Rest for Your Soul (part 2)

[background noise: choral singing] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] We thank God that we were able to go through the whole of 2022 and in His mercies, He has brought us into 2023. To Him alone be all the glory and all the praise in Jesus' name. This is the first marriage forum for the year. However, at the same time, we will be connecting with where we left the matter last year. We started something last year, December 10, that was the second Saturday of 2022 December. We started the topic "Rest for Your Soul" and we were able to look at the first part of the matter. We could not complete everything about the burden that is coming from rest for your soul. So we are hoping that today we will move forward, hopefully to complete the series. But if we don't know how long it will be taking us, if we are able to complete the series then all glory to God. But if for any reason we are not able to also complete it today, we might be moving forward again to our meeting in February. Let’s see how the Lord will go with us today and work in our midst for the edification of His church. I trust the Lord that as we gather it will be a time of blessing, a time of comfort, a time of instruction, a time of enlightenment, a time of grace and mercy, and particularly for singles who are looking towards marriage and those who are in marriage. Our prayer is that we all together experience the rest that Jesus offers in our homes, particularly in our marital journey, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. So let's see how we start. Let’s begin with a prayer. Let's begin with a prayer and pick it up from there. Father, we give you glory and praise. We give you honor and adoration. To you be all the glory, to you be all the honor, to you be all the praise. Unto you we gather this morning. We are connecting together and we pray that your spirit will work within us and among us in the name of Jesus. Lord our God, those areas of our life where indeed we need you most, where we need visitation in respect of this matter of rest for our soul, oh Lord please visit us. Lord God Almighty, where you need to defeat us, Lord defeat us. Where you need to break us, Lord please break us. Where you need to mold us, Lord please mold us. Where you need to bless us, Lord please bless us. In whichever way our life will be made better this morning, oh Lord please meet with us in the name of Jesus. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. What I will first try to do is to try to remind us of a few things in the background for those of us who are here. How many of us were in the December? Can you still remember anything? Is there anything you want to tell us about "Rest for Your Soul"? Is there anything you want to tell us? You want the brethren online to pitch in? Brethren online that are listening to us, if there is something you want to tell us, you can just post it on the Telegram page, we will see it. Or on the group page, the Family Tent main group page, you can press it there. And for the OPM discipleship group, if you have something to say you can press it there. Let us see what you have to say from what we had in December. And if you want to post something on Mixlr, you can go ahead to do so, we also see it. Just trying to say what can we remember from "Rest for Your Soul" that we looked at in December, second Saturday for December last year before we move on for this second Saturday for January this year. Anybody coming within the hall? Okay, within the hall nobody is saying anything. What of our brethren online? The technicals please help us check if there's anything online. Before anybody says something online, let us know just before we move on. As we are trying to see if brethren have anything to say, I would go ahead to also remind us that please once it is 11:30 and you are having a question, please by 11:30, before 11:30 let the question come in. Once the question comes in by 11:30, we will definitely start responding to questions. So please if you have a question, let the question come here anything before 11:30 or after 11:30 so that we can take time to answer your questions once it is 11:30. 11:30 to 12:00 is usually for question and answer. If anybody has a question, we can respond to such question, either relating to the topic that we are taking now or a topic you have listened to earlier or something happened around you about you that you want to put in question, you want to raise a question about it so that we can respond to it. All right, so I think from what I could see, technicals are saying there's nothing coming from brethren online. Okay, let me try to just do a small reminder of some of the things we raised last marriage forum that held on the 10th of December 2022. Let’s go to the text where we picked the topic from, that is Matthew chapter 11 verse 28 to 30. Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Major highlights from December marriage forum include the following. That one, the invitation of the Lord to humanity is rest. It is an invitation to rest. What the Lord offers humanity is "come, I will give you rest." So one thing about encounter with Jesus, the walk with Jesus, the fellowship with Jesus is that it brings us into rest. There is rest. Anybody that is in Jesus, the offer of Jesus to that life is rest. The Lord intends that His people should have rest, rest on every side. And again from December we noticed that in looking at Matthew 11:28-30, the Lord spoke about two types of rest. There was a rest that is in verse 28 and another rest that is in verse 29. The rest in verse 28 is the rest that the Lord gives. The one in 29 is the one that the man finds. The rest in 28 is something offered freely by the Lord. But the rest in 29 is something they are to find. The Lord offers two rests. One of them is automatic. The other one is not automatic, it's conditional. You may find it, you may not find it. And what we raised in December was also that it is very, very important for you to see that the first rest in 28 relates to the rest of salvation. He says, "Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." That rest is the rest we have as a matter of our being saved, as a matter of our salvation in Christ. There's this rest that the Lord gives to every man that comes to Him. That is what Romans chapter 5 says, "Being justified by faith we have peace with God." That rest brings you into peace with God. It brings you into—you are no more a sinner, you are now the righteousness of God. So there is that rest that the Lord gives. So anybody that is born again normally has peace with God, he has come into a place of justification, a place of adoption in Christ. Now it is important for us to know that finding the first rest is connected with finding the second rest. It is those who find the first rest that Jesus offers the second again. He said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." So the second rest is now the rest that is not about having peace with God, it's about rest for the soul. Inner quietness, being at peace with yourself. No agitating passion, no envy, no bitterness, no confusing emotions, no depressing thinking. You are at rest within yourself. There's this rest that comes from the soul, a rest that has to do with mental rest, being at peace within yourself. Now we noted that this other rest comes from what the Lord said. He said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me." Where we stopped in December was the first aspect of how we are to