Mf Sept 16 2018 Home the Platform for Building Character

[Music: Great is Thy Faithfulness] [Voiceover] Church Jesus and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home from these words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Test Ministries. May ye be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] We want to look at a very important topic: Home, the Platform for Building Character, or Home, a Platform for Character Building. We want to look at that topic. I will try to organize my message this morning in such a way that I can be smart and snappy with it. At the same time, we would touch on some very important issues. Now, the first thing here is preliminary definitions. When we say "home," what is a home? What is a home? What is a home? Somebody is talking. Okay. All right. Please talk. I am used more to teaching than to preaching. All my life, I have been a teacher, and today I am still a teacher both by career and by calling. I am a teacher. So, I like responses and discussions even when I give a message. Now, how do we form a home? What is a home? How do we have a home? How do we come about a home? Somebody is talking. How do we come about it? How do we form a home? You have mentioned "home." Am I correct? So, how was the home formed? [Background Voice] When a man— [Speaker 1] Yeah. We have got the answer from the far back: the coming together of a man and a woman. When they come together through the rite of a marriage ceremony, then the foundation for a home is laid. A home is not where you are just habituating with a girl. That's not what we are here to discuss. That is very common now around our campuses. A home is a situation where, by the ceremony of marriage that involves the parents, a man joins himself to his wife, and then the home has been established. Then gradually, they begin to multiply. When I came in, I noticed, I don't know when the marriage took place, but one of our sisters is on the way for the multiplication. [Background Audience: Clapping] And the Lord will bring you through. It shall be a coming for joy in the name of Jesus Christ. So, the home is formed by a man that comes to take a woman, and then gradually alongside, some individuals begin to join them. They call them children. They begin to join them. You know, they are birds of passage. They are not permanent residents. That is why some foolish things that happen in the home is when a woman shifts her attention from her husband to her children, or when the man shifts his attention from his wife to the children. I make my children realize that they are birds of passage, that one day they will leave father and mother. It should be me and my wife. So, I don't compromise my wife for them. The point I'm making is that two people come together, and then the home is formed. Now, that thing that is formed is what we are saying is actually formed from the basis of character building. The first thing I want to talk about, after my definition, is: how does God himself see this matter? That is the first section. How does God see it? Is it true that home is a platform for that? Does God see it too that way? When a man takes a woman as wife, there's an important thing to me because of the observations by God. What is God expecting? What is God expecting? Is God expecting character building? Yes, He is. Let's see a very popular scripture. Can we look at a very popular scripture? Let's see 1 Timothy 3. That's a very popular scripture. We all know that scripture very well, a very familiar scripture about church leaders. Now, if you look at that scripture, it says from chapter 3, verse 1: "Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to become an overseer desires a good work." To want to lead the people of God. "Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?" (1 Timothy 3:1-5) So, God is saying that if you want to pick a leader over the church, how can we be sure that the life is correct? Where do we go to judge that his life is correct? Where are we to go? We go to the home. So, when they are preaching here and it looks like heaven wants to come down, they must be a good man—you are not correct. You can't judge me from the pulpit. That's one mistake the church is making today. You can't judge me from the pulpit. If you want to judge men, go home to judge them. Look at the way their home is. If you want to know if a man is truly spiritual, go and check his home. If you want to know whether a man, when he comes and says, "Ba-ba-ba-ba-shakata," don't take that as anything serious. Go and check whether the family altar is like that. When a woman comes and she's "In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus!" and it looks like heaven is going to come down—no, don't be taken away by that. Don't be carried away. If you want to know if somebody is worth spiritual judging, where should you go? Home. I'm showing you God's expectation. I'm trying to prove to you that God expects something to be happening in the home. God expects to see a man who is building a family that God can say, "Yes, since he can take care of this one and is doing it well here, okay, you can now place him over my people." The same thing for the woman. I'm showing you God's expectation. Look at 1 Timothy 5. It talks about widowhood, but that is not my focus. I just want to draw something about the woman and God from there. Now, chapter 5 from verse 3: "Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should first learn to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God." (1 