Nevertheless (a Reflection for Couples)

[Speaker 1] Trust in fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God, the designer of godly marriage, gives us words of solution and instruction in righteousness on Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 2] Glory and honor and adoration to our God. We bless Him again for another opportunity to gather again for our monthly marriage forum. I thank the Lord again that as we gather, it will be a time again for our lives and our families, our home, the home front to be made better. And for individuals who are not yet married, who are looking towards it, we are trusting the Lord again that it will be another time again to see marriage from scriptural perspective, to see marriage from the point of the scriptures. We bless God for His constant preservation. This edition now is the 8th edition of marriage forum for this year. We cannot but thank God for making all of this possible. And we believe Him that even till the end of the year and beyond the year, the Lord will yet carry us in the name of Jesus Christ. In the month of July, the 7th month, our 7th edition, we were looking at "It is a great mystery." That was our focus in the month of July edition of our marriage forum. And we said several things, particularly appreciating the truth that what God intend in marriage, because marriage was to be a shadow of what God did in eternity. We saw that that is why at the beginning, God in making the female, the female was created out of the male. We saw that that was a very, very crucial thing in the mind of God. It is something we must see the great lesson in that the woman was not made independent of the man and, of course, over time, the man is not independent of the woman. I pray that we all with humility accept our place within the workings of God so that our marriages can be peaceful. Let us pray this morning as we move on to our August edition, which our focus this time is on "Nevertheless." Nevertheless. A need for couples to rethink their actions and inactions, particularly when it comes to our responses to what we perceived to be wrong, and how we ought to carry ourselves in relating to one another in this matter. Let us have a word of prayer this morning, and then we go straight to the scriptures, which is a continuity from where we left the matter last month, actually. Almighty God, we are grateful. We thank You for Your love. We thank You for preserving us till this hour. We say Lord, we are really, really grateful. We commit ourselves into Your hands as we fellowship together this morning. Our brethren who are joining us on Mixlr, our brethren who are joining us on Telegram, we who are here physically, Lord, as we all fellowship together, Lord, we pray that Your Spirit will work within us. Your Spirit will work among us. Your Spirit will accomplish in us that which is the very desire of Your heart in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, we look up unto You. Work in us, work through us, the good pleasure of Your will in the name of Jesus Christ. Let there be bread, the seed for the sower, let there be bread for the eaters in the name of Jesus. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So we move, we take our Bible to the book of Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5. For the month of July, we were able to consider the matter in Ephesians chapter 5. We looked at it between verse 28, verse 29, verse 30, verse 31, and verse 32. We got our topic for last month from the verse 32: "This is a great mystery." "This is a great mystery." And today, we are picking our topic from the verse 33 that says, "Nevertheless." Having said this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church, the next thing again that came in the next verse is "Nevertheless." Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Other translation of that, NLT. NLT says, New Living Translation, "So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect the husband." NIV: "However, each one of you must love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband." The Message: "And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband." Amplified: "However, let each man of you without exception, let each man of you without exception..." I pray you will not be an exception in the name of Jesus Christ. Sometimes some people are just outside the realities of God. They operate their life, their home, their marriages, their marital life for those who are not yet married, their marital life, they begin to operate it outside the box, outside the edge that God had placed. So they become exceptions. They become people who are not moving in the direction that God is moving. "However, let each man of you without exception love his wife as being in a sense his body, as being in a sense his very own self, and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regard him, honors him, prefers him, venerates him, and esteems him, and that she defer to him, praising him, and loves him, and admires him exceedingly." That's Amplified. Now, our focus this morning is on this matter of "Nevertheless." And we want to connect this "Nevertheless" to many of the things that we discussed in the July edition. What was clear from the July edition is that it is important for us as couples-to-be or as couples or as a young man looking towards becoming a husband or a young woman looking towards becoming a wife, it is very, very, very fundamental and crucial that we understand that there is a mystery, there is a working of God that is around marriage relationship. There's a working of God. Just like there was a working of God when God said the examples I gave last month, when God told them, "Yes, that sheep that you want to kill for the Passover, cook it, eat it, put the blood by the door post, at the lintel, but make sure that you don't break any of the bones of that sheep." We said ordinary people will look at that and say what's the meaning of this? How will I want to kill a sheep to eat and it's