SEX AND FINANCE 3 (THE WORD OF GOD AND SEX) (Q and A)

[background music] [Voiceover] Church and its fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God-breathed desires, a godly home. These are words of revelation and instruction on righteousness in Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] The first question I have here: How does one handle a situation in which the wife usually avoids sex and the man keeps getting uncomfortable, while the wife expects him to be disciplined, being spiritual and having lived in victory before marriage? Do you get that? How does one handle a situation in which the wife usually avoids sex and the man keeps getting uncomfortable? But the wife expects the man that is always uncomfortable to be disciplined. Yes, to be disciplined. You should have self-control, be spiritual, and live in victory because having lived in victory before marriage, she thinks you did not misbehave before marriage, now that I am not forthcoming, you should be able to continue in that victory. Do you get it? The second one: In a case where children came too early, how does one manage sleeping together on the same bed, sexual warmth and union? The third one: Suppose in foreplay, the man arrives at orgasm and releases before penetration. Is it wrong? Sometimes it appears not right. So let's hear our daddies. [Speaker 2] Praise the Lord. It is not sometimes so. If the woman is not interested or is reluctant, that is an issue that we need to discuss. We should talk about sex. Really, if there is one lesson you take away from here, have a frank discussion. One of the things that I did not mention is that there are women who are not encouraged to have sex for some other reasons. One, it may be painful for them. There are women for whom sex is painful, maybe because they were circumcised and the circumcision was a bad type. I mean, all circumcision is bad, but there are four types. The type four is where they cut everything and they even sew it together. So it makes it even. The type two, type three, sometimes not just the clitoris, they just cut the [unclear]. Circumcision is, we don't even call it circumcision now, we call it mutilation. They just spoiled the local government area. So for those women, sex could be a problem because every time the man is trying, it is painful. And if you have that kind of a thing, it is better to come to the hospital and if it is something not too serious, we can advise them on how to go about it. If it is something serious, a little bit of surgery and reconstruction is necessary and that will be done by the doctor. They will do that and after that, she will be more comfortable with it. So that is a question we need to have. And in fact, that kind of a woman is going to face a bigger problem when she wants to deliver a child. So there is one, a physical problem. And that woman, in fact, from the first day she is having pain, the man will think, "no, no, it is just because..." It can be a real issue. The second thing is for a woman that has had sexual abuse before. Maybe she has been raped before. Now that thing might have happened many years ago. So there is already a preset condition. For her, every time she wants to have sex, it is no longer a pleasure, it is a flashback. So it is not so much as a physical pain, it is a psychological block. Such a woman, we call it frigidity, she just blocks her mind whenever sex wants to take place. Such a person needs help. Again, she will talk to an expert, they will take her through it and try to get, you know, discuss that with her husband, discuss with an expert. There are ways of, through counseling and psychotherapy, we get her over that. So those are real issues. And some men don't care. They don't even bother to know. So that is an issue. But if it is not that, if it is because she has an exaggerated expectation of spirituality, "he should be a spirit boy," no, no. These are the kinds of things that Daddy has talked about. There is no reason not to have sex. The only reason not to have sex is fasting and prayer. And the Bible says that even that one, it should be by agreement and it should not be too long. So that man cannot even do the fasting and prayer for two weeks. It is too much. You should do it small, small, so that you can come together. So there is really no reason not to have sex. Except maybe I am tired or I am just overworked and all that. So these excuses that we are having, the only reason why people are using those excuses is that it is not a pleasurable experience. Have you ever seen a child that has a reason not to take ice cream? It is not possible. A child does not have a reason not to take ice cream. Why? Because ice cream is sweet. The only reason why a child will not take ice cream is if you mistakenly put [unclear] inside ice cream for a baby. The next time you take ice cream to the baby and she remembers that unpleasant experience, she will run away from it. So if the sex is actually, the Bible says he gives us all things richly to enjoy. If the sex is actually pleasurable, then there is no reason the woman will be dodging or the man will be dodging. So that sorts that out. [Speaker 3] The second issue about children coming too early. You also have to be wise. Like I said, we are not cultured like the white people who quickly learn to put their children away. That is the best, actually. But if either the living accommodation does not allow it or we all have to be together, you just have to be wise. Sometimes you will be thinking, "has she slept? Has she not slept?" You have to make deliberate effort. It can affect your sexual life. So you watch out. You try to get them to go to bed