Timothy 5:3-4) When God looks at children, where is God expecting true religion to be practiced? In the church? At home. When you see a boy that is not obedient to the father, but he's very maybe assistant to the vicar of this church and very obedient to him, you will say "Good boy, he's on spiritual track." As far as heaven is concerned, they are lost. Not because they are not believers, but they are not putting some things in order. Certain things come before certain things as far as heaven is concerned. So, when you see a boy, "this boy is fine, he's very good in the church," this girl, "she's wonderful, she sings well, she works well, we count on her," that is very, very good. Please, there's nothing wrong about that. I am passionate about the church where I worship. But for God to mark that as good, where will God first check? In the home. When God notices that it is not like that at home, you know what God calls the man in the church? Hypocrite. And what is the reward of hypocrisy? He said, "Woe unto you." You will not get a blessing. So, you see that as far as God is concerned, God expects that if a man is really godly, where will you start from? In the home. I'm just showing you God's expectation on this matter. Let's now go to the woman. "The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:5-8) So, where does God expect giving to start from again? The home. You cannot be stingy at home and generous to the church. What does God call that? Hypocrisy. It's eyeservice. You know one thing I want to tell you? There's something about man. Man likes men to have a good impression of him, and so he can sacrifice anything for that, even though it is not real. Let me give a good example. Visitors come to the house now. You see the wife. She'll run to the kitchen. She'll run to bring water, bring you plates, do everything, wash them, place them there, all of that. "Sister, you are doing well, sister, you are doing well." After that time, that's all for the husband. You know what happens? Hypocrisy. There's nothing at stake. I see the same thing with the husband. You know, we take our wife for granted. When visitors come, "Yeah, Sister Maggie, Sister this, Sister that, how is it? How are you?" But your wife says, "Dear, when you are coming from the office, help me buy tomato." "I am not coming again. What did you think I am doing there?" You see? The care you don't see it again. We just take each other for granted. You know why? There is nothing at stake. But the visitors are there. It's a wrong thing. It's a wrong spirit. I was speaking to some young people. I said there is nothing like marriage and a stop of honeymoon. Honeymoon should last through the marriage if you want your marriage to last. That is, you must court your wife till death. You keep courting her. You keep winning her. You keep winning her until you will die. Many of the women you see outside sometimes and you are looking at them, "Ah, this person, marital relationship," that happens even among Christians. The lady you are envying, somebody took care of her. Go and take care of your own too. I'm showing you something: that even provision when it comes to giving, when it comes to giving yourself, giving your time, giving your money, giving all those things, as far as heaven is concerned, it starts first from where? From the home. I'm not saying we don't give to the church. I give generously to the church. But I'm only addressing an issue because that is the topic that we are facing. So you don't leave here and say, "Ah, the man of God said anybody who gives to the church is hypocrite." That's not what we said. We never said it. What we said is that there is an order. Once the primary is not fulfilled, the secondary is useless. That's what we are saying. So, if you are really passionate about the secondary, you will put the primary in place. That's what we are saying. Now, he says, "No widow may be put on the list unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." (1 Timothy 5:9-10) So, how does God judge that a woman works, that we should spend God's money on her? She must have been faithful to her husband. That's the first thing. If she has not been faithful to her husband, Papa says, "Don't put her on the list. Don't put her." She may be doing everything, running here and there, but if we cannot judge faithfulness to her husband, Papa says, "Don't put her." Where is God measuring her true spirituality again? From the home. If a woman is above sixty and God says, "I want to care for her," after sixty years—all those years when she got married at maybe twenty or twenty-five, down to sixty—can you please look into her marriage? When did she marry? She married at thirty. Can you please help me judge that all through that time she has been faithful to her husband? If I cannot see that, please don't bring that to me. I'm showing you how God himself sees the home. I believe I've captured that. The second thing I want to speak about is biblical dynamics in the home. What should be the dynamics that should go on in the home? Biblical dynamics of the home. Can we see that in Titus? Titus 2. "You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine." (Titus 2:1) Teach that which becometh sound doctrine. Some doctrines are not sound. When something is sound, it means it is properly based. Now, what is sound? If you want to know a leader that is sound, you want to know an elder that is sound, you want to know a husband that is sound, a youth