possible not to break any of its bone? How are we going to cut it? How are we going to do it? But they did it. They didn't break any of the bones. I said then, too, some people will be feeling, "Ah, what's the meaning of this now? Whether the bone, do we want to do anything with the bone? Whether we break it or don't break it, abeg, just kill the thing let's eat." But we saw that the reason why they must not break any of those bone is because that Passover lamb also corresponds to Jesus Christ, and none of the bones of Jesus must be broken. So since that Passover lamb was a shadow of Jesus that is to come, none of the bone must be broken. Anybody who may not understand that, it may look weak, it may look what's the meaning of this, something stupid and foolish, but the wisdom of it is that it is because Jesus' bones must not be broken. That is the mystery. That's what we said last month. Now, the same way we were noting that, you see, marriage, there is a mystery around marriage, but marriage is not mysterious. The mystery around marriage is that God had already given up Jesus in eternity and people were chosen in Christ to become one with Him. And so when Adam was coming, because that is to mirror Christ, Adam is to be the first Adam, then Christ the second Adam. The first Adam was of the flesh, the second Adam was of the Spirit. That first Adam must also mirror the Adam he wants to mirror. There is already Adam in eternity, that is Christ. So this physical one must mirror the one that is coming. So since he's to mirror Him, the body of Christ is Christ, and that is why Jesus had to tell Paul, "Saul, why are you persecuting Me?" So the same way when God was bringing marriage, He made sure that what became the wife of Adam was the bone and the body of Adam. Adam said, "This is now the bone of my bone, the flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she's taken out of me." Now, because of that mystery of redemption, anybody that really wants to enjoy marriage, even though it may look stupid and foolish, a man must love his wife just the way Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church when the church was, when we were yet sinners. A man who wants to love a woman that is submissive, obedient, and all of that as the basis of running marriage will fail in marriage. The same way as the church submits to Christ in everything, the church is to learn Christ, the church is to understand Christ, the church is to know the truth about Christ. Every woman is to sit down, the man I married and to study him, and to learn him, and to submit to my own, not to somebody else's own. There are different types of men. There are different personality. They are differently gifted. They are differently talented. They are differently purposed. They are differently designed. They are differently graced. The one that is your own, you are to take his yoke and learn him, then you will find rest for your soul. It may look stupid. It may look foolish. That is the mystery. That was where we concluded last month. Now, we are now taking a lift to the matter of "Nevertheless." I needed to give that background before I enter into today's topic so that you can understand it. Why is the scripture saying "Nevertheless"? And you know, this matter of "Nevertheless" is something that occurred somewhere in the book of Luke. It occurred in the book of Luke and it's so good for us to just take our mind to what happened in that book of Luke. You remember that Peter and his other fishermen, they have done everything they could in the course of the night to catch fish. And unfortunately for them that night, nothing was caught. And it became, "Ah, this night was not a good night at all to catch any fish. Why is it that it is like this?" That is in Luke chapter 5. And when it was morning, they met with the Lord, the Lord Jesus, who asked to use their boat to do the work of the ministry. And then He told Peter, "Oya, cast your nets into the sea." Then Peter said, "Master, Master, Master, eh, eh, we have toiled all night. I am an experienced in fishing. It is in the night that fish, they will come out. They will come out in their multitude to come and play around. If we have set trap in the night, in the early hours of the morning through like that till now and we didn't catch anything, hey, the possibility of catching something now is not possible oh, now that it is day. In fact, again, there is noise all around the water. The fishes, they would have gone down, down, down, down. We won't be able to catch anything. We have toiled all night, we didn't catch." Nevertheless. I'm bringing that word from that place again. That was the statement of Peter in Luke chapter 5. That was the statement. Let me read it. "And Simon Peter answering said unto him, 'Master, we have toiled all the night and have taken nothing. Nevertheless, at Your word, I will let down the net.'" "Nevertheless, at Your word, I will let down the net." And that is where I really want to begin from as an introductory background into what we want to talk about. I don't know how you are looking at marriage if you are not yet married. Maybe you are in a relationship and marriage is forthcoming. Maybe you are yet to start a steady relationship. I don't know what notion you have about marriage. But the prayer I'm praying for you is for you to know that when we don't make our life to be in alignment with the word of the Lord... You see what Peter said? "Nevertheless at Your word. Master, look, I needed not to have aligned myself with this thing. It is baseless and useless to be trying to catch fish by now. There is no sensible or logical reason or it is unreasonable to be doing what You want me to do now. But in any case, I will align my actions with Your word." I am praying for you, everywhere you have misconception, everywhere you have wrong notion, everywhere you have distorted understanding, maybe as a result of parental upbringing or as a result of cultural practices or as a result of the people who fathered you