Reflection on Forgiveness in Marriage

[Music playing] [Background voiceover] Trust in His fellowship can not be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God will even desire a godly influence. These words were written for instruction in righteousness on family tent ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. We thank our God again for another time for our marriage forum. We trust Him again for His mercies, His goodness, His help. It has been Him since the beginning of the year, and we believe it will yet be Him in the name of Jesus Christ. I want to welcome everyone again to our marriage forum for the month of September. We were able to add to our broadcast list couples who were at our last family life seminar, and I believe that some of them will be online this morning or maybe coming to the life camp for our marriage forum for the month of September. As we all gather, we who are here physically, our brethren who are joining online, couples, marriages, individuals, families, my short singles who are joining us online, I want to welcome everybody. Those on Mixlr, those on Telegram, you are all welcome to the September edition of our marriage forum of Family Tent Ministry. As we all come together this morning, my belief and my trust in the Lord is that our lives, our marriages, and by extension our families, would be enriched in the name of Jesus Christ. As we begin this morning, let us have a word of prayer. We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Father. We are grateful Oh Lord for all You have done for us. Amen. Hallelujah. We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Father. We are grateful Oh Lord. We are grateful Father. We are grateful Oh Lord. Oluwa Olorun for all You have done for us. Amen. Hallelujah. We are grateful Oh Lord. Our Father, we thank You. We give You glory. We give You honor. We give You praise. We thank You. We bless Your name. We appreciate You. We give You all the glory for all You have been to us. We say Lord, we are really, really grateful. Accept our thanks Oh Lord in the name of Jesus Christ. We commit ourselves again into Your hand this morning as we go on with the September edition of our marriage forum. Lord, please speak to our hearts. Enrich our lives. Enrich our marriages. Thank You, our Father. Blessed be Your name. Meet with us everywhere we are. Enrich our lives. Speak to our hearts. Lord God Almighty, we look up unto You as we reflect on this topic: Forgiveness in Marriage. Lord, we pray, let Your spirit reach to every home, every lives that we need this message the most in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, as we reflect on this all-important topic, Lord, please meet with us. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Praise the Lord. We are looking at a very important topic this morning, which is forgiveness. Reflection on forgiveness in marriage. I want us to quietly, patiently look at this very, very important topic because our redemption rests squarely on this. We know that it was forgiveness that brought redemption. If our sins were not forgiven, there wouldn't have been redemption. Mind you, the whole subject of marriage is revolving around the whole matter of redemption. The Bible says, "Husband, love your wife as Christ loves the church." Moreover, in a similar way, the scripture says, "Wife, submit to your husband just as the church is subject to Christ." (Ephesians 5:22-25) So we see that the whole issue about marriage revolves around redemption. The whole matter of redemption revolves around the love of God in bringing forgiveness to us. So, it's a very, very important topic that we are trying to look at this morning. We just want to reflect on it. Forgiveness is not something new to the average person. One way or the other, you must have heard about forgiveness. The need to forgive, the need for us to forgive just as God in Christ forgave us. Or maybe in some of your relationships or network, you will hear even non-believers, people say, "Just forgive him," or "Just forgive her." So, forgiveness is not something novel. Forgiveness is something that one way or the other we have encountered, we have preached, we have talked about, we have been asked to do, and somebody has done that also for us as we ask for forgiveness. So, forgiveness is not something entirely new. It's something we one way or the other would have had encounter with, either in experience or in word. As we reflect on this topic, I want to begin like this. Someone made this statement and honestly, I agree perfectly with the two statements because for me, they are the reality in scriptures. Scriptures overwhelmingly picture these two statements that someone made, and I agree perfectly with. The first one is: Life is all about attitude. Life is all about attitude. Everything in life rests so much on attitude. Many times, if not all the time, the real problem in a situation is not what happened or how it happened. The real problem is our attitude to what happened or how it happened. When people don't have the right attitude towards happenings, towards situations around them, either that happened to them or to their loved ones or happening around them, it goes a long way to become a bane for being able to overcome that problem, being able to overcome that circumstance or that challenge or that happenings. So, to a very, very, very large extent, if not all extent, I wholeheartedly agree with the statement that life is all about attitude. What happens to some people and they triumph, in fact, it's like nothing actually happened, but because of their attitude towards it. The same thing happened to another person and you find out for that person, the marriage has scattered. There was fighting, beating, or heated argument, verbal abuse, physical abuse, division, strife. I mean the same thing. It's all about their attitude towards what