that is sound, a wife that is sound—what is sound in the doctrine? Now, he says he should teach it. Now, what should he teach? "Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance." (Titus 2:2) We are not facing old men today, so let's leave that. It's a youth church, is it not? So, let's leave that. Verse 3: "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good." (Titus 2:3) Older women are not here. It's a youth church. Let's leave that. Verse 4: "Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children." (Titus 2:4) Now, what is it that the older woman is busy with their life doing in terms of their teaching? They are teaching younger women to love their husband and to love their children. So, ordinarily, let's use the older woman now. What do you think a mother should be transferring to her daughter? How to love the husband. Is that not true? I'm showing you some transfer in terms of behavior, in terms of character. There is something the mother is transferring to her daughter. There's something that happens to the younger generation. Let's move on. "To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." (Titus 2:5) Now, what is God expecting a home to do? The home should make sure that nobody maligns the word of God. And how will a woman in the home contribute to that dynamic? What would she be doing in the home? She must make sure she is subject to her husband, she loves her children, she's busy at home. I'm showing you something that have been neglected. Something that have been discussed, you know, sometimes we call it carnality. For my wife's PhD research, we discovered something: that the religion that has significant more of parent communication with their children is the traditional religion. So, we began to explore why it was like that as researchers. And we realized that for the Christian religion, the worship calls for a constant time to meet together. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, throughout the week, people are in church. If you look at Islamic religion too, you have similar things, but not as much as the Christian religion. But the traditional worship, they don't have this regular call for public worship. It's just festivals. Everybody goes their way. So there is no drug, there's no constant drug on time and attention. That is not to say that we should not be active. I'm here today, preaching in my church. I'm the teenage church coordinator, I'm the foundation class coordinator, I'm in the prayer unit, I'm a council member. So don't think that I am not active in my church. My pastor knows I am here. He knows I have a ministry. He's very happy I am here. So, don't think that I am someone who says "don't join the church," no. But I'm showing you something so significant, something that is making families unstable today. We have lost the biblical dynamics of the home. What a woman needs to first look into so that her home does not become a thing that people will say, "Don't believe what they say." She wants to be sure that nobody says anything about the word of God. The first thing she needs to look into is how she manages her home. That's the first thing. She wants to check her life: am I submissive to my husband? Do I really care for my children? Am I pure? Do I have affairs out there? Am I cheating on my husband? Is there anything that looks like me doing something my husband must not know? Am I sound? These things she needs to look into. Because if any of these ones, there is a problem with any of them, once she enters the church, anything she is playing on that altar is not correct. It's not correct. Titus 2:6-8: "Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." (Titus 2:6-8) Now, what do you notice that the Bible says about the young men? They should be self-controlled. You will be wondering why it is like that. But let me show you why it is like that: dynamics of the home. 1 Peter 3:7. Why should a young man be self-controlled? "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." (1 Peter 3:7) You know that women are one of the most oppressed class today? And I've been doing a study on home violence against women. I know that domestic violence, women are more victims of domestic violence. But let me tell you why it is so. It is because certain things are not clearly understood. Now, let's look into the situation for you. Look at your body. Look at the weaker things in your body. The weak things that are not strong. Things like the eyes, the heart, the liver. Do you notice that they are the most delicate? It is possible for me to take a blade to cut and blood is gushing out from this hand, and I can say to the doctor "go for first aid." Even if you take a blade and cut my leg, I can still manage to get to where I can get treatment. But just try to take something and pierce the heart. This is what we don't understand. As delicate, as tender and weak as they look, if you don't handle them with care, even the leg and the hand that look very strong will die. The weaker things in the body, they are the things that need more care. The weaker things! I'm talking about the home dynamic. God wants to see a man who is self-controlled. How do you find sisters in the house? Sometimes don't you just feel like slapping—I'm being practical. Some things they do sometimes, you can get so provoked that you feel like slapping and then you realize—I'm twenty years in my marriage, I have a woman in my house, I know what I'm talking about. No matter how tall a woman gets, she's a baby. All