Rest for your Soul

[Voiceover] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] In His presence, a day again of fellowship for our marriage forum that comes every second Saturday of the month. We give Him glory, we give Him praise, we give Him adoration. Incidentally, this today marriage forum will be the last forum for the year 2022. We’ll be talking of marriage forum again, it will be in the year 2023. We thank Jesus for His help all through the year 2022, and we bless His holy name for His mercies and preservation despite all that we are facing in the country today. As we gather again unto the Lord this morning, brethren who are gathering online on Mixlr, brethren who are gathering on Telegram, and those of us who are here reaching out to you, we trust the Lord again that it will be a time of refreshing in the presence of the Lord in the name of Jesus Christ. We look up unto Him again this morning that in His mercy He will attend to us, He will attend to our situations. He will meet us again where we need Him most. He will be our help, our shield, our buckler in the name of Jesus Christ. So this morning, we’ll be moving on to look at a very important topic again: Rest For Your Soul. Last month, our focus was Prioritizing and Treasuring Your Togetherness. The need for us to place priority on our marital relationship, our togetherness with our spouse. And today, as we conclude the year 2022, being the last marriage forum we’ll be having for this year, our heart moved towards this matter of rest. Having journeyed through the year, here and there doing so many things, as we conclude together this year, we just felt that can we look at the matter of rest? Rest for your soul, particularly as it relates to marital relationship for those who are looking towards marriage and for those who are already married. Let us have a word of prayer as we begin this morning. Almighty God, we are grateful unto You. We thank You for Your love, Your mercies, Your goodness. We thank You again for this opportunity to gather unto You. Lord, we pray that Your spirit will work within us and among us in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, our desire this morning is that every relationship, every marriage that is experiencing storm, every home, every relationship where there is no rest, Lord, our prayer this morning is that as we fellowship together, rest for such home will come in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, our eyes are on You. We look earnestly unto You. Meet us where we need You most in the name of Jesus. Thank You, eternal Father. Blessed be Your holy name, our God. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. Rest for your soul. If you follow what I sent online yesterday towards this meeting, what I sent yesterday towards the meeting was something that captured our focus this morning. I said, "Rest for your soul is the burden of this December marriage forum that we hold today, this morning, 10th December 2022." Rest has become elusive in many Christian homes. The magnitude and the trend of restlessness and troubles in marriages today, particularly for younger couples, are indeed alarming. However, what the Lord offers us is rest, and rest indeed for the soul. Where then did we miss the mark? Where did we get it wrong? How come rest for the soul is elusive, is eluding many of us today? Please come, let's fellowship together. Our earnest prayer for those who are looking forward to marriage and the married is that this offer of the Lord will be your portion. So our concern this morning, if you look at the focus that was sent out yesterday, our concern this morning is the Lord offered something: rest. And that rest is for the soul. The rest is not something that you will be experiencing in the spirit world. It is something that will come to the soul, something that you will experience emotionally, psychologically, mentally. That is what the Lord offers. Rest for the soul. Actually, we took our text from Matthew 11, that popular scripture, Matthew 11 from verse 28. > "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." So in verse 29, we saw that the Lord offered rest for the soul. He said, "You will find rest for your soul." And the situation that we have found ourselves today is that for many Christian marriages—and as I look a little further into the matter, particularly for younger couples, marriages that are five years downward, ten years downward, younger couples—I noticed that the problem seems to be more there. It looks as if as our children are entering into marriage, they seem to be entering on the basis of wrong principles. They seem to be entering on the basis of faulty expectations. They seem to be entering on a faulty foundation. They seem to be entering on not having scriptural understanding of what marriage really involves. It’s like they just see marriage as any other, "Okay, I'm now 28, I'm 30, I'm 25, I have a good job, I've built my own house, I think I am ready for marriage now." So, let me get married. It appears to me that seems to be the attitude to it. Marriage is just one of those things too that you will do. And you will find a situation where people enter into it and in a very short while—three months, two months, six months, one year, two years—the whole thing becomes so stormy, so troublesome. And in some of the news, some of what we read and hear on social media, you can see that marriage seems to be an institution that is wasting people today. You hear of domestic violence, gender-based violence, physical assault, and some even leading to death. These are the things we have heard in recent times. These are the things that seem to fly more on the news. The news is not even carrying the one that has to do with very successful marriages. It seems it is just evil that is everywhere. It may not exactly be so, but the truth is that trouble and restlessness in marriages today, and my particular concern for those who describe themselves as believers, is becoming alarming. And it is over against this