find this rest: take my yoke upon you. And what we said particularly about "take my yoke upon you" is what you will find in the book of Luke chapter 9 verse 23. Luke 9:23, that taking the yoke of Jesus is talking about the cost of discipleship. Anybody that wants to know Jesus better and better and better, anybody that wants to walk with Jesus, there is a yoke of the Master that the person must take. The person must yoke himself, the person must enter into this yoke, this demand. And that demand, what we said about it in Luke chapter 9 verse 23 in December, we actually read the Amplified translation. Luke 9:23: "And He said unto all, if any man wills to come after me, let him deny himself, that is let him disown himself, forget, lose sight of himself and his own interest, refuse and give up himself, take up his cross daily and follow me, cleave steadfastly to me, conform wholly to my example in living and if need be in dying also." So we said one major reason why people don't find rest for their soul is that they are thinking that the rest of their soul will come from the behavior of their spouses. The rest on your soul has nothing to do with what your spouse do or does not do. If you are thinking you will find rest on your soul in the action of the person you will marry or you have married, if you are thinking it's the action and inaction of that person that will give rest for your soul, we noted in December that it's a big error. It's a very, very big mistake. You are missing the mark. You are the one that is to find rest for your soul. And the way to find rest for your soul is number one, to take His yoke upon you. And that yoke, which we spoke about in December, is the need to forget yourself. If there is anything that is troubling you in your marriage, it's yourself. If there's anything that is making you not to have peace in your marriage, it's that you could not just die, you could not disown yourself, you could not lose sight of yourself and of your own interest. You refuse and give up yourself. You keep holding to yourself. And the more you hold to yourself and your interest, the more you are self-centered, the more you are self-oriented, the more you are concerned and absorbed with yourself in your marriage, you can never find rest for your soul. Because the ingredient of incompatibility is selfishness. There's nothing like two compatible people. What makes people compatible is selflessness. So that's why sometimes people say, "I married the wrong person, that's why it did not work." Sometimes it's not only about a wrong person. You may marry the right person but because you are self-centered, you are self-oriented, you don't want to take the yoke of Jesus. The yoke of Jesus for your life is that you need to disown yourself. You need to forget yourself. You need to lose sight of yourself and of your own interest. You need to refuse and give up yourself. And because you did not do that, you became a very, very incompatible person with the person you are married to. And then you now begin to say, "In fact, we are not compatible at all." But the basis of incompatibility is you. It's you. If a man must find rest, the pathway to rest is the Lord said, "Let him deny himself." Today, we want to move on from where we left the matter in December, looking at that Matthew 11:28. So as we move on today, I want you to note that the matter of rest for the soul is not really a matter for unbelievers. That is why the Bible warned us, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. What does light have to do with darkness?" A man who has not find peace with God can never be at peace with men. That is the truth. It takes somebody who knows and fear God to be able to come to the point of referencing that God. Because the point about rest for your soul, the person who is asking you to deny yourself is not your spouse, it's the Lord. So if you don't know the Lord, there is nobody whose yoke you want to take. I don't know whether you are understanding me. So it takes a man who know the Lord to be talking about the yoke of the Lord. So if somebody don't know the Lord, they can't be talking about taking His yoke. So a man who does not know the Lord cannot be talking about the yoke of Jesus that have to do with "let him or her deny himself." That is the yoke of Jesus. So a man who have no relationship with Jesus cannot enter into marriage with an understanding that for me to find rest for my soul in this marriage, I need to take the yoke of my Lord. Which Lord? You don't have a Lord. But of course you will take the yoke of a lord. But the yoke of the lord you will take, the yoke of the lord of self. Self will be the taskmaster and the officer. And you will see all kinds of selfishness, all kinds of inhuman practices. What fills the media today? A man beat his wife to death because of 200 Naira bread. A woman abandoned her husband, ran away with his whatever whatever riches. A woman stabbed her husband to death because she was bitter against him. A man killed his wife out of annoyance and provocation. All kind of things we hear. All kind of things that fill the—the underlying thing about all of these things is that a man who doesn't have God in a personal way as his fear cannot be at peace with another man. So the basis of being at peace with men is being at peace with God. Because a man who cannot relate to the Lord in putting self aside cannot do anything. So the first point I want you to see as we start the journey today is that fundamentally, the matter we are raising today, the matter we are discussing about rest for your soul is the offer of the Lord to believers. If you are not a believer and you are listening to me, the first thing to do is to go for the first rest: give your life to Jesus. Now, we move on to look at "learn from me." We have looked at "take my yoke upon you." Now we want to look at "learn from me." We are looking at the pathway to finding rest for our soul. Don't begin to imagine that "Ah, God give me a husband that will give me rest" or "God give me a wife that will give me rest." No, if you are already thinking that way you are thinking foolishly. That's not the way to even begin to think. The way to begin to think is that "God, let me find rest for my soul so that I can give the person I marry rest." The fact that you are already thinking of somebody giving you rest already shows that you are a self-centered person. The way of life is the way of forgetting self. So he says, "Learn from me." What is it that we are to learn from Jesus? What is it that we are to learn that has to do with marital relationship? What is it that we are to learn? Now look at the matter of the learning and taking the yoke. He said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." Learn from me, for I am meek and lowly in heart. One important thing I want you to see as we try to go into the matter of "learn from me" that you need to know, that any individual who is not gentle and lowly in heart is not like Jesus. You need to look into your life. Which kind of heart do you have? Because that is what we want to learn in Jesus. We want to look at something about Jesus. