The Tongue (2); Biblical Examples of Wives

[Intro Music] [Speaker 1] Christians in fellowship cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home for you. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 2] We have been looking at the tongue because of Life Ever-Ablaze, and we reflected on that in the month of February. Today, we want to begin to bring it to application within the context of marriage, within the context of planning to marry, getting married, running the family, living in a home. In doing that, we are still narrowing down. We are going to do it one after the other. The last session may be a session that will look more like Question and Answer. This session that we want to take in the month of March, it is "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Wives," how it applies to women. Then in the month of April, God sparing our lives and keeping us, we will be looking at "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Husbands," how it applies to men. Then, if God so permits, by the time we will be meeting in the month of May, we will be taking Question and Answer, general discussion, overview of this whole thing about the tongue. For today, our concern is "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Wives." When I say "wives," I am talking about women and wives because, like we always tell the unmarried who gathered with us, it is not "Couples Forum." It is "Marriage Forum." Marriage is something everybody should learn about. It is not just a forum for couples. It is a forum for anybody who will later marry, anybody who looks towards marriage, anybody who wants to understand what marriage is all about. It is an opportunity to learn from the forum. That is why we tagged it "Marriage Forum" as against "Couples Forum." We will be going straight into our focus for today: "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Wives." Let us have a word of prayer as we start this morning. Almighty God, we are grateful. We thank you for your love and mercies. We give you praise, we give you honor. Unto you we gather this morning, we who are here physically, our brethren joining us on Telegram, our brethren joining us on Mixlr. Lord, we pray that our gathering shall be unto you in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, meet us where we need you most. Attend to the situations of our lives in the name of Jesus. Lord, our eyes look up unto you. Let nothing prevail against us. Thank you, eternal Father. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. Now, we go straight into our discussion this morning. Please let me quickly say this. Brethren, please remember that we try to round up for 11:30. The next 30 minutes from 11:30 to 12:00 is for Question and Answer. If you have any question that is bordering on the topic that we are discussing, please, or something is bordering your mind about your marriage as we are discussing, or something is bordering your mind about your relationship if you are in one, please let your question come in. It can go to our WhatsApp page, it can go to our Mixlr page, it can go to our Telegram page. Definitely, we will attend to the question. As long as it gets there, we will see it and we will answer your question between 11:30 and 12:00. Perhaps as I am speaking, a question occurred in your mind. You may not need to wait until 11:30. Just send the question there. Once it is 11:30, we will check whether questions are there, and then we will attend to those questions. Thank you very much. Now, let us go to our focus for today: "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Wives." In doing this, I want to take it step-by-step in a way that you will better appreciate why I said that it is Marriage Forum, not Couples Forum. I want to begin with the word of women, what God said, what the Bible says about women and their tongue, before we will now begin to look specifically at women inside marriage. If we look at Proverbs 9:13, you will notice that the Bible begins to help us understand something about women. Proverbs 9:13, women and the tongue. Proverbs 9:13, the New King James says, "A foolish woman is clamorous; she is simple, and knoweth nothing." In trying to talk about the tongue and the feminine gender, the Bible is saying that the way you can know a foolish woman, you can know her by her tongue, the way she uses her tongue. What do you notice about the use of the tongue? He said that woman is foolish that does not know nothing. The one that lacks discretion. A woman that does not know what it means to be a woman. How do you know them? He said you will know them in relation to their tongue. You will know them because they are clamorous. Let us look at other translations to properly appreciate that word "clamorous." New Living Translation: "The woman named Folly is loud and brash." The woman named Folly is loud. When you see a woman who is loud and brash, when the use of the tongue is loud. We are trying to appreciate "clamorous" before I give the English meaning of clamorous. Let us look at different translations to bring out the meaning of that word. NIV says, "The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge." It used the word again "loud." Does it mean that anybody who speaks loud is a foolish person? Is that what the Bible is saying? Of course no. When we say a woman is loud, what do we mean? Let us look at the Message. I think I prefer Amplified. It says, "The foolish woman is noisy; she is simple and open to all forms of evil; she is willful and reckless, knows nothing whatever of eternal value." When you see a woman who is reckless—we are talking about loudness—a woman who is reckless, just talk anyhow, can just say anything, can just talk to anybody, say, "I am an iron woman," can just shout on anybody, can just raise her voice at anybody. The Bible says when you see women who have that kind of tongue, they are foolish. Sister, I do not know how your tongue is because today we are dealing with Biblical examples of wives. Do not forget, it is a woman that will become a wife. You cannot be a foolish woman and become a wise wife. That is why we are beginning with women before I go to wives. You are first a woman before you now become a wife. If before you marry, you are known as "Iron Lady," not because you are pragmatic, not because you are well-articulated, not because you can help situations, not because you can forbear and be patient and easily forgive, you can endure opposition, you can endure insult without fighting—that is what it means to be a correct iron woman—if "Iron Lady" is that you can shout anybody down, then somebody have told you that they are deceiving you. That is a foolish woman. The way you know whether you are a foolish woman before you enter into marriage, check these three things in your life. You can shout at anybody. You can talk recklessly. "I don’t care whatever he feels, let him feel it. If he wants to die, let him die. I’m just saying my mind." You are a foolish sister. You are not wise. Once you are somebody—that is what we mean by the word "clamorous"—clamorous actually means outcry, shouting, and it actually means continuing. "Have you not seen that? Eh? Eh? Hey!" Continuing. Go and check your dictionary. When you are at the top of your voice continually. Have you seen some families? They have started. But because she is clamorous, in a bid she wants to make her point, she has told her husband to shut up. "Ah, don’t tell me to shut up! I still have something to say." She has disregarded her head in public because she wanted to say. I have seen that happen severally with