try to let me just endure, let me just endure. As somebody said, "Anyway, ah, koju Olorun lo. Ah, amforiti, Oluwa se. Ah, anyway, they have said that marriage is a yoke. It is your own cross to carry." And then you begin to see people talk about marriage, then you wonder. If it is like that, why did you then rush into it at the first time you were looking towards it? It means you are having a failed expectation. Because if it was to be like that, by the time we want to enter, who do we give ourselves to this man? "I will, I will." We just married now. "Will you marry this man? I will." That was not how you married. You married with "Ah, emi na Oluwa se o, e, mo ti cross". And suddenly... are you understanding me? For most people today, marriage looks like a failed expectation. It looks like haven't entered, anyway, kasha ti wa ninu e ni, kasha ti wa ninu e. So what I look in about Christian homes today is that for a few time, we enjoy our marriage. When I mean time, maybe in the week, you pick one day, three hours of that day that you enjoyed it. The other all day, your marriage is moving from tolerance to hostility, back again to tolerance. You are just moving between that and that. And I think it is because people don't realize that what keeps marriage going is not the law of attachment, it is the law of commitment. And many times when I talk with people, what I've come to find out is that the husband will want the wife to earn his love. The wife will want the husband to earn her love. That is, you want the person to behave in a way that can now make you love. You want some behavioral change. You feel that she should change. There is this... you are not saying it, but it is something that rule. It is just like even normal relationship. You find that if you have a neighbor or you have a colleague and both of you don't go on well, you find that by the time you are thinking about that person, you'll be thinking about a behavioral change that will lead to your own change. That if this person change... [Speaks in Yoruba] so you are expecting that before you now relate back to that person. It is that same thing too that will run in our marriages. You are expecting a behavioral change in the other person that could help you have a change and then both of you will now be happy. But you know, when I say this, I've found... let me look at counseling history. If I take counseling history, let me take the last 10 years of counseling with couples. I found that if I've counseled a hundred couples, maybe I was able to find maybe one that behaved differently from what I've just said. For most of us, for most people, we prefer the law of attachment. Attachment, what I mean is that this thing behave in a way that I can be attached to it, that's why I'm attached. It behaves in a way that I can join myself to it then I join. If it does not behave that way, I detach. But because what we don't realize is that when we are running courtship most of the time, the individualism that is in us when we are running courtship, because of the tempo of the emotional wine or [Yoruba phrase] our individualism seems to be subsumed. The other person will not see it so much. We not see it in ourselves. It is just after we have now married and everybody now come back to himself. You now see that the brother whenever he is coming home before, want to come and greet you. "Ah, Folake, ki lo like? Suya abi? Okay, Suya ti apple dani." And then when time he's coming, he greets you. This time he's coming from work, he didn't say, "My wife, ki lo like?" to bring the Suya and the apple again. Are you understanding me? Those things that keep courtship going, in fact by the time people get into the home, those things they just take a natural, they just get subsumed naturally. The reason is that it is now my own. You are not trying to win. Are you understanding me? That's why you find in some situation some husband will say that "Ah, this my wife, if stranger come, he will go and bring the best of the plate. And when me I'm at home, he will just use any kind of plate. Am I not the one that bought those things? Why are you not using the best of the plate for stranger?" It is because for the stranger, you think you need to give some impression. But [Yoruba phrase] what are we impressing? But you know when a visitor comes, sometimes you may have to go and look for some meat that does not exist and some fish that does not exist because you needed to impress. Now I'm saying this thing for us to get a law, understand something. That many times when we enter into marriage, we need to realize... Tolulope, you need to get more chairs going. We need to leave this bag off this place please. And there other chairs in to bring them. Now, the reason why I'm saying this is about understanding the love of commitment that keeps marriage going. The love of commitment that keeps marriage going. Now, what is this love? And what is this love of commitment? Now, let me help us to maybe it will help us to see the picture before we now come to the scripture that we really want to use. Now, when God want to talk about the law of marriage, what was instruction to the husband? How should the husband love the wife? How should he love? As Christ loved the church, abi? Okay. As Christ loved the church. So when God looks at marriage, which kind of love is God expecting to see? The way in which Christ loved the church. Okay. Now let us look at it from the other hand. Which kind of submission does God see in marriage? Which type of submission? No, submission now. Which type of submission? No, there is also a description. "Wives, submit to your husband as..." as what? As the church submit to Christ. Okay. So again, the kind of thing that attach the woman to the man is described as the type that see between Christ and the church, isn't it? I give attach the man to the woman, it is the same that is in the way Christ loved the church, isn't it? Now this is the basic thing we know. But how does it come to play practically is what we want to discuss today. We are not seeing that what actually God is saying about that instruction is that God is commanding the love of commitment. The love of decision. Please mark my word. The love of commitment, the love of decision, the love of will. Not a love of attachment. There is a love that relates to decision, that relates to will, that relates to commitment. Now, let us try to look at it. Let us see the scripture now. Let us see the scripture. 