happened. Same way you find the same event happening to two persons and one person was able to cope and came out of it, and the other person had depression, mental instability, and sometimes some even commit suicide with the same event happening to them. So many, many times in life, and I want to say if not all the time, life is all about attitude. If your attitude is not right, honestly it's a big problem. Attitude is the long and short of our living. The second statement that is very close to that, which I also perfectly agree with because actually it took its bearing from the first. This second one says: A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. You know how it is, how it looks like to be driving and then you have a punctured tire. If you try to continue with the punctured tire, a lot of things are going to happen. But two immediate major ones: is that one, the tire will become completely bad because it is going to tear into pieces. If it is punctured and you don't do everything to remove it, put the spare tire, if you continue with that tire, of course you are not going to have that tire again because it is going to tear into pieces. The second major one that follows is that not only will the tire go bad, not only will the tire be torn into pieces, depending on the type of rim that you have, depending on how the quality and the strength of that rim, the rim may equally be affected. So once you have a punctured tire, you know what you normally do. You cannot go far. You quickly look for a way to park, fix the spare tire, and then get to the vulcanizer to get the punctured tire repaired. And if you don't have a spare, you know what you do normally. Except the vulcanizer is just close by, you quickly just drive to the vulcanizer. If it's not in the immediate environment, you have to remove that tire, look for a way to get it to the vulcanizer. The repair is done and then you come back to the car to fix it. You don't continue with it. So a bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. When things are happening around us, when things happen in our marriage and we have a attitude that is bad, an attitude that is not good, an attitude that is negative, then what normally should not be a problem will become it will look like what happened is actually more than what happened. By the time people sit down to listen to what happened, people will just wonder, "So how did what act or what that it became this? What act or what and then act or what and act or what and act or what that it became a thing that became a sinking sand or that engulfed the whole relationship, the whole marriage?" It's just that the attitude towards what happened was a bad one. So the first thing I'm beginning with in looking at a reflection on forgiveness is that many times what happened in a marriage is not necessarily the problem. What happens in a marriage is most times not the real issue. The real issue in the marriage is that those involved in the marriage had or are having a bad attitude towards what is happening or what happened. That's the first thing I want to say. And of course, you notice I said reflection on forgiveness in marriage. I didn't say the family. By marriage, I'm talking about the relationship that is between the husband and his wife. The husband and his wife makes up the marriage. When you add anything beyond that, by the time you put in the children and a lot of other things, then you're talking about the family. But I'm talking about the marriage. My focus is on marriage today, not on the family. I'm talking about relationship between the husband and the wife. Not necessarily between the parents and the children. Of course, not as if that is not very, very important. That is also very crucial. Because even the example that is coming to my mind now, I was talking about attitude, is the example of David and his son Absalom. You remember the incident between David and Absalom in 2 Samuel chapter 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. That's where you have the whole of this story. I'll just make reference to it, but you can later go and read up the story. The whole thing started actually from 2 Samuel chapter 13. 11 and 12 is the story of David and Bathsheba and Uriah. How David slept with Bathsheba, organized the death of Uriah as a way of covering up the sin. But unfortunately, the Lord thinking that he could hide his sin, but the Lord rebuked him through Nathan the prophet. Subsequent to that action of David, there was a problem within the family. That is now from chapter 13. In chapter 13, Amnon, one of the sons of David, slept with Tamar the sister, but of course same father but different mother. Tamar is same mother with Absalom. Amnon slept with her and then disgraced her. Having raped his sister, he sent her out of the house in shame. That did not go down well with Absalom. Absalom over time revenged the action by killing Amnon. And when he killed Amnon, of course he fled afraid of the wrath of the father. Please you can read up the story in 2 Samuel chapter 13 to chapter 15. That's where you find all I'm talking about now. And then eventually, David, long after Amnon have died, Absalom had been away all the while. Of course, there was nothing David could do again about Amnon. Amnon is gone and gone. So he felt there was a need to bring back Absalom. But somehow, even though he saw that there was a need to do that, his emotion was not coming to terms with that. I'm talking about attitude. The way I feel, the way I'm not feeling good, I'm feeling this way, I'm feeling that way. But anyway, Joab, the captain of the army, saw that David indeed wanted Absalom back. So he made arrangement, he went around the situation, and eventually Absalom was back. They sent for Absalom, Absalom came back. But you know that feeling of I'm not feeling too good even though it is right to forgive him and