Right Attitude for Christian Marriage 021321

[Music: Hymn "Glory be to the Lord"] [Speaker 3] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home from you. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Music: Hymn "Alpha and Omega"] [Speaker 1] I pray that Jesus indeed will be our Alpha and He will be our Omega. Particularly at a time like this, He will be a refuge, a shelter in the midst of the storms of life of today. And particularly for our country, Nigeria, we pray that for our lives, for our homes, for our husbands, our wives, our children, Jesus will be our Alpha and our Omega in the name of Jesus. He will be our sufficiency, our refuge, our shield at a time like this. He will be our security in the name of Jesus Christ. Our Father, we thank You again for this morning. We bless Your holy name. We lift You high, our God. We give You glory. We give You praise. We give You honor. We give You adoration as we come again into Your presence for another marriage forum this morning for the month of February. Our Father and our God, we pray that as we gather unto You, Your Spirit will work within us in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, our eyes are on You this morning. Let the entrance of Your word give light and understanding to us in the name of Jesus. Lord, we pray, meet with us where we need You most. Lord, meet with homes, meet with marriages. Oh Lord, our God, meet them where they need You most for a restoration, for reconciliation, for peace, for rest, and for quietness in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You, eternal Father. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen and amen. This morning for our marriage forum, we'll be considering a very important topic, which is the right attitude for the Christian home or the right attitude for a Christian marriage. The right attitude in a Christian marriage, the right attitude for a Christian home. We are trying to look at the issue of attitude, attitudinal things this morning. Particularly because for every human behavior, there is an attitudinal issue about it. In other words, the covert, that is, the internal aspect of behavior is attitude. The expressed aspect of our life is what we call behavior. The relationship between attitude and behavior is that whatsoever a man is, his inner attitude, the state of heart within is what comes out. So behavior is a product of our attitude. Attitude is a product of our values, of our beliefs, of our perspectives, of our perception, of our philosophy. The kind of philosophy you have about life, your perception to the things of life, your value orientation towards life, your emotions, your mental outlook, all of these come together to give what is your attitude. Now, your attitude when acted, when you act on the basis of your attitude, we say this is your behavior. So there's a strong relationship between attitude and behavior, just as the kind of relationship that you have between the air and the wind. Air and wind are actually the same thing. Once the air goes into motion, you say the air is wind. Once it looks as if it is stationary, you say it is air. But once it moves and depending on how it moves, when it moves very gradually, you say it is a wind, or you may say breeze. When it becomes a little stronger, you say wind. When it becomes very, very strong, you start speaking about wild wind and so on and so forth, depending on the motion, the energy exerted by that wind. The same thing you find between fire and flame. Fire is a state of burning. Flame is the visible aspect of the fire. So any time there is a fire, over time, the fire will become visible. Once it becomes visible, people say flame, although many times people see flame and fire as the same thing, but they are not exactly the same thing. Fire is a state of burning. It's a state of intense heat. Now when it begins to burn and consume, depending on the level of oxygen available, it either becomes visible by blue flame or by yellow flame or by red flame or by green flame. That visible thing we see that we call fire is flame. So you can't see flame without fire. We can't talk about wind without air. There must be air. Air must go into motion to find wind. The same way, anytime you see a particular behavior, it is because there was or there is an attitude. Attitude comes out as behavior. Attitude comes out as behavior. So there is so much about attitude because attitude talks about the state of the human heart, the state of the heart, the state of human thought, the way you think, the state of your thinking, the state of your heart. That is where attitude is. Then once you act it out, we say your behavior. That is why you notice that the Lord said that "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34. So when you see somebody who talks too much or somebody who says useless things or somebody who speaks vain things or somebody who speaks obscene things, that thing that you are seeing is a product of an inner attitude, the attitude. There's a strong connection. That's why you notice again the Bible says apart from that of what Jesus said in Matthew where He says that "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks," if you go to Proverbs, you find a similar thing. Proverbs says, "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23. What the Bible is saying is that if you don't particularly watch your attitude, you cannot have a behavior that differs from your attitude. No matter how much you try to... that's why you notice some people when they try to put up a fake behavior, they try to behave hypocritically to act in one way contrary to their attitude, over time, something will happen that will give them away. That's why some... sometimes when somebody has a bit of hatred towards you and the person tries to camouflage, the person smiles, the person does that, camouflaging. But you see, something will happen one day and then you will see the person act or say something, then you know that so this is how this person really is. There is no way you try to put up a behavior that is not in line with your attitude. Over time, your real behavior, which is a product