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians, the very popular scripture that we are very, very familiar with. 1 Corinthians 13. Now, in trying to explain our Christian life, the Bible says that, though I speak picking from verse 1, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and I have not love, I am what?" And a what? What does that mean? What does that mean? Let me tell you a simpler translation. "I will only be a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal." What does that mean? That you are not [inaudible]. You are having effect. No, you are correct. I want you to revert it the other way. You are not having any good effect. You know, noise is different from sound. What we look for is sound. Sound makes meaning. But when he say noise, [Yoruba phrase]. Do you know that many husbands and many wives today, they are just noise in their home? They don't have good effect. They are talking, but they are noise. They are loving, but they are noise in the way they want to love. They are giving, but they are noise. They are making sacrifice, but they are noise. That is, they are actually disturbance to the second person. You see, I want to bring that love, that thing we talk about in Ephesians 5, "husband love, Christ", I want to bring it to the daily reality. See many times we don't see it in the reality of it in our togetherness. In living together with your neighbor, living together with your husband, with your spouse, we don't see this love. Now but you see, in beginning in wanting to introduce this love, talking about this love, the first thing the Bible says is that, that if I speak in tongues of men and of angels... and I want to ask you, is it possible to speak in tongues of men and angels? Is it possible to speak in tongues of men and tongues of angels? Okay, let's say it's possible from the analysis you gave. But you see that the next thing will contradict that analysis. Look at the next one. He say, "And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and have all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing." Is it possible for someone to have to know all mysteries and have all knowledge? Is it possible? Can an individual that knows all mysteries and have all knowledge? Or we know in part and we understand in part? Paul said, "we know in part and we understand in part." Do you know why? Do you know why it is like that? Because we see through a glass darkly. The Bible is not a complete revelation of God, are you aware? The Bible is not a complete revelation of God. The Bible only revealed God in such a way that we will know that if we believe in Jesus we will be saved. Everything about the Bible starts with trying to introduce our redemption. Adam, the first Adam, Christ is the second Adam. Just want us to see how we fell into sin and how we came out of sin. As to the other things that happened before time... you know Christ have died before time. The Lamb was crucified before even the world was founded. There are so many things that are before time and after time that we don't even know. You know we were chosen in Christ before the world was created. How? These are things that are really beyond us. They are beyond us. But the Bible says if it is possible that I have all mysteries, have all knowledge, even though... if you actually look at the Greek of this thing, if you look at it very well, these things they are hyperbole. Paul is saying that even if I speak, if it is possible that you have... let us even look at even though we know in part and understand in part, but if it happens that you you don't know in part, you know in full, if it is possible. If it were possible that you become God. Are you getting it now? If it were possible that you now know like, you know there's this set of people that says as God is once was man... sorry, as man is once was God, and as God is man will become as he increase in knowledge. A religious sect. That is the theme of their belief. But we are saying that if it were possible that you become like God, do you notice that God is actually nothing to us if he did not love? Nothing to us. Nothing. Remove love. How does God come to you? Remove love. Even the chaste being that you understand [inaudible]. Even nobody will know him. Nobody will understand him. He will just be there. Let him be doing [vocal sound], bringing fire, everyone will just be afraid, nobody will know what... he just get angry, he killed 20 million. Hey, one God is in the sky just killing people, maybe we offended him. But nobody will, there will be no connection, there will be no relationship, there will be no nothing. I'm only showing you what you are. Even if you are to be God in your home, you are still nothing in your marriage. You will never come home to your spouse. You will never have a meaning to the person. You will never... you can't come home to the person's world. You'll just be in your world. You'll just be there, you'll just be in your world, you'll just be living in your world, you'll just be there. The only thing that can connect you to your spouse is love. The person