into Christianity or mothered you into Christianity. I don't know, but my prayer is that everywhere you're having notion about marriage, your notion about it is not aligned with the word of the Lord. I pray may help from God like it came to Peter come to you in the name of Jesus. So that your perception of marriage, your perception, your understanding, your attitude, your preparation, your readiness towards marriage as you are looking at relationship might be aligned. Because as long as you want to dwell on your experience... I was talking to one young man one day, he said, "Sir, you know, women are the woe of men. That's why they say 'wo-men'. They are the woe in the life of men. That's why you see the word 'women'. So they are woes in the life of men, but they are woes we need to try to tolerate." You can see the understanding of that young man. He already had a faulty conception about what women are. I remember talking with a lady who said, "Look, as for me, whether married or unmarried oh, no man can boss me around. I will always be who I am. All this 'submit, submit, submitting' thing self..." You see, the fact that I may not really have a clear understanding of the intention, but the fact that the person is already having a conception that submission is a negative thing. You notice that that life is already not putting herself in alignment with a mystery. And I also want to say that are you already in marriage and it looks like your marriage is not working? It looks like, "Ah, I am restless in this thing. My mental health is not stable. This thing is leading me towards becoming crazy. Marriage, this marriage, I can never enjoy it." I don't know where it is, but I just want you to know maybe you have been toiling all night now you're already married, but all your toil has been that you have caught nothing. You wanted peace, there is no peace. You wanted progress, there is no progress. I don't know what you have been trying to catch, but I want to make you understand something. There is a "nevertheless." That if you will choose as a husband and as a wife to align your life with the word of God, like Peter experienced the miraculous, because in that scripture, there was a miraculous catch of fish. The miracle took place. My Bible termed it "The Miraculous Catch of Fish." The miracle took place. The Bible says that by the time Peter was to bring out the net, their net was almost breaking because of the multitude of fish that was caught. It was the miraculous. You know that thing that was that happened is not natural. That thing that happened is the miracle. I pray for you your marriage will experience the miracle. Your home will experience the miracle. In your husband, in your wife, may you experience the miracle, a miraculous catch. As we survey this matter of "nevertheless" this morning, may you experience a miraculous catch. All that you have been trying to catch all these years and you could not catch, may there be the miracle for your marriage. May the miracle for your life, may the miracle happen to you in the name of Jesus. But remember, it was that Peter aligned his life not with his experience, not with "I know what I am doing," "I know how I will do it." Peter refused to lean on his understanding. He trusted in the Lord and the Lord directed his path into the path of abundance. And I want to tell you if you will not lean on your own understanding and you will align yourself with scriptures, the Lord will direct your path in that marriage that has become so troublous, so troublesome, so troubling, so disturbing, and the Lord will direct you to the path of abundance and prosperity. What the Lord assured us this year when we were tackling the year is that "I am the Lord who lead you to profit." God makes us to profit. If you will align yourself with the Lord, then you will profit. That is the first background I want to give you about "nevertheless." Now, let's now come to the place where it now relates to marriage. Ephesians chapter 5. Nevertheless. Nevertheless, at Your word, I will let down the net. At Your word, I will let down the net. And I pray may you let down your net today as we look at this "nevertheless" in the name of Jesus Christ. Now, where we ended last month, he said, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." So that is clear. The mystery is that marriage is tied to Christ and the church. That must be clear. Marriage, anybody that will really, really find fulfillment and expression in marriage, that person must truly have a work relationship with Christ. He must truly be in Christ. Because marriage is something that came out of Christ. So in a way, actually, marriage is meant for true believers. Anybody who is not a true believer is not supposed to marry. So if you are listening to me and you are not a believer, the first alignment you need to make is to align yourself with the salvation that is in Christ. I'm not talking of being a church member. I spent 16 years of my life inside church and I was not a believer. I was active in the church but I was a stranger to the God of the church. I'm talking of a personal work with Jesus, a surrendered life to Christ. I was in the choir, I was in the evangelism unit, I was in the prayer unit, I was busy... so you can be a good church member but you may not be in Christ. You may just be around Christ. So in the first place, marriage is for anybody who is actually inside Christ, who actually has a work with Christ, who is actually taking the footstep of Jesus, who understands the footstep of Jesus, who is following the step of Jesus. And that step of Jesus is clear. That step of Jesus is that... that's what we looked at last month. Is that husband must love their wife as Christ loved the church. The principle, the basis of relating to your wife is not a situation where you want her to earn your love. We do not earn the love of God. If that marriage must work, don't look for a woman that will earn your love. Look for a woman that will enjoy your love. Make up your mind as a