of your attitude, will manifest. It will manifest. And that is why we, this morning, for our marriage forum, we are trying to look at the matter of the right attitude for Christian home or the correct attitude for our marriage. The correct attitude for our marriage, the correct attitude for our home, the correct attitude for our life, the correct attitude. What should be the correct attitude for our homes? What should be the correct attitude for our marriage? What is the right thing? And what I want to do this morning is to look at a very simple matter that was raised by the Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4. Trying to look at this matter of what should be the correct attitude for Christian marriage or in a Christian home. What should be the correct attitude? And we will look at, we will read that scripture and then we will now try to relate that scripture to our Christian life and then the Christian home. Let's look at Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4. Let's see what the scripture says in that place about ordinarily what should be the attitude. Ephesians chapter 4 runs from verse 1 to verse 32. I'll be speaking towards the close of that chapter. But for the sake of background and introduction, I just want us to read through. I want to read through that chapter. Just look at what the Bible says, reading through this chapter. I want to read from the New KJV Bible. [Speaker 2] I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. Therefore He says: “When He ascended on high, He led captivity captive, and gave gifts to men.” (Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first descended into the lower parts of the earth? He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things.) And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love. [Speaker 1] Now, all that Paul said from verse 1 to verse 16 is just trying to establish the fact, the truth, that the body of Christ is one. And all members of the body, they need themselves. We all need ourselves. As believers, we should understand that we all need ourselves. We need ourselves in every way, in everything we need ourselves. That must be very, very clear to us. That in every way, in everything, we need ourselves. It should be something that should be clear to us, that we always need ourselves. Nobody should feel that he does not need the other person. Nobody should feel that he can do without the other person. There should be this understanding among ourselves that it is one body, it is one faith, it is one Lord. And all of these, what the Lord did in all of these is that He gave different gifts to men. So that for example, somebody who is a very, very good eye that can see, no matter how excellent that eye can see, the eye should have this understanding, this humility should rule the heart, the attitude of the eye, that as good as I am, I can only be a very, very good eye. I can't be a nose. I will need to depend on the nose for oxygen. No matter how good I am as an eye, I need the nose. And the nose will not feel that because it is the source of oxygen, the nose will not carry this attitude of look, I can do without the ear. No matter how good the nose is, it can only be an excellent nose. It cannot even be a poor ear. It can't hear anything. So that even one ear that is hearing is still better than the nose trying to be the ear. The nose cannot hear, it can only take in air. So this attitude should govern our relationship as believers. Don't forget where we are going to. We are going to the correct attitude in a Christian home. The correct attitude in our homes, in our families. Attitude that makes peace to reign in the home. Attitude that makes people to see the whole essence of Christian living. Attitude that makes people to know that oh, this is a Christian family. And I'm beginning from a general point, then I will narrow down into something. So I'm moving from the general to the specific. I'm first showing you that as far as God is concerned, what God did is that God has designed that nobody is independent. No matter how gifted you are, no matter how anointed you are, the way God has designed us as Christians is that we should be dependent on one another. It is so crucial, it is so real to understand this. And that is why Apostle Paul, by the power of the Holy Ghost, was warning us that we should forbear one with another, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. We must do everything to make sure that the unity of the Spirit is not affected. To make sure that we are not fragmented. To make sure that there is no break in the spiritual flow. To make sure that we are connected one to the other. Moses can stand as a powerful intercessor on the mountain. Joshua, I'm just using that episode to illustrate something. Joshua is the man of war. He is the one on the field fighting the battle. Moses is the person there and bringing those things together. So but it is very, very vital for all of them to see the connection among themselves. Joshua could do the fighting. Moses is not the one fighting. But yet, the victory of Joshua with the Amalekites where they were fighting is dependent on Moses who is busy connecting with God. Again, you realize that as powerful as Moses was, his hand could not remain standing all through the battle. There is somebody standing, Hur and Aaron were there again to lift the hand. And as the hands were lifted, the victory was gotten. I'm showing you the unity of the Spirit, inter-connectivity of the things of God. So it's very, very germane and very, very important for you to note that in our Christian life, in our Christian home, it is good to note this. Now, that is up to the verse 16. So we move on from that point as we try to move on to see what the Bible added from verse 17 of Ephesians chapter 4. It says with the Lord's authority, let me say this. I'm reading this time from the NLT translation as I try to make some emphasis. It says, "With the Lord's authority let me say this: live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their closed minds are full of darkness; they are far away from the life of God because they have shut