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and lowly in heart." We want to go into the Bible and look—we want to use Scripture to explain Scripture as we take this journey. But the first thing I want you to see is that anybody who is hardhearted, anybody who is not lowly in heart—you know, if you look at that word that is translated gentle, I want us to use another Scripture to explain the gentle there. Because people think that to be gentle mean that you talk softly, you talk quietly. "Good morning, Ma. How are you, my brother?" And then it takes you two minutes to take one step the way chameleon walk. You say the brother is gentle. That's not what the gentle we are talking about here. That's not gentle. There are people who are like that that are not gentle. The gentleness we are talking about here is something that relates to the heart. It's not about slow-motion movement, slow-motion speech. It's not about that at all. There are people who normally use fast-forward movement that are gentle in heart. There are people who speak very, very fast that are gentle in heart. There are people that any where you meet them, you know that they are inside a place that are gentle in heart. So please don't be looking at gentility from the point of being soft-spoken, gentility from chameleon-like purposeful work and action. There are people that are like that that are very, very insidious, very wicked. They will look so calm but inside them is full of evil. So please don't misunderstand the matter with another thing. That's why I've taken time to make you look at this matter of meek and lowly in heart. The word gentle there, another way to translate it is to use the word meek. The word gentle that is used in that place, another way to look at it is that we are talking about individuals who are not revengeful. The gentility we are talking about there is people who will not say "a tooth for tooth, an eye for an eye." People who will not resist evil people. People that when you slap them on one part, they will not slap back. And it's not because they are planning a bigger revenge. Because there are people that when you slap, they don't slap back. "Okay, okay, no problem. No problem. Thank God. Thank God. Our God be praised. Oh, you don't know that you are finished." By the time they will bounce back, they will not only slap you, they will slap you, they will slap your mother, they will kill your father, they will ruin your career. I don't know whether you understand me. There are people like that. So I'm trying to make you listen to be teller. You may not be gentle. The gentle that the Lord is talking about here is people who are not in any way revengeful. People, no matter what happens, they don't think revenge. They don't plan revenge. They may be hurt, they may be pained, but they don't plan, they don't think, they don't conspire, they don't look for how to revenge. When the Bible says that "bless them that curse you," they are people who truly in their heart bless those who curse them. They are people who can pray for those who despitefully use them and the prayer is not, "God kill them, God kill them, let them fall down and die, let their generation not be seen again." Not that kind of prayer. It's a prayer of "God please open their eyes to see that this thing they are doing is bad. God please help them to come to the knowledge of you. Oh God, bring them to repentance." Are you understanding what I'm trying to say? People like "God forgive them, they don't know what they are doing." People like Stephen, that when the persecutors were on to us and they were stoning him to death, what he said from his heart is that "God, please don't lay this to their charge. God please, God please." Because he understood that if God is to lay that matter to their charge, it's going to be terrible. And he was praying to God, saying, "God please don't lay it to their charge." That is what we mean by gentility. That is the word we are trying to explain here. People who will find rest for their soul are these kind of people. People who will find rest for their soul—so you need to check your life. Which kind of husband or wife are you? What is beginning the problem in your marriage is not your spouse, it's your kind of heart. What is making you—you will reach out, you will scatter that, you will break all the ceiling, it's your heart. It's not what the person is doing. What is giving you heart agitation that is making you to like all what you hear on the social media: "Wife burn husband to death," "husband kill wife while sleeping," all these things you are hearing. Why you may be thinking of other, other people, I am saying that the bottom line of it, the bottom line of what we are seeing today is number one, men have not truly find peace with God, number one. And then secondly, they could not find rest for their soul. They are not people that can find rest. There is something about those that will find rest. There is something to learn from Jesus. And I'm going to show you in Scriptures what Scripture place before the believers. What Scripture place before us as believers. Because if you are hearing Jesus, what you will be becoming is this matter of being meek and lowly in heart. The word lowly there, if you check some other translation you will see "humbled." Humbled. And again people normally confuse humility with something else. The true basis for humility is first and foremost when you have a clear understanding that there is nothing that you have that you did not receive. A man who don't have—any individual that does not have—have not come to this understanding that whatever you think you have, you did not work for it, it was something you received. Because the basis of arrogance is when you think you are what you are because of some things you do or some things you did. When you think "Look me, I am not like this other person. You see me I am that," when you see people who talk that way trying to run down others because they did not understand that what they have they received it. Do you realize—let me just give you a very simple, very simple example. Look at somebody who look at an unbeliever and then despise the person that "Look at this one, is even living foul life." I want to ask you, just look at it. Will your life have been radically different if for example, the person who gave birth to you brought you up in the way of Buddhism? You were born by a Buddhist and you were brought up in that religion. What I'm trying to make you see, many things we take for granted, they are things we got by grace. They are things we got by mercy. You who think you can speak Queen's English and you talk down those who cannot spell—maybe somebody spell something on the wall and the person want to write "house for sale" and he say "howsa for sune." And then you begin to laugh and laugh that "How can somebody write this kind of a thing?" Just look at whether you will have been educated if for example you were given birth to by one animal in the zoo that was thrown to the street and someone impregnated her in the park and then she also took care of you in the garage and you also grew up in the garage. Will you be speaking the English that you are speaking now? But you know there are people whose life are like that, right in the circumstance of their birth. Look at it in another way. How many of your those who are your equals died when they were growing up that you are still talking of life today? You see sometimes it is the inability to realize very, very deeply that whatever you have today, you received it. Whatever you have today is a gift. The basis for humility is the deep realization that no man can receive anything except what is given to him from above. Now, it is meekness and humility that makes us to be like Jesus. And I'm going to take you through Scripture to see how this thing is displayed, both in the word of Jesus and in the actions of Jesus. I want you to