background that we just felt this December can we fellowship together on what the Lord offers: rest for the soul. The truth is that that which the Lord offers is something you can enjoy. It doesn't matter where the state of your marriage is today, but if you make up your mind that I will follow the Lord, if you make up your mind that I will journey with the Lord, if you make up your mind that whatsoever He says is what I will do, I am telling you rest again can come to your soul in your marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. So, rest for the soul is our focus. And our concern in looking at the text, in looking at the burden I sent out yesterday, is that where did we miss it? Where are we missing something? Are we not getting something correctly? In which area? What are we getting wrong? That is what we want to talk about this morning. Where did we miss the mark and so it happens now that we couldn't find rest for our soul? Where did we miss the mark? Where? So let's look at that text that was our title from, Matthew 11 from verse 28. Our focus is on verse 29. > "Come unto me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Now, when you look very closely at this scripture, I would like to first lay a foundation in verse 28 before we zero in on our focus for today, which is verse 29. You will notice that in verse 28, the scripture says, "Come unto me, and I will give you rest." There is a rest that the Lord gives to everybody who comes to Him. If you come to the Lord, if you truly come to the Lord, there is a rest that the Lord gives. But it is different from the rest for the soul that the Lord raised in verse 29. The first rest is the rest of salvation. Rest of being saved. We were restless, we were enemies of God, we were without hope and we were without God. But God gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in the Son should not perish but have everlasting life. And so, there is a rest which is the rest of salvation. Rest in finding peace with God. Rest in becoming a believer. So, anybody that we will be talking about the second rest—which is the one we want to face this morning, because actually my focus is actually to attend to troublesome Christian marriages this morning, where did we miss it? What are we getting wrong?—my focus is not really for those who have not become believers this morning. But in case you are listening to us and it happens that you know that you have not given your life to Christ, you are just a committed church member, you are a committed devotee, you attend church regularly, but you have not personally encountered Jesus. For what we are discussing to become applicable to you, you must have gone through the first rest. The first rest is "Come to me all ye that labor and are heavily laden, I will give you rest." You must have experienced salvation. You must have experienced rest with God. You must have experienced the salvation of God. You must have an encounter, a definite encounter with Jesus. That must be in place before what we want to talk about in verse 29 can be relevant to you, which is rest for the soul. So the background I want to give is before you can be talking of rest for the soul, you must have first experienced rest, the rest of being at peace with God, the rest of pleasing God, the rest of being a daughter or a son of God. If that first rest has not taken place, you have no business with what we are discussing this morning. And that is why I said that make sure you have experienced the first rest, the rest of salvation. Now, if you have experienced the rest of salvation but you are not finding rest for your soul, what normally is the cause of this? Because our focus this morning is where did we miss it? Where did we miss the mark? How did we get it wrong? Where did we get it wrong? Where are we not doing it right? Where are we not doing it right? When is it that we are not getting it? Where is the place? That's our focus this morning. Where is it that we are not getting it? Where is the place? And I would like to first take us to the book of Genesis. I would want you to look at two marriages in Genesis. The first marriage in Genesis is the one that we have between Genesis Chapter 1 and 2. After God created the man and the man has been busy with the Lord on that sixth day, later that day He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a help that is suitable." A help that is suitable. And of course, the Lord went ahead to make a help for the man. And when the help was made for the man, what happened was He blessed them. And when He had blessed them, He went to the next thing. What did He do next? In blessing them, He made a statement in that Genesis Chapter 1. I am reading verse 28. > "Then the Lord blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'" So we saw that when the Lord made the man first on the sixth day, planted a garden for him to till, gave him assignment to do, later that sixth day He created the woman. And when He created the woman, He blessed that marriage. And when you notice what was said in blessing that marriage, you will notice that the matter of "them, them, them" came all through in the blessing. "And God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.'" So you will notice in this place that the marriage was a marriage where the man and his wife were blessed. They are to be fruitful, they are to multiply, they are to subdue the earth. The two of them were to be fruitful, they are to multiply, they are to fill the earth, they are to subdue it. Then they are to have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over everything. So when you notice this first marriage, what I’m trying to make you see is that the man was first made and then the woman was made for the man. So being first made, the woman made for him, then you notice the two of them were to rule together. The two of them, they were to rule together. It is just like what you have with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We have one God that manifests Himself