their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They don’t care anymore about right and wrong. They have given themselves over to immoral ways, and their lives are filled with all kinds of impurity and greed. But that isn’t what you were taught when you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about him and have learned the truth that comes from Jesus, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes." Are you seeing something? "There must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitude." Ephesians 4:23. I will read that same verse in the Amplified version. Amplified Bible of Ephesians 4:23. We are talking about the right attitude in a Christian home. And as you are connecting with us and you are listening to us, I want you to follow what we are discussing. In Ephesians 4:23, the Amplified Bible says, "And be ye constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind, having fresh and mental spiritual attitude." Are you understanding what the Bible is saying? There is something about attitude. There is a need for attitude to be renewed constantly. The secret of Christian growth is a constant changing attitude towards life. Once your attitude is not changing, the meaning is that you are not growing up as a Christian. Your attitude towards life, your attitude towards things must be constantly renewed. It says, "Be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind, having fresh mental spiritual attitude." I take that same thing in the Message translation. It says, "You must display a new life because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness—righteous, holy, and true." So what is the next thing that follows? Verse 25. It says, "So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body." I'm drawing something. Why are we to speak the truth? Why are we to put away falsehood? Why are we to be real? What is the bottom line? It says because we belong to each other. Apostle Paul, by the power of the Holy Ghost, is addressing the body of Christ. The reason why I must not lie to my sister, why I must be sincere and true to the other believer, why I must not be fake is one major reason. What is the reason? We belong to each other. Don't forget where I said we are going. We are going to the right attitude in a Christian home, the right attitude in a Christian marriage. And you are seeing something here. The reason why believers must be real one to another is because they belong to one another. So that by the time we narrow down into Christian marriage, you will see how much more this matter is crucial. For the Christian body of Christ, the reason why I must not lie to my sister, why I must be sincere and true, why I must not be fake, why I must do everything to see how much I need her and she needs me, why I must be humble in my relationship with her or with him, why we must live with concern for one another, why I must endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace is because the community of believers, they belong one to another. So we must have this attitude, this mental attitude constantly be renewed. Now, because we belong to one another, he says, "And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry." He is addressing Christian community. And he is saying that we don't need to sin by letting anger gain control over us. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. He is addressing the Christian community. Why? Because they belong to one another. He said again, "For anger gives a foothold to the devil." Ephesians 4:27. So when believers are angry with themselves, when they don't learn to put away anger, what are they doing? They are giving room, they are providing a way, they are facilitating, they are becoming facilitators for satanic activities. Now, he says, "If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Now, I want you to note something here. In addressing the Christian community, the body of believers, the Bible says that it is very, very important that we should be kind to each other, we should be tenderhearted to one another, we should be ready to constantly forgive one another, just as God through Jesus Christ has forgiven us. Now, I want you to look at that statement very closely. By this statement that the Lord is confronting us with here, it means that anywhere there are body of believers, anywhere there is Christian, any community of Christians, there is the need to have this attitude, the attitude of ready to forgive, the attitude of being kind, the attitude of forbearing. Now, if that is an attitude, a command in the Christian community, what does that tell you about relationship among them? It is telling you that there is a need for us to know as Christians that the only way our togetherness can be sustained is by being ready to constantly forbear and forgive, forbear with one another and forgive each other. Why? It is telling you that even in the community of the believers, the community of the believers is not made up of people who are perfect. It is made up of people who have different areas of shortcomings. Anytime you find three Christians relating, because the Bible says they are Christians, the Bible is also making us to see that they are also human who will possibly offend themselves, grieve themselves. And so the way their togetherness can continue is to understand this correct attitude, that the attitude for our togetherness to be sustained is the attitude of forgiving and forbearing with one another. Now, Christians are supposed to have this attitude towards each other. I want to relate this matter now to the topic of today, which is the right attitude for Christian marriage. And I want to show you something that the Lord pointed my attention to. Do you know that when you look at many Christian homes today, you will realize that you still have many Christian homes where the husband and the wife, they live sometimes, they even keep malice. For two, three days they operate what I call the short wave of communication. "How are you?" "Fine." "How was work?" "Good." Because they must talk, not because they wanted to talk. Or sometimes, they don't even relate well with