Trust Issue in Marriage 2 (broken Trust)

[Singing] All the glory must be to the Lord, for he is worthy of our praise. No man on earth should give glory to himself. All the glory must be to the Lord. To the Lord. All the glory must be to the Lord, for he is worthy of our praise. No man on earth should give glory to himself. All the glory must be to the Lord. One more time. All the glory must be to the Lord, for he is worthy of our praise. No man on earth should give glory to himself. All the glory must be to the Lord. [Speaker 1] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May you be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 2] Let's give him honor. Let's give him adoration. Let's thank the Lord. Let's thank the Lord. Let's thank the Lord. To him be all the glory. To him be all the honor. To him be all the praise. To him be all the praise. Lord, unto you indeed be all the glory. We thank you for how you have helped us through the first half of the year: January, February, March, April, May, June. And Lord, you have brought us the second half of the year. We say, Lord, we are really grateful. Thank you for preservation. Thank you for mercies. Thank you for comfort. Thank you for assistance. Thank you for provision. Thank you for support. Thank you for redemption. Thank you for peace. Thank you for rest. Thank you for quietness. Lord, we are really grateful. Accept our thanks again this morning in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, it has been you at every marriage forum since January. Lord our God, as we begin again this second half of the year with our marriage forum, Lord, we are praying that, Lord, as it was you in the first half, it will be you in the second half, in the name of Jesus Christ. Your presence will always tabernacle with us. Your spirit will continually work within us. And this morning, Lord, as we gather again unto you, our brethren who are on Telegram, our brethren who are on Mixlr, Lord our God, and we who are here physically, as we gather unto you, Lord, we pray that God, your spirit will work within us, among us, in the name of Jesus. Lord Almighty, you will meet us at our individual level where we need you most, individually, collectively, in the name of Jesus. Lord, we are praying, marriages shall be refreshed. Those about going into it, Lord, they shall be enriched. Lord God, it will be a time again in your presence, in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. For in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. [Speaker 1] We thank our God again. We are continuing with the topic we started in the month of June: Trust Issues in Marriage. And if we look at what I sent out yesterday on the platform of marriage forum, what I sent out yesterday, I just want to read it as a starting point this morning. I said in the first episode of this topic, "Trust Issue in Marriage," we noted that trust issue in marriage is a common phenomenon in many spousal relationships. However, mutual and affectionate relationships in a marriage become difficult when there are trust issues. Trust is a prized value that is built over time. It starts with trusting in the Lord and living a life that is worth trust. This July episode, we will be dealing with the matter of broken trust. May the Lord in his mercies meet us all in Jesus' name. So, we have been considering trust issues in marriage. And in that month of June, we tried to define what trust is. We said that trust is that confidence or reliance on someone or on something. When you rely on someone, when you rely on something, that confidence that is reposed in something is trust. We have noted that for any relationship to run, the two people that are in it, particularly for marriage relationship, they must trust the Lord for their spouse. We don't trust men; we trust God. We trust God to make our spouse to be who they said they would be. That is, there's the place of prayer, there's the place of trust. You trust the Lord that this person I want to marry will do me good. This person I'm marrying may not do this. So, you trust the Lord that this person I'm marrying will do me good. There's the place of first trusting God in marriage. And then it does not end there. We noted that you cannot demand trust from your spouse. You cannot tell your spouse, "Can't you trust me?" You should be able to trust me. You should know now, you should know. We said no. Trust is not something to be demanded from your spouse. Trust is not something to say, "No, you should trust me." When you notice that you are demanding trust, it's a sign that your life is not correct. It's a sign. Once you notice that you begin to say, "Can't you trust me? Can't you trust me? Can't you believe me?" then you should know that something is wrong somewhere. Normally, what we noted in the month of June is that the Bible says it is on us to live a life that is worthy of trust. You are the one to live in a way that people can trust you. In other words, the correct thing about trust is that your life should command trust. Your life should not demand trust. You should not be demanding it. It should be something that your life commands. And we ended looking at Proverbs 3:3 and Psalm 34, where it talks about when you throw... it says, "Let not mercy and kindness, that is shutting out all hatred and selfishness, and truth, shutting out deliberate hypocrisy, forsake you. Bind them around your neck, write them as a tablet upon your heart." It says when you do so, you will find good understanding and high esteem in the sight of God and men. So, we looked at how it is the way you live your life that will make people to trust you. It is not for you to demand trust. And then we concluded in the month of June saying that, brethren, the Bible says the eyes of the Lord are on those who do good. Let's be sure that in our relationship we are living correctly so that the eyes of the Lord can be upon us for good. That is in Psalm 34. So today, we want to move on after all those definitions, after all those discussions in the month of June, we want to move on. And please, like we normally say, the technicals are on for those of us who may still have one or two questions you want to ask. Please, send in your question; it will be brought to us. We will definitely deal with the questions. And for we who are here, if there are questions, please, once it is 11:30, it is our practice to start attending to questions. So you note your questions, you let us have them, then we begin to relate to them at some 11:30. Now we are looking at trust, the issue of broken trust. Broken trust. And what we want to do today about broken trust, we want to look at it from two angles. The first angle is what are the possible circumstances or situations that could lead to trust issues? Things to note, whether you are already married or you're about to be married, you're already in a steady relationship or you're about going into one. There are possible circumstances that could lead to you having challenge with trust. And it is good to note these circumstances, it is good to note them and do something, note how to relate to them so that you don't engage yourself in what could lead to broken trust. The second aspect of it, if we are able to finish that one, the second aspect we'll deal with is are you in a relationship where trust is already broken? How do you handle it? How do you handle a situation where, "I can never trust my wife again. I can never trust my husband again. No way. No going further. I'm not trusting again. I think I've been broken enough. I don't want to be broken again. Once bitten, twice shy." If your marriage, your relationship is in such situation, how do we handle it? Those are the two things before us. But the way we are going to do it is such that we are going to handle the first part. If we are able to complete it, if there are no questions and we are able to respond and finish that