Take Heed to Your Spirit

[background music] [Voice-over] Churchisms and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God richly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] I'm saying today, I am very, very glad to be here. I'm not taking this privilege for granted. We are not taking this at all for granted. Even though myself and my brother, we have been laboring together for years, but it's of the Lord entirely when he’s given us an opportunity to use his pulpit to preach the word of God. So I'm not taking it for granted. We want to appreciate the leadership of the church. We want to appreciate the pastors. We want to appreciate everybody involved in giving us this opportunity to be here. We say we are very, very grateful. And we trust the Lord that he will meet our needs in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. I want to go quickly into what we have to do. And what I have here in the next 45 minutes is something I titled, "Take Heed to Your Spirit." Take heed to your spirit. And in doing that this morning, I've tried to outline what I want to do so that I can be very smart with it. The first aspect of our discussion, which is the Part A, will be background to this topic. The second aspect, which is the Part B, will be the divinely assigned role. And the last aspect, which is the Part C, is operationalization of divorce using different translations of the scripture. So we are looking at take heed to your spirit. And I want to quickly look at the first part, the background to this our discussion. Let me say that I was really glad with how we started this morning. The passage in Isaiah that we used for prayer, it has given us a very wonderful background, honestly. As we are privileged to move from one church to another across the country and beyond the country, we have come to notice that, honestly, we should not be talking of marital problems among Christians. Ordinarily. Ordinarily, we shouldn't be talking of marital problems among Christians. But the situation that we are in today—I don't want to talk too much about that. During the prayer session, we have seen the background. A lot of things have been said. But I just want to say in addition that the situation for the church today is very messy. Honestly, it's very messy. Situation to where what God designed for our pleasure and our joy has become the very thing that is wasting particularly our sisters. And I mean wasting them. In different ways: emotionally, physically, spiritually. I had a case just very recently. The wife was tempted suicide because the home was not encouraging. The point I'm making is the situation is very messy. But what I want to do this morning is I just want to look at the root of some of these things that we are facing. That's why we are looking at take heed to your spirit. Another thing I want to make reference to is that also the scripture in Amos 3:3 that was also read during the prayer session. And I like the translation. Let's look at that scripture also. I'm just trying to give a background to our discussion. Let's look at that scripture together. Amos 3:3. A very popular scripture, but I like the rendering in that translation of scripture where it gives something I want to build on. The New King James Bible says, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" But if you look at other rendering as it was done this morning for us, it says, "Can two walk together without agreeing on a direction?" Can two walk together without agreeing on the direction? And that's NLT. The Message: "Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same direction or going to the same place?" And you see, let me say this. At the onset of marriage, the truth is that the brother and the sister that were entering into marriage actually agreed on a direction. There was a direction. Are you agreeing with me? There was a direction. Because anyhow you put the vow, there was a marriage vow that determined the terms of the marriage. Am I not correct? Am I not correct? There was a vow. I, so-and-so, am pledging that I will take you as my whatever wife, to keep, to care. So there was something. There was something clearly defined. But that's not my focus this morning, the marriage vow. But something was defined. But I want to talk more from the overall direction. As we go to the Bible reading. The overall direction was that there was an agreement. Let's look at Genesis 2. The Bible reading. Genesis chapter 2. I'm just trying to lay a foundation. The Bible reading. Genesis chapter 2. Now, there was an agreement. There's a general agreement. In Genesis 2, we all agree between Genesis 2:18 to the last verse, that marriage came from God. Is that not an agreement? [Audience: Yes.] Is that not an agreement? We agreed on that, that marriage came from God. But it is important to know that after marriage emanated from God, God also ordained something about marriage. Marriage emanated from God. But after God brought marriage into existence, God also made some statements. And what he said, which we read this morning, was that the Bible