man that what the mystery of God in marriage is that look, I must be like Christ. The woman, I must be like the church. I want to adjust, I want to adapt, I want to learn this one that I call my husband. I need to learn him, I need to understand him. I'm to study him. It becomes, you know the way they tell us even till now, that's still the principle, you must pass math and English. Whether you like math or not, you know some of us did not like math when we were in secondary school then. I said, "Ah, A1 in biology, A1 in chemistry, A1 in physics, F in math is F in everything." So whether you like math or you don't like math, you must adapt yourself to mathematics. I'm talking about art students. Science students don't have a lot of problem with that. And so you will see art students doing all kinds of things that are not good, doing everything because they need to learn the math. See, as a woman, when you are thinking of marriage, marriage is learning the person you marry. You are to learn him. You are to learn him so that you can take his yoke, then you will not have problem for your life. But if you don't want to learn him, you'll be always having problem. Now, that is the mystery. That's what we were looking at in July. Why did the Bible now come to this matter of "nevertheless"? Because "however" is a contradiction. When you say, "Look, I am speaking about Christ and the church. This is the mystery about marriage. This is what you need to align yourself to. This is the alignment." And then he now says "nevertheless." Nevertheless, let each one of you so particularly love his wife as himself, and let the wife see to it... I want you to note the word. That's why I read it in several versions that time. I read it in several versions. I want you to get that scripture very, very well. What that place is trying to say and it wants us to know. Look at it again. "However," that's Amplified. "However" is contradicting a particular idea. So the matter is that why is God contradicting it again? Is it that we must not do it? Why did He say "nevertheless"? Look at it. "Nevertheless, let each man without exception love his wife as being in a sense his own very self, and let the wife see to it, let the wife see that, see it, see to it!" You know what that place is trying to say? Let me help you. You will get it now. It's a very simple thing. You will get it. Look at 2 Corinthians chapter 5. You will understand this place. We'll come back to this place in a moment. But I want you to get this matter here because many times I see women and I see men, I see young men and young women who are looking towards marriage with a very, very unscriptural understanding. That is why we are treating the matter of "nevertheless" today. Very, very unscriptural, very useless, very foolish and stupid conception. People will enter into marriage and then because they have read some Shakespeare literature and then some other ones again should we choose, they have read some love stories, they have read different pace setters and they read some Ada and Timi got married and it was happy ever after. And they begin to read some literature as brandy and whiskey were walking by Caribbean sea and it was just lovely and the sea was cool and everything was just smooth and fine. They enter into marriage as if the people they enter into marriage with, they are not humans that have limitations and shortcomings. They enter with one kind of stupid expectation, an expectation that no human being can meet. A dream of marriage that is not realistic. And then they say, "Oh, everything scattered." I we need to understand something. I need to please get me clear. I'm not saying you don't enter into marriage with some expectation. No, that's not what I'm saying. You will get what I am saying clearly as we journey together. You will get it clearly as we journey together. Because the matter we want to look at is very crucial. Very, very crucial. Now, when you look at 2 Corinthians chapter 5, 2 Corinthians 5, you will notice the scripture was raised an issue as Apostle Paul was talking about our faith. I read 2 Corinthians chapter 5, I read from verse 12. Please follow this scripture. "For we do not commend ourselves again to you, but give you opportunity to boast on our behalf that you may have an answer for those who boast in appearance and not in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves..." Please, please be looking at this scripture. "For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God. Or if we are of sound mind, it is for you." Let me take it in another translation that will make it clearer. "If it seems that we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right mind, it is for your benefit." Are you following something? Now, what what is trying to make you see is that anyhow we live our life, whether we live it up or down or bent or straight or this way or that way, we only have one focus. The focus is to love the Lord our God, which is the first and greatest commandment, and then to love man, which is the second that is like unto it. Whatever we are doing, whatever sometimes people may not understand us. Like I normally give the example of me wanting to do certain things in my life that God wants me to do and my brother not understanding me and he said, "Look, you are crazy." But it's because God was leading me to do that thing. Or look at the craziness you may talk about in Abraham, a biblical example now. When he carried Isaac and was going to kill him. How do you describe him? Is he normal or crazy? If somebody tell the only son whom he loved and what he wants to do with the only son whom he loved is to kill him. Is he normal or crazy? He looked crazy, but it's because he needed to please God. That's what Apostle Paul is saying here. There are some things we do because we are doing it because God wants us to live that way. Is it not crazy when somebody slap you on one cheek and you turn the other one? It's crazy. You're supposed to give the person back. If your enemy