see how these things are displayed. So you can see the display. You can see how the Lord could be at rest in all of these situations because He was meek and lowly in heart. What is giving you heart agitation that is agitating and threatening—for those of you who are in relationship today who are not yet married, fiance or fiancee, you and your fiancee, and those of us who are married who are looking towards marriage—what is that thing that is threatening your relationship is the kind of heart that you have. It's not your spouse. It's the kind of heart. There is something to learn in Jesus. There is a becoming in Jesus. And that is why it is one thing to be born again, it is another thing to come to the knowledge of the truth. They are two different things. Or put in another way, it is one thing to be born again, it is another thing to be converted. There are people who are born again but they are not yet converted. Another way to put it is that it is one thing to be saved, it is another thing to be broken. There are believers who are not yet broken. What is in the hold of their life is their self-interest, their self-desire, their self-pursuit. And let me tell you, to be carnally minded is death. When you journey like that, when you continue to journey like that, you will be a worker of iniquity. You will not do the will of the Father. And let me tell you, it is not those who call Jesus "Lord, Lord" that will meet in heaven. Those who will meet in heaven are those who are actually doing what He says. And what the Lord said is that one, "Come to me, I will give you rest." What He now said further is that "Take my yoke and learn from me." So when you say you come to Him and He have given you rest, you are born again, and you don't take His yoke, you are a rebellious being. You are a wicked person. You are not somebody who live in the kingdom. You are useless for the kingdom and that is why you are a threat to your marriage. That is why you are not a marriage material. There are some brothers who are not marriage materials. There are some sisters—and let me if I may graduate that word for you—there are several pastors, several reverends, several presidents of fellowship, Bible study coordinators, Bible study teachers, preachers of the gospel that are not marriage materials because they want to enter into marriage but they don't want to do the will of God in marriage. They want to enter into marriage but listen, they are not yet converted. They are not yet broken. They are not yet broken. God is not their fear. And somebody who does not tremble before God, "Ah God said, I can't do otherwise," please they are not marriage material. Go and check what the Bible says in Proverbs about both man and the woman. He said every man will think his own praise, but a true man who can find? If the Bible is saying that in the days of Proverbs, I wonder whether you think that faithful men you can easily just find them on the street. Sisters, you are making a mistake. Faithful men are scarce. Broken men are scarce. Converted men who have God as their fear, converted men are scarce. If you go and check too for women, He said a virtuous woman who can find? As at that time, as at Proverbs 31, a virtuous woman who can find. And go and look at when he was to conclude that thing in Proverbs 31. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Are you getting something? Many have done well, but you excel them all. Now, please look at how the matter came in verse 30. How will she excel them all? What makes her to excel them all? Look at the matter. Charm is deceitful, beauty is passing away, but a woman who fears the Lord. So it is one thing to be born again, it is another thing for a sister to fear God. It is not the fear of her husband that make her virtuous. It's not fear of her husband. It is the fear of the Lord. There is a walk with the Lord. There is a fear of the Lord. Hope you are starting to make you see that what is causing so much problem today, husband will say "my wife is my problem," wife say "husband is my problem." The root of the problem is we are missing the mark. We are missing it. If you don't find rest for your soul, you are the cause of your problem. Your husband is the cause of your problem. It is your godliness, your disregard for the Lord, that is your problem. It's not your wife that is your problem. It is your brokenness. You're not being converted. You're not being meek and lowly in heart. That is your problem. And I'm telling you some of you who are not yet married, "God give me beautiful sister, God give me good sister, God give me good sister," selfish self-centered prayer. Instead of "God make me a sister that will give rest to somebody, God make me a husband that will give rest." It's "God give me the one that will..." Why are you concerned about yourself? Do you know—do you have this clear understanding that—because that's what we want to go to next. He said "Learn from me." I want you to begin to learn. Let's look at the Master's style. Let's learn from Him. Look at the Master's style. The Master came not to be served, but to give His life as a ransom for others. When you are going into a relationship, what is in your head? He said "Learn from me." When you are thinking of a husband or a wife, what is in your head? Are you learning from Jesus? Because the matter is you want to learn from Jesus. I want to show you the display how you will know whether your heart is meek and lowly. That's why I've taken you to. He said, "Learn from me." Let's look at Him. You can look at His life because look, let me tell you one truth. The standard of the standard is Jesus. The Bible says as many as He for-knew, He predestined them to be conformed to the image of His Son. So our standard to be conformed to is Jesus. It's not even your pastor. It's not your church tradition. It's not your culture. It's not, "You see, we among the Yorubas we believe, we know..." "We among the Hausas, this is our belief." That is not the matter. "You see in my church, we have this tradition." And that reminds me of a case of a sister who married and then the child was not feeling well and the husband was to say, "Let us give this child drug." And she said, "No, in my church we don't take drug. Drug must not be taken." Husband said, "Look, I don't have that background. There is nothing wrong—no." "This is the drug to give, give this child this drug." The drug was not administered. There's nothing wrong if you have the faith that drug should not be used. Honestly there's nothing wrong about that because I too I don't use drug. I don't have problem with that so don't think I am insulting that level of walk. If you have that walk with God, wonderful. But you have a husband who have not come to that level of walk. And the thing that you are talking about, you are not even saying it's your level of walk. That was my point in the matter. You said, "your church." There is a difference between "my church say we should not use" and "I have this understanding." Because what you have not seen you cannot practice. You must have something that—when we say you will know the truth and the truth sets you free, what have not been revealed cannot be truly practiced by anybody. It will just be indoctrination. Eventually, "Don't use, use, don't use, use," we will not use. And the man is not always at home. In the name of our church "don't use," the sister did not use the drug, eventually the child died. Tell you of a practical case. Of course that negatively affected the marriage seriously. You see