to us in three persons: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And the Lord told us the Son is subject to the Father. Now we are having a similar thing here. There is a head, there is a body. But they are not two things, one thing, having a head, having a body, and they are to rule together. That was the first marriage. When you notice the second marriage in Genesis Chapter 3, the second marriage in Genesis 3, it says in verse 16: > "To the woman the Lord said, 'I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children.'" You are seeing the issue of the multiplication having a different dimension here, something added. But that's not where I’m going. > "Your desire shall be for your husband and he will rule over you." You know, this was not a matter that was raised in the first marriage. In the first marriage, they were to rule together. In the second marriage, it was a different thing. And I would like to render this verse, this 3:16, in different translations. For the NLT, NLT said, "And your desire will be for your husband, and he will be your master." You know, that wasn't said at first. They were to be master over every other thing that were created. But now there's a separation. The man will seek to dominate both the woman and the creation, what you call patriarchy, what you call seeing everything from the man’s world. He will be your master. The NRSV translation says, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you." The Message Bible says, "You will want to please your husband, but he will lord it over you." The Easy-To-Read Bible says, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you." The Amplified says, "Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband and he will rule over you." You will notice this matter in virtually all the translations that I read. That was the second marriage. And what is the origin of this second marriage? The origin of the second marriage was sin. The origin of struggle, the woman wanting to master the man, the man wanting to master the woman, competition for who will have the way, competition for who will win the argument, competition for whose view will be taken, competition for who should be listened to, competition for who should decide—the struggle for power, family politics, struggle and competition, strife. Whose interest should be satisfied? Whose will? That's the struggle. That’s why she was trying to master, the man wanting to lord it. The woman says, "No, not in this house. You cannot lord it over me. After all, we were both classmates. After all, how old are you, how old am I? After all, even in this house you are bringing a hundred thousand, I am bringing one fifty. What is your problem? You cannot lord it." Are you understanding me? I’ve just shown you the origin of the troubles, the origin of the restlessness. The origin was that sin came. So what I just want us to understand primarily is that if rest must come for the soul, we first must agree, we first must understand that when rest is not in the home, what is at work, what is prevailing in that marriage—nobody should try to spiritualize anything, nobody should try to begin to use one kind of, you know, sometimes we begin to speak very sanctimonious speeches, we begin to make statement that is far from reality. The reality is that sin is having dominance. Sin is prevailing. And so, the point is like what I said when I was beginning. There are two rests in that scripture. He said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest." So you first need to check, have I entered the first rest? Have I truly given my life to Jesus? Because the Bible says if any man continue in sin, he’s of the devil, he’s not of God. So when you say you are a Christian, when you look at your marriage and we can still see manifestation of sin in different dimension, we may be wondering whether what you call Christianity is not just being a churchgoer. What you call Christianity is not just some other things apart from what Christianity is. So that is the first thing I needed to address. That let us understand the source of the trouble. The source of the trouble is that sin and when we talk about sin manifesting in a life, we are talking about self, we are talking about darkness, we are talking about the human will. We are talking about not submitting to the will of God. We are talking about not giving ourselves to that which the Lord said. Now, when you look at that scripture, so the first thing I took you to is to see the origin of struggle. Two kinds of marriages: Genesis Chapter 1 marriage and Genesis Chapter 3 marriage. So, where is your marriage? Chapter 1 or Chapter 3? Our focus this morning, like we said, is on marriages that should be Chapter 1 but are in Chapter 3. Christian marriages. Christian marriages should be Chapter 1 marriages, not Chapter 3 marriages. So if it is Chapter 3 marriages, what is the problem? The problem is those who are involved. It is either what they meant by Christianity is just religiosity. They are not Christians. So we may not be dealing with Christians actually. We are dealing with people who just attend churches and we are calling it Christian marriage. You get the point I’m making? We may not be dealing with Christians actually. We may just be dealing with people who attend church, people who have become committed, people who are reformed but they are not transformed. They are doing their own thing, they look like they are active in some religious thing, so you take it for regeneration. They may not be regenerated. We may not be dealing with Christians at all. We may just be dealing with church, people who attend church. That's the first thing I’m calling your attention to. The second I’m calling your attention to is that what if that is not the case? What if they have the first rest? But the problem that we are dealing with this morning is not with the first rest. Whether you are a Christian or you are not a Christian, we are dealing with those who are Christians now. The second rest, which is