says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." And then he noted again that they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed. So when God was through with marriage, like a good manufacturer, if you buy anything, there will be a small write-up inside. Am I correct? Telling you this is how to use this thing. Am I not correct? Just imagine that somebody feels that he wants to boil water, and he doesn't like the shape of a pressing iron. So instead of using boiling ring, he said, "Anyway, pressing iron and boiling ring, they are both using element." And so he took water and put the pressing iron inside, and then turned on the iron to heat the water. What will happen? Of course you know what would happen. He's going to be electrocuted. Because the manufacturer said something about it. He said this thing should not be submerged in water. The person who made boiling ring said something about it. This thing must always be submerged in water. Is that not true? So for every manufacturer, there is always a term, there is always a basis, there's always a platform for the usage of any product. And if we agree as believers that God invented marriage, if we agree as Christians that marriage came from God, then it will be complete stupidity or foolishness not to stand on the basis for which God created it. Am I not correct? [Audience: Yes.] Am I not correct? So like the person who wanted to use his pressing iron to boil water and got electrocuted, many Christians are getting electrocuted today. Many brothers are dying. Many sisters are dying. When I say die, I'm not talking of physical death. In the prayer session we said something. The marriage of some people today is the basis why they will not enter heaven. Are they not dead already? They are casualties already. The marriage of some people today is the basis why Jesus will say, "Depart from me, you worker of iniquity." I mean the marriage. So marriage is becoming something today, instead of a platform for springing up and meeting the target of God. It's becoming a platform today that is taking men out of the purpose of God for their lives. That's the point I'm trying to make. Because the basis for marriage as ordained by God, we are taking them for granted. And what I want to do today, honestly—we can't finish marriage talk in one discussion. I just want to handle one of the bases. The bases are many, but I want to deal with one. Now, the other thing I also want to mention is that we must appreciate as believers that it is not only Christians that marry. Muslims marry. Unbelievers marry. So the question is: what makes a marriage a Christian marriage? That's what we are trying to discuss. And let me tell you something, like I used to tell young people—Hallelujah. Romantic men normally think they are very clever, but they are not. Like I used to tell young people, society today has taken sex out of marriage. Am I not correct? For young people, sex comes severally before marriage. God said sex should be inside marriage. Even the married have taken sex out of marriage. And I want to ask: where are we today, having taken sex out of marriage? Where are we today? Society today: unwanted pregnancy, am I not correct? Unplanned pregnancy, marital disharmony, because we took something outside marriage: sex. God said it should be in marriage. Why did we take it outside marriage? We think we are more intelligent. I was speaking in my class with my student, and I was making them see that sex should only be in marriage. Then a young man stood up. He said, "Sir, I disagree." I said, "Go ahead, let's have your view." He said, "Sir, in a situation where two adults—it is not forced. They are consenting to one another as an expression of love and affection for each other. And then they have to have sexual intercourse to express that love. That is something that involves a mutual consent, so there's definitely nothing wrong about that." I said, "Okay, I get your point. There's nothing wrong about that." Of course it was a sociophysics class. I said, "I only have this to say. For all your daughters, may somebody have sex with them before you give them out in marriage. For your wives that you will marry, may she have sex with her director. I mean they are two adults and they are consenting. May he be sleeping with your wife." He said, "Sir, you are cursing me." I said, "No, I'm only saying that this thing you said is good should be your portion." He said, "He’s not talking about his portion. He's talking about what is okay." Do you understand something? When it was about him, it became evil. When it was about him, it became evil. But for others, it is not evil. The only way to understand selfishness is to look at it from your angle. Are you understanding me? What I'm trying to say is that we took something out of marriage and it's giving us a big problem. What is it that we took out of marriage? Brethren, let us see it together. We preach it every Sunday. We talk about it every Sunday. Let's turn to Ephesians chapter 5. Every Sunday we preach it, every time we talk about it, but it appears to me that we are taking it for