what I am trying to bring out of all of these things that I am saying is that many things that is not making—look at what we sent out. I just want to read that thing again. I know most of us must have read it. "Rest for your soul" was the burden of 10th December 2022 marriage forum. Rest has become elusive, and seriously elusive, in many Christian homes today. The magnitude and the trend of restlessness and throbbing in marriages today, particularly for younger couples. Because it seems to me that the older ones, some of those cultural things—you know, apart from Christianity there is a culture. There's this culture of subjugation, culture of patriarchy, this culture of male dominance that the older generation have imbibed. And so there is less struggle between the husband and the wife. Not really because the wife really believe something but because the wife have been indoctrinated along that line. Not really because of the faith but because of cultural indoctrination. You know, and apart from that, when you look at the older marriages, it is always a marriage of people that are not—marriage of two people that are not equal to themselves at all. The man will almost be like the uncle of the wife. So the age difference, maybe about 10 years, 15 years in dispense. Then economic wise, women most times they were full-time housewives, the man earns so much that the woman depend on the man. It is not an egalitarian society so to speak. But with the younger generation where two classmates are marrying themselves, where two people, one is in 300 level, another one is in 200, they are regarded as equals. And then the wife, the husband is a teacher, the wife is a banker. You know disparity is not so much. It is almost a marriage of equals when you looking at them, except there is correct understanding of the man was first made before the woman. The nature of the marriage, the social characterization today, make the younger marriages to have a lot of trouble because of this characterization. If you notice the older marriages, you see somewhere you know the age difference and age display ordinarily will make the woman to call the husband lord. But this one, ordinarily, both of you left school together, you met yourself in you know two accounting students, two poly fellows and then Takumba Jacob okay, you know it's just somebody—so you see that a lot of things have made you see some changes today that is making it challenging for younger couples, younger marriages. And then coupled with feminist theory. Globalization, modernism, feminism. Where they believe "Look, why must I be the one to carry the pregnancy? The man must carry it. If he cannot carry it, let us donate our sperm and the egg inside a test tube. I want to be free too. Why should he be free while I am heavy? No, I must be free too." This kind of thinking that have dominated the modern society. And these are beliefs and thinking that have also infiltrated into the church. So that the average young girl you are seeing is a feminist. She's not going into the marriage to tell one boy "good afternoon sir." What? If you are not ready to do what I want then you get out of my building. Then with the kind of doctrine around today, marriage of convenience. "If it's not convenient you get out." And all kind of thing around today. Any small thing, "enough, my life is threatened." You know one life is threatened, you must leave. I'm not saying if your life is threatened you should not leave but I'm looking at things that people give as justification so that people at the slightest provocation, "my life is threatened, I am going somewhere else." This is not my home. These are issues today while younger marriages are having more instability than older ones. These are reality that we cannot run away from. And you see the young man today, when they are looking for sisters, they are looking for the one that—okay, they don't want to marry the one that read Yoruba, they want to marry the one that read—is there any medical student sister here? You know people, young men too are looking for the one that they will that will come and take up responsibility for them. So you see that everything today is about—is about selfishness, is about self-centeredness. But I'm showing you Jesus. I'm showing you Jesus, our model. He said, "I have not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for others." When you are going into a relationship, what is in your head? He said "Learn from me." When you are thinking about marriage or relationship, when you are thinking about entering into a marital journey with an individual, what is in your heart? Is it "I have not come to be served, but I have come to serve and to give myself a ransom, to make sure that by reason of my life, the person I marry get the best of everything that that God intend for that person"? Is that what is in your heart? Or what is in your heart is "God the person I will marry must allow me to go and do my masters, the person I marry is somebody that must give him my own PhD, the person I marry..." Where are you starting from? Are you starting from yourself or you're starting from giving? It's important. "The person I will marry must be somebody that if we have one car, I'll be the one to be using it, the man will need the car more," or the other way, "no the woman will be the one that will need the car more." I'm talking about the kind of mentality that you are coming in with. You have not entered, but you have already started to zero a lot of things to your side. Are you understanding me? People, these are the kind of hearts that come to marriage today and they want marriage to work. These are hearts that are far rest from Jesus and they cannot know peace because there is no peace for the wicked. There is no peace for the wicked and they will be praying "God my marriage will be peaceful" with this kind of heart that you are having. For a marriage to be peaceful, we must start with the kind of heart that goes into marriage. And if you are inside right now and it is troublesome, I want to tell you, your problem is not your spouse. Your problem is not your spouse. Brother, the problem is not your wife. Sister, the problem is not your husband. The problem is your heart. The problem is your heart. That's where the problem is. So I am showing you Jesus in coming. I'm showing you in entry into marriage, in looking towards marriage, in looking towards a man you want to marry, in looking towards marriage, are you coming to serve or to be served? Are you coming to give your self a ransom, a ransom, a ransom? We move beyond that. We are looking at Jesus. He say "Learn from me." Learn from me. Learn from me. Now, in His coming, we saw how He came. And then we're going to look at something further in learning Jesus. I've first looking at His coming, in the manner of His coming. Then we'll look at in the manner of His life, one or two things there. Then one or two things in the manner of His death. I'm looking at time, wherever we can get to we will stop. We are taking them small-small. We are not rushing them. We're still looking at in the manner of His coming. So if you are thinking of entering into marriage, how are you coming? That's what I first addressed. How are you coming? With which kind of heart are you coming? I remember many, many years ago, relating with a friend of mine, a brother. And we were just talking and he said, "Ah, Bro Wole, you know once I marry like this, a lot of things will change." You know we were just guesting and he said, "Ah, you know, no more