let him come back, affected David. I'm talking about attitude. You know, just to buttress the matter of attitude before we move on to look at one or two things also in scripture and then we close today. And then what followed was that Absalom noticed this in his father because even though the father have said he should come back, the father have not invited him to come to the palace for him to see him, at least greet him, welcome him. He's back, let him go to his own house. So this ran into a year have gone by and nothing was really fishing. So the young man became restless, wondering whether he was really forgiven or he was not forgiven. He wasn't too sure. He tried to call Joab to come so that he can take him to his father. Joab was not forthcoming. He called and called Joab but was not forthcoming. So he sent his own servant to go and burn down the farm of Joab. When that happened, Joab in annoyance went to Absalom and said, "Why did you send your servant to do this to my farm?" And Absalom said, "I've been asking you to come and come but you were not coming. I want you to what is my offense? I thought my father had forgiven me and he told me to come back. But days, months, year have gone by and I've not gone to even he have not invited me to see his face. If he wants me dead, then let him so act. I can't understand this coming back home. I don't understand the forgiveness. I don't understand my plight." So of course, Joab took the young man to David. Of course David kissed him and "You are welcome." But you know, I suspect that the manner of how everything went, I'm talking about attitude. The attitude of David in handling the return of Absalom is really something to learn from. That attitude was not very positive. That attitude was not good enough. And of course, it had serious repercussion. It had very serious repercussion for David, for the household of David. You know, after David have welcomed Absalom back in a way that the young man was not sure, that ended in chapter 14 verse 33. [Speaker 2] 2 Samuel 14:33. So Joab sent to the king and told him, and so he called for Absalom. He came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king. Then the king kissed Absalom. [Speaker 1] You can know that was after how long? That took a very long time before that came. Verse 28 says, "And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, but did not see the king's face." That was too long. The attitude towards that matter. If you have forgiven the young man, then you should have. You know, the Bible says something in Romans. Look at something in Romans chapter 12. Just to buttress what I'm trying to say. Look at Romans chapter 12. Bible was talking about forgiveness, the correct attitude in handling forgiveness. Romans chapter 12, verse 8. Look at what it says about showing mercy. [Speaker 2] Romans 12:8. He who exhorts, in exhortation. He who gives, with liberty. He who leads, with diligence. He who shows mercy, with cheerfulness. [Speaker 1] If you are showing mercy, then show it with cheerfulness. That's the correct attitude. If you don't want to show mercy, then don't show mercy. Showing mercy without cheerfulness is rubbish. Showing mercy with a bad attitude is useless. The attitude that must follow mercy is cheerfulness. If you are saying that you have forgiven someone, then you have to be cheerful around that person. You have to show an attitude that wow, it is gone, it is gone. I'm not holding anything against you. In your actions, in the things you do, there's a need. And that's why you see the Bible putting it there. Because if you show mercy but not with cheerfulness, that mercy is not scriptural. It's not biblical. It will not work the righteousness of God. You may be saying I've forgiven, I've forgiven, I've forgiven the person. But the Bible says, if you are showing mercy, show it with cheerfulness. Let me see another translation. That is New King James. NLT says, "And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly." Do it gladly. I know that forgiving one another is not a gift, it's a command. Bible said we should forgive one another. So we are not looking at it from the point of gift now. We are looking at forgiveness as a matter of the way of faith. So the Bible says that if you are showing such things, you should do it gladly. It should be with gladness. The NIV says, "If it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." The Message says something like, "If you work with the disadvantaged, where you have to show mercy, somebody have done something a disadvantage situation, says don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face." Are you seeing that? Keep a smile on your face. If you want to show mercy to somebody, if you want to bear with anybody, if you want to forgive anybody, then do it. Let it be clear. Don't do it reluctantly. Don't do it in a way that the person is not sure of what happened. Don't do it that way. Do it in a way that the person is glad. Do it in a way that the person could understand that yes, I've received mercy. That's the correct thing. Let's see how Amplified put that for us. Amplified, verse 8. [Speaker 2] Romans 12:8 Amplified. He who does acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness. [Speaker 1] So if you are doing acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness. David was showing acts of mercy. He told them to bring Absalom back. Absalom came back. But because he had a bad attitude, for another full two years, he did not invite the young man. "Oh Absalom, you are back. Oh thank God you are back. So how are you? How is it with you? Oh why not come and eat with me at the table. Let's have you back home." Maybe a small party, like you found with the case of the prodigal son. When the younger brother came back home, if you look at that story for you to see the cheerfulness, the father saw the young man afar. And