on time and watch, or the other hand is, like I said, it is not only during night that you must have sex. What about during daytime when they are not yet back? You have to create. After all, if we want to do extramarital affairs, we always find a way to do it for those who are doing it. Every obstacle must be overcome. So if you have children and when they are very young and they don't know anything, babies, no problem. When they are already knowledgeable, you have to find a way around it. Sometimes it may mean dodging, leaving the room, going to another place. I mean, it is something we have to do. Sometimes when they are too sensitive, when you get up, especially the girl, "Mommy, Mommy, where are you going?" But actually, all of that is still part of the fun of marriage. Planning together against the children. Don't worry. "Has she slept? Has she not slept? Quickly pet her." It is part of the fun. It is part of the fun. You have fun out of that. Somebody will be petting, then tip-toe out of the room, lock the door. It is fun, isn't it? And you quickly go and do it so we are back. So it will make your life interesting. That is what I would say. Create fun out of it. Develop a strategy to make sure you catch the children and you divert their attention. The last one is coming too quickly. Again, coming too quickly can be a medical condition. We call it premature ejaculation. It can be part of the problems that sex has. So when you have a man that is coming too quickly, again, you need to talk about it. Why? It could be a psychological issue and otherwise it needs training. It can also be about discipline. Men, if they don't put their hearts to it, they can be selfish about sex. That is the truth. Coming too quickly is a very painful thing for a woman. Very, very painful. It is like promising somebody that you are going to go abroad and to be turned back after you get the visa, you buy the ticket, your relatives have seen you to the airport, and when they wave you at the departure lounge, only for you to get to immigration and then they say, "Sorry, something is wrong with your passport." Can you imagine that? You now have to go back home. That is the way a woman feels when you are ready, everything is ready, you just say, "it is finished." It is not finished. So again, if you come too quickly, one other thing men need to know is that there is no law that says it must only be one round. So you go another round. And from experience, I can tell you that the second round you can actually last longer than the first round. That is the truth. So if the first round is too quickly, the only challenge is that men are usually reluctant to go another round. "I am tired." So that is where the woman must put all the tricks. You have to work together. I have been in that situation many times when I look, I have had enough. My wife says, "You never have enough. You won't sleep." I said, "Okay, if Lazarus can rise again." And so the woman knows what to do and before you know it, even you that you are sleeping, Lazarus is rising again, then you come back. So if you ejaculate prematurely, don't say, "I am sorry." Do something about it. Start all over again. And if you cooperate together, you can overcome it. But if you are constantly having premature ejaculation, one minute, two minutes, then it is better to talk to an expert. Why is that happening? And if there are issues, they will take you through it and they will give you tips on how to hold yourself back, how to make sure that that does not happen. [Speaker 3] Praise the Lord. What do I do? I lost interest in sex since my last baby, but I submit. I mean, submit when sex, when she has to. What do I do? What do I do after our last baby? And then there is no interest again. I am trying to look at the word "last baby." Do you mean you have three children? So maybe you are attaching sex and reproduction. You are attaching sex with reproduction. That is, now I am through with childbearing. I have achieved my goal. That could be a reason. Because I knew somebody who was busy praying, praying, praying for God to give them a family. So during that period, they were constantly in prayer meetings in church. Immediately that thing was done, they were no more in church. They were just trying to get that from God, and after God has done it, they are through. So maybe that was the psychology with which you came into marriage. If that is it, the point is just number one, like I was speaking with a brother one day and he said, "Somebody may be ignorant about something, and because he's ignorant, he's behaving in a particular way. But if somebody comes to know the truth and he's still reluctant to make a change, then there's a problem with his Christianity." When Christians know truth, truth sets them free. They enter into truth. Do you understand the point I am making? When you are reluctant with truth and you are fighting truth and you are rejecting truth, then there is a problem with your Christian faith. So if that is the issue that maybe you have that psychology before, then please correct it and rewrite it and put it properly. Children are just one of the purposes of marriage. Marriage is higher than children. And it is important, like I do tell people, family is not marriage. Marriage is not family. Marriage is a different thing from family. Marriage is simply the relationship between a man and his wife. That is marriage. Family is relationship between the marriage and the children. So don't think that if you are committed to your family, you are committed to your marriage. No, they are two different things. You may be committed to the family but you are not committed to