granted. Now, that which we are taking for granted—I'm already moving to this Part B of my discussion. Part B: Divinely Assigned Roles. That's the Part B. I've left Part A, I'm moving to B: Divinely Assigned Roles. Ephesians chapter 5, that our popular scripture. Let's go there together, brethren. Let's see that scripture together. Ephesians 5. Marriage emanated from God, and we, the children of God, are supposed to showcase what God intended. Am I not correct? We are the ones to show what Christian marriage should be to the world. We are the ones to show what marriage should be like. Now look at how Ephesians started in Ephesians chapter 5 from verse 21. The first thing the Bible says is, "Submitting to one another in what? In the fear of God." Please, can I have some verse—Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 12. Ecclesiastes 4:12. Can I have that quickly? Ecclesiastes 4:12. It's not coming fast. Look at verse 12 of Chapter 4. I'm still about the B. It says, "If one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a what? And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." What he's telling you is that the Christian marriage does not actually involve just two people. Other marriages may involve two people, but the Christian marriage is something that involves one other person. And who is that third person? That third person is God. Once it involves just two strands in the cord, you know what will happen? We easily break it. So before the Bible open up on the matter of marriage, the first thing the Bible announced is what? "Submit to one another in what? In the fear of God." That's the opening instruction before the matter of husband and wife now started. In other words, let me tell you something, those of you who are not yet married. The matter of submitting to one another in the fear of God—once we remove that strand in the cord, every other thing we want to talk about will be useless. And that is where we are having a big challenge today. Let us see whether or not it will not be useless. In verse 22, the Bible now says what? "Wives," Ephesians chapter 5:22 now, after he has said "Submitting to one another in the fear of God," what's the next thing? "Wives, submit to your own husband." There are plenty husbands. It is not wisdom to compare them. It is not wisdom to begin to say, "Brother Adebayo normally opens the door of the car for his wife, why is my husband not doing it?" Are you understanding me? Wives, submit to your own husband. Because there are different diversities among men. Men are diverse. There are different kinds of things about them: their personality, their interest, their life, their person. Some are extroverts, some are introverts. He said, "Wife," what's the first thing? "Submit to who? Your own husband." And when you look at this matter, I want you to note, it is not the husband that is saying, "Wife, submit to me." Because this is not a twofold cord, it's three. This submission of the wife to the husband is not coming from the husband. Once the wife does not fear God, she cannot fear man. It is not the husband asking her to submit. It is the Lord. He said, "Submitting to one another," where? "In the fear of God." It is foolishness, it is not wisdom, for the wife to think that, "I'm submitting to my husband because he asked me to submit." It's not your husband instructing you to submit. It is the Lord. It is foolishness for a man to be telling the wife, "Why are you not submitting to me? Do you not understand that you must submit to me?" It's not your jurisdiction. It is not your jurisdiction. It is not your place. It is not wisdom. You are not the one that instructed her. So if she's not doing it, leave her to God. Don't begin to say, "You are not submitting, look, I'll beat you." Such a man becomes spiritually imbalanced. And that is what is happening to many men today. They have lost their spiritual direction because they have become reactors instead of actors. They are reacting to certain things instead of standing firm as men. The instruction to the wife is coming from the Lord. So see, look. One thing you must get is this, those of you who are not yet married: get this very clear. If when you are still sister/brother, something happened between you and somebody and you are keeping malice, already you are not living in the fear of God. So when you enter marriage, you will start the keeping malice. The problem is coming from your Christian life, not your marriage life. Are you understanding me? If you're a brother now, pastor says, "Brother, this thing you were today is not correct, stop it," and then you leave this place to go to another place. You become a rebel. Be sure, by the time you have a wife that doesn't listen to you, you will divorce. Because you have not learned to submit to management. You have learned to always escape from matters. So the major problem we are calling marriage problem today is actually Christian problem. It's not marriage problem. It is flowing from people who have been living a life that is not in conformity with the Lord. That's where the problem is coming