what did he do? According to that story in Luke chapter 15. The Bible says that the father ran, embraced the young boy. Not only that, called on his servant, "Oya please cloth him. Remove this rag that is on the young man. Wear good things on him." Oh that is still not enough. He threw a little party, family party. "Oh come and rejoice with me. My son is back." The elder brother who heard about the party was not happy. Said, "Ah this stupid boy who have done all of that, why should you be throwing a party around him?" But in that story, the Lord Jesus was just showing us the proper attitude that goes with forgiveness. The proper attitude that goes with forgiveness is genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness. When the elder brother came home and said, "Look father, this boy who have wasted everything, even me as I've been at home." What did he tell him? "You are always at home. All I have is yours. So why are you struggling? But you know, in forgiving this your brother, we must do it cheerfully. We must show that he's truly forgiven." You find the same thing when Jesus was giving that story. He said there is joy in heaven over a sinner that repent. So when somebody is repenting, I'm trying to show you the way heaven receive the person. How is the person received? Joyfulness, cheerfulness. Angels are dancing. Oh you are welcome. And not, "Okay let us just manage you. So you you are just coming at the age of 35. I've been calling you since you are a teenager. You are now coming at the you are coming at the age of 70. Is that the right time to come? You have useless your life. You are now just coming." That is not the way God receive us. That's not the way God look at the thief. "Ah this is the time to repent. Anyway, let me just manage you. You can follow me. Let's see how it will go." That wasn't it. So, it was the undoing of David. And that is why I said I agree with those two statements that someone made. These two statements, they are completely biblical. The day I heard the statement, I wrote it down. Life is all about attitude. And two, attitude is everything. A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. It won't carry you anywhere. It will destroy your marriage. It will destroy your relationship. It will destroy your love. It will destroy some things in fact some things that you have built for years, bad attitude will scatter it for you. Just like a punctured tire. It will tear the tire, it will spoil the rim if you continue to use it. You must remove the punctured tire and put the spare. And if you don't have a spare, what do you do? You take the punctured tire, you go and repair it and then you bring it back, you fix it. You make sure it's not punctured. But if you try to drive on that road, you will continue with that bad attitude. Oh it will not carry your marriage far. It will not carry your marriage anywhere. Your marriage will soon crumble. Your intimacy, the first love, the way you started will soon die. It will not carry you far because your way of handling forgiveness is not correct. It's not correct. The way to handle forgiveness is the way the Bible teaches us. The word of God is written down for our learning. It make us to see what is wrong about our life. It teaches us what is right. It tells us the proper way to live. What happened to David was written down for our learning so that we don't go that way. The Bible in Romans chapter 15 verse 4 says, "Whatsoever things were written down, they were written down for our learning so that through the comfort and encouragement of the scripture, we can have hope." I want to beg you. I don't know how it is in your marriage. I don't know how you have been handling things. But I'm now trying to make you see that there's an important attitude that goes in forgiving. That attitude is the attitude of cheerfulness and genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness. God want it to be visible. It must be visible. And that is the pattern the Lord gave us. Story of the prodigal son, the story of the lost sheep, the story of the lost coin. And then we are taking lesson from the mistake of David. All of these parables, the story of the lost sheep and the lost coin, you will read that in Luke chapter 15. I'm trying to save a lot of time because I want to finish this topic today. That's why I'm just making allusion to all these things you can please read them up. All these stories are there in the Bible. But I know we are all familiar with the prodigal son story. You may not just know where it is. Luke chapter 15. The story is there. So what are you doing about your own relationship? What are you doing about your spouse? I'm warning you. A bad attitude is a punctured tire. It will soon drown your relationship. It will soon drown your marriage. And by the time it drown your marriage, it will shipwreck your family. Because by the time, just like Absalom began to plan rebellion with the people against David, your husband can begin to plan rebellion with the children against the wife. Your wife can begin to plan rebellion with the children against their father because he's no more feeling she or he is no more feeling secure. "I don't know how my future will look like with this person. This person that cannot So let me quickly do something." May the Lord help us. Please I beg you. I don't know how it is in your marriage. I don't know how you have been handling things. But I'm trying to make you see that there's an important attitude that goes in forgiveness. That attitude is the attitude of cheerfulness and genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness. God wants it to be visible. It must be visible. And that is the pattern the Lord gave us. The other thing I want to say, which is second thing about this whole matter as we begin to gradually begin to close for today, except if there are questions that will be coming. The