your marriage. They are two different things. So please separate marriage from family. Be committed to your marriage, then your marriage is now committed to the family. That's how it should be. So I think number one is to address your commitment. Is to re-look at it that no, I need to get this thing right. Then the other one may be that you lost interest. If a woman lost interest in sex after children, maybe every time they have been having sex, she had never been enjoying it. And so when she has achieved one purpose through the sex, children have come, "I have never even been enjoying it, so..." The man may need to look inward. You may need to look inward as a man. Why is it that after childbearing, my wife stopped enjoying sex? Why is it that she just goes through it? Then you need to look inward. Maybe as a man, you are drinking from the well, but the well is not being refreshed. And so after the well have produced because it is also the source of life, after she has produced the children, the well just, "you just come, drink." It has never been refreshed, so there is nothing to refresh. So the man may need to look inward. If you notice that, we call it frigidity, when your wife is becoming frigid. So you may need to look inward and check. Could it be something that she had not been enjoying? You may need to ask. That is why I tell people, like you discuss faith, you discuss holiness, you discuss prayer, you talk about going to church, that same way, sit down and discuss it. "Why are you not, why do you tune off?" She may just tell you that, "Have you ever experienced climax of sex before?" She says, "Me, what do they call that? I have never." "Hey, you have never? Okay, let's..." So you may be talking around it. Please, leaving this place is meeting your husband and talking around it. That's what I have to say. How do you handle dryness during sex? Can a type of medication, e.g. blood pressure, reduce sexual libido? How can a woman handle vaginal dryness and bruises during and after lovemaking? [Speaker 2] Very important question. So there is dryness, especially with age. After menopause, many women will begin to have that dryness. And it becomes an issue. And that's why sometimes the question about after you stop having children, it may actually be related to the physiology because by that age, maybe you are already in your late 40s and you are already approaching menopause. There are menopausal challenges that make women sometimes to begin to lose interest in sex. Dryness is one of it. So what we tell people is that dryness is the easiest thing to handle. Two things is more intense foreplay. More intense foreplay and with ability to stimulate all the various sex organs. Remember, within the context of marriage, you are free to operate. You have liberty. This garden is your garden. You can plant in one corner, you can plant in another corner. The whole garden is your garden. You can do whatever you like in your garden. So during sex, be creative. You can stimulate all the sex organs, the mouth, the ears, the nipples, the clitoris, everything to make sure that you arouse the woman. When she's aroused, she's going to have more secretions and she's going to be a bit wet. But in the condition in which, especially after menopause, we are not thinking about menopause now, but we'll get there. After menopause, it's becoming more challenging. Then you can use lubricant. There are so many lubricants that are out there that you can use. And it makes it easier for everybody. So that is one easy solution. The other problem about drugs. Okay, so there are medical conditions that make men to begin to also lose interest in sex. Yeah, for instance, those who have prostate problem or after prostate surgery. They have some problems with erectile dysfunction. They may not even be able to get an erection easily. Men that are diabetic. One of the problems of diabetes is loss of sensation at the extremities. The same way they lose sensation in their legs, they also may not have good sensation in their penis. It has an issue and to be able to get an erection. And some, they just lose interest. The drugs, anti-hypertensive drug. You know, because for you to get the pressure in your penis is about the force of the heart pumping. And when you are on anti-hypertensive drug, that could be a challenge. But I can tell you that the older drugs that they were using before have such bad side effects. Like in the days of [unclear], in the days of [unclear], but the newer drugs that is out here is not as bad as that because those older drugs just lower everything. They don't just lower your blood pressure, they lower everything. But these ones don't just lower, these ones, the newer ones are more specific. So I tell people, if you are hypertensive and now, again, many of us may be thinking of hypertension, no, we have hypertension at the age of 35, 40 now. So it's something we have to deal with. And we notice this when you write a drug for the patient and the patient come back, "Daddy, I don't like that drug." "Why?" They will just tell you, "I don't like that drug." Usually, they will not tell you the truth. The truth is that they notice it's affecting their performance. And so you change the drug. So you can change the drug. You can tell your, if you know there are new drugs that you can use, otherwise there are other things you can do. Again around foreplay, you can have sexual satisfaction without insemination. It's not until you enter inside. There are other things you can do. And in the extreme case of very bad inability to have an erection very well, I don't recommend this, of course there are also drugs. Not the one that