is hungry, you're supposed to go and hide your food so that your enemy dies. It's crazy. So he said if we are crazy, it is because we want to live for God. Then at some other time we may look like we are normal. You know when they say we are full of good works? You see your neighbor, you carry your neighbor, you do good to them. They say, "Hi, this boy is very nice." At that point, we are normal. It's for human benefit. Are you following something? I want you to get that verse very clear because that is what you will need to understand that Ephesians chapter 5 verse 33. So whether we live or die, what are we doing? We are living to God. Why are we doing that? You will now see it in the next verse. That is where we are going. He says, "For the love of Christ constrains us. For the love of Christ constrains us." Other version says "compels us." Now, what does it mean to compel? What does it mean to compel somebody to do something? Is to force somebody against the person's will and desire. That is it may... you want to do... He said because we judge that if one died, he died for all. He died that those who live, verse 15, should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and rose again. So you see what he's trying to say? That look, it's not as if ordinarily we would have lived that way oh. Ordinarily, we would have done otherwise. But something is constraining us. Something is making us... we are judging something. At those point when they told me that I'm going to die in Jerusalem, my heart also had some fear. But the reason why I set my fear aside was that look, I want to live for God. So if it is to die, we go and die. It's not as if I just like death like that. I am judging something. That thing, I am judging it. So that when I want to go the other way, I remember that I've been beginning to judge. That is many times it's not as if they felt like living like that. But what was giving them the strength, the satisfaction, the ability, the capacity to go on is that something was compelling them. What was compelling them is not fear of hell, but the love of Christ. They were compelled. Now, that is exactly what the Bible is saying in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 33. That look, this is about Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you without exception see to it that he love his wife as his own body. And let the wife also see to it that she submit, she reverse, she respect her husband. You know what he's saying now? That many times you will not feel like that. Many times it will not come naturally. Many times it will feel like throw the woman outside the window, tell this man that he's stupid. Many times you will feel the other way. What he's trying to make you see is that don't forget that actually we... until we decide that we want to walk in the Spirit, we will always be fulfilling the lust of the flesh. It is not something, don't think that because he says this is a great mystery, very, very, very... don't think that you will just naturally begin to feel that way. Don't think that it will go very easy inside the marriage. Don't think that when you just get there... and that is what some people don't know. There's a difference between theory and practical. I have some of my sons and daughters by the time we are teaching them about medicine, I tell them, "See, this thing that we are telling you, don't think when you get there you will just remember immediately oh. If you don't make up your mind to remember, you will forget." And they say, "Ah, I'm really blessed by this teaching. I'm really blessed. Ah, it's something I've noted down." By the time they got married and then some things happen, and I say, "But daughter, do you remember? Son, do you remember?" They say, "Ah, I didn't know it is this serious oh." He said, "Now you are understanding that there's a difference between theory and practical." What the Bible is trying to make us see is that marriage is a decision. You are deciding, you are resolving that even when I don't feel like, nevertheless... Ah, Christ have said I should love her. I should love her as He loves the church. Ah, Christ have said I should respect, I should learn him, I should adapt to him. He constrains you. He compels you. And that is why I said initially that marriage is meant for true believers. Anybody that don't have relationship with Jesus in which he can be constrained by Jesus cannot walk the love of marriage from the point of the scripture. The person cannot. Because what compels you is the love for Christ. They were compelled. So what when he said "nevertheless," what he's trying to tell, "Bro, bro, you want to be a brother? Yes." You know what he's telling you? Many times it will feel like you see this my wife is very, very stupid and I will show him that I'm the one that married her. I will show her that I'm the one that married her. I'm going to tell her that I am the head in this house. I'm going to tell her that look, it is me that use my money to pay all the bath right. Sometimes and many times it will feel like that. But can you say "nevertheless"? Can you say "nevertheless"? Even though it feels like the no, nevertheless. Ah, no, no, no. No. No. No! There is a nevertheless. I must see to it that I love my wife as myself. I must see to it that it is like Jesus love. We were slapping Him, we were denying Him, He was praying for us. We were mocking Him, He was saying Father they don't know what they do. He was taking everything. He was dying for us. We were doing everything yet when He died He went to hell to free us again. He was busy doing all He ought to do because He was looking unto God. The same way He's saying nevertheless as a husband, nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless! What she did is to slap her, what she did is to throw her out, what she did is to be bitter, what she did is to be angry, what she did, what it is calling for is for me to just slam the door against her and tell her look, my money is my money, if you want to