many couples. When the man says, "It’s okay, let’s go, it’s okay," she says, "Leave me alone! You always do like that! Leave me! Let me show them! Ah, husband, leave me! Ah, that’s how you will be behaving! You want to be a local hero!" Look at how you have insulted him. She is reckless. I am telling you if you are not married, check that. If the Lord is leading you to marry them, know that the Lord is giving you a ministry. Normally, in the place of marriage, deep wives, the wife perfects the husband. There is also a working in marriage. Perhaps it is through you that the Lord wants to make that sister become a better person in that area of her life. But ordinary, it is a red flag. When you see sisters that are like that ordinarily, it is a red flag. Know that, "Kai, this person by the time we want to talk more," she says, "Leave me alone! Leave me!" When people are noisy, couples will not be able to communicate easily. They will not be able to reason together in the area of their differences. Honestly, marriage is not easy. Marriage is work. In fact, if you are not ready for work, don’t marry. All those things you read in literature—they were just walking by the sea, licking ice cream, and they just entered into the limousine, and it was happy ever after—those are dreams they are dreaming. They are just dreams. Marriage is not like that. You first have to work out compatibility because no two people are compatible even if God is saying, "That is your wife." You are still going to work out compatibility. You enter into the marriage, the person that God said that is your wife, by the time you want to sleep, you hear [snoring sound]. "Ah, dear, hush now." "Oh, I’m snoring? Oh, this thing doesn’t make me to sleep." You may divorce, want to start from this point. "You sleep in your room, I will sleep in my room," you see. You need to learn how to accommodate. You now learn how to sleep with somebody snoring into your ear [snoring sound]. And you must listen to sleep. So marriage is work. I know a couple like that that the husband was snoring, and the wife said, "No, I can’t take that. I’m not brought up that way. I have to have my own separate room." And they tried to—she said, "No." That was the beginning of the end of that marriage. Just snoring. Your husband snores. So you see, marriage is not those things you read in literature. He carried her in her hands, and they went to Shoprite, and from Shoprite, they went to Mr. Biggs, they went to Chicken Republic, and they were just happy drinking Coke. No, it is not like that. Marriage is work. Sister must watch the tongue. You see, we didn’t say "wife" here. It said a "woman" if you want to know a foolish woman. One thing a sister must know about herself, if you notice that you are reckless with your tongue, you are reckless, you don’t mind what you say because you want to say your mind. There is nothing wrong in saying your mind, but you must also mind how you say it and what you are saying. If you notice you are somebody who is willful, "Leave me alone! Let me shout him down!" and then you are somebody who can easily shout people down as a sister, please do not call it a strength. Bible says you are foolish. It is not strength. It is a weakness. It is something to deal with in your life. It is something to bring to God. God did not call us because we are fit, but He is fitting us because we are called. There are so many—what will I call it—bastardized areas of our life that sin or upbringing, bastardized. God will need to sandpaper—you know the way you want to make fine furniture out of wood? You use a saw, you first cut it. You then begin sandpaper. You then—now there is even mechanical sandpaper [mechanical sound]. They will sandpaper to make it smooth. Those are areas of your life that God must sandpaper. You need to scrape it, scrape it to make it fine. They need to refine those areas. So please, if you are having it, I am not saying you are not a Christian, but please know that it is not a strength. It is something to deal with. It is something to present to God. It is something to talk to God about, to say, "God, break me. You are the potter, I am the clay." A foolish woman is noisy. A foolish woman is willful and reckless in the use of the tongue. We need to note that about our walk with God. The next one, I want you to see something again, still about a woman. We are looking at a woman. This one is in Proverbs 5:3. It’s still talking about a woman. It says, "For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil." A strange woman. A strange woman. We are looking at something. Of course, it is talking about flattery. But what I am trying to point out of this scripture is that you will notice that in talking about good women or bad women, including about women, strange women, foolish women, there is always a connection with the tongue. That is the point I am trying to make you see. The foolish one, the tongue. The strange one, the tongue. Do not forget what we said about the tongue in February. Please, if you did not listen to that one, I want to beg you and beg you. Go to the website, www.familytentministry.com, and go to the Marriage Forum album and download the message. You will see "The Tongue: A Reflection on James Chapter 3." We said something about the tongue in James Chapter 3. It says the tongue, though it is small, it determines our entirety. The tongue is, it describes everything we are. The tongue, the tongue. In many things we stumble, but if you can find somebody who does not stumble where? With his tongue, that person is a perfect person. It tells you that the summation of all maturity comes to the tongue. So, what I am trying to make you see this month is that talking about a foolish woman, we trace it to the tongue. Talking about a strange woman, again where does it go? It goes to the tongue. It tells you that the tongue is a crucial member. The tongue of anybody is where the entire life of that person is, on the tongue. The tongue, the tongue. Foolish women is in their tongue. The Delilahs of this life, when talking about strange women, you know the way Delilah finished Samson? What did she use? It was her tongue. That is why it said, "Their mouth is smoother than oil. It drops." What do you see again? It is the tongue. Foolish woman, where do we go? We go to their tongue. Strange women, where do we go? We go to their tongue. The tongue is a crucial thing. That is what I am trying to show you. So, as a sister, that is where we are beginning from before we get to wives. Are you listening to us this morning and you are not yet married? You are a sister in fellowship, and you notice that you are somebody who can easily deceive people smoothly and they will not know? Know that you are a strange woman. You are not a sister. You are a strange woman. The Bible describes you as a strange woman. Again, brothers who are listening, another point to note. Once you see sisters who are crafty—I don’t want to call it "smart" because to be lying is to be foolish. Craftiness. I don’t want to call it smartness because smartness is a good thing. You need to be smart about this life. But craftiness. When you see sisters who are crafty, not straightforward, they can juggle people with their tongue. Even if they come to ministration, you see heaven open and souls, people are giving their life to Christ. That is just their gift. It is not their life. A man's gift doesn't tell you anything about their life because the gift and the calling of God is without repentance. Even when Samson was busy fornicating, the power was still flowing. So you need to understand