they are selling in the market, oh, I mean, you use those ones at your own peril. But there are medications that we give people once in a while that they can use for those who have, but most of us are not there yet. But as we grow older, it's going to become an issue. Also the vagaries of life makes people to lose interest in sex. So when somebody is not having libido, for instance, if your work is not doing well, sex may not be the last thing on your mind. If you are in debt, if you have medical challenges, if you have legal problems, if you have police problem, if you have, in fact, you will not even remember that you have not had sex. So some of these are issues you ask: why? Is there anything bothering you? Because once something is bothering your mind, it's going to come and affect your sex life. So rather than bottle it, discuss it with your partner and your partner will give opportunity. Even from that discussion in the night, you can still go to Jerusalem. So it's always a discussion around it and helping each other out. But if it's not going away, you see an expert and they find a way around it. [Speaker 1] Having a healthy sexual life is majorly whose responsibility: husband or wife? Are you with me? If as a wife, I don't feel loved and I'm not physically attracted to my husband, is there a way out aside prayers? The next one: If we are not enjoying sex in our marriage, we are not godly, quoting your word. My question is: what if my husband does not consider if I enjoy it or not and now it's a duty, not necessarily with any enjoyment really. You get it? Now doing it as a duty. [Speaker 3] Whose responsibility to have a healthy sexual life? Both of them. It's the two of them. I tell women, romance your husband. I tell men, romance your wife. It's the two of them. However, the truth is this: it takes him that is ahead to be the head. Do you get that? If you are the head, you are supposed to be ahead. I hope I have answered that question. It's the two of them. But a man should learn to lead in everything. Lead the sexual life, lead in the kitchen, lead, lead, lead, lead. Do all the leading. I'm being real with what I have just said. Be real. Do all the leading. Don't just leave her to do all the leading. When she's in the kitchen, be there. Sometimes even in the kitchen, it can be going on. You can be enjoying something beyond the food. Oh, you don't understand. I am just being practical with that. That's why I said couples should be here. Life is so short. Marriage is even shorter than life. If you are to live 70, you may not marry until you are 25. Sometimes until you are 30. You have 40 left. Life is so short. Marriage is now shorter. So that short time, maximize it. That's my orientation about marriage. I want to get the best out of marriage. Why am I doing that? Because it is God that ordained marriage. That's my attitude to it. So I want to be the best for my purpose, I want to be the best for my everything. It's all around God. Once you set God as the person you want to please in everything, you will see that you will achieve your goal. But when you remove God from sex, that's why you'll be having problem. So the two of you work at it. It is true. I've seen marriages where the woman have libido higher than the man. That looks very exceptional. The woman wants it more than the man. And I've seen situation where it's the other way around. The normal one people talk about: the man libido is higher. Ordinarily, the man libido should be higher. But that one was the other way around. Whichever way it is, you both sit down and work around it. But please, if you are asking who is the head, the man should be ahead in everything you want to solve in your home. Let the man learn to be ahead. That's what makes him the head. But it's the two of them. And then as to I'm no more enjoying it, it has now become a duty. I'm not physically attracted to my husband, and so is there a way out apart from prayer? Yes. Who said it's only prayer that solved it before? Certain things we describe as being spiritual that is actually ignorance. I myself and my wife were the one that took that counseling section. Any time they have sex, the woman feels the husband is not godly enough. They are ministers. So the woman is always telling the husband, "Let us learn to be spiritual because of this ministry." The husband did not understand that she's saying that, "Let us have sex less because we need to be spiritual." So it got to a point that the man started masturbating to deal with that matter in their marriage. He's a minister. They are both ministers of the Gospel. So when the thing was getting out of hand, that was what brought them to us. By the time we discussed with the woman, the woman was trying to say that he has been telling him that he should not be worldly. So what was she meaning by being worldly? The woman made us to know that any time they have sex, she has to take time to repent to be acceptable again to God. Minister. She felt that they should face ministry because God has called them to ministry. So they should leave sex and face ministry. So my point is this, certain things look religious, they may just be ignorance. So please, if you are not feeling attracted to your husband, I think as much as both of you need to sit down and make some discussion. Number one, when did it start? How did it start? Because sometimes if you don't know how something started, you may not know how to solve it. Knowing when and how will make you, may help us to be able to help you. Because I know a case that what led to the death of their sexual life was the arrival of their first baby. When the baby came, the woman did