themselves for two, three days. You find homes where believers use abusive words, I mean wives to the husband, husband to the wife. You find situation where husband in a way is not sincere with the wife, or sometimes the wife is not very real to the husband. He's fake, he's not sincere. If you look around us today, you have Christian home that husband, the anger of the husband can still be there even when the sun has gone down, when the Bible say don't let the sun go down on your anger. You have wives that are still carrying the bitterness of yesterday into today. Now I want to explain something to you and I want to link something together. You see, because for most of us today, most of us as Christians, before we finally settled down in marriage, we were not able as believers to develop the correct Christian attitude within the Christian community. It became a carry-over into our marriage. When somebody offends you, when you were offended as a Christian, go and check how you have related with your brothers and your sisters. You will notice that because Brother A did something to you, and the best way you want to handle it is not to forgive him and forbear with him, what do you do? You either avoid him, or in a way, you start relating with Brother C and D. And when you are relating with Brother C and D, you know what you do? Anytime matters concern Brother A who offended you, you know what you do? You will speak maliciously about him. You will say things that are destructive. You go about, you gossip, you backbite your brother. You, you are that person that maybe your brother who is your leader did something that was somehow, you didn't like it. And as a sister, the best you could do was to have an inner attitude towards him that you are no more free with him. When managed, you just spite him. When he talks, inside you are hissing and whatever, even though the person is your leader, because of one or two things that he did. As a believer, you never were able to forbear, you never were able to forgive. You did not understand the correct attitude for the Christian community. You are thinking that when we relate as Christians, then everybody is expected to be perfect. You did not understand that the correct attitude for our unity is forbearing one another, forgiving one another, having an understanding that we will constantly offend each other, we will constantly cross each other's path. But for our unity to be sustained, we must do everything to maintain the unity of the Spirit. So many times you break that unity as a Christian. You were able to live like that constantly and nobody really noticed it. Nobody really... it was not seen. It was not really very obvious. Because of course, it's a community. So by the time you avoid Brother A and Brother B, you can still move on cheerfully with Brother D, Brother F, and Brother Z. Or with Sister F, G, H, you can still move on. But eventually, when you came into marriage, it is just you and one sister, you and one brother. And this time, it's not the time that you can just put somewhere and go your way. So those vices that you did not handle as a Christian began to manifest in your marriage. The vices were there. Those vices that were in your life as a single brother, those vices that were in your life as a single sister, the vices that were there, but that was not obvious to the brethren. When they want to talk about you, they say, "Ah, you know, Sister This is a very wonderful sister." They could not see those vices because you are dealing with a lot of people. You could keep malice with one and relate with another 20. You could bypass two and relate with another 30. So it was not obvious that those things were there. I just want to announce to you, those vices in your attitude, let me tell you, they are not a product of your spouse's behavior. They are things in your life you never handled. They are things in your own life that you never handled. They are vices in your life that you never handled. You will see people say, "My wife is making me very impatient." No, it's because you have been an impatient person in the body of believers. You say, "Oh, if there is anything, my husband normally makes me mad." It's not your husband that is making you mad. It's because you have always been a mad person among believers, but it was not obvious because you were dealing with a lot of people. So you will be mad with three, you will be playing with 17. So it was not obvious. Now, that's the first thing I want you to see that the Lord pointed my attention to. And what I want to tell you by that is this: vices in your life, I mean bad inner attitude that you don't deal with, impatience, anger, malicious speech, hatred, rage, not being... instead of being kind to people, instead of being tenderhearted, instead of forgiving, those vices you don't deal with, let me tell you, they will become the Waterloo of your marriage. They will become serious problems in your marriage. They will become serious issues. While you will be thinking that your problem is your husband, your problem is your wife, you will not quickly realize that you are the one troubling yourself. That your wife that you are saying she is not behaving as a Christian, or your husband that you are saying he's not acting well, he's not doing that as a Christian, I want to tell you, it is just a reflection or he is just a reflection of the several shortcomings that you have in several other Christians. So shortcomings in your spouse is not peculiar to him or her. Shortcomings is a general thing for the body of believers. It is just that you have not developed the right attitude to dealing with the shortcomings in the body of believers. And that is what is becoming a trouble for your marriage. There is an attitude that God wants us to put up as believers. For us to be able to keep our unity, what God said is that we must forgive one another, we must forbear with one another, we must endeavor to keep the unity. We must put away anger. We must not allow the sun to go down on our anger. We must not give room to the devil. These are the recommendations that God gave so that there can be unity for us as