that. No matter what you see God doing with their life, once you notice this craftiness in a sister, know that she is a strange woman. She is not a marriage material. Sisters who are listening to us, you are not yet married, but let me tell you, you cannot be a strange woman and be a good wife. Because like Jacob, you will "Jacob" your husband. You will Jacob your in-laws. You will Jacob your husband’s friend. You will Jacob everybody. You are a strange woman. So when you notice that you are not sincere with your tongue, your tongue is not a sincere tongue. When you are talking like this, you will think that all our mind is that you are going to Kano. Mind you, you are on your way to Lagos. If you are such and you know yourself like that, please it is not a strength like we talk about the clamorous woman. It is not a strength. It is something to prayerfully present to God and say, "God, break me." God, break me. Don’t be thinking, "Me, I will escape. I will just package, package." It makes me remember this film by Mount Zion, "Sunset at Noon." That young man that could deceive everybody, deceive the parents, deceive the pastor, deceive security agents, in fact, until the birds of the night also Jacobed him. So it is very, very important when you notice that your tongue is not forthright, your tongue is not sincere as a sister. You are a strange woman. You are not a marriage material. You are not somebody that people should marry into their house. If they marry you, you will wreck the marriage. So I beg you as a sister, and if already you are married and you are listening to me and you have already entered as a strange woman—although they call you Sister Bose, you are a deaconess in your church, you are the leader of the choir—your gift, we thank God for your gift. But please present your tongue to God. Don’t be a strange woman. Don’t be a strange woman. You are a strange woman. You are a stranger as far as God is concerned. People are calling you sister, but as far as heaven is concerned, you are a strange person. I beg you, don’t be a strange woman. Watch the use of your tongue. The tongue, Biblical example of wives. But we are beginning with "woman" because it is women that become wives. It is women that become wives. Look at another one again. This one is in Proverbs 21:9 and verse 19. It is the same thing. In a single chapter with the same repetition. In verse 9 it said it, in 19 it said it, and I wonder, after ten verses again, 9 and 19. It’s so interesting to me. So I brought the two out. Proverbs 21:9, it says, "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house." If you see it again in 19, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." Is that not a very serious thing? Sisters, we are talking about your tongue today. Today is about wives. It is about women. It is talking about when you notice that a woman is contentious, a woman is brawling, a woman is loud, reckless with her tongue. It said it is better not to marry her. It is better to remain single. It is better to remain single than to for any reason bring such a sister into a house for marriage. Let us try several other translations for that scripture. Proverbs Chapter 21, verse 9 and verse 19. NLT: "It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home." Sister, are you listening to us? The Bible says it is better not to enter into marriage when you notice that a sister—don't forget where we are coming from. "Contentious" there comes from the one we read in Chapter 9. Don’t forget. It said a foolish woman is what? Is loud, willful, and reckless when it comes to the use of her tongue. How do you know a foolish woman? When you see a woman who is willful, who is loud, can shout anybody down, and reckless. Now, he is now telling us in 21:9, NLT translation. Please let us have it again. It sounds so well. "It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home." So brothers who are listening—you know I have been saying some are not marriage material, now the Bible is saying it—that it is better to live alone in the corner of an attic. Do you get what that means? You know in those days—that was where King David was walking—in those days, the King normally have a big balcony. You know balcony? They will have it on the top of the house. That was where David was walking when he saw Bathsheba. From there too, the King can view the whole city. So, the problem with that place, however, is that there is no covering. There is no roof on it. It’s not like the usual balcony. It’s open like an open field. It’s natural star hotel. Now, the Bible is now saying that it is better to be at the corner, just stay in one corner in that open place. I think that’s why he’s saying that something about weather. "Exposed to all kinds of weather." Exposed to all kinds of weather. You know what that means? Go into whatever you want to go into, go through it alone than with one sister. Are you getting it? Go through storms of life alone. Don’t call for anybody to help you as a wife if the sister is like this. That’s what the Bible is trying to say. Go through it alone. I’m trying to make you see how deep what we said in the book of James. He said the tongue is small, but it describes us. The entirety of our personality, of our spiritual maturity, of our growth, of anything we become in God or in life, where is it located? It’s located on the tongue. Your tongue is you. That is why it says we offend in many things. But if you can find anybody that when it comes to the use of words, like what God said, God said there is no corruption in my mouth, only life. He said my mouth speaketh life. If only what you can be speaking continuously is life from your mouth, you are a perfect man. So maturity, as it begins to come, eventually all that thing that God is doing in your life is to now come to where? Your tongue. And whatever devil is packaging in your life, where is it coming to? It is coming to come to your tongue. If you are willful, reckless, brash as a woman, where will—how will we know? It is in your tongue. Whatever thing sin or godliness, the mystery of sin or the mystery of godliness is making out of you, it is going to come to your tongue. And that is what we are learning. So, it is better to be exposed to all kinds of weather, all kinds—you know what it means to be in a house, who will rent a house without roof? They said twelve-bedroom flat. All everything is inside. The only thing is that there is no roof. Brethren, who is voting for that house here? I would rather say give me a one-room apartment with roof than you give me twelve-bedroom apartment without roof on it. That is what it means when you bring in a woman who is foolish, a woman who is willful with the tongue, who is loud with the tongue, who is clamorous with the tongue, contentious. And the Amplified now expanded for us to know that he is talking more about the tongue. "Nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding." It helped us to expand this "contentious" so that we can know it that all these things talk more about what? The use of the tongue. Nagging, quarrelsome. "Eh, you see there, and so what? What you are not expecting again?" You know there is a way when the woman is contentious, in fact, such marriages cannot have communication. That’s what I’ve come to discover. They will not be able to communicate. And the soul of marriage is communication. They will not be able to communicate. And the soul of marriage is communication. That may be why the Bible is saying that let us be on our guard. When a woman is like this, the person will kill the soul of marriage. The soul