die, die. Look what she did! That is how it feels, but nevertheless. Nevertheless. Nevertheless. We were enemies when Christ died for us. But God commended His love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us! While this woman is still sinning, I need to love her. While she is still rebellious, I need to love her. Nevertheless. Nevertheless. Nevertheless. Ah, kini dun mi, oh! Oh! Let me... nevertheless! Are you understanding me, bro? Husband listening to me, are you understanding me? The reason why your marriage is not working is that you left the principle of nevertheless. You became revengeful. You became... "Peter, so You want to deny Me? Ah, You are a bastard!" Is that what Jesus did? He said, "Peter, I have prayed for you." Bro, what I'm trying to make you see as a husband or as a husband-to-be is that you must understand this nevertheless. Because many times... do you remember that at some point, Jesus too did His own nevertheless? He said, "Father, let this cup pass over Me. Can it pass? Ah! But not as I will." You see it? Nevertheless. When it comes to the matter of marriage, you must understand that it is the matter of salvation. At some point in carrying the cross for us, at some point in going to die for us, Jesus was constrained to say I will not go. But He continued. He said, "Let Your will be done." At some point, you must understand that in marrying a wife, look, let the sister be spiricoco, spirispirispri, I don't know how you call her, and you are thinking that once we marry, it will just be happy ever after. That reality, you better go and throw inside the bush. Go and throw that expectation, take it out of your head. Go and throw it and bury it. Enter another capacity that marriage is about nevertheless. Enter that capacity, enter a new mode. The Bible says we are transformed by renewing of our mind. Please renew your mind by scriptures. Don't carry all this ugly cheese mentality on your head and Shakespeare mentality. Carry the mentality of the scripture into marriage. You will notice at different junction, Bible says husband love your wife don't be bitter. If God know that they will not make you bitter, will He be telling you that don't be bitter? God said husband love your wife, don't be bitter against them. So why is He telling you that? Because He knows that because we are humans, sometimes limited information, sometimes not seeing the whole thing very well, sometimes our impatience, sometimes our different upbringing, our different perspective to matters. I was speaking with my students yesterday in the class, and I wrote U on the board, letter U. And I said what is it? They all said U. I said why did you say letter U? They said because it is U now, it is letter U. I said no, can somebody think further? They were all looking at me. "Let somebody think further. Why are you saying it's letter U?" They say, "Sir, that is the alphabet, the English alphabet. U so you wrote U." I said somebody can think further beyond that. I said, "Okay, look at it like this. Don't you see that you are saying letter U because of where you are seated?" I said, "If I make you sit at the other side of this board, what will it be?" They said, "Letter N." I said, "Have I changed what I wrote? Would I have changed what I've written?" They said, "No." I said, "So what change is from U to N?" They said because if they move to the other side. I said so, many times when you are on this side and you are insisting that it is U and the person on the other side says that it is N, the person may look crazy but the person have his own rationality. That is perspective. When you enter into marriage, in some matters you feel ah, you are already seeing it, say my wife you know this is U and the wife said no, this is N now. I say, "Ah ah dear, you can look at it very well now, open your eye." And he said, "Dear, ah ah, look at it too very well eh, this is letter N." You say, "No, it's letter U!" before you know, voice starts going up. "I say listen to me, it's U!" He said, "Ah, I'm not stupid, it is N, ah ah!" And before you know, before you know, wah! I say it's U, listen to me! And of course you are right. Of course she's not wrong. It just depends on where both of you are standing. That's why the Bible says nevertheless. Nevertheless, because we are limited in information, we are limited in experience, we are limited in knowledge, we are limited in... look, you people are limited. We are not like God who knows all things. All you know about life is just an infinitesimal aspect of life. So you need to understand all of this! And that is why you notice it's going too to the wife. He says see to it that you respect your husband. Just look at the example I'm giving now. It's U, it's N, and your husband said, "Look dear, as far as I'm concerned this thing is U and I want us to move that way." Will you agree with him? Will you just say, "Look, nevertheless, I can see that this thing is N, but since he decided that we should take it as a family, as a couple, as U, I will take it as U and I will support him"? And even when it end up becoming N, I won't say, "You see you? You see you? Stupid man! When I was telling you!" Can you quickly understand that the only way to be a correct help is not to be a critics, is to be a helper. Is not a somebody who make a caricature of him. "Ehn, kotan, kotan, look at it, look at it! He has ended N! Ehn, when I was telling you!" Can you be ah, dear, oh it didn't work out, oh. So so what do you suggest that we do now? What do you think why why... can you still respect? Can you still submit to him? Why? Because there's a nevertheless. Can you understand that even though he's the leader, because he's human, he can make mistakes? Can you understand that many times when you say no, this is what we are doing, that thing may not be correct, it may not be the best, and yet because you are there to support him, eventually both of you will navigate to the right side? Why? Because over your life there is what? A nevertheless. There is a