from. So we get that. Wives, submit to husband. And look at how the Bible puts it. It says, "as to the Lord." And then it says, "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." All that we know. I don't want to bother myself with that for today. "Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject to their own husbands in everything." The same thing when it came to husband. What did he say? "Husbands, love your wife." Still taking it from Ephesians 5:21. "Love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." That is where I will stay for today. Some other day we'll be looking at verse 26 downward. But what I want to bring out from that place again, you will notice: it is not our wives asking us to love them. Is it our wives? When a man does not love the wife, what is the problem? If a man who is a spiritual husband and neglects that authority—it is not his wife that asked him to love her. It's a man who disregards his own head, for Christ is the head of the man. The man is the head of the woman. Christ is the head of the man. And Christ says, "Love your wife as I loved the church." And you're not loving her. You are disregarding your head. Anytime you enter church, you should wear cap. You should be ashamed. Because you have disregarded your head. It is not about your wife, it's about your head. And that is the point we need to get. Number two is that there are diverse ways to love a woman. I will not spend so much time on that today, that may be a discourse for another day. But listen, the Bible spelled out exactly how a man should love the woman. How? As Christ loved the church. I want to ask you a question. When did Christ die for the church? Brethren, I want us to talk. When? When we became holy? [Audience: When we were yet sinners.] When we were sinners. When should a man die for his wife? When she's holy? When she's obedient? When she's good? When she's submissive? Men are looking for submissive wives to love them. It is because they don't know Christ. My wife is here. You can come and ask her. If there's a forum for seminar, we can sit down and talk, and talk practical things. Because one major problem is that we are taking what God said out of context and it's becoming a major problem. I'm Ebenezer Jolayemi, a practicing public health practitioner. There was a conference in setting up health practitioner having to do with—that was about 2014. At that conference, the world came to a submission. I'm talking of global conference. We came to a submission that the best way to deal with sexually transmitted problems, sexual issues, is for a man—is for us to have a partner and be faithful to that partner. For young people, they said abstinence. That's the first method. Then they said, if you cannot, the second one is to use condom. I'm telling you what the world is saying. The world is agreeing now that God is right. Then they went further. They said you can use condom. So you either preach limited sexual education or comprehensive sexual education. Which would be the limited one? Abstinence. Which would be the own education—are you understanding? Because everyone has their own notion. But listen, the manufacturer must explain—for the manufacturer sometimes doesn't do it. You must explain that condom does not remove the risk of this problem, it only reduces it. So which is better? [Audience: Abstinence.] Abstinence. You see that we are coming back to God? They are now preaching the Bible. The point I'm making is this: if you don't do it as God says, you cannot have it as you want it to be. That's what you must understand. Men are looking for submissive wives to love. They are looking for obedient wives to love. They are looking for holy wives to love. But Jesus said, "Love your wife as Christ loved the church." The time to love her is not when she becomes holy. The Bible says we only come back to love him because he first loved us. It takes—that a woman can never understand love until the man can die for her. Why is he dying for her? A man should die for her so that she can become holy. And listen, look at this thing. These divinely assigned roles, they are not interdependent. They are independent of each other. Whether your husband loves you or not, what does he tell the woman? Submit. It is God. So as to fear God, you must submit. Whether the wife submits or not, what is the problem of the man? That is not his problem. What is his problem? Dig deep, love him. Do you know that people will walk into our homes and we listen to things and it's not a problem. Let them know what the problem is at all. Instead of obeying the command of the Lord, you get into your marriage and become a spiritual monitor. Monitoring the other person. "Okay, my wife doesn't love—why should I submit? Okay, my husband—why should I do this?" You begin to monitor submission, you begin to monitor love. Is that marriage? Now you have crisis. I remember—you can ask my wife, some years back in marriage. And she was coming from a background that says that you don't put money with your husband together. And I said, "Okay, no problem. That does not stop