of marriage is ability to communicate, to communicate with the person you want to marry. In fact, that is the soul of relationship. Just imagine you cannot communicate with God. The soul of relationship is communication. When people cannot communicate, they cannot relate. And that is the point. Maybe remember cases where things get so bad that people will only be able to communicate with themselves either through the children, or by writing letter. Write letter, put it somewhere, go and read it. Or the husband too will write his own, that too, go and read it. In these days now, you will now send WhatsApp message. You send WhatsApp message. Because you cannot communicate. Everybody will begin to interpret the other person’s—no, no, no. May God help us. But we are learning wisdom like this. So if you are yet to marry, this is something to note. If you are already married and you are listening to me and you are like this, please, sister, I beg you, become sisterly. Become sisterly. Ask the Lord to do something about you. There is no life that God cannot change. That is one thing I know. And remember like I said at the beginning, the purpose of the forum is not to—it's to challenge us. It's to challenge us. God did not call us because we are fit, but God is fitting us because we are called. So areas of our life that are not correct, what we need is to tell God, "God, fit me. God, make me better." But when you begin to glory in something, that is where the problem is. "Ah, no! Ah, hm! Me, me I’m iron woman! No man can—" If it becomes a glory, then it becomes a problem. That is what we are saying. But when you see it as something that God, help me with, then I am telling you, you become an overcomer. And I pray for our sisters, the Lord will not see you and call you a strange woman. The Lord will not call you a foolish woman. And the Lord will not have a reason to tell a brother, "My son, run from that one! Run, run, run, run! Fire on the mountain!" May that not be because if God places such a hedge around your life, it’s a bad one. And who proposes to you will not be a brother, will not be children of God because God will be telling them, "Ah, son, go to this verse and say something. Son, go to this verse!" So who will now come and propose? Children who don’t have God as father. And you know those ones, Satan becomes your father-in-law. So please, be careful. Let us watch our life. Let us watch our life. Very, very important. You see the same thing in 19. The tongue, talking about the tongue, talking about the tongue and our lives. Talking about the tongue and our lives. Look at verse 19 of that Chapter 21. The same thing was repeated but in a different way. King James says, "Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." NLT says, "It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife." Contentious woman and with vexation. So when you see a woman that is vexed, what are we trying to say? It is good to dwell in the desert. It’s just a repetition of what we are trying to say. We need to watch our life as women, as sisters. Let us watch our life. Let us look into our life. Let us make amends. And the Lord will help us in the name of Jesus Christ. You will find similar thing in 21 and 25. The same thing, 25:24 is the same thing. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Still the same thing. But I want us to go to another way the Bible describe it. That one is in Proverbs 27:15. Proverbs 27:15. Proverbs 27:15. That is the one I like us to look at now. Proverbs 27:15 and Proverbs 19:13. Proverbs 27:15 says, "A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." Do you get that? A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious woman, they are alike. What is a continual dropping on a rainy day? [Speaker makes sound of drops: drip, drip, drip]. What is that telling us? When we are having continual dropping on a rainy day, it’s raining. And when you went to put yourself somewhere, you now hide. When you hide, you are now hearing [drip sound] on your back. What do you do again? You will change side. You will change your position. The Bible now says that a continual dropping [drip sound] on a rainy day and a contentious woman, they are alike. What is it trying to make us see? Let's see the wisdom in NLT. "A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day." Amplified: "A continual dropping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike." Hallelujah! We are just learning wisdom from the Word of God. We are seeing that the Word of God is making us to see a red flag when we want to enter into marriage. And we are looking at this point with women. Don’t forget what we are coming from. "Contentious" there comes from the one we read in Chapter 9. Don’t forget. It said a foolish woman is what? Is loud, willful, and reckless when it comes to the use of her tongue. How do you know a foolish woman? When you see a woman who is willful, who is loud, can shout anybody down, and reckless. It is not strength. It is foolishness. When you are loud, you are reckless, and you are willful with your tongue, it is not strength. It is foolishness. And so we are in this point. What I am trying to make you see is that the Bible is saying that just when you see a woman like that who have that kind of tongue, it is better to live alone. We say two are better than one. But in this case, one is better than two if you notice that the one you want to make the other one to be two is contentious. When you notice loudness—particularly continuous—shouting, and shouting, and shouting. Bible says look, two are not better than one. One is better than two. Don’t step into it. And please, it is important for us to note that about our tongue as believers. And you will see that I said that same thing was repeated. Do you have Amplified here too? Proverbs 21:9. "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather, than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding woman." Hallelujah! We are just learning wisdom from the Word of God. We are seeing that the Word of God is making us to see a red flag when we want to enter into marriage. And we are looking at this point with women. You know we said today's meeting is about wives and women. April meeting will be about men, the tongue and men, biblical instruction, biblical wisdom. And I trust God that we should be able to finish that for women too this month in this forum so that we can move to men the next one. There is so much to say honestly for both men and women, but I am just trusting that we will be able to finish each and every meeting. And I’m not going to rush any of them. We are not rushing them. Because we want to just learn wisdom. Wherever we get to and we have learned some things about it, we stop, we pray, then we move to that of men in the next month. We still come to bring everything together in the month of May where we will be bringing everything together again. The Bible says it is better—what NLT was calling "attic." Amplified helped us to amplify it. You call it what? Corner of the housetop on the flat oriental roof. Do you get what that means? You know in those days David was walking on the top of the house. In those days, the King normally have a big balcony. They will have it on the topmost of the house. So in the evening, instead of being down where anybody can see you, they will be on the top of the house with their friends relaxing. That was where David was walking when he saw Bathsheba. From there too, the King can view the whole city. The problem with that place, however, is that there is no covering. There is no roof on