cooking, no more washing clothes, no more going to the market. Oh, once I marry eh, she will just be serve at the table." You know, as he was talking, I just made an observation. I said, "it seems what you need will not be a wife." I said, "if this is the expectation with which you are primarily looking into marriage, what you really, really need will not be a wife. What you really need is a house help." Because the things you are talking about is to wash your clothes, to cook your food, to serve your food. If that is the reason, even self can do all of that. You don't need a wife. Am I saying that women should not do that for their husband? God forbid. Don't misunderstand me. But I am saying to be served, somebody who goes into a marriage to serve will not go with that kind of heart. The implication of what I'm saying is that while it is important that yes, the sister should do all what he's thinking about, but the truth is that if that is all that the sister can do for him, the unfortunate thing for that marriage is that the sister's life has been abused. When God was designing a wife, He said "I will make him a help suitable for him." The sister is supposed to be the help of the man. She's to help the man. She's to help his vision, his purpose. She's to help—there are greater things, there are higher things, there are greater goals that the woman—that a wife is designed for. When those higher things are removed from a Christian home, then we have reduced it to where two unbelievers marry. You know when unbelievers want to marry, you know what they are thinking about? So that they can put in their CV "married." So that they can have children. So that they can have a sex machine. Somebody can be the work machine. Somebody can—that's their understanding. But the understanding of the believer transcend that. That's what I'm trying to say. Now, why am I—what have I been saying? How are you coming? Number one, are you coming with number one, a heart that says "I am coming to serve, not to be served"? I am coming to make myself a ransom. As a wife, I'm coming to serve this man and to be a ransom for him. Are you coming as a husband? I'm coming to serve this one and to be a ransom for her. Is that how you are coming? Number two, look at the coming of the Lord. Who should come? That's what I want to make you see. The Lord and the people. Who is the offended? Who is the offender? The Lord is the offended. The humanity, they are the offenders. We are the ones that offended and then they scatter everything in that marriage in Genesis chapter 2 and 3. Is that not? So I want to ask, who should come and pay the price for reconciliation? The offended or the offender? I'm showing you the manner of His coming. In the manner of His coming, you will notice that it is the offended coming, coming to see how there can be peace, desiring to make sacrifice for peace. Is that the kind of person you are as you are looking towards relationship now and you're looking towards marriage or you are in marriage now? Who normally make for peace in your own marriage? Is it the offended or the offender? Are you not that sister that will say "Ah, if he does not come to beg, he will see. So he thinks he wants to have sex with me? I will show you." Is that the kind of person that want to have peace in her home? Or you are the brother, "I am the lord in this house. I married sister Jolade with my money. I shared its work. I did not pick her at the wayside. 35,000 Naira plus the tribe. I know how I worked to raise that money. She is joking. This thing will not finish until she kneel down with two legs and run on the floor four times and her father and her mother sit down to beg me. This matter is not over." Is that the kind of man you are and you're looking for peace? Is that the kind of man you are? I am showing you in the manner of—you see before you think of marriage, I'm showing you the things to think about. And if you have not thought about this and you are inside, the thing you need to begin to change your orientation about now so that peace can be in your home, so that rest can be in your home. You need life and the Lord offers rest. He say "Come unto me and I will give you rest." He says "Take my yoke, take my yoke upon you, learn from me. Eh, learn from me. Use me as an example. Look at the way I go. Look at the way I live. Look at how—look at my life as an example. When you take that example, when you learn from me, you will find rest for your soul." Do you know that the Lord as the offended coming to look for the offender and eventually to the—you see what happened? If He has stayed in heaven and he's saying that any day they want to come let them come, I will show them except they come to beg me—please, how many people will be true worshippers of God today? Worshipping Him in spirit and in truth? Have you seen the manner of His coming? Have you seen the manner of His coming? With what understanding are you going into marriage? With what understanding are you running your marriage? Which kind of position are you in the manner of your coming? Learn from Jesus. We're already in question time now. If there are questions—okay, okay, people here have questions. Please take the mic if you have a question. Please ask so that brethren like us will hear your question. Yes, sir. [Speaker 2] Thank you very much, sir. My question is that supposing I as a person now I have ambitions, maybe I want to have PhD, let's say I want to be president now, and going into marriage there appears to be some challenges in achieving that goal or something. What do I do? And this that because if I have to abandon something like that—and supposedly there has to be maybe a compromise, would that not—that might affect me in a bad way. How should I go about handling this sort of kind of things? [Speaker 1] Thank you very much, sir. My question is—supposing I already have some plans. Yes, I don't want to use the word ambition. I like the word plans. You have some plans that you want to be a PhD holder or you want to be the president of Nigeria. Any type of plan. You have that plan before you entered into marriage. So when you entered, the marriage is now disturbing the plan. Is that what you're trying to say? Interfering with it. It's not allowing you to achieve that plan. So what do I do to achieve my plan? Or even if what do I just do, what do I do? If the marriage is just interfering with it. Okay, okay. Thank you for the question. Now, the question is, I have a plan for something in my life before I entered into marriage and then when I entered into the marriage, the marriage is interfering with that thing. There are two sides to it. Because we are dealing with both people who are already in marriage now and those who are about to enter into marriage. I will attend to that question in two ways. If you want to enter into marriage, if you're about to enter into—you are thinking of entering into marriage and you have plans of becoming something or doing something, a plan that for you you see is very vital, very serious, something that if you don't achieve it can make you scatter that marriage—I'm giving—I'm just giving example. Something that you don't achieve then that marriage will scatter and make you not to achieve it. I will advise you, before you enter into the marriage, place the matter before who you want to marry. Place your plans. I have this plan, I have this plan, I have this plan, I have this plan. He says can two walk together except they agree? So place your plan, plan together, think together. If