believers. And I'm telling you, it is the same recommendations that can keep the unity of your marriage. Because what you call marriage is just a small, it's just a subset of the universal set of believers. Instead of relating with several brothers now and several sisters, you now have one specific one that you are in... it's also a brother or a sister. Both of you are now in a lasting life relationship. So it's just taking out of that universal set, taking two out and then put them again to still be able to practice the same life that is in the universal set. I visited a couple one day and I was actually to address misunderstanding between the husband and the wife. And as I came in and I was asking what the problem was, I noticed a trend. How best do I explain it now? You know, if you want to... there's a way something happened between you and somebody and you want to explain that to the mediator. He asks what happened. Then maybe I want to talk about what happened between me and my wife now, maybe she offended, she did something wrong and then in a bit to explain that, you know, to explain what happened is a different thing from being abusive and insulting. The wife will want to speak, the husband will want to speak. When the husband wants to speak, he will say, "Sir, see, don't mind this useless woman. You see what actually happened was XYZ. And can you imagine even that she's a mad woman." Now, he was trying to explain what happened, but at the same time, you can still see the venom of serpent even in trying to relate what happened. And as the wife used such statement, used such languages, the husband will fume up. Anytime the husband use such languages, the wife fumes up and then will just quickly cut in. "If not because you too you are stupid, you will not be talking to me that way." So eventually, to even know what's happened became a very difficult thing. And mind you, these are two people who are committed Christian workers in their church. You see what I'm trying to say is that, I don't want... I'm just using an example just to explain something. To explain that while the wife might be thinking that her problem is the husband, and the husband might be thinking that his problem is the wife, from what we are seeing in Ephesians chapter 4, the real problem is that neither of the two, neither of the two has been able to come to terms with what is the correct attitude to, you know, in a Christian marriage. And that is because neither of them in the Christian community were able to learn that attitude. Neither of them. That's the problem. That's the problem. And so the first thing I am pointing to us is that it is the vices in your life that you did not handle that becomes the troubler of your relationship in your marriage. Your problem is never your spouse. It's not your spouse. Now look at it for instance. Look at what the Bible says. In the verse 29, I'm reading the NLT translation. It says, "Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." And "Do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved by the day of redemption." Now look at this. Why are we not to use abusive and foul languages? Why must I make sure that everything I say are words that can be an encouragement to those who hear? Why? What is the reason? What is the reason? The reason is clear. It's clear. He says because you belong to each other. Now, please brethren, since some of us that are online, we may not be able to get your response, but those of us that are here physically, let's look at it. If we say that we belong to one another for the Christian marriage, let's look at it at the level of being brethren then at the level of being married. At the level of being brethren, how do we belong to one another? Because we belong to one body, isn't it? One body. So we are all members of the body of Christ. So that I understand, for instance, just like when Jesus Christ was giving that parable, He says, "I was hungry, you did not feed me. I was in prison and all of that." And they said, "Ah, when?" He said, "Since it was not done to the least of the brethren, it was not done to me." So we are one because we are both body of Christ. Whatsoever I do to you is against Christ. Whatsoever you do to me is against Christ. And whatsoever you do for me is for Christ. Whatsoever I do for you is for Christ. So that governs our relationship. I believe that is very clear. Now, so we are members of each other, we belong to one another. Now, for the marriage, the level of belonging to each other for the marriage, is it at the same level with the way people belong to each other as Christians? It is not. What makes it a little different? One, he said it's deeper. It's deeper, it's higher. Because the two of us are one, we are into each other and we are one. So which means the bound or the ligament is not just one. There is first one that is the Christendom, body of Christ. Then there is another one that they are bodily joined together, inseparable. For the two shall become one. This one, they are no longer two. Now, I want to ask you, brethren, this principle of belonging to each other, where should it hold more? It should hold more in the marriage. It should hold more in the marriage. Because the relationship that I share with my husband or with my wife is something even more mystical and deeper that I share with a fellow brethren. There is a level of intimacy that I have with a fellow brother and sister, which is not possible. If I try to share that same intimacy as I have with my wife with another sister who is not my wife, it becomes a sin. So in a way, I want to share an intimacy that has to do with brotherly love. But with my husband or my wife, it is deeper. There's brotherly love, then there is something further than that. Now I want to make us see something, brethren. If God so demand that see oh, because you belong to each other, don't lie to one another. Be patient with one another. Make sure you keep this unity. Make sure that you don't break this unity. Please, make sure you are ready to forgive. Remember that I forgive you. Be ready to forgive. Make sure you are tenderhearted towards each other. Be sure