it. It’s open like an open field. It’s natural star hotel. Now the Bible says that it is better to be at the corner, just stay in one corner in that open place, exposed to all kinds of weather. Do you get what that means? Go through whatever you want to go through, go through it alone than with one sister. Are you getting it? Go through storms of life alone. Don’t call for anybody to help you as a wife if the sister is like this. That’s what the Bible is trying to say. Go through it alone. I am trying to make you see how deep what we said in the book of James. He said the tongue is small, but it describes us. The entirety of our personality, of our spiritual maturity, of our growth, of anything we become in God or in life, where is it located? It’s located on the tongue. Your tongue is you. That is why it says we offend in many things. But if you can find anybody that when it comes to the use of words, like what God said, God said there is no corruption in my mouth, only life. He said my mouth speaketh life. If only what you can be speaking continuously is life from your mouth, you are a perfect man. So maturity, as it begins to come, eventually all that thing that God is doing in your life is to now come to where? Your tongue. And whatever devil is packaging in your life, where is it coming to? It is coming to come to your tongue. If you are willful, reckless, brash as a woman, how will we know? It is in your tongue. Whatever thing sin or godliness, the mystery of sin or the mystery of godliness is making out of you, it is going to come to your tongue. That is what we are learning. So it is better to be exposed to all kinds of weather. Who will rent a house without roof? They said twelve-bedroom flat. All everything is inside. The only thing is that there is no roof. Brethren, who is voting for that house here? I would rather say give me a one-room apartment with roof than you give me twelve-bedroom apartment without roof on it. That is what it means when you bring in a woman who is foolish, a woman who is willful with the tongue, who is loud with the tongue, who is clamorous with the tongue, contentious. And the Amplified now expanded for us to know that he is talking more about the tongue. Nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding. It helped us to expand this "contentious" so that we can know it that all these things talk more about the use of the tongue. Nagging, quarrelsome. "Eh, you see there? And so what? What you are not expecting again?" You know there is a way when the woman is contentious, in fact, such marriages cannot have communication. That’s what I’ve come to discover. They will not be able to communicate. And the soul of marriage is communication. The soul of marriage is ability to communicate, to communicate with the person you want to marry. In fact, that is the soul of relationship. Just imagine you cannot communicate with God. The soul of relationship is communication. When people cannot communicate, they cannot relate. And that is the point. Maybe remember cases where things get so bad that people will only be able to communicate with themselves either through the children or by writing letter. Write letter, put it somewhere, go and read it. Or the husband too will write his own, that too, go and read it. In these days now, you will send WhatsApp message. Because you cannot communicate. Everybody will begin to interpret the other person’s—no, no, no. May God help us. But we are learning wisdom like this. So if you are yet to marry, this is something to note. If you are already married and you are listening to me and you are like this, please, sister, I beg you, become sisterly. Become sisterly. Ask the Lord to do something about you. There is no life that God cannot change. That is one thing I know. And remember like I said at the beginning, the purpose of the forum is not to—it's to challenge us. It's to challenge us. God did not call us because we are fit, but God is fitting us because we are called. So areas of our life that are not correct, what we need is to tell God, "God, fit me. God, make me better." But when you begin to glory in something, that is where the problem is. "Ah, no! Me, I am iron woman! No man can—" If it becomes a glory, then it becomes a problem. That is what we are saying. But when you see it as something that God, help me with, then I am telling you, you become an overcomer. And I pray for our sisters, the Lord will not see you and call you a strange woman. The Lord will not call you a foolish woman. And the Lord will not have a reason to tell a brother, "My son, run from that one! Run, run, run, run! Fire on the mountain!" May that not be because if God places such a hedge around your life, it’s a bad one. And who proposes to you will not be a brother, will not be children of God because God will be telling them, "Ah, son, go to this verse and say something. Son, go to this verse!" So who will now come and propose? Children who don’t have God as father. And you know those ones, Satan becomes your father-in-law. So please, be careful. Let us watch our life. Let us watch our life. The same thing in 19. The tongue, talking about the tongue, talking about the tongue and our lives. Look at verse 19 of that Chapter 21. The same thing was repeated but in a different way. "Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." NLT: "It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife." Amplified: "It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation." With what? Contentious woman and with vexation. So when you see a woman that is vexed, what are we trying to say? It is good to dwell in the desert. It’s just a repetition of what we are trying to say. We need to watch our life as women, as sisters. Let us watch our life. Let us look into our life. Let us make amends. And the Lord will help us in the name of Jesus Christ. You will find similar thing in 21 and 25. The same thing, 25:24 is the same thing. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Still the same thing. But I want us to go to another way the Bible describe it. That one is in Proverbs 27:15 and Proverbs 19:13. Proverbs 27:15, that is the one I like us to look at now. Proverbs 27:15. It says, "A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." Do you get that? A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious woman, they are alike. What is a continual dropping on a rainy day? [Speaker makes sounds of drops]. What is that telling us? When we are having continual dropping on a rainy day, it’s raining. And when you went to put yourself somewhere, you now hide. When you hide, you are now hearing [drip sound] on your back. What do you do again? You will change side. You will change your position. The Bible now says that a continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious woman, they are alike. What is that trying to make us see? Let's see the wisdom in NLT. "A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day." Amplified: "A continual dropping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike." Hallelujah! We are just learning wisdom from the Word of God. We are seeing that the Word of God is making us to see a red flag when we want to enter into marriage. And we are looking at this point with women. Let's compare what we just read now with this other one in 19. Proverbs 19:13. Just another way of looking at what we are discussing. NLT and Amplified. Proverbs 19:13: "A foolish child is a calamity to a father. A nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping." Then Amplified: "A self-confident and foolish son is the multiple