these things have been planned together, discussed together, how it will be achieved, possible ways of achieving them, then it will not be a problem by the time both of you enter into marriage. That is the truth. Because if you see a plan is greater than the marriage as far as you are concerned and that plan will make you scatter any marriage and make you not to achieve it, you better go and achieve your plan before you now come back to marriage. But if you must carry it along with the plan, then the person you want to carry into the marriage must understand the plan. Or get the picture set and then the person too will count the cost whether—that is what Jesus said. Say you count the cost. You want to build the house, you count the cost. The person too will look at it whether look, "Am I ready to—this brother says that if we marry, for the first four years there will be no child because I don't have capacity to manage that. Then once we marry like that, for the first three years I'm going to leave Nigeria. I'm a lecturer. I need to go get my PhD, quickly do a fellowship, then I'll leave there. So once we marry like that, you'll be here in Nigeria alone." Let the sister think. Let her count the cost. Or it could be in that direction. You see me, I want to marry but you know, me I'm a missionary. Anywhere that I marry me, there's no settling down one place oh. As we stay in Akure today for three weeks, we'll be in Iroko village for another three weeks. We may leave that place for a village in Maiduguri for one month. We leave there as about children. For the first five years, no child yet. Maybe later we now have a child. And that child eh, it's not as if we will now settle down to no. After He take of self about two month, the child go back to be with my mother so that we can continue work. Let the sister think. Let her count the cost. If you have not entered, please play every card before the person you want to marry. So that both of you will need counseling, you need reorientation, you need adjustment. Some things will not be seen very well because one thing you must know, no matter how much you know, is that you know in part. Please always get that understanding. It's a basis of humility. Anything you know, no matter how much you know, you know in part and you understand in part. A tree will never make a forest. Sometimes you think you have known everything all, just one or two counsel. You remember our great brother Moses? Remember the way he was called? Look at the dramatic encounter in the call of Moses. Look at how he went to Egypt. Look at how he parted the Red Sea. Look at the level of operation of that man. Look at how he was operating. He took just one father-in-law, Jethro, to tell him that "Ah Alagba, Alagba, man of God, you will die very soon. The way you are administering these people, you know what you will do? Create captains of ten, of fifty, of hundred. Let those one manage the minor-minor matters eh so that only the major matters will be the one you will attend to." Moses listened to Jethro and that made his ministry better. So what I'm trying to make you see is that we know in part. So that whatever you need to be adjusted will have been adjusted. Both of you will have come to a common ground of reasoning. That is one. However, if it's that you are already inside, those plans were not properly trashed, they were not looked at properly. You just assumed that anyhow-anyhow the thing will just be achieved and then you get into it eh and the sister says no, "Ah, me wait for four years? God forbid. When will I begin to have my barren—me I'm a wife oh, me I want a child in nine months' time. There is nothing like..." You're already inside. Matters begin to come up after you have entered. How do you handle it? Handled it number one, patiently. Whether the brother or the sister, handle it patiently. You must be patient, seriously patient with other person. Look for way to talk around how it can be incorporated into the marriage. If it is not getting incorporated, you people don't need to fight yourselves. All you need to do is to seek further counsel. Both of you be open to counsel. This is what I think, this is how I see it. And let me tell you one thing, if the heart is correct, if it's not a wrong heart that entered the marriage, there will be solution. But if it is not a heart that is meek and lowly, ah, I don't know. They may even seek counsel, seek all the counsel and the marriage will still scatter. Not because that thing ought to scatter the marriage, but because the hearts that are involved are not correct. I don't know whether I've been able to attend to that question. Okay. Any other question from the house? Any other question again? Okay, there is no question here now. As we try to start coming to a close of this matter that we are discussing, which is learning Jesus, first in the manner of His coming. There are two things about the manner of His coming, the manner of His life eh, the manner of His dying. These are the things we want to learn from. We want to look at it and learn from. And what we have been looking at today is the manner of His coming. We have looked at the matter of to serve and to be a ransom. We have looked at it is the offended that was coming. It was not the offender that was going to look for the offended. The manner of His coming. When you are thinking of marriage or you are in marriage, which kind of heart are you going into run your marriage now? Are you coming with, look, I will be a peacemaker in the manner of your coming? That's what I also want you to see. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall become sons of God." And what I mean by that statement is that the offended who deliberately, consciously, intentionally will go out to do everything, make sacrifice for there to be peace in marriage. The offended. Is it that kind of heart you are having to go into marriage? Which kind of heart are you going with now? That's why I tell people please, while you are thinking of rushing into it, there are several individuals who are thinking of rushing out. First consider all of these things. Consider, look at these things very well. Marriage is not meant for children. Marriage is not meant for unbroken people. Marriage is not meant for self-centered people. Marriage is not meant for people who are not—who are revengeful. It's not meant for people who are not humble. Marriage is not meant for them. When they get inside, their spouses will be their troubler but will not realize that they are the troublers of themselves. The path to your peace is you. "Rest for your soul." The path to the rest for your soul is you and nobody else. Take responsibility. So, are you going to be a peacemaker in the manner of your coming? That's what I also want you to see. Important thing about in the manner of the coming that I want you to see—and I wish many times people don't look at very closely, very, very closely. I want to first read this to you in Leviticus chapter 19 and then we will see how God applied it and how we also ought to apply it in the manner of His coming. We'll be moving on with this matter of rest for your soul in the month of February. We'll be going to the manner of His life, learning Jesus in the manner of His life and in the manner of His death. In the manner of His coming, look at Leviticus chapter 19. Leviticus chapter 19—I want you to see what the Bible says about the blind and the deaf. Leviticus chapter 19 verse 14. Leviticus 19:14: "You shall not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but