me from doing what? From loving her. You can hold your money, but me, I'm supposed to die for a woman who is still a sinner. So let us be spending my own together. Hold your own. Let us be spending my own." She's seated here, you can ask her. And this continued for years. It is not my own to monitor her submission. But do you know? Hallelujah! [Audience: Hallelujah!] Oh, God is a covenant keeper. Years into our marriage, she just woke up one morning and said, "Wait. When did I begin to keep everything that I have? I didn't even know everything that she's keeping." We can move into standard where everything is common. But the truth is that if a man can stand for it to the end, then our home will be correct. Amen. [Audience: Amen.] So the roles are divinely assigned. They are not meant to be—to be dependent on each other. Everybody play your role. Don't monitor the other person. Don't check, "Okay, my husband is not like Brother Francis, is not like Brother Solomon." No! Hold on! Hold on! Continue in your role and see. You know this scripture, "Give and it shall be given unto you." We are the ones that put money there. We can use it for money when we want to give offering. It can be used for money, but money is not there if you look at that scripture. You agree with me? It just said give, it will be given to you. Give submission and see what will be given to you. Give kindness and see what will be given to you. The Bible says give. So may we enter into our marriage and stop expecting and become givers in the name of Jesus. Don't wait for your husband to understand you. Don't wait for your wife to submit to you. Don't wait for your wife to understand you. You give understanding, you give kindness. Forget about yourself. The Lord says, if any man want to follow me, let him first do something. Luke 9:23. Luke 9:23. And I will prefer the Amplified translation. Can we display the Amplified translation? Can we? If we cannot, let me read it from here. Amplified translation, Luke 9:23. Luke 9:23. Amplified. Do we have it? Let's amplify that word. Luke 9:23. Look at what he said. "And he said to all, 'If any person wish to come after me, let him deny himself.'" Then to amplify it: "Disown himself, forget himself, lose sight of himself and his own interest, refuse and give up himself." That is the basis of marriage. Deny yourself, forget yourself. Just leave all of that. Be focused on your role. Just focus on your role. God said I should love as Christ loved the church. Mama said I should submit to my husband in everything. Whether he says yes, whether he says no. Forget yourself. Let everybody forget themselves. Let me tell you, the ingredient of incompatibility is self-submission. You are remembering yourself. Jesus says forget yourself. Forget yourself! You are remembering yourself, and that is where your problem starts from. And how does this thing manifest? I'm on the last column now. The last column is operationalization of divorce using different translations. How does it manifest? Malachi chapter 2. How does this thing manifest? I'm rounding up now. How does this thing manifest? Malachi 2. Malachi 2. I want to read a very popular scripture there. Verse—Malachi 2 from verse 13. Then we read to the end. I take it from verse 14. "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did he not make them one, having a remnant of his spirit? And why one? He seeks a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously with the wife of his youth." I take that verse 15 in another translation. NLT: "Didn't the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So," mark that word, "So guard your spirit; guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth." Before it now says, "For the Lord hates divorce." I take that in another translation. The Message: "So guard the spirit of marriage within you." Are you following something? "Guard what? The spirit of marriage within you. Don't cheat on your spouse." Guard the spirit of marriage because the Lord hates divorce. That's what I want to close with, the Part C of our discussion this morning. Now, what is divorce? We understand divorce to mean when a man gives his wife a certificate or when a woman gives her husband a certificate, whichever way they are divorced. But I want to operationalize that thing this morning. You see, that point at which we give certificate—I'll be speaking a little technically. Even though I may not obey some laws of English, but try to understand me. That point is actually the summary of several divorces. That thing we do then, that is not—that is not what God says he hates. That is a—that is a last thing. If you check it in the KJV Bible—can you display that place now? Verse 16. Verse 16. Just look to verse 16. You see what the Bible calls it? That he hates "putting away." Okay, you can go and take your body together, you'll be spending your own, I'll be spending my own. What have you done? You have divorced. Okay, take your bedroom, I'll take my own. Different room. What are you doing? You are divorcing. Because if you understand scripture very well, the Bible says if you