calamity of his father, and the contentious of a wife are like a continual dripping of water through a chink in the roof." Do you see what the Bible brings together? That children of calamity run firmly in the same vein with women that are contentious. It is trying to make you see that it is a calamity to marry a contentious wife. It is a calamity. It is a calamity to do so. And this is for our sisters, our wives. Those of us who are married among us, those of us who are yet to marry, check your life. You know, I often remember this example. It is something that keeps flashing in my head. Maybe because somehow, although I didn’t know this thing this much, but I’ve always known something in the scripture that there is so much about our tongue and our life. I’ve known that for long in a way. This thing I want to tell you is something about the case of a sister when we were—I’m talking about as far back as when I was a corper. There is this sister who happens to be among the executives. I was also among the executives. Something happened one day, and the sister just—you know we have the family house, the executives live in the family house. Those of us who have served—if you have not served, we are serving with the Nigeria Christian Corpers Fellowship. We have what we call the family house. So, we were in the family house. Something happened in the family house. And this sister—let’s call her Sister X—she just came out loud, willful, and reckless. She just stamped on this, stamped on that, bash this, bash that, bash this. People was trying to intervene, bash them and all of that. And the whole matter went that way. It was a matter between myself, herself, and one or two other person. When the whole matter was over, I just called one of the member of the executives who also happened to be a friend. I called her and I said, "Sister Z, with this thing I see in this sister, please encourage her. She will not be able to live under a man or sustain a marriage." I just said that. Many, many, many years later, those sisters are friends, and this sister is also a friend of mine. Myself and this sister who is a friend of the two of us, we met somewhere in Lagos several years after youth service. We were just talking about how things were. We talked, we talked, and I just—I don’t know how we talked to the point of marriage. We were just talking generally. And I asked about Sister So-and-so because the sister married after service or something. She married. Sister Z said, "Ah, they are not together again." She said they are not together again. "The thing scattered, the thing scattered." I said, "Eh? They're not together again? Ah, then we will be praying for and we will be praying with her." We left the matter. The point I am trying to bring out, I do not have the details of why the marriage scattered. I did not ask for who did wrong or who did right. I didn’t ask. So it is possible it is not about what I said. It is possible it is something else. But the point I am trying to bring out is that what I said came back so much to me that, ah, I hope it is not that the brother later realized that it is better to have lived alone than with this type of sister in a house. I may be right, I may be wrong. I may not know what led to the breakage. But the point I am making is that if the Bible is giving us wisdom that there is so much about our tongue and our marriage, don’t let us take it lightly. Sisters, don’t take it lightly. Wives, don’t take it lightly. What the Bible is trying to make us see is that your tongue can break your marriage. That is one. The other one is telling you—I want to raise three important observation for you about tongue that I have experienced with people—depending on the kind of husband that you may be dealing with. If you are dealing with a husband who is fire-for-fire, your tongue will break your marriage. If your husband is, "you bring it, I give you back," you will be repelling. The other one, if you are living with a husband who is not south—north and south now—the husband is quiet. You see, the way your tongue—depending on the man, the type of man he is, how mature, level of spiritual maturity—what your tongue can do is that it will break your marriage, even though the man may not leave the house. Both of you will be together, but actually you will not have a marriage. The man will prefer to be alone inside the house. Because the Bible is saying that this thing, this is the consequence of this. So if you are doing it, it means you are moving towards breaking your marriage. You may have your husband in the house, but in the real sense of it, he is not married to you. Both of you are in the house, everybody is on their own. She thinks alone, she plans alone, she reasons alone, she talks alone. You too will be spending your own money. All just put the two of you together in the house. You will break your marriage. And the third one, which is the bad one, very, very bad now. Bad now is like worse, worse. That one is worse. Some will be detached, but they will not be—that one is worse. Because the two of you are at the house, everybody is on their own. But the worst scenario is that depending on the nature of the man, both of you may be together inside the house, but you have so much used your tongue to be such that the husband will be revenging your tongue even though he is not sending you out of the house. He will be doing so many things to cut you down, to bring you down. So many things within. Detached and wicked. Some will be detached but they will not be wicked. That is worse. Let us see what happened. See 2 Samuel 6:20-21. "David returned to bless his house. And Michal," I hope you know who Michal is, that is the one that was given to David as wife, daughter of Saul, daughter of Saul "came out to meet David and said, 'How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the best base fellows shamelessly uncovered himself.'" She was talking to a king. David was dancing before the Ark. David brought the Ark, and David was dancing with all his might, rejoicing. So when she saw David, she said David should dance majestically. You know the billionaire dance when they are clapping in church? All the billionaire clap, you just do like this: "We bring the sacrifice of praise." They look around. "Into the house." You know that kind of majestic sometimes of praising God. Is it customized for marriage? You are doing it with a consciousness of who you are. You get the point I am making. So that was what she expected from David. David, the King. David was just—he forgot David was just dancing and jumping and lifting—ah! You think David was a king? That was the way she looked at the matter. So when David came to bless, David came to bless his house. And Michal just met him and said, "How glorious was the king of Israel today in the maids of his servants, base and shameless, base fellow shamelessly uncovered himself." So David said to Michal, "It was before the Lord who chose me instead of your father and all his household to appoint me ruler over the house of Israel, over the people of the Lord. Therefore I will play music before the Lord, and I will be even more undignified than this and will be humble in my own eyes. As for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor." You see, he was concerned with those people holding David in honor. That’s why David spoke that word. The Bible says, look at how the Bible conclude, "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death." The Bible did not tell us the reason why here. But it said just having no children because—so maybe like what I was trying to