not understand what happened to her. Her mood just switched from marriage to children. And she started talking about sex, in fact, the devotion to the child, her husband began to despise it. "That boy, I was there before this child." But he was not saying it. He was just angry inside. And so the husband started getting angry with the child. "You see the child?" A lot of things happen inside marriage, and these are believers. So it may be that's why I said you may need to ask when did it start? How did it start? It may help you to address the question that I'm not feeling attracted to my husband and I'm not enjoying it. Now, not enjoying it, let me say this very categorically. If a woman is not enjoying sex, if there are no physical issue, medical issue that has been mentioned, pain, whatever, that could be a problem because there are medical issues. But all things being equal, if we have checked all medical issues, and you have solved it, if a woman is not enjoying sex, it has to do with the man. The man need to help a little. The man need to increase foreplay. If you have checked, it's not about the man. Any time we talk about sex like this, she enter into a mood: men are wicked. She was gang raped, and so men are animals. That thing was still in her subconscious even when she entered her marriage with her husband. "Men are animals." She did not know it. So that's why I said you may first need to ask when did it start? How did it start? If you have checked all of those things and there is nothing like that, then what you now need to do, we will tell the husband to work more. The difference between an amateur in sex and a professional is patience. Ability to go gradually, gradually. The way the woman has been wired or configured, a man is like gas cooker. Once you strike matches, boom, the fire is burning. That is a man and his sexuality. The woman is like pressing iron. As you are turning the thermostat, the thing is getting hot, hot, hot. That's how she goes up and that's how she comes down. That's why if you just trip immediately, you have spoiled her day. As you took her up, you also bring her down. You begin to pet her like a baby until she relaxes. So it takes a man who know how to turn the thermometer from, you need to turn it. That is what the doctor was saying. There are different sex organs in the body. And as you are talking, first try this one. It's not thermostat is not turning. Oh, yeah, try this other one. Oh, yeah, touch this one. You begin to tell him what he should touch. Let's lie to ourselves. Oh, yeah, touch this one. Before you know it, that's why I tell people, if you have not gone into premarital sex, you will enjoy sex because you will be exploring it together. You'll be learning it together. And before you know, "Aha! This is the master key! This is the master key!" You will just get. God is good. God is good. Have I answered that question? [Speaker 1] What about the use of sex toys during sex? The use of sex toys, use of sex enhancing drugs that are legitimate. And then family planning, such as the tying of the tubes. [Speaker 2] Use of sex toys. Hmm. Sex toys are very, when we say sex toys, we are talking about variety of things. I talked about use of lubricant just now. But most of the other sex toys, they fall into a category that you need to be very careful. For instance, the common ones are the vibrators. Why will a woman use a vibrator when she's married and your husband is around? So vibrators are used by single women. It's just like masturbation for a man. So there is really no basis for it when you have a partner. The two of you should relate together, explore each other together. That's what I will say. Of course, all those other ones about wearing something, wearing wire, chaining yourself to the bed, flogging yourself, I mean, those ones have gone to abnormal issues. If your husband is saying, "I want you to tie yourself, I want you to wear wire, I want you to..." Please, the man already has, there are men who have such, that things like that excite them, maybe from their past life or whatever. So we need to talk about it. Let me also throw pornography to it. Some people will say their husband and wife, "Oh, yeah, let us watch it together." That of course, to be watching another couple having sex, you are already doing outercourse. Remember, don't forget outercourse. That there is no reason for you to dwell in the nudity of another person that is not your wife. And the issue around some of these things is also about your mind becomes contaminated. And let me tell you one thing, it's very difficult to get rid of it. You become addicted to it, you begin to have exaggerated expectation for your partner. You are no longer drinking water from your cistern and your cistern water will not satisfy you after a while, like every other thing you get addicted to it and it becomes difficult to deal with. So I will say toys, the only toy you need is a living toy with you. You don't need toys, you don't need machine. This one is alive, living toy that can speak to you. You can tell him what to do, tell her what to do. You don't need the one that battery is operating. Drugs, like I said, we use drugs in specific issues. We don't recommend these drugs for people that are okay. Either the legitimate ones or the one they are selling or the one that is in all these traditional herbs, [unclear]. It's not advised. You don't really need it. Those who have medical conditions have been diagnosed that they have no other hope, they are the ones that and there are regulations around it. Most of those drugs have very serious side effects and that's why you see a lot of people dying from the