want to offer an offering on the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, what did he say? Go back! Go and reconcile to your brother before you come and offer what you want to offer. Now, when a man says the wife does not need the money, then you take your own and I take my own. What did you bring to God's altar? Abomination. What if your brother offended you? What did the Bible say? It says go and meet him and do what? Show him his fault so you can win your brother. You can see that God hates what? Putting away. God hates putting away. Now let's now look at putting away in marriage. Okay, let me just give simple example. Because I want to land, I'm going to the next section. Let me give simple example. Please, if a man joins to his son, is the man joined to the son? No. Is a wife joined to her mother? No. But under what condition can we dissolve fatherhood? How do we dissolve fatherhood? Under what condition can we dissolve fatherhood? If a man buys a certificate and he gives it, whether the constitution of Nigeria, "This boy is no more my son," and he carries it, "He's no more my son," is that so? Is that no more his son? He's still his son! But he had a certificate. Okay, so if you cannot dissolve fatherhood, a man joined to his wife—a man is not joined to the son, yet you cannot dissolve fatherhood. The Bible says a man is joined to his wife. Does that not show they are one? Marriage is not family. Marriage is between two people. Family is with the children. Some people use their marriage to build family. By the time children are gone, their marriage is done. Marriage is not family. Our own children are almost all moving. I don't know that she's coming back to the home front again. Because we were joined. Marriage is not family. Now, I'm saying to you that even the one that is just a passerby you cannot dissolve. How do you think you can dissolve marriage by a certificate? I don't want to waste my time on that, maybe a topic for another day. But I want you to begin to think about that seriously. Think about it seriously. When you say I'm no more there, I'm no more there, I just imagine the hand just says, "Okay, I don't like the leg, I go that way." What will happen to the hand? You are killing yourself! The Lord point when you think you are acting wisely, you are actually being stupid. You are dying instrumentally. You are dying instrumentally! That's the reality of what you are doing. If you cut your eye, what will happen to the eye? It will start dying. What will happen to other—you cannot stand. And also the leg, "if the eyes move, I move." Hand also say, "Okay, if the eyes move, I move." Everyone will be moving. Where are they going? Where is the hand going? Where's the eye going? May God grant you wisdom. Putting away is instrumental dying. Instrumental dying! If you've been putting away, "I'll see you at last here," go and find—you better go back to your marriage and resolve it. Call your wife today. You are no longer two, you are one. But look at what he said. He said you should guard the spirit of what? The spirit of marriage within you. That's what I really want to talk on. Guard it within you. There is a spirit of marriage. Now, you notice that when it comes to making your marriage work, the Bible makes it clear that the problem is with the individuals, not with the spouse. If I don't want to put away, what am I to guard? My own spirit. If my wife doesn't want to put away, what is she to guard? Her own spirit. Everybody is to guard their own what? Their own spirit. Your marriage is not working because you are expecting the other person to make the marriage work. That is not wisdom. Your marriage will work when you understand that it's about you, it's not about the other person. It's about you! You are the one that is divorcing. You will say, "Ah, it's not so." Let me show you some things in the scripture. Four things you must guard against in your spirit, and you will see that I'm very, very correct. The first one you must guard against in your spirit—what you must guard in your spirit, what you must stand against in your spirit. The first one is anger. Anger. Anger. What does the Bible say about anger? The Bible says be angry and what? Sin not. Again the Bible says, "Don't let the sun go down on your what? On your wrath." Please, if you are angry and you are sinning, it is your problem. It's not your partner's problem. It's your problem. You are the one with problem, not your partner. You are the one to be angry and sin not. Again anger. The Bible says, "Don't be quick in your spirit to anger, for anger rests where? In the bosom of fools." When you see a woman or a man that is quick to anger, honestly, oh God. In the case of age, you know you may be older. You may be growing old, you may not be growing up. Some people are growing old, but they are not growing up. And what I mean by that is some are growing to become church people. They are not kingdom people. That's what I'm trying to say. Church growth is not kingdom growth. You may be growing in church, but you may not be growing in grace. And some area