say, she was in the house but David never slept with her again. Maybe because it is better to dwell in the corner of the house than with a fault-finding woman. So David just took to his corner and just, "I will do another thing now, we have another thing again to say." Maybe that. Or maybe David still forgave her and they were sleeping, but God said, "For this that you have done, you will remain barren." We don’t know. But the Bible says consequent on this, don’t forget what we read in the book of James. He said, "See how great a forest a little fire kindles!" Just one statement. Just one statement turn around the whole of that marriage. One. It’s not two or three times. Just one statement. Wives, let us watch our tongue. One statement can change your marriage. Just not being careful. There would have been better way to say these things than to look at him, "You are dancing shamelessly." When you are loud and you are brash, fault-finding, nagging, contentious woman. And David too gave her back. He said, "David, the God who chose me instead of your father." You know, so it is not just a statement and—and Michal is the one that as they brought out, she was the one that protected David when Saul wanted to kill him. David lived in the house. Michal and David, they conspired. She allowed David to go down through the window. She now put something like a doll where David's bed is. By the time they now want to come and take David, he said David is ill. By the time they now forced, they now went there, David had gone. It was just a project to deceive her father because she was supporting her husband. When David became King, David said they should bring Michal. He sent message by the time Abner came to reconcile. You know there was the David side in Judah, Abner over Israel. David now said, "Abner, you have reconciled yourself to me, but one thing you must do for me. Help me bring my Michal because I use—I pay, I know what I pay to get her." So David was the one that asked them to bring her. For you to know that David wanted her. After David had married several other wives, it ought to be that, well, forget that one. But David asked them to bring her. But the situation was just the use of the tongue. We pray for our sisters. Your blessings will not be ruined by your tongue. Your joy will not be ruined by your tongue. Your home will not be ruined by your tongue. And those of us who are going into marriage, we pray, by your tongue you will build your home. By your tongue your marriage will be strong. By your tongue your marriage will be sweeter and sweeter in the name of Jesus. Brethren, let us be watchful. It was just one statement that made a woman to be barren all her life. And the Bible recorded it. Don't forget, I keep telling us every time we come to meeting, these things they were written down for our learning. It’s telling us how God can relate. It’s telling us that barrenness can result in a woman even though she's a child of God because of the way she uses her tongue. Let us be watchful. Let us look at another woman now, the positive one. First Samuel Chapter 25. Positive one now. It could be positive, it could be negative. First Samuel Chapter 25. This one is positive. You will remember that woman. Once I mention her name now, you will know the whole story. Abigail. You remember Abigail? Yes. Many people are naming their child Abigail, their daughter Abigail, Abigail, Abigail today. Nobody have named their child Michal. May our name not become household curse in the name of Jesus Christ. People name Abigail so much because everybody keep remembering that woman. And see, it was about her tongue. We will not—it's a very familiar story, so I want to cut off a lot of things. You know the story now. He said the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. She was a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance, but her husband was harsh and evil in his doing. He was of the house of Caleb. So this time around, it was the husband who—we'll come to men later. Don’t think it’s just about women. We are talking about—it was this man's tongue that was to ruin the marriage. But our focus again is on a sister with the good kind of tongue. And I pray for our sisters, I pray for wives, your tongue will save your marriage. In the day of trouble, your tongue will be there to save your marriage in the name of Jesus. There was this woman of good understanding. So what happened? They told the wife about it. David sent people to the house to go and ask for something to share, and then the man made one statement. Nabal answered David's servant and said, "Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants nowadays who break away each from his own master. Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give to men whom I do not know where they are from?" So David's young men turned on their heels and went back and they came and told David all these things. Then David said to his men, "Every man, Oya, carry your sword!" David girded his own sword, and about four hundred men went with David and two hundred stayed with the supply. Now one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, saying, "Look, David sent messengers to the wilderness to greet our master, and he reviled them." We'll come to men later. Don’t think it’s just about women. We are talking about—it was this man's tongue that was to ruin the marriage. Why this thing happens—let me just say this because I know that men are listening to us even though we are treating women today—why this thing, look, this one is a physical one. In so many things too, spiritually, people have brought problem on their homes with their tongue. Spiritually, people have brought different kind of problem on their homes. Now look at what happened now. When Abigail saw David, she dismantled quickly from the donkey, fell on her face before David and bowed to the ground. So she fell at his feet and said, "On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be. And please let your housemaid speak in your ears and hear the word of your maidservant. Please let not—" she started talking and talking. She spoke to David. Verse 26, she was still talking. "And therefore my lord, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, since the Lord has held you back from coming to bloodshed—" she started speaking with her tongue. "Now this present I have brought with your maidservant, please forgive the trespass of your maidservant, for the Lord will certainly make for my lord an enduring house, because my lord fight the battles of the Lord and evil is not found in you throughout all your days. Yet a man has risen to pursue you—" she was just talking. Go and look at the word of wisdom this woman spoke. By the time she was through, look at what David said. David said to Abigail, "Blessed be the Lord God of Israel who sent you this day to meet me. And blessed is your advice, and blessed are you because you have kept me back this day from coming to bloodshed, from avenging myself with my own hand. For indeed as the Lord God of Israel lives, who kept me back from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to me, surely by morning light, no male would have been left for Nabal." Do you see something? Do you see how her tongue edified who? David. David was able to see that, ah, revenge is not correct. David was able to see that it was God-sent. She did not only stop David from harming the home, she became David's discipler. She back-discipled David. That’s why the Bible describe her, "a woman of good understanding." What I’m trying to say is that your spiritual maturity is