second thing I want to say about this issue of forgiveness, let me open my notes again. The second thing I want to say about it is a reflection for us in Matthew chapter 18:21-35 and then Lamentations chapter 3 verse 22 to 23. Again, I will paraphrase that story in Matthew chapter 18:21 to 35. It's a very popular story too. That's where Peter went to the Lord Jesus to ask him, "How many times shall I forgive my brother?" I believe that's a very familiar story too. So we will not read the whole story because I believe you're familiar with that story. So he asked the Lord, "How many times should I forgive my brother?" and the Lord told him, he said, "Is it seven times?" and the Lord said, "seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21-22) Then the Lord went ahead to say the kingdom of heaven is like a king who reckoned an account with his servant. I believe it's a very familiar story for most of us. So when he reckoned the account, there was this servant that was holding him a lot of money. Some other translations said a thousand pounds, going to thousands of pounds, was what he was holding the master. And then he came, he pleaded, "Please forgive me." The master forgave. And then he met a fellow servant who was owing him just a penny. And then the servant said, "Please forgive me." "No you must pay me!" then he threw the servant into prison. And then the other servant went to tell the master. "Master, look what happened." Said, "What? Go and call that useless servant, bring him." He said, "You, you were holding me thousands. I forgave you. Ah you could not overlook one penny?" He said, "So you too go into the prison until you can pay the money." He said, "That is the way God will deal with you if you don't forgive." That is the last verse. "So your heavenly Father will also do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." (Matthew 18:35) So that was that story. I believe we are familiar with that. Of course, it is important to clarify something. God forgiving us is not based on our forgiving our brothers. God forgave us because He loves us. But the point here in that story, which sometimes even people don't get very well, is that God is saying that because I have forgiven you, you too go and forgive people. It's not that salvation is based on works. No. What God is saying is that look I've forgiven you so much for me to have made you to be my child. I've given you forgiveness. So out of what I've given you, that forgiveness I gave you, you too go and give others. That's the command. He said "Forgive one another as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us." (Ephesians 4:32) That is the focus of that story. It should not be understood that salvation is by works. No. That's not what the story saying. Salvation is solely by grace. But having received grace, we are supposed to also show grace to people. That is the point of that story. Now, but what the Lord called my attention to that led to reference to this place is not the whole of that story. Look at that 21. That was where the something really came to me is about 21. It says that 21-22. "Then Peter came to Him and said, 'Lord, how often should my brother sin against me and I forgive him? up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I did not say seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'" (Matthew 18:21-22) That is the matter. That's the matter that I just want us to look at in our marriages. And the way it came to me is this: how many times should my spouse offend me before for me to forgive? Just like Peter was asking my brother. What did the Lord answer? Seventy times seven. That should be about 490. 490 times. Now I want us to look at that this thesis, this theory, this position of our Lord Jesus in our marriage. The Lord is saying that my spouse, if I must truly forgive, the forgiveness that comes with the correct attitude, the Lord said 70 times 7 times. Now let us think about it. Is it possible for a spouse to offend 70 times 7 times? Is it really possible? Let's even take a year. Let's leave if we daily becomes completely impossible. Let's try to look at a year. Can we get 490 times? You know it's a little difficult. But if you are not talking about daily, Bible says love don't take record of wrong. But if you want to take record, maybe we might be able to count up to 490 times in a year. But we cannot we cannot count that. Maybe we might be able to count to begin to count one, two, three. It makes you you have to forget every other thing you have been taking note. Every small one, you write. Everyone you so that you can be able to multiply it. But you see, I'm just trying to think about it. That was what happened three days ago. That if we are to do this 490 times, we know that ordinarily this is not possible. Which means ordinarily what the Lord is saying is that you must have given allowance for 490 times. You give allowance for 490 times. I will go to why I'm telling you it must be daily. That's where I'm actually going. 490 daily. You give allowance for 490 times daily. Now, if you are giving allowance for 490 times, should three times mean anything? Should ten times mean anything? Should 30 times mean anything? Should hundred mean anything? So I'm trying to make you see something. That for some of us, five times have meant a lot of things for us. But what the Lord is actually saying is that can you give allowance to your spouse? Which means that the Lord is saying that you must have created room for offenses for the person. You did not even notice it. You did not even notice. So if you are noticing one, two, three, it means you are not giving allowance for 490. If you have given allowance for 490, the first hundred should not matter. The first hundred should not become a matter in your marriage. But is that the reality of our marriages today? Is that the reality of our marriages today? These are questions we need to ask ourselves. Is it the reality of our marriages today? Why am I saying that this thing must be daily? It's where it's what I mentioned in Lamentations chapter 3 verse 22 to 23. Lamentations 3:22 to 23. It says, "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed because His compassion fail not." I want you to note that the word there is "compassions," plural. Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. What happened to these compassions? Verse 23: "They are new every morning." So what the Lord is saying is that Monday, I've given room before I will now count the matter. It must be after 490 times. So one time I should not even notice. It means throughout that day can she get up to a hundred? Can he get up to a hundred in a day? But if at least you are able to get up to a hundred for that day, you are supposed to still forgive with cheerfulness. Abi? When you enter the following day, what happens? They are new every morning. You have forgotten that hundred. 490 again. Then you give allowance again for another 490. So at which point will offenses scatter our marriages? You see I'm trying to make you see that what actually the Lord is saying is that I'm just picking this from where we left the matter. Don't forget where we left the matter last month. Last month we looked at "Nevertheless" in marriage. That we must understand that our human infirmities and shortcomings cannot but make us offend each other. Now I'm showing you a very important thing. How is the Lord wanting us to handle it? The Lord wants us to handle it without noticing it. Because if I must renew 490 every day, I don't know how the person will do it. I don't know the kind of imperfection that will be in your spouse that will be able to achieve 490 daily. If the person decides I want to make it 490, after all you will go to the office. Okay before you started calling you, you are mad, you are too I don't know how the person achieved 490. Or they said you can get up to 490 you forgive. And then the following morning again, you are like your father. They are new every morning. Another fresh 490. Then you give allowance again for another 490. You know that what the Lord is actually saying is that what makes offenses to destroy our togetherness is bad attitude. What makes offenses to destroy our union is bad attitude. Bad attitude. Punctured tires. Many of us are running our marriage with punctured tires. Go and get go and bounce up. Go and be filled with the Holy Spirit. Go and be filled with the nature of God. Your spouse is not your problem. Your attitude is your problem. And if you are not yet married and you are looking towards marriage, begin to look at it very well. What attitude, what attitude are you going to wear by the time you get married? If you are already courting now, you are in your relationship already, you are looking towards marriage, how are you running your how are you running your relationship right now? How are you running it? How are you putting it in place? What attitude is guarding that relationship right now? If it is like the punctured tire, the bad attitude, life is all about attitude. Attitude is everything. A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. I actually read them somewhere and they actually blessed my soul. They actually blessed my soul. So it's not actually my statement. I got it from somewhere. It said life is all about attitude. Attitude is everything. A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You cannot go far with it. It won't carry you anywhere. It will destroy your marriage. It will destroy your relationship. And what we are looking at today is the attitude that goes with forgiving. The attitude that goes with forgiveness. That's our focus this September marriage forum. The correct attitude that should go with forgiveness in a marriage relationship. I pray for homes that are listening to me. May the Lord heal your home. May the Lord help you. For those who are not yet a relationship, may the Lord grant you a large heart. A large heart that will make your your relationship not to not to be shipwrecked or mortgaged in the name of Jesus Christ. May we may we not go the way of David in dealing with Absalom. May we go the way of the Lord Jesus as illustrated in the prodigal son. May we go that way in our relationship with our spouse and with our relationship with people in the name of Jesus Christ. I don't know whether there are questions. It's 11:30 already. we should be closing. I said there are questions. Are there questions in the house? Okay there are no questions in the house. Technical please let us give brethren who are online two or three minutes before we say we close in prayer if there are none. Please brethren who are online, please if there are questions about this matter, please send it to either our our WhatsApp page or you send it to the Telegram page. Whichever of them, please whichever of them, either the Telegram page or the WhatsApp page. If there are questions so that we can relate to these questions. Please if there are questions let's have them. We are giving brethren online two, three opportunities to send in questions. Technical please be taking note if there are so that we can relate to those questions before we close today if there are none and then so that we can close. Technical please are there are there questions? Okay questions are coming in. You can see the question here. Is that on Telegram? [Speaker 3] Yes it is. Okay I can see. Okay my attention has been called to a question here. Please just go ahead. Somebody is saying, "I have a question." Please just go ahead and write the question. Just go ahead and write your questions. We will relate to them. The technicals are pointing us to the question. We can see the first question here. It says, "If you are the offender and you feel that your partner has a bad attitude, how