leader, they come to enter church. You can just sometimes even when some people open—you are the one to control your own spirit. Control it! Take it into your spirit, that's the first thing. Look at what the Bible says again. Proverbs 16—please, look at—can you display Proverbs 16 for me? Proverbs 16, that should be—is it not 32? Is it 32? Please, let me see. Is it 32? Before the last verse. The verse before the last verse. Proverbs chapter 16. Not the last verse, but the verse—the verse before the last one. Let me check from here. 32. Look at what it said. "He who is slow to anger is what? Is better than who? Than the mighty." They may call you mighty man of God, but somebody who is slow to anger is better than you. "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than what? Than he that taketh a city." A successful businessman is nothing compared to a man that can rule his spirit. That you can take a city—that's why you see some people, they have done well in their profession, they have conquered academic, they have conquered, they have conquered. But when it come to their spirit, they cannot rule it. Be able to rule your spirit. Number two you must take it—the second thing in your spirit that you must take it as about yourself: take it to yourself about bitterness. Bitterness. These are the things that causes divorce. Anger, the second one is bitterness. In Ephesians chapter 4 verse 31—that other one is Ephesians 4:26 for anger, apart from Proverbs—Ephesians 4:31. And then Hebrews. Hebrews also, Hebrews chapter 12, tells you about avoiding the root of bitterness. He said, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away." Let them be put away. Put them away! Guard your spirit against bitterness. The next thing you must guard your spirit against. What you must guard your spirit again. The other one is hurt versus revenge. Hurt versus revenge. H-U-R-T versus revenge. You must guard your spirit against revenge. Guard your own spirit. "My spouse did this and I do that. If she does this, I'll do this." The Bible says even if your enemy is hungry, what should you do? Treat your wife as your enemy if you want to define her so. But even if the enemy is hungry, what should you do? So guard your spirit against this revengeful spirit. This unforgiving spirit. Guard your own spirit. This is not about your spouse, it's about yourself. And lastly, lastly, guard your spirit against, against something very—it looks small, but very, very important. Against words of the third party. Proverbs 26:20. Can you display that for me? That's where I'm rounding up. Proverbs 26:20. Can you display it for me? Okay, you're not having it there, let me take it here. Proverbs 26:20. What did the Bible say? "Where there is no wood, the fire goes out." So where there is no talebearer, what will happen to strife? It will cease. Be careful about the words of third party. Guard your spirit. I'm telling you, it will stand as a man and as a woman to take heed to your spirit. You will discover that many things that are giving you problems today, they will be over. I close with this illustration about taking it to your spirit. I want to close with this. I once enter—I used to use the toilet. Once I go to the house, the last user did not flush the toilet. As I open the toilet bowl, what would be my reaction? Am I correct? Some may throw up. I do all kinds of flushing, I do all kinds of post-sanitize water whatever, and just on my head, I'm already even cursed. Am I correct? Depending on your kind of mind. After you have done all that, what do you do? You stay in that room for hours. You are inside, you are uncomfortable, you are staying. Why? You want to flush the mess. Why are you flushing the mess? Because you want to use the same thing. Brethren, I want us to talk. In marriage, it's like a toilet. Every time you cannot flush some mess, you are passing the mess to your spouse. Because your marriage is like your toilet. The mess is not the problem. The problem is that you are not flushing it. And so you go in. The problem is the mess inside. The mess in our marriage is over. Any mess must be put there, will do what? Flush it. After many years, you'll become better individuals. May God bless you in the name of Jesus. I'm through with that section. I don't know how I enter the second section. [Speaker 2] Shall we bounce on our feet and celebrate that presentation. Thank the Lord for his grace in the name of Jesus. So without wasting our time, yes, that's on our way. [Voice-over] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in reaching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission aid. Our regular activities are: Discipleship class every Monday, 5:00 PM; Adolescents and singles forum, every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Family life seminars; Regular school outreaches and everyday counseling. For further counsel, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp, by the first bridge, Ile-ere community, opposite Very Joy filling station, along Ijerre road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. [background music fades]