on your tongue. And your foolishness is also on your tongue. It’s on the tongue. Whatever you are is packaged in your tongue. Your tongue tells who you are. No matter what you try to claim you are, your tongue is you. The reason why the Bible says that she was a woman of good understanding, look at her, she began to talk. Please go and take time to read what Abigail said. Go and look at what Abigail said. Look at the way she arranged her—and mind you, listen to me. Do you know why they said she is of good understanding? Because, ma, sir, listen to me, it was not a prepared speech. It was an impromptu speech. O, may our women be of good understanding! Even in such a situation, may the suddenness not make them foolish in the name of Jesus. It was a sudden situation. It was not that she has prepared the speech. You know when you want to write speech? You will have prepared, you will read, you rewrite, you will make correction, you will polish it. You will tell somebody, "Please help me read this thing. I want to send it out so that this person will not kill my family. Help me read. I hope it is appearing very, very well." But this woman, oh, look at the level of spiritual maturity. Look at the level of discipline. The level of how much of God is upon that woman that under impromptu situation, her tongue was a savior. Her tongue. This is what our sisters should covet to be. This is what wives should covet, that by their tongue you can save the madness in your husband. You can remove madness from your husband by the way you—God helps you. That your husband will say, "Ah, blessed God, it was God who brought you into my life." And you will notice it. Immediately Nabal died—you know God killed him because of that same tongue. That’s why I am trying to say that some things, some spiritual things that happen to people—it was that one statement of—that is what I am going to expand more in next month. That one statement, God killed that man. Because you may not know who you are talking to. You may not know the nature of the person. God—and you will notice immediately that man died, what did David do? "That woman! Help me look for her!" Marriage material. That is why you will see brother this will say, "Sister..." Brother Segun will come, "Sister, it's like God is saying..." Brother Adekunle will come, "Sister, it's like God is saying..." Brother Daniel will come, "Sister, say ah, sister, what is it going on in my life? These people are not even looking at my side." Sometimes go and wash your tongue. Go and wash your tongue. David did not waste time lest there is another suitor. Quickly, marriage proposal. Abigail! Abigail! Abigail! He said even where she—"Will you marry me?" "I don't mind." Ah, come and continue that discipleship in my side in marriage. Ah, the head that can save me from going to kill my enemy, ah, please I want to be hearing your voice forever. Please come, come, come, come. And Abigail was in the house. What am I trying to say? The tongue. Biblical example of women, wives. That's what our focus today. And I don't know what one or two things that you have learned from these things that we have discussed. And if there are questions, let us have them. Because it is important for us to see how the matter of the tongue affects us today. So if there are questions, we should have started answering questions from 11:30. But I needed to quickly round up with that of Abigail. If there are questions, please send in your questions. Technical, have they already sent in questions? No questions immediately. So please, if there are questions let us have them. If we don’t have, we're already closing for today. The session is we teach from 10:00 to 11:30, and at 11:30 we want to attend to questions if there are questions. That is the purpose of that remaining 30 minutes. If we don’t have questions, then we close. Our brethren who are here, are there questions? Ma, are there questions? Sir, are there questions? Questions, questions, before we close for today. OK, there are no questions. We thank the Lord for how he has helped us today again to look at his word, "The Tongue: Biblical Examples of Women and Wives." My prayer is that women and wives who have listened this morning—and husbands, men who have listened—you may have an opportunity to be able to teach your daughter what they are supposed to be. Men who have listened, are you a fellowship leader? You know what to push and what to teach in disciplining sisters. It is so important that we make our sisters, our wives to see this. People who have ministries, what to tell women, wives in your ministry. These are important things to tell them. May the Lord help us in the name of Jesus Christ. So let us round up this morning as we close. Let us thank the Lord. Wherever you are, let us pray. Let us thank the Lord for his mercy, let us thank the Lord for his goodness. Let us thank him for the privilege again to have another time again in his presence this morning looking at "The Tongue: Biblical Example of Wives (Women and Wives)." Let us ask the Lord that God—I don’t know what the Lord have made you to realize as a sister, what the Lord have made you to see as a wife—talk to the Lord this morning. Talk to the Lord, talk to the Lord, talk to the Lord. [Praying in tongues] O Lord our God, help us. Raise more and more in our generation sisters with the tongue of Abigail. O Lord, there are many sisters today called Abigail who don’t have the tongue of the Abigail of the Bible. Lord our God, we are talking about this woman of good understanding. The Bible was trying to describe her tongue. Lord God Almighty, we are praying, help our sisters, help our wives. O Lord, that nothing corrupt will come out of the mouth, but that thing which can edify. Perfect our sister, mature them, O God. Let them be mature, mature in handling matters, in saying their mind, in speaking things, in handling things, in addressing the husband, in addressing the children, in addressing fellow sisters, fellow brothers, neighbors. O Lord, help us, O Lord. Life and death, they are in the tongue. Life and death are in the tongue. O Lord, our tongue will not ruin our home, will not ruin our marriages in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, eternal Father. In Jesus’ name we pray. Our Father, we thank you for this morning. Lord, we just pray, Lord, more and more and more and more, let your word transform us. Let your word shape us. Let your word break us, mold us, bless us in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. For marriages, O God, who have been affected one way by the use of the tongue negatively, Lord, we pray, let your mercy speak. For life who have been affected negatively by the tongue one way or the other, Lord, let your mercy speak. And for marriages, O God, where the tongue has been like that of Abigail, molding and strengthening the home, Lord, we pray for more grace in the name of Jesus. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. Let us share the grace together. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen. [Closing Music] [Speaker 1] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission aid. Our regular activities are: Discipleship Class, every Monday, 5:00 PM; Adolescent and Singles Club, every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage Forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Family Life Seminars, regular school outrages, and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Very Joy filling station along Ijera Road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 08033861136, 07033613848. God bless you all.