use of it. So be careful. Even the traditional ones, it can cause a lot of problem. There are people who have erection and erection will not come down. We call it priapism. And incidentally, the treatment for it in this environment is to destroy the organ more or less, unless and it's a medical emergency. So please, I want to advise us, keep away from those drugs. Unless you have an issue and it is recommended and they will tell you the dosage on how to use it. Family planning. Family planning does not affect libido whether it is permanent one or temporary one. In fact, family planning enhances libido because it is the fear of pregnancy that affects libido. The fear of pregnancy. But when that fear is taken away and the woman knows that I'm free, all weather, all season, all network, that is the best. So please, whether it is permanent family planning or temporary one, the tubal ligation is good. If you know you finished your children and you are not going back again, why not? You can have it. They said most wives get fatter when they use the other family planning, that it put on weight. Look, there are more than 14 types of family planning methods. So if one is not convenient for you, use another one. So it's not compulsory that you use one. I mean, after, if you go to a very good provider, they will ask you a lot of questions, do some medical check for you, know which one you can use, which one you can't use. But it's only somebody that doesn't want to do at all that gives excuse. You will find one out of about 14 or 15 that is suitable for you. And remember, the man also can use. So if at the end it is not okay, the husband can use too. Family planning is not only for women. Men can also do family planning. But the issue around somebody no longer appealing to you is an issue in marriage. And let me say this because some of us are still young. Don't begin to be careless with your body image. That is an issue because men are attracted by what they see and that is always real. So women should be conscious of themselves. Don't relax to the extent that everything just goes out. Try to package. You see the packaging that people are showing in the office? You have to try. In fact, some of you have to go to your husband's office to see the competition. I tell you the truth. It will give you change of perspective. It will give you change of perspective. When you see the competition, you double your hustle. So some of you need to double your hustle so that when they say be sharp, you are okay. Some people will just one child at the age of 26, "He has become Iya." Why are you calling Iya at the age of 26? You are still sweet 16. So please, as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. So also we men don't go and start having pot belly and be pushing the thing all over the place. You don't need to be pregnant. A little exercise, gather yourself together. See, let me tell you because some of these problem, when it becomes problem later, fasting and prayer cannot remove it. It's not, and apart from the fact that you get weak, you get flabby, you are also not even able to perform optimally. You are not able to perform optimally. [Speaker 3] Every project in the home can do two things. Project can either divide you or unite you. If you work together, project can unite you. But if you are not careful, project can separate you. So if the children come, husband and wife can either join together to deal with the problem of the children or either party can be using the children as a shield to fight each other. So it now becomes a proxy war. There are times when they are using the children to fight each other quietly. So the thing to do is not to work that way, to actually plan together to solve the children problem rather than one taking solace and everything he said I think is instructive to young people, to younger couples about how you cooperate to raise the children even from when they were just born to later on in life. That way the children will realize that their parents are inseparable. That's the truth. That their parents are inseparable, that you cannot, let me tell you something about marriage. Marriage is a very funny thing. My mother is staying with me. I come from [unclear], so we speak different languages. My wife is from Ogun state, so she doesn't understand. Immediately my mother came to my house and of course I understand the language, I'm not fluent in my dialect but I understand it. And my mom is comfortable speaking the dialect. But immediately she entered, my father died and I brought her home. I told her, "Mommy, in as much as I would enjoy to be speaking the dialect with you, you will not speak that dialect to me in this house unless if it is just me and you alone." You know she didn't like that, I said, "No, I don't want us to be speaking a language that my wife does not understand. I don't want it." So of course she's old, she's 92 now, so she reflexively she would say it sometimes she will forget. If she speaks to me, I will answer her in Yoruba and then she will remember that I said so because I don't want to create any atmosphere in the house. So you work together with your partner, not against your partner, not as cross purposes. That's the way to tackle all these challenges. Concerning sex and menstruation. Those who are raising issue, they are raising issue because they think it is sinful. It is not sinful. Beyond hygiene, so there are women who have heavy menstruation, heavy as in some women the blood flow is just a lot. It may not be even practicable. But I will also give you another experience. When I got married, we went for our honeymoon. We went for our honeymoon, we