shall fear your God: I am the Lord." What is this thing trying to make us see? If you curse a deaf man, can the person hear? If a man that is deaf, if you are cursing him will the person hear? No. If the person hear? No, the person cannot hear. If you place a stone, an object that can make somebody to fall before a blind man, can the blind man see it? No. So why is the Bible encouraging us to do? He says we should not curse the deaf because all your cursing he cannot hear. He cannot hear it. The blind, what you place before him he cannot see it. You know what I'm trying to make you see is that when you look at the manner of the Lord coming, do you not similar thing that He did? I want to ask you, having sinned against God and we have become sinners in Eden, is there any way we could have been able to go back to God by ourselves? I want you to look at it practically. Could humanity have been able to go back to God? No. Humanity wouldn't have been able to go back to God. The only saving grace for humanity is what? Is for God to come to man. Why couldn't we go back to God? Because when we fell into sin, what happened to us? We died. We died. And having died, can we bring ourselves alive again? And until we can come alive, we cannot go back to God. Have you seen something about the manner of Jesus coming? Have you seen something about the manner of Jesus coming? Jesus came with an understanding, a clear understanding that we could never have come to Him. We could never have come. Are you getting what I'm trying to say? We could never have come. What I'm trying to make you see very practically is that you will notice that the Lord was able to see beyond the fault to see our need. He saw beyond our fault. We were at fault, but there is a need. What was the need? What was the need? We needed a savior. Even though we were at fault, we needed a savior. There is no way we could have gone back to the savior. There is no way we could have saved ourselves, sorry. What I'm trying to make you see is that when you are coming into marriage, when you are thinking about marriage, the manner of people that will make marriage to survive are people who are learning under God to see beyond the faults of people. To see what? The needs of people. People who enter into marriage as faultfinders will not work marriage. People having enter into marriage—you know, in entering into marriage can you come with a heart that "God, the person I want to marry, when there are faults, when there are issues, help me to see beyond the fault to see the need of the person I will marry." Help me to see beyond the fault. Make me somebody that if I have a husband, if I have a wife, I will not be a fault-centered husband. I will not be a fault-centered wife. Do you know that there are some men, there are some women, every time they want to talk about their spouse, it's only their fault they can see. They cannot see their good side. And let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. People that are like that, they have serious problem. Do I tell you how? Do I tell you why? If that person never had a good side, you never have married that person. If that person never had a good side, all about that person is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad that you are now talking about now, nothing good in the person, you wouldn't have married. Or else you were deceived into marriage. And I want to ask you, look at that too. If you are deceived into marriage, who is at fault? Brethren in the house, brethren in the floor of the house, are you with me? If you are deceived into marriage, who is at fault? While it is true that the person who deceived, who was a deceiver, will face some consequences—you face consequences for being a deceiver. But what did the Bible warned us about? He said, "Take heed that you are not what? That you are not deceived." Take heed that you are not deceived. Take heed that you are not deceived. These are very, very important things. That is what the Master warned us about. He has told us Satan is a deceiver. Satan is a liar, the vigilant, the sower. The devil goes about seeking whom to devour. We have been the ones that we are dealing with a world of deception. So if you don't heed the warning of the Lord and you end up being deceived and you married a child of the devil, who is at fault? For the child of the devil, he has only achieved his aim. Am I correct? Am I correct? The deceiver has achieved his aim. The intention was to deceive. So he has not done anything wrong. He was a deceiver. But the person who allowed to be deceived. These are very serious thing, brethren. It calls for serious sober reflection. I pray you will not be deceived in the name of Jesus. You will not be deceived into marriage. You will not find yourself in imprisonment—imprisonment that we describe as marriage. You will not find yourself being sidetracked in marital matters in the name of Jesus. As we close today, I look forward to seeing you in our next edition in February, where we will be taking time to continue with this matter of rest for your soul. What we have handled today is "learn Jesus." He is meek and lowly in heart. Learn. And we are looking at in learning Jesus, we learn the manner of His coming. We will be going to the manner of His life, learning Jesus in the manner of His life and in the manner of His death. By the time we meet in February with trust the Lord, this matter of rest for your soul that we are dealing with, we are taking them so systematically so that you can understand how you can come into this rest. If you are a non-believer listening to me, you need Jesus. First let Him give you rest so that you can now find rest for your soul. If you are a believer listening to me, I want to plead with you, your spouse—if you are not yet married, don't think your problem will be in the person you will marry. Begin to deal with yourself. If you have overcome yourself, you are not likely to have problem with the person you will marry. First overcome yourself. Because normally deep calls to deep, like attracts like. That is the truth of it. If you are already married and it is restless, I want to plead with you, your problem is not about your spouse. Your problem is about you. Check inward. Look inward. Stop looking at your spouse. Start looking at yourself. I pray you get it right. I pray your home is peaceful. I pray our homes experience the peace of God in the name of Jesus Christ. Any threatened marriage, I pray for peace. Any threatened relationship, I pray for rest. Any threatened home, oh I pray, let the hand of God come upon that home for good in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name. See you second Saturday in February. May the Lord preserve us beyond then. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Let’s share the grace together. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen and amen. [background noise: choral singing] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission hit. Our regular activities are the discipleship class every Monday 5:00 PM, Adolescent and Singles Club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, Marriage Forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, family life seminars, regular school outreaches, and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp, by the first bridge, Ilesa community, opposite Very Joy filling station along Ilesa road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all. 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