this is the kind of life you live. Now, what will be the exhortation, what will be the charge we should give to people that are believers that are now married themselves? Aren't we telling them to be that much more, the more? But what you find today is the other way round. There is a charge towards us. So that for instance, if the Bible say don't sin by letting anger gain control over you, it's relative to a brother and a sister. Now, much more the more when I want to relate to my wife, there becomes a more important thing, a more serious thing to note, that I must not sin. Because this time around, I should realize that while with my brethren, I am acting against the body of Christ, in this one, I'm acting against the body of Christ, one, I'm acting against the marriage covenant, two, and because it is so deep, I'm acting against my life. Please, ma, can you be angry with yourself and you still remain angry? It's possible sometimes you're angry with yourself. You know sometimes you do some things that you don't like. But how long does it last? Yeah, if somebody is angry with himself and he is still angry with himself, angry with himself, and then becomes a matter of suicide or whatever, you know there's already a mental problem, there's a psychiatric issue, there's a mental derangement. There is something psychologically wrong with the person. And sometimes it could be a demonic influence, which is true. Thank you. It could be a demonic influence. It could be something demonic. Somebody is angry with himself. Maybe for example, you want to carry your phone, mistakenly it fell from your hand, and it's a phone of maybe 500,000 that you just bought. Fell from your hand. At that point, you will be angry with yourself saying, "Ah!" But you will notice in a very short while, you just tell yourself, "Ah, what do I do now? Ah." You excuse it, you forgive it, you overlook it. It's painful, but you overlook it. The next thing you begin to think of solution. You begin to call somebody, "Eh, please, ejor, my phone fell down. Can I do something?" He begins to look for solution. It doesn't stay because it becomes something that makes you become moody with yourself. "You now want to laugh? Which foolish laugh are you laughing? Which foolish laugh? You forget what you did this morning? What you did this morning?" No! It has become insanity. The person is no more normal. That is the situation when it happens in marriage. Because the marriage union is deeper. It's deeper. A man cannot continue like that, angry with himself on and on. But you know, many times when we make the marriage vow, I tell people, hardly do we see that we are no longer two. We just say, "I'm married." CV, married. By that time He tells me I'm no more single, I'm now my... I am Mrs., I am Mr., meet my wife. But we don't really understand, we don't have a realization that something also mystically happened. That if my wife did something or I did something against my wife, and it became a thing that remains there and there and could last till evening, then actually there is a mental problem. There is a spiritual problem. There is something wrong because you cannot remain like that to yourself. So can we submit something this morning? As we are trying to bring this meeting to a close. Can we submit something? That when you see this kind of thing in marriage, do we submit this morning that actually there is a spiritual blindness somewhere? We are blind to the reality of marriage, the reality of what marriage is. And I want us to really think about this. Are you sure you are not blind to the reality of what marriage is? Are you sure that in your... you see, these are the things that guide our behavior when we have the correct attitude. The real thing is having the right attitude. Those behaviors we put up in our home, the problem is not coming from your spouse. The problem is coming from your wrong attitude or negative attitude. And I'm telling you, it looks more to me that more Christian marriages are ruled by wrong and negative attitude than those ones that are ruled by right and positive attitude. It seems more to me that few believers actually, before they enter into marriage, were able to grow to a point where their life is not just a manifestation of the gift of the Spirit, to the fruits of the Spirit. You know it takes time for fruits to come out. When you plant something, what first comes out are the leaves. So people what first comes out of people is their gift. You will see them using their gift, their gift. But many people don't continue to grow in grace and in knowledge to the point where they will bring the fruits of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Here, there is no conflict with the law. Do you see that many of the things we are talking about in Ephesians that we are saying be kind towards one another, endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace, be kind towards one another, are you seeing that they're actually fruits of the Spirit? So it is so important today for those of us who have not entered into marriage, check your life. Are you a plant that is full of leaves without fruit? Remember the fig tree, that because it was full of leaves, it was cursed. What the Lord seek in our life beyond the leaves is that the leaves should be able to bring fruit. We need it so much because if we are not growing in this direction, when you enter into marriage, this is what you will see. And I don't know whether you notice it. Most of the brethren who have serious crisis in this their marriages, go and check them also. You will see them when they come to the area of their gifting, you will be surprised. If they are singers, they can be wonderful members of the choir. When they sing, people get blessed. I don't know whether you notice what I'm trying to say. If they are Bible study teachers, you will be surprised when they handle the Bible study during fellowship. The only person that will be doing "eroloshe" is his wife. Others will be blessed. You will notice that it is because the wife or the children are the ones who could see that this tree is just full of leaves. That's why you notice that many