what a baby needs: attention, care, time. If you don't give those things, everything is black. "Oh, sister, I'm money." Forget about money. Money is not corrected. But the money should be done in a way that it can take care. I'm talking about attention. You need to provide attention. You know the way they need attention. "Hello, hello, how was the day? Pele o, pele o, how did it go?" Those things you did before you married her. In the morning, "Sister, how was the night? How is life?" In the afternoon, "Sister, how is the office? How is the money?" In the evening, "Sister, how was the afternoon?" By night, "How was the evening? Good night." That was what happened before you got to the altar. And now you are getting into the home and saying "it's already my wife." You see, a man must be self-controlled. He must be self-controlled. He would die for her. If God don't see that in the home, don't think any other things matter. By the time you get to church, all the things start working. They matter. You are the man. You are not a woman. You are the man. Be self-controlled. This are realities in a home. And many times we leave out these realities. What does constrain us is our love for God. Now, when that has been done, how do we build this in the home? How do we do the building? Deuteronomy 6:3-7. How do we do the building? "Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:3-5) Look at the order: love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. How do we do this thing? I keep telling people, please, it is not the brother that says, "Submit to me, I am your head." It is God that said, "Wife, submit to your husband." In a similar way, husband, it is not the wife that said, "You must love me because I am your wife." Who says so? God. Children, it is not your father who said "obey me that it may be well with you." It is God that said so. So, when a man is not loving his wife, who is he disregarding? God. That is why God won't take his service in the church. When a wife is not submissive to the husband, who is she disregarding? God. That is why God won't take that service. So, how do we do the building? Every member of the family, what are we to do? We are to love the Lord. If the two of them love the Lord, God will be the converging point. But if they don't love the Lord, they will be two parallel lines. The wife will be going ahead, the man will be going his way. So, the first is: love the Lord. And that is why I keep telling young men, before you begin to look for a woman who fears God, ask yourself whether you fear God. And I do tell my daughters, the first thing that makes a man is not money. It's whether the man loves the Lord. If a man don't love God, he will waste a woman. It is the love for God that constrains the man. If you don't fear the Lord, you will just—you can see what our fathers did with our mothers. Way back. That's why I am telling you, God is the witness. "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) You see the "how"? The first is that they must first love the Lord and have it in their own heart. You can never give spiritually what your life don't have. If you are teaching your children, "See, be loving, be loving," but truly you are not loving, you cannot pass it to your child. It's not possible. Apple cannot bring mango. If your child becomes spiritual, it's just because under mercy God made him to find somebody else that did that for that child. You can't transfer what you don't have. So, the first is that's the procedure: the parents love the Lord, the law is in their heart. They begin to impress it, impress it down upon the children. And they do that when they sit where? "Talk about them when you sit at home." (Deuteronomy 6:7) Where's the best place for teaching? Sunday school? Home. Christian school? Home. We have some very serious examples in society today. "Let's go back to Sunday school, so we can know God better." "Let's go to Christian school, so he can know—" I'm not saying these things are not good. Please understand me. But the focus of God is that this teaching of God begins where? At home. Home. How do we do it? At home. And that is why it is so important. Children, if you don't have Christian parents, I pity you, you've not been privileged. If you have, no matter their weaknesses, please cherish them and pray for them. It's a privilege. Because the truth is this, like I was telling the student I was teaching this session: as long as you're here away from your parents, but let me tell you one thing, even if your parents are busy blessing you, remember that it's not your father who said "obey your parents and it will be well with you." It is God. If you don't honor your parents, it can never be well with you. It's a spiritual law. If you don't honor your parents and somehow things go well with you, it's because God has mercy because of the prayer of your parents. It is God that said so. And God has placed the order. These ones are to love the Lord and to have it in their heart. They begin to impress it, no matter what you think you are, obey them. Follow them. Listen to them. That's the procedure. The next one, which is the last one: Malachi. Malachi 2. Look at what the Bible says in verse 13: "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?'" (Malachi 2:13-14) They are wondering why God is not taking their offering or listening to their prayer. You ask, "Why?" What did God say? "It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." (Malachi 2:14) What I want you to note: God is the witness. Not angels, God himself was the witness. Not Gabriel or Michael, God just said I. You know what that means? The real reason for which a man marries a woman and a woman follows a man, the real reasons they told themselves is between the two of them. Nobody else was there. They were quiet together and saying, "Don't worry, God will take us somewhere. Don't worry, I love you too." They have said it between themselves. Nobody was there. That's why God is the witness. He knows why those people married themselves. You tell a man, "Me, I will give you problem if I marry you. You know me, I'm a difficult woman, will you marry me?" Somebody will promise you, "My anger can destroy. In fact, my annoyance is dangerous. If you see me like this, I can kill a woman. Will you marry me?" No. There were some things you said to the contrary. That's why God is the witness. He knows why you people married yourselves. So, when the woman's becoming difficult and the man's becoming stubborn, I say look, remember that God is a witness. There are some things you both told yourselves before you got to this point. Anyway, look at what it says: "Has not the one God made them? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. 'The man who hates and divorces his wife,' says the Lord, the God of Israel, 'does violence to the one he should protect,' says the Lord Almighty. 'So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.'" (Malachi 2:15-16) What is the "how" there? I love the King James where he says "putting away." For the Lord hates putting away. You must avoid putting away, putting away, putting away. Then divorce is the final putting away. How do we build in our home? I want to beg husband, wife, and children: the Lord hates putting away. If something happens, resolve. The home is a platform to resolve issues. It's not a thing that, "Okay, take room A, now I'll be using room B." You have put away. You are not sleeping together in one bed. "Take your money, I will spend my money." You have put away another one. "You go to church on your own, me I will go my own." You have put away. Gradually, gradually, you are not resolving conflict. You are not building, you are not building character. So when you come to church and you are trying to act as if you are a kind of saint, it's hypocrisy. The home is the place to be able to resolve issue. To be able to take it up and resolve it. So, what do we do in the home? We must avoid putting away. When we avoid putting away, the home becomes a platform for character. You'll be able to build. You'll be able to build together. You'll be able to build a strong family. I tell you, young generation: a man is not stronger than the family he has built. What did I say? A man is not stronger than the family he has built. If you build a good family, you are a good man, you are a good woman. If you build a strong family, you are a strong man, you are a strong woman. I conclude on this note. I want to illustrate something. Look at this. How many shoes? [Background Audience: Two shoes] One pair. One shoe. One shoe. Please bear in mind: he that made them from the beginning made them male and female and said, "For this cause a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife." Now look at this. If at any time this pair says this one is not good, automatically the second one is invalidated. This is what divorce does. This is what divorce does. He who made them made them male and female. Let us pray. I want you to talk to the Lord this morning. Just talk to the Lord. I don't know what you have learned. But I'm trying to let you see how you should organize your home. There's a way you have been organizing it. Children, there is something you have been doing that is not correct. Some were in the habit, they want to hide from their parents. He went to hide, what are you doing in hiding from your parents? Those things will destroy you. Honor them. Honor them. Young men, self-control. Self-control. You are the man, you are not a woman. You are the man. Self-control. Build your home, build a strong home. Don't put away. Why? It doesn't matter how high a saint I look, the true test of your spirituality is how much you can adjust to your husband. Study him, look at him very well. Okay, this is how if I do like this he will—look for how to study your husband and adjust yourself to him. Don't begin to compare him. "If I have married brother Sunday, brother Sunday would not be doing—" That is not the matter. You're already married. Look into your home and see how you adjust to the one that you have married. Build a strong home. Love the Lord. Let His love be in your heart. Impress it upon the children. That is what the Lord wants. That is how we build it. Almighty God, our eyes are on You, and I just pray: Lord, give our younger generation special way, oh Lord, to grow in grace and the knowledge of You, Lord, I pray. May their home move from glory to glory in the name of Jesus. Let not darkness enter into this, Lord, I pray. Let their life be correct so that they will lay a good foundation for the homes that will be built in the name of Jesus. I pray specifically for us, by the reason of church tests, you will not marry twice. Rather, the Lord will guide your home, your marriage until the afternoon, until the evening, until the night, and until the midnight in the name of Jesus. The sun of your life will not set at noon in the name of Jesus. Thank You, blessed Father. In Jesus' name we pray. [Background Audience: Amen]