may fear you, the person may hate you, the person whichever one depending on whatever is going on. The person may... you know in some marriages when the husband enters, the wife disappears and the children. And husband feel "I'm in charge". In some homes when the husband enters, the wife don't disappear, they just look at themselves, "Pele, kabo". Everybody find their way. He has a room, he has a room. What just connect them is the house. They say Mr. and Mrs. Paul, but they know they are not Mr. and Mrs. because they don't have meaning to themselves. This person's in a world... you see the wife on Facebook relating to people that feels meaningful to her. You see the husband too relating on WhatsApp with people that are meaningful to him. She shares her joy with some people, her sorrows with some people. She's in your house. The husband too share his fears with some people, his joy with some people, and then in the morning again they greet themselves. In some homes they may still manage to do quiet time, some they don't do it at all. Everybody just find their way. But they are in different worlds, they could not just connect. The point that Paul is making, that's why I am saying that these things they are hyperbole. Paul is saying that even if you are to be a God in your home, if it is possible that in your home you happen to know all mysteries, you have all knowledge, you have all faith, you can move all mountains, as far as you are concerned you are what? You are just nothing. The nothingness here we are talking about is that you don't come to the other person's world. You know what Jesus said about himself? He said "Except the grain of wheat falls to the ground and die, it abides alone." The nothingness is that you are alone. Although you say you are married, but woe to him that is alone. I'm showing these things that look at how great and mighty is God, and yet there is a condescending, there is a coming down, there is a condescending so that he can connect, he can relate. He would have just been nothing in his world. Now, I hope you are seeing why I said that these things they are hyperbole. They are actually hyperbole. Then move to the next one. He say, "If I give everything I have to the poor, and even sacrifice my body, and could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I have gained nothing." So what is this one trying to say again? What is this verse trying to say? Do you see the fact that it is possible like I was talking to somebody... he say "What else do you... what else this my wife want me to do for her? I bought her a car. She... there is no time. At the end of first of every month, I release 200,000 for home keep. I make sure that her clothes, I change them regularly. I make sure... there is nothing she lack. And yet this woman will say I don't love her. What else again? How will I show my love to this woman?" The man does not understand. You can give everything you are still not loving. You are still not loving. Love is still not giving. And that is one thing, you will see some wives, "Ki ni mi o se to f’okunrin yi? Mo ti dano, mo ti foso e, mo ti se gba. Ah, okunrin yi, eyan buruku ni! Ah, eyan buruku!" and they will be weeping because they have made so much sacrifice. And yet they are wondering why is this man not loving me. Are you understanding me? I've seen women weep in their marriages. I don't know what... say "Sir, I make sure I dish her food tonight, he wants his food, even by the time I'm going out, his food is on table in the morning. By the time I come in the evening, the food is there. I make sure that the weekend I sweep the house, I wash... there is nothing, there is nothing he asked me to do I have done everything. And yet this man is not connected to me. She... you need to see this man when he just see some... when he gets to church now, you see him smiling, connecting to people and all that. But when he just see me, he just become, just go on his phone. He does not attach to me. And what else again? What else again can I do, sir? What can I do in this marriage?" I'm telling you the realities of people in their homes. Why? Because people think sacrifice... because they have sacrificed, they have given something, so they have love. So what else again? But the Bible making us see that even if you give all your body, you may be doing all of that, and yet you are still not loving in a home. You are still not loving in a relationship. But sir, that sounds very complex. You believe that when you as a man, you are in your home, you wash the clothes, you do all sorts of things that you are showing love, and some people believe they love? It is not. It is not! I can be doing all those things but in my mind something else. "Let me just please her so that she will be quiet." You are making a point. You are making a point. "Let me just do this, let me just do this to silence her. Let me do this so that she will be quiet." That is the intention! To silence her and not to reflect kindness. Exactly. Exactly. You know, and sometimes you can give, you can give so... you know, sometimes you give everything, [Yoruba phrase] let me do everything so that nobody will have some... so that you can go in your world. You can decide to do everything so that, please sir, help me ask sir, don't I give you... don't I give you money weekly? He say yes. Don't... the car who bought it? He say yes. "Look, check this house, it's my name and my name that is on the document. Is that not true? So she's saying that I don't love her, sir. Is that true?" You are doing that because you are trying to make a way for yourself. I've seen this because I've counseled... I've seen diversity of situations. And as I was, you know, as I spoke on this point and the Lord was calling my attention to something very strong. Say "love of commitment". I say "Lord, what are you trying to say?" And then I began to understand a lot of things. You know the word of God is a double-edged sword. It first cuts the person who is bringing and then you bring it out again as a blessing to people. And then we need to come to understand certain things. That is why I asked you the question. Which type of love does God talk about for the husband? Say the love, "Love as Christ loved", the Christ-like love. For the wife, "Submit as the church submit to Christ." Isn't it? So for God, what actually hold marriage together is something that had to do with what happened between Christ and the church. Is that not? Is that not? Now, let us look at it like this. Let me take the first fundamental one. At what point did God love us? At what point were we loved? We don't even know the time. We don't know when. But we got to know that he love us and then he did what? He died. He died for us. So when he died for us, he brought us to himself, isn't it? Now, at the point where he died for us, Romans 5 says that, "But God commendeth his love toward us that while we were yet enemies..." isn't it? "Christ died for us." [Romans 5:8] Now the question now is this. If he bringing us to himself, it is by the death of his son. Haven't been brought to himself, at what point can he hate us? Yes, if you believe in Jesus and he died for our sin, it means that God hates sin. And if you ever commit sin and then... but the Bible also says that if we repent of our sins and will come back to him, he will gladly receive us. This is the very... [inaudible]. Now, are you following what I'm trying to say? If the death could reconcile us, now the life of the son being alive, ever making intercession for us, everything on and on to keep sustaining that relationship, at what point can he hate us? You know it's unthinkable. You can't draw it. You can't draw the board. Now, because the reason why God love us is nothing about us, it's about himself. He chose to love us. He decided to love us. He committed himself to loving us. Because at the point where he love us was not a time where we were pleasing him. It was a time when we were his enemies. Isn't it? So he just chose. This person is my enemy, but I'm choosing to love this person. In other words, there is nothing the person really want to do to earn the love. You know we don't earn the love. We did not... there was nothing you did that now make him to love you and die for you. Rather you are his enemy, and then he chose to love and die for you. And for we... Brother Gbenga, you are tired, you are sleeping. For we, let me begin with us that are men. With we that are men, Brother Adeboye, I hope you are with me. I don't know my brother's name. Ayo. Brother Ayo. Brother Wole. I'm talking to ourselves now. We that are men. Ah, Brother Tolulope. No, that's what we are showing you. That's what we are saying. Brother Tolulope, you are better off o. You are already practicing this part. Do you realize that actually what God understood that you were doing when you made a choice for a woman is that you are loving her eternally? You chose to love. God is not expecting you that you expect her to earn the love. No. You chose to love. She doesn't need to do anything. She doesn't need to obey you, to please you, to... she doesn't do all of that. You chose to... you are deciding. You chose to. And that is what it means. So it doesn't have to do with... Do you know how many times when God was trying to do the loving? He came down. Who did the killing? Did he change his mind? He was the one who chose to love. I just imagine Jesus just when they said, "Okay, if you are the Son of God, come down! Come down!" Jesus said, "Ehen, okay, I will prove to you you people today," and he came down from the cross. "Think I cannot come down? And I will come down and I will show you that and then... I'm not even dying again. For... you have annoyed me. I'm not dying again." And then he went back to heaven. Who brought him before? Did we... are we the one that brought him? He was the one who chose to come. And that is why despite all that we were doing, he was not moved to change his mind because he chose to come. But what I see today, men speak as though the woman chose to marry them. You are the one that chose to marry the woman. You've made the choice. That choice is a choice to love. It is a choice. It is a commitment. That is how God sees the marital love. But people don't see marriage love that way. They see marriage love, you know how they see it? "Anyway, I am marrying you o as long as you make me happy. As long as you don't annoy me." You get it. "As long as, as long as." But that is not how God sees the marriage love. And these are things that we need to instruct our men again. We need to instruct our sons. We must tell our youth, we must tell our young men. That that day when you made up your mind, the lady was going on her own traffic. You said you are persuaded about her. You are the one that interrupted her path. You chose to interrupt. You chose to come there. Suddenly you begin to see, "Ehen, the woman herself he has that, he is this, he is this, he is that." That is not an issue. That you came and they hate you, they persecute you. Did Jesus go back? If somebody said, "Ehen, you are behaving like this, Father, I'm coming back to heaven." Of course he would have gone back. But the point to make you see was that... you know what the Lord showed to me in a picture? The Bible says, "Who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame." [Hebrews 12:2] That is the marriage love. The marriage love for the man is a love that he chose to love, to endure things, to go through things, to despise shame. So many things that will come, so many maladies and craziness