do you approach the matter?" [Speaker 1] If you are the offender and your partner has a bad attitude, there is really nothing you can do about it. And that is why it is important for us to pray one for another. You cannot change anybody's attitude. Just like you notice that Absalom could not change David's attitude. He couldn't change it. What Absalom did was wrong. He quickly looked for a way to also get back at the father. But at the end of the day, you saw the end of it. So you don't look for a way to get back at your partner. Two wrongs will never make a right. The correct thing for you to do is for you to pray. Pray. Pray to the Lord for your partner. Ask the Lord to touch your partner. Plead with the Lord. God has a way of reaching people. The Bible says "the heart of a king is in the hand of the Lord, and whithersoever He will like a stream of water, He turns it." (Proverbs 21:1) So what you need to do is to pray for your partner. You really cannot do anything about it. That's the truth about it. And if you are here listening to us, we charge you as a marriage, are you in a relationship, if you are making up your mind to forgive, then the right attitude to forgiveness is to show it with cheerfulness. Is to show it with genuine cheerfulness and eager joyfulness. That's the biblical pattern to showing forgiveness. Okay, the technical is pointing me again to another question here. "Is it possible to forgive your husband and still be cheerful after hitting you? though he apologized and was remorseful. But how can one make it go away and completely forgive?" Yes, that is exactly what we are saying. In fact, that is exactly what we are handling. Thank you so much for this question. We really appreciate this question. You see, what you are saying now is correct. That is what happens most time in marriages. It's just like when the Lord said, "if they slap you on one cheek, then you turn the other one." (Matthew 5:39) Of course, the literal sense is not that you turn the other cheek literally, but it's sending a message that when somebody do evil to you, don't have the attitude of revenge. Rather, have the attitude of doing good to those who hurt you. "Bless those who curse you... do good to those who hate you." (Matthew 5:44) That is what He's teaching us. So normally what happens is that you know you when you want to do good to your enemy, you don't feel good. The message is about dealing today's message is teaching us on how to deal with our emotions. How to deal with our feelings. Most of those things, they are coming from our feelings, the way we felt. That was what happened to David. The way he felt about Absalom. He knew the boy should come back. He knew he should forgive him. But the way he still felt about him made him to say, "Okay, come back," but he didn't go to see his face and eventually it cost the family so much. So today's message is about see, if we decide to forgive but we are still harboring a negative feeling, it is not correct. That is not the scriptural way to do it. If the feeling is overwhelming for you, I want to recommend this to you: what a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. Oh what peace we often forfeit. Oh what needless pain we bear. All because we will not carry everything to God in prayer. If you notice that your feeling is overwhelming you, it's not allowing you to obey the Lord, then you take it to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you. That "Lord, I want to obey your command. Your command is that if I if I decide to forgive, I should do it cheerfully. If I decide to forgive, it should be total. It should be something that come with joyfulness. But I'm struggling. The thing is still pinching me. Lord, please help me. Holy Spirit, help me." You will see the Lord will help you. The Lord will carry you and He will help you. That is the way when the Bible says we die daily. That is the way of the cross. That's the way of the Lord. "If any man will be my disciple, let him forget himself, lose sight of himself, renounce himself, deny himself." I think I'm reading that should be Luke chapter 9 verse 23, if I'm not wrong. It should be Luke 9:23. Let me quickly read that to that our listener question in responding to that. Luke 9:23. I'm reading from the Amplified translation. It brings it out very well. Amplified translation. "He said to all, if any man wishes to come after me, let him deny himself, that is disown himself, forget himself, lose sight of himself and his own interest, refuse and give up himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23 Amplified) So the way of the Lord is beyond the way we feel. Paul said, "I torment my body, I bring it under subjection so that having preached to others, I will not be a castaway." (1 Corinthians 9:27) So we must ask the Lord to help us. It's not easy to go the way of the Lord, but the way of the Lord we can do it by the Holy Spirit, by the help of the Holy Spirit. I believe you have the Holy Spirit to help you. He will help you. But the first thing is to know the truth. The truth sets free. That's why we are preaching it. This is the truth. When you accept the truth and receive the truth that I must look at how much God forgave me. When God was receiving me, God received me joyfully despite my sins. That is how I should receive back my partner. That is how I must go the way of the Lord. The more you focus on the Lord, He will bring healing and strength to your heart. That is what we are saying. I believe we must have answered that question, except if there's anything about it again the person may raise it. I think we have been able to deal with the questions that have been pointed to us by the technical crew. Two questions. We have answered them this morning. So wherever you are, maybe you have a partner and the partner is having the wrong attitude, or you are the one having the wrong attitude, or you are not yet in a relationship, maybe towards your father, towards your mom, towards your spouse, towards your brother, towards your friend, towards your leader, towards your pastor, towards your discipler. I don't know where this teaching may apply to you, how it applies to you. But wherever you are this morning, let us start praying. Let us start talking to the Lord. Asking the Lord to help us. Let us ask the Lord to help us. Lord, help me to have a right attitude. Help me to go the way. I must I must renew. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. I must be able to renew. I must make up my mind to make my spouse happy. I must make up my mind no matter how I feel about my spouse. I must think of how to make my spouse happy. I must think of forgetting my spouse's shortcoming. If I have a bad attitude in dealing with anything about my spouse, this matter goes beyond just forgiveness. So many other things to do. If you have the right attitude towards it, the major challenge in our marriages today is bad attitude. Bad attitude towards the way the person said it. Bad attitude towards the the way the person acted. Bad attitude towards the person's weakness or strength. Bad attitude towards the bad attitude. Attitude that are bad. Attitude that is not correct. Is a punctured tire. Ask the Lord today, Lord, fix my bad attitude. Every punctured tire, Lord, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, I bring my punctured tire to You. I bring this tire. The tire is punctured. In dealing with my spouse in different things, my attitude are always just not positive, always negative. Why am I always wearing this kind of attitude and I'm telling you, it has caused some people their marriages. It has led to divorce. It has led to breakage. It has led to separation. It has caused some people it has made it very costly. Look at what it cost David. Ah! David lost the kingdom at a point. He had to run away. Absalom took over. Absalom slept with his wife. David came back. Absalom was killed in that process. David wept and wept and wept. Joab went to David, "Come on, go back!" You know it was oh it was so costly. It was so costly. Bad attitude. I don't know what you are having bad attitude towards. But our focus today is on forgiveness. Ask the Lord to help you. You may be having a bad attitude towards money, bad attitude towards attitude goes in several ways, in different things. Towards your relationship, towards your in-laws, towards different things. It comes in different ways. Ask the Lord. Lord, I bring my punctured tire. Lord, fix them for me. Fix fix this tire for me. If I continue like this, the tire will be torn. The wheel, the rim of the car will also go bad. My relationship will go down. It will mortgage my marriage. It will mortgage my my relationship, whether with friends, with colleagues, with family, with spouse. I don't know how it applies to you. Ask the Lord to help you. Oh call on the Holy Spirit. He is our helper. Ask the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I am not feeling good. Any time something happen, I have this bad attitude. Holy Spirit, fix it for me. Holy Spirit, fix this punctured tire. Fix this punctured tire. Fix this punctured tire. Fix this punctured tire. Fix this punctured tire. Fix it for me. I want to go far in my relationship. I want to go far in my marriage. I want to go far. And if you have lost your marriage or you have lost your relationship because of bad attitude, begin to ask the Lord to help you. Begin to ask the Lord to help your spouse. Begin to ask the Lord. Pray. Ask the Lord and say God, it was bad attitude that cost us this much. You remember that eventually even though Absalom died, David came back to the throne. David came back. You can ask the Lord. God Almighty, Oh bring restoration. This message is about restoration. It's about hope. It's about it's about renewal. It's about renewal. It's about Oh God, please restore back to us what we have lost because of bad attitude. Lord, please have mercy on us. Have mercy on me. Restore to me. Restore to me. Restore to me. Restore to me. Restore to me what I've lost because of bad attitude. Oh God Almighty, restore to me. Bridges that are broken. Bridges that I may later come to need in life that are broken. Lord, help me. Lord, help me. Holy Spirit, fix my punctured tire. Holy Spirit, fix my punctured tire. Holy Spirit, fix my punctured tire. Thank You, Father. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Holy Spirit. Blessed be Your holy name, our God. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray. Almighty God, we thank You again for the marriage forum for the month of September. We thank You for how You have been helping us for our brethren who sent in their questions. Thank You for helping us to be able to answer these questions. Oh Lord, thank You for this time of refreshment and fellowship together. We are really, really grateful. Lord, we are praying, help our lives. Jesus, make us perfect in every good work to do Your will. It is You that work in us that which is pleasing in Your sight. Lord, please work in us. Lord, please work in us that which is pleasing in Your sight in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. [Music playing] [Background voiceover] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission hit. Our regular activities are: Discipleship class every Monday 5:00 p.m.; Adolescents and singles club, every first Saturday of of every month at 10:00 a.m.; Marriage forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 a.m. Family life seminars, regular school outreaches and every day counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp by the first bridge, Igbatoro community, opposite Very Joy filling station along Igbatoro Road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all. 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