nevertheless. There's a nevertheless even though it looks like I should not respect this idiot again because as far as you are concerned you are sure that it is N. You don't know what stupidity makes him to be looking at it as U. And now N would have been the best thing to do. Can you still respect him? Can you still submit to him? Can you understand that because he's human eh, he may not always work right in your thought and dream? And yet you want to adapt yourself. You want to learn him, you want to understand him. But what I'm trying to make you see is that the troubles we have in marriage today is not because marriage as an institution created by God has a problem. It is because those who are entering into what God created don't know God who created it. Are you understanding me? Marriage as an institution don't have a problem. That thing that God did when He said it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a help suitable, that thing that God did eh, it good. The problem with it is our sins, our rebellion, our sinfulness, our disobedience, our ignorance, our arrogance, our stupidity and our foolishness. That is why it is giving us problem. Nevertheless. Nevertheless. Nevertheless. That's the matter we have exploited today. We explore this matter today and I want you as wife and as husband to look into your home, to look into your marriage. Look inward. Look inward. May you realize that there is a nevertheless. Or you have thrown away and you have said, "Lord, see, I have toiled all night, I didn't catch anything. This Your word that says I should, I'm sorry, I don't want to waste my time again." Do you know that for some men, loving their wife as Christ love the church is a waste of time? "Don't waste your time on this woman." And some women is also the same mentality. Adapting, respecting, submitting, agreeing, aligning themselves with him eh, is a... I'm not a fool. It's stupidity. But that is the principle of God. That's the workings of God. But what we are not realizing is this, and that is where I want to close the meeting. You see, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Oh, may the Lord help us. May the Lord really help us. You see, the Lord, the Lord our Maker, He properly understand our limitation as human. He knows our weaknesses. He understand our frame. You know He's our Maker. And He knows that no matter what, as long as there is unity between a man and his wife, the marriage will work. You see, what scatters marriages is not whether it is N or it is U. No. What scatters it is the attitude towards the U and the N. And so what the Lord is instructing us to do is to have the right attitude. Once we have the right attitude towards any matter, that matter will not scatter our marriage. And the attitude the Lord wants us to have eh, is that attitude of unity, acceptance, and united. No matter what, the husband is saying, "Wife, I'm in this thing with you." No matter what, the wife is saying, "My husband, I'm in it with you." You see, when we have this attitude towards one another, our errors, our limitations, our diverse perspective eh, our different orientations will not tear us apart. Unity is a very strong thing. Unity is a very strong thing. And as I close this meeting, I take your mind to the Tower of Babel. When the whole world eh, they were speaking one language and not diverse language. And then they said, "Come, let us build something. Let us build it." And they began to build. You notice what the Lord said about them in Genesis chapter 11? He said, "These people, they are one. There is nothing that they imagine to do that they will not be able to do." So even God saw that even when they were wrong, they will prosper because they are united. What I'm saying is that you see, even if the marriage will do something and that something is not God wants you people to do, if you are united and you are going, and God needed to interrupt you, He will interrupt you people. You see, the secret of prosperity is unity. The secret of power is unity. As long as both of you can leave aside, nobody want to feel superior with his own knowledge, nobody want to feel superior. "Okay, okay, okay, okay maybe it's U, okay let's go the way of U first, let's see how it is. Let's go that way. Okay, let's do it, let's do it!" and you prayerfully began to do it. If it has to be N, as you move on, "Ah, it's like this thing is not working oh." I say, "Okay, okay then let's go the way of N." You will see God guiding both of you because you are united. But when you split yourself apart on, "It is U! It is N! It is U! You must be stupid for saying U! You must be mad for saying N!" And then you go on and on like that. Do you know what happens? The Bible says eh, everywhere there is strife, oh, it says there will be confusion eh, it says and there will be evil work. You know what that means? That is everywhere you find such things, you give the enemy an opportunity to come in. Satan takes advantage of you. That's why you will notice what may be the matter may just be that there is no salt in the food or the salt was not enough or the food did not come on time or the type of gift that the husband bought for the wife is not the type that she likes. It's about gift initially. Before you know, "Ehn, because I spend my money on you, I will not spend again." It has gone to finance. Say, "Ehen, you will see. By the time we want to sleep, I will not be available for sex." It has affected their sexual life. It begins from just one thing. It begins to go, go, go, go, go because they were not united in handling that thing. What I'm trying to make you see and I'm trying to make you think is look, look, you see, look into these things critically. Your attitude towards the seemingly wrong. That is why when we think that eh, because someone, we perceive someone to be wrong or to have done what is wrong, and we think that that gives us justification to also do wrong, we are not getting it right. Two wrongs will never make a right. Two wrongs will never make a