rest for the soul. Not just something in the spirit, no. Mental rest, psychological rest, physical rest—rest. No mental trauma, no depression because of marriage. Your marriage is not making you crazy. Your marriage is not depreciating you mentally. There is peace, there is quietness in the home. There is no trouble in the heart. There is no agitating passion. What could make people who experience the first rest not experience the second rest? What could make people who have the first rest, that these are indeed Christians, but their marriage is still in Chapter 1—is still in Chapter 3 marriage as against Chapter 1 marriage? Just what we want to look at. Where did we miss it? Where did we miss the mark? How did we get it wrong? If what I’m saying is raising issues in your heart, please let us begin to have your questions so that once it is 11:30, we can begin to answer those questions. We can begin to look at questions if there are. So the first thing I’m pointing to you is that the origin of struggles in marriage is that sin entered the world, then death by sin, and so sin passed to all men for that Adam sinned. And how does sin show itself? It shows itself in self-will. That's why Jesus said if anybody wants to be my disciple, let him first deny himself. This is what I like, this is what I want, this is how it must be. If it is not like this, everybody must die because it is not like that. If it is not this way, there will not be rest anywhere. Self-centeredness, selfishness, self-promotion, self-absorbed, behaving and acting as if the world revolve around you alone. You can only see things from how it affects you. You are the only person that is not crazy, all others are mad. You are the only person whose view cannot be faulted. In fact, your view is divine. Even God cannot see error in your view. I’m talking about self. How does it manifest? How does sin manifest? Arrogance. Once you are corrected, you feel, "How can I be corrected?" because you are just perfect in your world. Superiority complexes in different shadows of it. So that when somebody says, "This thing could be wrong," you have not even tried to evaluate how it could be wrong. The next thing is something just jumps up inside you, and that is the arrogance I’m talking about. How does it manifest? Somebody is saying, "Look, you need to add this," you say, "Don't you know I know before?" You want to show you know. If they say, "Ma, please, Sir, please," you say, "Oh, never mention, I know I will do that. I already know that to be done." You always want to show you know. You never want anybody to feel that they can add something to your life. I’m talking about how this Mr. Sin manifests itself in self. I’m showing you. So it was the first, the originator, where everything originated, is that Adam sinned. So marriages move from the two as one having dominion to the two competing with themselves. Your desire will be to him. Women they will want to marry on their own terms, but their husband will lord it over them. Women will not say we will not marry, they will want to marry but they want to marry in their own terms. But the husband will say, "No, not in this place. I will lord it over you." Are you seeing the source of the [unclear]? I wish their desire will not be in their husband. They’ll just say, "As it is now, women are not marrying again." There is no desire towards marriage and there is no desire for a man for anybody, they are just living and they are just serving God like that. There would have been no problem. There would have been no problem. But the desire is to the man, but it is in her own terms that that desire is. But the man will say, "No, that cannot happen. If this thing must hold, then I am the only one that you must listen to. I am the master here." The issue of joint decision, thinking together, looking at it in humility, nobody feeling superior, learning from one another is not the matter. The matter is me. This is how I want it and that is how it should be. So the woman, her desire is to the husband. When the woman says, "No, not in this place," the man says, "I am the master." The source is sin. The question remains with you. But what I’m showing you is that actually you got born again. If you have not gotten born again, you need to go back to the first table, the first rest. Because a man who doesn't get the first rest has nothing to do with the second one. The first thing is to get the first one. But our focus is the second one. And what I’m showing you about this second rest that has to do with the soul, not just something in the spirit, no. Mental rest, psychological rest, mental health, rest. No mental trauma, no depression because of marriage. Your marriage is not making you crazy. Your marriage is not depreciating you mentally. There is peace, there is quietness in the home. There is no trouble in the heart. There is no agitating passion. What could make people who experience the first rest not experience the second rest? What could make people who have the first rest, that these are indeed Christians, but their marriage is still in Chapter 3 marriage as against Chapter 1 marriage? Just what we want to look at. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? We have talked about what is the source of the problem: sin, self, human will. That is the source of trouble. Somebody wants to lord it over the other, the other is saying, "I you cannot do it over me." Competition. Who decides? Who rules? Instead of somebody expressing his muscles over everything along with his wife, the muscles that were expected to be used to protect the wife is what is used against the wife. Somebody who is supposed to take the place of submission is saying, "No, until mine is done, there is no submission in this." Why are we having this struggle? Why are we having this kind of situation? So let's go back to that Matthew Chapter 11, rest for the soul. Matthew Chapter 11, that's the text that we are considering. Matthew 11 from verse 29. It says: > "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this verse of the scripture very, very closely, couples who are experiencing serious issues in their marriages, when you look at this verse very, very closely, I want you to note a very important thing in this verse of the scripture. The scripture says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this scripture, you will realize that the source of rest for the soul is not in your spouse. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. Those of us who are looking towards getting married and those of us who are already married. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. That when you notice that your soul don't have rest, it actually has nothing to do with anybody. It has nothing to do. What I’m doing this morning is I’m trying to understand where I said in what I sent to us, "Where did we miss it? Where did we miss the mark? How did we get it wrong?" When you look at this scripture very closely, those of you who are looking into marriage, you are looking forward to marriage and you are having this kind of expectation: "I pray the woman I will marry will give me peace. I pray the man I will marry will give my soul rest." I think you are missing it. That is not where to start from. That is not where to start from. When you are starting from that, you have already moved the responsibility for your peace to somebody else. So anywhere you are right now listening to me, if you are not yet married and you are having this thing in your heart that "God, give me a wife that will give me peace, give me a wife that will give my soul rest, give me a husband that will do that," that expectation is not comprehensive enough. There is a fundamental error in that expectation. There is something still missing. It is not altogether correct. The reason why it’s not altogether correct is that when you look at this scripture, the rest that a man will find for his soul, the rest that any individual will find for his or her soul, has nothing to do with anybody. So if you cannot find rest for your soul, please stop looking out at anybody. Don't, the matter is not with somebody, the matter is with you. So what I’m saying again is that the source of restlessness in your life, you are the source. You might be projecting, you might be saying no. Maybe you are one of those that entered marriage with the faulty foundation of, "God, give me a husband that would... give me a wife that would..." Maybe that was the fundamental error you made when you were entering. That is not the primary thing to look to in marriage. You see, one thing you need to understand is that light begets light. A very fundamental thing you need to know is that the rest for your soul, and for those of us who are married now that are listening to me, the reason that you are restless has nothing to do with your spouse. No. You might be feeling depressed, you might be feeling crazy, you might be feeling mad, you might be frustrated and you would have felt so many things: "This woman, this man, this that, this that. Oh, I might be even be thinking of I will divorce." Well, let me tell you, even if you divorce, you have still not solved your problem. There is a fundamental problem you first need to solve. You must not give, you must know never ever, ever think that if you don't have rest for your soul, it has to do with somebody. No. It has nothing to do with anybody. It has to do with you. Where you miss it is what I’m pointing to you. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? If what I’m saying is raising issues in your heart, please let us begin to have your questions so that once it is 11:30, we can begin to answer those questions. We can begin to look at questions if there are. So the first thing I’m pointing to you is that the origin of struggles in marriage is that sin entered the world, then death by sin, and so sin passed to all men for that Adam sinned. And how does sin show itself? It shows itself in self-will. That’s why Jesus said if anybody wants to be my disciple, let him first deny himself. "This is what I like, this is what I want, this is how it must be. If it is not like this, everybody must die because it is not like that. If it is not this way, there will not be rest anywhere." Self-centeredness, selfishness, self-promotion, self-absorbed, behaving and acting as if the world revolve around you alone. You can only see things from how it affects you. You are the only person that is not crazy, all others are mad. You are the only person whose view cannot be faulted. In fact, your view is divine. Even God cannot see error in your view. I’m talking about self. How does it manifest? How does sin manifest? Arrogance. Once you are corrected, you feel, "How can I be corrected?" because you are just perfect in your world. Superiority complexes in different shadows of it. So that when somebody says, "This thing could be wrong," you have not even tried to evaluate how it could be wrong. The next thing is something just jumped up inside you, and that is the arrogance I’m talking about. How does it manifest? Somebody is saying, "Look, you need to add this," you say, "Don't you know I know before?" You want to show you know. If they say, "Ma, please, Sir, please," you say, "Oh, never mention, I know I will do that. I already know that to be done." You always want to show you know. You never want anybody to feel that they can add something to your life. I’m talking about how this Mr. Sin manifests itself in self. I’m showing you. So it was the first, the originator, where everything originated, is that Adam sinned. So marriages move from the two as one having dominion to the two competing with themselves. "Your desire will be to him." Women, they will want to marry on their own terms, but their husband will lord it over them. Women will not say we will not marry, they will want to marry but they want to marry in their own terms. But the husband will say, "No, not in this place. I am the master here." Are you seeing the source of the trouble? I wish their desire would