stayed with a couple. Many of you may have heard of him, Mr. and Mrs. Oshewa. They are in Ota. So they have this arrangement, they take in young couples so they give us our own separate place to stay. So the first night that we arrived, that was two days after our wedding. And the man came around because they were feeding us, they just came around hosted us. He said, "Has it happened?" I said I didn't even get the gist. "As what happened?" "The thing now." I said I didn't even, "It didn't happen." He said why? I said, "She's doing her menses." He said, "And so what? What happened?" For me, I was shocked. Even for me as a doctor. "As what happened?" So I thought about it. So I summoned courage. "Did you hear what Daddy said? This thing is too small to be a problem for us." But it was good for me. I mean, perhaps that day you can imagine how strange it felt. The second day, but you know what? It cured me of any idea, any notion I had before. And I knew that this is my wife. We are one. Nothing is going to unless we don't want to. And of course it's not something we do regularly. But there are times I've traveled, I came back, and when I come back, Jerusalem, I have arrived. I didn't rent this bed, I bought it myself. So I mean it's not something that will happen every time. But it's good to know that nothing can stand between us. So I would just say that otherwise there's really no reason why, but again, but it's not sin. I think but you must realize that the same law that says that menstruation is sinful is the same law that says they should not come to church during menstruation. And I'm sure nobody thinks that now. We have thrown all that into the garbage. So just throw everything out. Unless you are here and you believe that when you are having your menses you will not come to church. If you don't believe that, if it cannot stop you from worshipping God, it should not stop you from holy communion. Is sex always good for curing hypertension? I didn't say sex is good for hypertension, don't misunderstand me. I say it is a good exercise for our heart. But you know if you are hypertensive, well if you are hypertensive for a while, after many years, you are likely to have been developing a heart disease. That is your heart may not be as strong. Unfortunately most people don't know that they are hypertensive in the first five, six, seven, eight years until they have a problem one day and they check it. That day that they check it and they tell you that you are fainting, that hypertension probably been there for more than 10 years. Because you won't feel anything. So if you are hypertensive, you have a heart disease, they will tell you to take it easy. And let me tell you, as you grow older you also discover that a younger person I was had a lot of more athletic sex. As you grow older we are not having so much athletic sex but you see, even the [unclear] we are dancing now is sweet. We have done break dancing before at an earlier age. Now we are doing [unclear] and the [unclear] is sweet too. I won't say more than that. So as you grow older, your rhythm will also change but you still enjoy it. So you don't need to do [unclear]. Even if your husband is having heart disease, that doesn't stop you from doing the slow motion. Rhythm and blues is still part of music. So but the rule is that if you are hypertensive, please take your medication. If you attend a crusade and they say you are healed, you are cured of hypertension, don't worry, go and check your BP. That is what I will say. Keep checking your BP. If it's okay, fine. If it's high, take your drugs. Amen. Thank you so much, sir. After all, Jesus said go and show yourself to the priest after he healed them. He didn't say don't go and meet the priest to confirm. Say go and meet the priest to confirm it. [Speaker 3] First Corinthians chapter 5 verse 7. This is what it's saying. It's saying that it is possible if you don't want to have sex for a while, you don't want to have sex for two days, for three days because you want to concentrate yourself to God, you want to pray, you want to do whatever. It's saying that for that while, get the consent of your partner. Now, somebody now asked a question that if you are fasting for three days but you are breaking in the evening, can sex come that evening? I said, "Of course, yes. Of course, yes, you can have sex." You have broken the fast, the fast is over. Every other thing, just as you can eat. I've told you that it is food, it is water. Drink water. Yes, so it's like water. It's food, it's correct. It's fire that burn, the person can just be just catch you there now. You see, it can be fire. So the point is that if you want to abstain for a while and you will not be having sex, the Bible permits it but with consent. What I was saying is that God is wanting that consent before you can do it. Because if your partner say no, you cannot climb that mountain, let's be here for sex and you climb, you have just climbed the wrong mountain. All your prayer is waste of time. It's like a check that they said two to sign. You now got to the bank, you say I've signed. You say give me my money. Till you die, go and bring the other signature. Are you understanding me? So that check of accessing God, God said the two must sign. One cannot sign the check. So many times people just do endless prayer, they think between your wife, you say you went to pray. Okay, God will meet you there and he will ever tell you what's supposed, he tell you go back to your wife then you come back again for the prayer. Have God not told you that if you know your brother has something against you before you give your offering, what should you do? Go