and foolishness of a woman is that I have chosen to love. That is the marriage love. The marriage love is not the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Where you jilt the sister. You know now, we are jilting them, we are talking about divorce. And now, men of God will climb the pulpit, say "if the marriage is not working, your life is more important than marriage. You divorce the lady, God has called you to peace." Spiritual bastards on the pulpit. I wonder how many maladies, how many maladies even we as church normally do to God today and God is still loving. God is still loving. He is still loving. You see, the marriage love is a love of commitment. It is a love of decision. It is a love of will. It is not a love of feeling. It has nothing to do with how you feel. "I feel this way, I feel..." it is not related to it. It does not cross across that. It has nothing to do with that. And so anybody deciding for it should understand what they deciding for. And that is why, didn't you say "I will", sister? Say "I will". "I will." Say "I will". It is a decision! It is a decision you decided. So let's leave the feeling, let's leave the way we feel, let's set it aside. Let's set it aside and on and on please you can take the rest of that thing. Does not rejoice in iniquity, rejoice in the truth, beareth all things. Ah, for many of us, love bears some things new. Does not bear all things. Let's go home and think about it. There are some things you bear in your spouse, there are some things you don't bear. "Ah, to ba shey eleyi ma gba na je." You know, there are some things, but it bears all things. It believes all things. It hopes in all situations. Hopes in all situations. Just go home and look at some of these things but please remove things. If you ask me, is it possible for us to do it? I close the meeting this way. The Bible says the love of God is shed abroad, where? In our heart. This same love that God has is in the heart of every believer. This same love... that is what some people have always asked that "But sir, it is difficult". I said no, except it means you are not saved. "Being justified by faith we have peace with God." And the Bible makes it clear that this love was shed abroad where? In our heart by the spirit. [Romans 5:1, 5] Nobody can say he doesn't have this love who is a believer. We have this love. But do you know the problem? If perfume is here, how do we hear the smell? How do we hear the smell of the perfume? We must do something to the container. We either unlock, or we break. If it... if it remains intact, what happens? You know what the Lord told me? He said, "locked in my people is the love that I have given them. They need to be broken for my love to be expressed." Many of us, we are not broken. Let us ask God to break us. It is locked inside you. It is there. You can have it for your spouse. It is there, it's locked. You can have it for your husband, you can have it for your wife. It is just trapped there. Say "God break me, so that this thing can find expression so that my husband can enjoy it, so that my wife can enjoy it." They don't need to earn this love. They are brought to enjoy this love. They are not to earn it! You don't... we don't earn the love of God. We are just enjoying the love of God. So God wants you to do as he has done to you. You get it? That is why it is a command both for the wife and for the husband. God wants you to do as he has done to you. Go and do it! Go and do it! Ask the Lord God that your love may find expression particularly for my spouse. If you are in a relationship, if you are in a marriage. Lord, let this thing, let it find expression! Lord, break me! Lord, break me! For your love have been shed abroad in my heart. This love is there! This love of commitment, this love of decision, this love of will. The Holy Ghost shed it abroad in your heart. It has been poured into your heart. You have just locked it up there. That is why it looks as if you are so self-centered, you are so selfish, you are so hard. Your husband is complaining, your wife is complaining. You need to be broken. Ask God, God, that this thing may find expression. Let there be a release from within my spirit. O let there be a release from within my spirit. That there may be a release of this love! A release of the love. We need it for our marriages. We need it for our homes. We need it for our relationship. That is the love that makes marriage to endure. That is the love that keep us enjoying our home despite our shortcomings, despite our weaknesses, despite our humanity, despite our failure. We fail one another. We offend one another. We annoy one another. But we can enjoy ourselves. Because the love of God is shed abroad in our heart. We can enjoy ourselves! It is possible to enjoy ourselves because we are both patient with each other. We are both kind to one another. We are... we are not keeping record of wrong. We are not proud. We are not rude. We are not insisting on our own way. We can enjoy ourselves! We can be ourselves. That is the love of God that is in marriage. Oh Jesus. [Background noise: audience praying and crying out] Thank you, Father. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Holy Spirit. E, thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Like I told you, the Lord spoke to me this morning. And he said when we enter into marriage, it is a decision to love and to love eternally. To love the way we are loved. To love the way we are loved. To love regardless of who the other person is and what the other person does. That is the love that keep marriage going. Let us go home and rethink. It is not about attachment. "You do good, I do good." It is not about that. It is not about that. It is not like that. Funmbi, please close the meeting. Thank you.