not be in their husband. They’ll just say, "As it is now, women are not marrying again." There is no desire towards marriage and there is no desire for a man for anybody, they are just living and they are just serving God like that. There would have been no problem. There would have been no problem. But the desire is to the man, but it is in her own terms that that desire is. But the man will say, "No, that cannot happen. If this thing must hold, then I am the only one that you must listen to. I am the master here." The issue of joint decision, thinking together, looking at it in humility, nobody feeling superior, learning from one another is not the matter. The matter is me. This is how I want it and that is how it should be. So the woman, her desire is to the husband. When the woman says, "No, not in this place," the man says, "I am the master." The source is sin. The question remains with you. But what I’m showing you is that actually you got born again. If you have not gotten born again, you need to go back to the first table, the first rest. Because a man who doesn't get the first rest has nothing to do with the second one. The first thing is to get the first one. But our focus is the second one. And what I’m showing you about this second rest that has to do with the soul, not just something in the spirit, no. Mental rest, psychological rest, mental health, rest. No mental trauma, no depression because of marriage. Your marriage is not making you crazy. Your marriage is not depreciating you mentally. There is peace, there is quietness in the home. There is no trouble in the heart. There is no agitating passion. What could make people who experience the first rest not experience the second rest? What could make people who have the first rest, that these are indeed Christians, but their marriage is still in Chapter 3 marriage as against Chapter 1 marriage? Just what we want to look at. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? We have talked about what is the source of the problem: sin, self, human will. That is the source of trouble. Somebody wants to lord it over the other, the other is saying, "I you cannot do it over me." Competition. Who decides? Who rules? Instead of somebody expressing his muscles over everything along with his wife, the muscles that were expected to be used to protect the wife is what is used against the wife. Somebody who is supposed to take the place of submission is saying, "No, until mine is done, there is no submission in this." Why are we having this struggle? Why are we having this kind of situation? So let's go back to that Matthew Chapter 11, rest for the soul. Matthew Chapter 11, that's the text that we are considering. Matthew 11 from verse 29. It says: > "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this verse of the scripture very, very closely, couples who are experiencing serious issues in their marriages, when you look at this verse very, very closely, I want you to note a very important thing in this verse of the scripture. The scripture says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this scripture, you will realize that the source of rest for the soul is not in your spouse. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. Those of us who are looking towards getting married and those of us who are already married. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. That when you notice that your soul don't have rest, it actually has nothing to do with anybody. It has nothing to do. What I’m doing this morning is I’m trying to understand where I said in what I sent to us, "Where did we miss it? Where did we miss the mark? How did we get it wrong?" When you look at this scripture very closely, those of you who are looking into marriage, you are looking forward to marriage and you are having this kind of expectation: "I pray the woman I will marry will give me peace. I pray the man I will marry will give my soul rest." I think you are missing it. That is not where to start from. That is not where to start from. When you are starting from that, you have already moved the responsibility for your peace to somebody else. So anywhere you are right now listening to me, if you are not yet married and you are having this thing in your heart that "God, give me a wife that will give me peace, give me a wife that will give my soul rest, give me a husband that will do that," that expectation is not comprehensive enough. There is a fundamental error in that expectation. There is something still missing. It is not altogether correct. The reason why it’s not altogether correct is that when you look at this scripture, the rest that a man will find for his soul, the rest that any individual will find for his or her soul, has nothing to do with anybody. So if you cannot find rest for your soul, please stop looking out at anybody. Don't, the matter is not with somebody, the matter is with you. So what I’m saying again is that the source of restlessness in your life, you are the source. You might be projecting, you might be saying no. Maybe you are one of those that entered marriage with the faulty foundation of, "God, give me a husband that would... give me a wife that would..." Maybe that was the fundamental error you made when you were entering. That is not the primary thing to look to in marriage. You see, one thing you need to understand is that light begets light. A very fundamental thing you need to know is that the rest for your soul, and for those of us who are married now that are listening to me, the reason that you are restless has nothing to do with your spouse. No. You might be feeling depressed, you might be feeling crazy, you might be feeling mad, you might be frustrated and you would have felt so many things: "This woman, this man, this that, this that. Oh, I might be even be thinking of I will divorce." Well, let me tell you, even if you divorce, you have still not solved your problem. There is a fundamental problem you first need to solve. You must not give, you must know never ever, ever think that if you don't have rest for your soul, it has to do with somebody. No. It has nothing to do with anybody. It has to do with you. Where you miss it is what I’m pointing to you. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? I’ve talked about what is the source of the problem: sin, self, human will. That is the source of trouble. Somebody wants to lord it over the other, the other is saying, "I you cannot do it over me." Competition. Who decides? Who rules? Instead of somebody expressing his muscles over everything along with his wife, the muscles that were expected to be used to protect the wife is what is used against the wife. Somebody who is supposed to take the place of submission is saying, "No, until mine is done, there is no submission in this." Why are we having this struggle? Why are we having this kind of situation? So let's go back to that Matthew Chapter 11, rest for the soul. Matthew Chapter 11, that's the text that we are considering. Matthew 11 from verse 29. It says: > "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this verse of the scripture very, very closely, couples who are experiencing serious issues in their marriages, when you look at this verse very, very closely, I want you to note a very important thing in this verse of the scripture. The scripture says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Now, when you look at this scripture, you will realize that the source of rest for the soul is not in your spouse. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. Those of us who are looking towards getting married and those of us who are already married. I want you to look very closely at this scripture. That when you notice that your soul don't have rest, it actually has nothing to do with anybody. It has nothing to do. What I’m doing this morning is I’m trying to understand where I said in what I sent to us, "Where did we miss it? Where did we miss the mark? How did we get it wrong?" When you look at this scripture very closely, those of you who are looking into marriage, you are looking forward to marriage and you are having this kind of expectation: "I pray the woman I will marry will give me peace. I pray the man I will marry will give my soul rest." I think you are missing it. That is not where to start from. That is not where to start from. When you are starting from that, you have already moved the responsibility for your peace to somebody else. So anywhere you are right now listening to me, if you are not yet married and you are having this thing in your heart that "God, give me a wife that will give me peace, give me a wife that will give my soul rest, give me a husband that will do that," that expectation is not comprehensive enough. There is a fundamental error in that expectation. There is something still missing. It is not altogether correct. The reason why it’s not altogether correct is that when you look at this scripture, the rest that a man will find for his soul, the rest that any individual will find for his or her soul, has nothing to do with anybody. So if you cannot find rest for your soul, please stop looking out at anybody. Don't, the matter is not with somebody, the matter is with you. So what I’m saying again is that the source of restlessness in your life, you are the source. You might be projecting, you might be saying no. Maybe you are one of those that entered marriage with the faulty foundation of, "God, give me a husband that would... give me a wife that would..." Maybe that was the fundamental error you made when you were entering. That is not the primary thing to look to in marriage. You see, one thing you need to understand is that light begets light. A very fundamental thing you need to know is that the rest for your soul, and for those of us who are married now that are listening to me, the reason that you are restless has nothing to do with your spouse. No. You might be feeling depressed, you might be feeling crazy, you might be feeling mad, you might be frustrated and you would have felt so many things: "This woman, this man, this that, this that. Oh, I might be even be thinking of I will divorce." Well, let me tell you, even if you divorce, you have still not solved your problem. There is a fundamental problem you first need to solve. You must not give, you must know never ever, ever think that if you don't have rest for your soul, it has to do with somebody. No. It has nothing to do with anybody. It has to do with you. Where you miss it is what I’m pointing to you. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? You are putting the responsibility for your rest, you are trying to locate it where it will never be found. Where it will be found is to take the yoke of Jesus. Where it will never be found is to be looking for it in your spouse. To be looking for it in somebody. "Ah, this person give me rest. This one let give my soul peace. That person give my soul peace. This person give my soul peace." Nobody can give your soul peace or give your soul rest. The person who gives rest is the Lord. Let me tell you something, and that will be where I will be closing this meeting this morning. I’ll just say it. We will pick this matter again trusting the Lord in the month of January, the Lord preserving our lives. We will continue with this step with the mind set of some of things that we have said now again and then we will move on. I want to tell you this truth. Do you realize that the scripture says if the way of a man pleases the Lord, He makes even his enemy to be at peace with him? Do you know that if your ways are right, even if your wife is a witch that flies at night, she will be at peace with you? Even if your husband is a witch, is a wizard, the person who gives peace and rest is the Lord. Nobody can give it to you. That's the point I’m trying to emphasize. And if the Lord gives you rest, nobody can touch it. Nobody will be able to touch it. The person will just try and try and try and try, and the person will get frustrated. The person will jump