and settle with your brother. You are now talking about your wife. You are just wasting your time on many mountains that you are climbing without the consent. That's what I was trying to explain. Praise the Lord. [Speaker 3] Every project in the home can do two things. Project can either divide you or unite you. If you work together, project can unite you. But if you are not careful, project can separate you. So if the children come, husband and wife can either join together to deal with the problem of the children or either party can be using the children as a shield to fight each other. So it now becomes a proxy war. There are times when they are using the children to fight each other quietly. So the thing to do is not to work that way, to actually plan together to solve the children problem rather than one taking solace and everything he said I think is instructive to young people, to younger couples about how you cooperate to raise the children even from when they were just born to later on in life. That way the children will realize that their parents are inseparable. That's the truth. That their parents are inseparable, that you cannot, let me tell you something about marriage. Marriage is a very funny thing. My mother is staying with me. I come from [unclear], so we speak different languages. My wife is from Ogun state, so she doesn't understand. Immediately my mother came to my house and of course I understand the language, I'm not fluent in my dialect but I understand it. And my mom is comfortable speaking the dialect. But immediately she entered, my father died and I brought her home. I told her, "Mommy, in as much as I would enjoy to be speaking the dialect with you, you will not speak that dialect to me in this house unless if it is just me and you alone." You know she didn't like that, I said, "No, I don't want us to be speaking a language that my wife does not understand. I don't want it." So of course she's old, she's 92 now, so she reflexively she would say it sometimes she will forget. If she speaks to me, I will answer her in Yoruba and then she will remember that I said so because I don't want to create any atmosphere in the house. So you work together with your partner, not against your partner, not as cross purposes. That's the way to tackle all these challenges. At your marriage gets older, it should be getting sweeter. I take that again. At your marriage gets older, it should be getting sweeter. It's like somebody who got your certificate before you now enter marriage. In school, you go through the training before they give you certificate. In God, you are certified before you start marriage. It's like somebody who want to learn driving. When you first start, I remember when I was learning it, you hold the steering sometimes as if you are driving trailer, as if if you don't do like this the thing will not turn. But as it keep going into years of driving, you start getting relaxed, start getting relaxed. And now I can be making calls, I can be greeting and I'm still concentrating. So normally when you first start, there are so many things to fight, many things to hustle. But as you are getting older, you start getting more relaxed, more secured, more comfortable, more into one another. That's how it should be. So where the reverse is the case, something is fundamentally wrong. You need to seek help. It's not correct. In fact, as you are looking up, it should be that you are together. At 20 now, you should be carrying people and be disciplining them in your home. Younger couples should teach younger women, should teach younger men. So please, something is fundamentally wrong, something went wrong somewhere and both of you did not notice it. At 20, there should no be fear of separation. There shouldn't be that. Something is wrong somewhere, both of you need to adjust for one another so both of you can be happy. Marriage calls for constant change and allowances. You are constantly changing, you are constantly giving allowances for change. And even life, like my wife is saying, is in phases. Different phases, you go through one phase, you keep changing from one to another. Just prioritize. Your spouse comes before the children because very soon they will tell you a man shall leave father and mother, they will be gone. That's the reality. I just keep telling our children. Look, listen, you are a stranger in this house. Even this your room, you soon tell me that I don't have time. So let's take it easy. She comes first, you come second. Your spouse comes before the children, before the baby. So what do we do around the baby? I remember our daughter now who is in law school now, when she was still much younger, I think she was just about two or three when I told my wife that, "look, let her be sleeping." She said, "ah, what if?" I said "Don't worry, she will sleep." And over time and over time she got used to it. You work together, prioritize, working together, making it fun, see how we outsmart the children. How do we outsmart our children? So at the end of the day they don't set us apart. [background music] [Voiceover] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission help. Our regular activities are: Discipleship class, every Monday, 5:00 PM; Adolescent and Singles club, every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Family life seminars, regular school outreaches and everyday counseling. For further counsel you can reach us at our location, Light Camp, by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Rejoice filling station along Ije road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles, familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.