right. And let me tell you eh, in many things, to be kind eh, is better than to be right. If you look at redemption, redemption tells you that if it's about rightness, there would have been no redemption. It's about kindness. If it was about to be right, then it would be that any day the offender come to tell God that they are sorry then God will come to them. But in redemption, what we saw is that it was the offended that took the initiative to sacrifice His Son. He gave His Son for the offenders. The offenders went ahead to even still kill that Son, not appreciating. But eventually the offenders realize how much the offended loved them and they came back. Today, there are many people today eh, who are truly walking with Jesus. If He had not, if He had not said, "Father, forgive them," if He had not gone down to to hell to still free us and gave gifts to men and brought grace, if He had not done all of that and He said, "Okay, so You said You know what You are doing, Me too I will show You," there would have been nobody that will be saved. That's why I'm telling you that in so many things, to be kind is better than to be right. I'm not saying we should not correct. I'm not saying we should not instruct. The Bible said teach, instruct, rebuke. But I'm talking about attitude of heart. Attitude of heart. God did everything eh, when we were enemies. He did everything, He accepted us the way we are. He did everything, He brought us to Himself. Having brought us to Himself, having given us grace so that we can live right, He now began to teach us the truth. As He began to teach us the truth eh, having given capacity, having given instruction, having given strength, having given grace, having done all of that, He now begin He now move on towards correcting, towards rebuking. I don't know how you see this thing in your marriage, but what I'm trying to make you see is that you cannot correct, you cannot truly correct a wife that you don't accept. You cannot truly correct a husband that you don't first accept. You can't be fighting someone in your heart and then be able to correct the person. What you'll be doing most of the time is revenge. You will talk to satisfy your anger. You will speak, you will say You are, eh, I'm telling I'm telling him my mind. You may not be telling your mind, you may be insulting the, you may be insulting her. Because in the first place, the the right attitude is not there. That is what that place is addressing in marriage. The greatest challenge today in marriage is not the diversity in perspective, it is not the limitation of our humanity, it is not that we are differently graced, we are differently brought up. The greatest problem today in marriage is that we have not allowed this same mind that is in Christ to be in us. He said, "Let the mind that is in Christ, let it be in you." We don't have, we don't we don't relate to the mind of Christ. We don't have His mind. We have the mind of Christ eh, because we got born again. But we now need to renew our mind eh, so that in reality we can have that kind of mind. Renew your mind towards your wife. Renew your mind towards your husband. As a young man, as a young woman looking towards marriage, begin to learn that there is what? Nevertheless. Let us pray this morning. Oh, before we pray, it's 11:30 that's why I say let us pray. Let me ask the technical if we have questions. Technical, please, do we have questions? Okay. So wherever you are, let's go ahead to pray this morning. But please if you still have questions, you can quickly send it in so that by the time I finish we... maybe you didn't know you're supposed to send in question by 11:00 before now. We're supposed to be answering the question now but if there is a question, please you can still send it in. Just eh I'm giving just about two minutes for that. If there are questions, please you can still send in questions. Let's relate to your question. Alright, let us pray. Our Father, we thank You for this morning. We give You glory, we give You praise. We just commit ourselves into Your hand. Lord our God, it is You, You are the one who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Marriage is something that You designed for our good. But today, what we see more around us is the other way round. What we see more around us are the ills, the negative consequences, oh, impacts of marriages on couples, on children. Lord, we are just committing ourselves into Your hand. Lord, teach us Your ways. Incline our heart to Your path. Incline our heart to Your path. Incline our heart to Your path. Incline our heart. Incline our heart. Lord, I pray for that young man, that young woman out there that is looking towards marriage. Lord Almighty pray, I just pray that You will prepare their heart correctly to be correctly aligned to scriptures in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, we also use this opportunity to pray for troubled homes, for troubled marriages. May the husband see his own point of departure from the scripture, and may the wife see her own point of departure from the scripture, and may they both return to the scriptures in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, in all, our eyes are on You. Let nothing prevail against Your purposes our life in the name of Jesus. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Let's share the grace together. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen. Till next month when we meet again, the Lord preserve us all till then in Jesus' name. [Speaker 1] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission aids. Our regular activities are discipleship class every Monday 5:00 PM, adolescents and singles club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, marriage forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, family life seminars, regular school outreaches and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community opposite Rejoice filling station along Igbara-Oke road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.