up, jump down, jump up, jump down, jump up, jump down, do everything at some point—just like the devil did. After he has jumped, jumped, he just went and crucified the Lord of glory. Later he came again and said, "Ah! If I had known." The person will jump and jump and jump and jump, and at the end of the day, all the person will only do will be for your progress. He will say, "Oh, I should not have done this one again. This is what I should have done." Are you understanding me? The Bible says—let me show you something that the Bible says in the book of Peter and then we close for today. I’m just trying to assure your heart about something. The word of the Lord is true. His principles are right. The word of the Lord has been tried seven times and found pure. Our major problem today is that we miss some mark. And we are just looking, I’m just taking you to see some of those marks. Where did we miss it? How did we get it wrong? That is just what this marriage forum is about today. And as the Lord will permit again, during our lives, we will be taking up this matter again in January by the mercies and grace of God. If you are listening, please invite others. Let's gather around this matter and talk around it. I want to show you something in the book of Peter, that should be 1 Peter Chapter 4, if I’m not wrong. I just want to show you something about doing right and doing well. Something about if you do right, who is able to harm you? You know, okay, 1 Peter Chapter 3. I want to show you something there. 1 Peter 3. Do you have any question in the house? Okay. > "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For 'He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.'" I will come to all of this when we come to "Learn of me, I am meek and gentle in spirit." But I’m going somewhere. Look at what the Bible says in verse 12: > "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." Are you seeing something? So do you see that even if people do evil to you and you do evil back, you also set God against yourself? And you are looking for peace. You are saying it is the person who did evil to you that is responsible for your not having peace. No, you are not having peace because you too you have done evil to repay for evil, and so the face of the Lord is against you too. Now He says, look at verse 13, that’s just what I want to read. > "And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" Hallelujah! Who is that person? Who will harm you? But on one condition: if you become followers of what is good. So, the major battle to win in life is to become followers of what is good. Once you can become a follower of what is good, forget about those that want to harm you. Today, our emphasis is on "my enemy, my enemy, my enemy." We were not looking at who we are ourselves. I pray with this point where we are starting today, where we have gotten today, may homes experience peace, rest and quietness. May our young people who are yet to enter into marriage begin to have the right orientation and mentality, building a solid foundation for the time to come. May it hold of eternal life in the name of Jesus Christ. Let me invite my wife to close the meeting this morning. [Speaker 2] Father, in the name of Jesus, thank You Lord for Your word that You spoken to us again. Oh Lord, we commit ourselves, the life of everyone hearing and we later hear this message. Let this word meet with faith in our heart. Let this word fall upon fertile heart. Make every hardened heart soft by the reason of this word. Break every fallow ground in the name of Jesus. And let this word bring forth fruit in its thirties, in its sixties, in hundreds in the name of Jesus. Oh Lord, help us Lord to yield ourselves to Your working, so that Lord, You will begin this work with us. You begin this work with us, so that Lord we will not be troubler of ourselves and troubler of other people in the name of Jesus. Lord, even as we call upon You concerning every home, Lord every life, every of those houses that have listened and will listen, God, transform these lives. Let this word, oh Lord, let it bring forth the desired result in the name of Jesus. We pray, oh Lord, that this word, oh Lord Jehovah God, will break every yoke of sin and self in the name of Jesus. We bring everyone to the feet of the cross. We bring everyone to the point of laying everything down and following the Lord in the name of Jesus. Let the eyes of the blind be opened. Lord, let everyone that has been troubled by the trouble within them receive liberty, receive deliverance by the reason of this word that You have sent to us this morning in the name of Jesus. Lord, beyond what we can ask, Lord do concerning every word that You spoken today in the life of every hearer and speaker in the name of Jesus. We pray, oh Lord, we shall all be blessed because it’s the doer that shall be blessed. You will work in us by the power of Your Spirit to be doers of this word and not hearers only in the name of Jesus. Thank You for Your son that You have used, oh Lord. Lord we pray You will help him yet the more, oh Lord, that he will be a shining light, oh Lord, not in word but much more through his life in the name of Jesus. Through his home, through all that concerns him in the name of Jesus. We ask for more unction, more grace, more strength in the name of Jesus. Thank You, Father, for answers to our prayer. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. [Voiceover] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God’s word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission aid. Our regular activities are: Discipleship class, every Monday 5:00 PM; Adolescent and Singles Club, every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage Forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Family Life seminars, regular school outreaches and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Very Joy filling station along Ijera road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 080338611136, 07033613848. God bless you all.