times you will see people say, "Ah, Peter lo ti dako danu le." But what they are trying to say is that this life is not full of fruit. So I want to charge those of you listening to me, everywhere you are, please, if you have not yet settled in marriage, so that you don't begin to blame your spouse. "You see, my wife talks too much. My husband is somebody that is heady. My wife is somebody that is not submissive." While all of those things, yes, we cannot say they are not there, but the truth is that where there is the fruit of the Spirit operating, it is possible for you to be the vessel by which your wife or your husband can become a better person. Because the truth is that at the junction where we all enter into marriage, that junction at which we all entered into marriage, God Himself knows He is still working in our lives. That's the truth. He is still working in our lives. There are things about me that God is still perfecting. There are things about my wife that God is still perfecting. Aha! There are things about your husband that God is still perfecting. The Bible says He is perfecting until finally when we will see Him, the Bible says we will be like Him. But while we are still here, your husband is somebody God is perfecting. Your wife is somebody God is perfecting. And that is why I tell you and I want to say this: if you put away your husband or your wife to pick another, it's just recycling the old thing in a new way. Maybe you don't understand what I'm trying to say. You will discover that the good things, some of the good things you find in your wife, in the new wife that you pick, you won't find those ones. Of course, some of the bad things you didn't want in your wife, you will also find it in that one. It will just be circulating the old thing in a new way. You will always see the imperfection of the different individuals manifesting in different ways. So the problem is not changing wives or changing husband. That's not the solution to your problem. The solution to your problem is to have a large heart that can forgive, forbear, and that can be tenderhearted. That's the solution to your problem. Or else, you will never enjoy marriage. You will never know real peace. You will hurt until you will die fighting with your spouse. Always having one thing to talk about, always having one thing to complain about, always having one thing to fight with, always having one thing to quarrel with, always seeing the areas that God is still perfecting, never able to see the areas that God has helped the person. And that is why you will be surprised. Some of the areas where God has helped the person, you find other people appreciating it because you have become so blind to even see the areas to appreciate. You have become so blind by you know, you know, your focusing on the areas that God has not perfected. And what made you to be that is because you did not have a light heart to do as the Bible commanded us, that as much as possible in all our relationship. I will read that as we close the meeting this afternoon. I want to go to that place again, Ephesians chapter 4, that in all our relationship as much as possible as we relate with one another, let us always note this. Let us always put this in our life, in our attitude, in everything that we do. From verse 22, I want to charge you brother, sister, husband, wife that is listening to me. "Throw off your old and evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Throw them away. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitude. And renew your thoughts and attitude and begin to think the way Christ wants you to think. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s like righteousness, holy and true. In God’s like, righteous, holy, and true. Put away all falsehood and tell deliberately that your neighbor there, and put your wife or your husband there, tell your wife or your husband the truth because you belong to each other. In relating to your husband or to your wife, don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. If it goes down on your anger, I'm telling you, you are an insane person. You are an insane person. There is something insane about you. There is something insane. That is the truth of the matter. Nobody gets angry with himself and not forgive himself, except there is a spiritual problem, a mental problem, or a psychological problem. And sometimes it could be a demonic influence, which is true. Thank you. It could be a demonic influence. It could be something demonic. Somebody is angry with himself. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil. Don't use foul and abusive language. Don't use them. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to your spouse as they hear. And don't bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Verses 31 and 32. I want to beg you, whether you are married or not married that is listening to me, do everything. If you are still single, do everything now. Be broken, submit your life more to God so that you won't become the troubler of your own marriage, that you start saying that it is your spouse. Do everything now to get rid of bitterness. Check your life. Are you somebody who just throw away brethren? You backbite, you gossip about people. You are impatient with your brethren now. By the time you marry one of them, your life will not be different. It will still be the same thing. It will still be the same thing. By the time you will get married, if the way you are treating them now is the way you are going to treat the one you get married to. So please, do something about your life now. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, begin to practice it from today with your brethren. Start it today. Start it now with that person around you. Start it now with that brother and that sister. Start it! Start it today! And if you are already married, go and have a change of attitude. Renew your attitude. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Jesus Christ has forgiven you. Instead, be kind to each other. Be kind to your wife. Be kind to your husband. Be tenderhearted towards your wife. Be tenderhearted towards your husband. Be forgiving one another. Offenses are normal. There's this thing they say in Yoruba, 'igba ti a ti pari ija na, gba wo la fe je ate ni?' The one we fought yesterday we have not finished it, we have not resolved it. When will we fight the one for today? There is another one for today. There is always something new to fight for the day. So quickly resolve the ones that are there before because new ones are coming again. Before you know, the person will step again on your toes. Before you know, you will step on his head. It's just a normal... don't see... don't begin to make so much out of this thing. It is much ado about nothing. Human infirmities and shortcomings they are normal things about life. Don't make so much ado about it as if you have seen something so strange. They are not strange. Instead, forgive one another, just as God through Jesus Christ has forgiven you." Can we begin to talk to God now? Can you begin to talk to God? Talk to God. Talk to God. Just talk to God. Your spouse is not your problem. You are the one who did not conquer the vices of your life. You didn't conquer your rage, your being quick to anger. You didn't conquer your harsh words. That's why you are using it to trouble your spouse today. You are the troubler of your own self. You are the troubler of your own home. Go and deal with the vices in your life. Deal with the things in your life. Jesus said don't judge one another. Why do you say to your spouse, "Let me remove the speck of wood in your eye?" You hypocrite! First go and remove the log in your own eye, then you'll be able to see clearly to remove the one in your wife's eye. First remove the log in your own eye. Remove your own impatience. Remove your own lack of fruit of your own life. Your life is fruitless. You are just full of leaves. Your gifts are functional, people can see it, but we can't see the fruit. We can't see love. We can't see patience. We can't see goodness. We can't see gentleness. You are so harsh. You are quick to anger. We can't see the fruit. We are only seeing the leaves. You are a life full of leaves. That is what is troubling your home. It's not your spouse. It's not your spouse. If you have the correct... if you first change yourself, your life will so shine that your life will change your spouse. Forget changing your spouse. You change yourself. Your new life will change your spouse. Let's look at it from this angle. The right attitude for Christian home, the right attitude for Christian marriage. Talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord. I pray that the Lord deliver you from wrong perception of your problem. I pray let there be deliverance for marriages, deliverance for life, deliverance for homes, deliverance for people. Lord God Almighty, we pray. Troubled homes, troubled marriages, let there be deliverance. Let the wife and the husband begin to see things from the right angle in the name of Jesus Christ. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. The right attitude, the right attitude, the right attitude. Forgiving one another, tenderhearted towards one another, forbearing with one another. Oh, Lord help us. Lord help us. Lord help us in the name of Jesus. And Lord, I pray let there be correct growth among our young people. Correct growth, growth, growth, so that they will grow in grace and in knowledge of the Lord. There will be a correct bearing of fruit, not only leaves, not just gift, not just the gift, but Lord let their lives bear fruit. Fruit! That Lord, more and more and more, our homes can be settled, they can be more stable. Marriages can be stable, not because the people are perfect, but because they've learned the principle. The principle of forgiving each other, the principle of forbearing with one another, the principle of being tenderhearted, the principle of being meek towards each other, patient with one another. Lord, the principle of avoiding abusive languages, saying only helpful things. Oh, Lord God Almighty, we pray, let there be growth in the name of Jesus. Oh, thank You, blessed Father. Thank You, Almighty God. In Jesus' name, we pray. Let me invite my wife to close the meeting. [Speaker 4] In Jesus' name, we pray. Eternal Father, we are grateful unto You. Thank You for blessing us. Thank You for blessing us. You have blessed us again. Thank You, Father, for Your word. Thank You for Your help because Your word is a help to us. It's the healing, it's the strength, it's our creation, it's everything. Thank You for what You've spoken to us again. Lord God Almighty, be exalted in Jesus' name. Father, we trust in You, Oh Lord, as we go in this might. Lord, our life will never remain the same in the name of Jesus. Lord, by this weapon again that You have armed us with, we conquer ourselves in the name of Jesus. We conquer everything that stands on the way, that makes us not to bring forth fruit, that makes us not to have the right attitude. We conquer them by the truth that You have released to us today, by this weapon You have armed us with, in the name of Jesus. Lord God Almighty, thank You for Your servant. We pray, Lord Jehovah God, that the source from which he draws from will never grow dry in Jesus' name. Let Your blessings remain with us, Oh Lord. And we pray, Lord, by this word, Oh Lord, we will go forth to do exploit and the name of the Lord will be glorified. The church of God beginning from our home will be edified. And Lord, the devil will be put to shame in Jesus' precious name we pray. Amen. Let's share the grace in fellowship. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit... [Speaker 3] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission heat. Our regular activities are discipleship class every Monday 5:00 PM, Adolescent and Singles Club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, Marriage Forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM, family life seminars, regular school outreaches, and every day counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location Life Camp by the First Bridge, Ilere Community, opposite Very Joyful Filling Station, along Ijaere Road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.