properly, we'll move to the second part. If we do not get to the second part, we are not in a rush. By the time we come again in the month of August, we'll come and deal with how do we handle the matter of in a relationship where trust is already broken. And so, we want to start. We want to start again by reminding us of something very, very important. Trust is something that does not come suddenly. Trust is not something that comes suddenly, but it is something that could be lost suddenly. Trust is something that comes gradually. Trust is something that gradually you are looking at the person, you are checking the behavior, you are checking the person's responses, you are checking the way the person is behaving. You are looking at the person's attitude, you are looking at the person's behavior. You are checking it up and down, you are looking, and then trust begins to set in, set in. What I'm trying to bring out is that trust is built over time. However, the reason why we must be very, very careful as we are building trust is that what has been built over ten years can be shaken in a day. Something can happen and then you say, "What? Hey?" and then you begin to rethink. You begin to rethink. You begin to have issues in your heart. Because it has been built over the years, you begin to say, "But can this person do this? Let me confirm. Can this person...?" but elements can, something can happen just in a day and then you begin to wonder what could have happened. That is a first important thing. And so, having said that, I want to move again to another important statement I want to make in the background before I now look at possible circumstances that could lead to trust issues. Another very important thing you need to note again when we are talking about the issue of trust and broken trust is that it is very, very, very, very crucial for you to know that trust is something that you must be deliberate and intentional about. If you want to build trust and you want to continue making that trust, you want to sustain it, then you must have this understanding also that trust is something to be intentional and deliberate about. You must be intentional, you must be deliberate. That is, you are intentionally and deliberately doing things that make who you are relating with to trust you. Trust is not something you just assume. You just assume that this person should trust me now. No. As you are building trust, you must also know this other thing that for trust to be sustainable, you don't say, "After all, after all these five, six, seven, eight years, this person should be able to trust me now." So you now assume that trust should be taken. No. It is important for you to know that trust, no matter how you have started, things have been going well, things are doing well, one year in your relationship before you got married, you have related for six months, for one year, the person is trusting you. Or you have gone beyond relationship, you're already married. One year in your marriage, my wife trusts me, my husband trusts me. Two years, three years, four years, five years. I don't know where you are in your journey. It is just important for you to know that no matter the length, no matter how far you are in it or how long you have been in it, it is crucial for you to know that sustainability of trust means that you are conscious to be deliberate and intentional no matter how long your relationship would be. Don't ever stop being deliberate. Don't ever stop being intentional. It is very, very important. Having said those two things about the issue of trust and broken trust, I want us to go into the first aspect that we want to consider for this month of July: possible circumstances or situations that could lead to trust issues. And I have a few subheadings here, but let me first say this. I noted something here, maybe I should read. Honestly, the list of circumstances or situations that could lead to trust issue in marriage is almost endless. If we want to start mentioning one, two, three, four, five, it is almost endless. But preferably, I want to consider them under the following subheadings. We may not be able to exhaust the list. The reason being that the scripture says husband, love your wife, and then wife, love your own husband. When the scripture was concluding, the scripture said something. It says, "Let every man see to it that he loves his own wife, and let every woman see to it that she respects her own husband." Why the word own, own, why that emphasis? It's because every marriage in a way has its own uniqueness. What could bring trust issue in marriage A may not bring it in marriage B because of the two people that are involved. What marriage C would not imagine could bring a problem, marriage D, it could be the basis of their own problem. And you then begin to wonder, so this thing can cause problem in a marriage? You then begin to wonder, "Ah, what is the problem?" So this thing can be, so this thing can cause problem. So, it is important for us to know that the list is almost endless, but I want to take them under these subheadings. What I did was that I said foundational issues, then attitudinal issues, behavioral issues, ignorant issues. I just tried to do categorization. Foundational issues, let's take the first one. You see, trust issues in some marriages come as a result of the foundation of the two people involved. What do I mean by foundational issues? You see, before some people get into the junction of relationship and then eventually the place of marriage, they have lived their life—I'm trying to look at the best word to use—let me say they have lived their life not very correctly. They have lived their life so loosely. They have lived their life carelessly, such that they have too many things to hide. They have too many things to hide. So that when they are coming to the junction of marriage, to be able to tell everything about themselves becomes relatively difficult. They will want to tell some, they will not want to tell some. They will want to leave some untold. And the reason about that is because they are trying to be careful not to reveal or say things that may affect the decision of the other person. So, you notice that because of the foundation of some people, they are already coming into relationship with some level of secretiveness. To be totally open about their life is a constraint. Now, while some people may have discussed their past with the person they want to marry, or they might have discussed the past not being able to talk about certain things. And so, trust issues is coming into the relationship because of that foundational problem. That is why you have in some situations where you will notice that people will enter into... look at this story of a lady that went into relationship with someone. They started. Many years they are in that marriage, there was no issue. They were in the church, they pray, they go for counseling, they do all of that, trusting God, all of that. But do you know, I think, I don't know how many years into the marriage, I can't remember too well again, I don't know how many years into the marriage. It was later that the whole truth about the situation came out about the marriage. What actually happened was that the lady, at some point in her life in the course of trying to terminate abortion, they had to evacuate the womb. That was the only way to save her life. So when she came to the junction of marriage, she was the fear that nobody would marry her as such. So that aspect of what happened to her which she was aware of, she was not ready to talk about it. So she entered into marriage with the brother in court. So they started the relationship. And as they were praying, trusting God together for the baby, no, she never said anything about it. They were going for counseling, they were doing everything, they were minor, minor, minor, minor tests here and there. She never said anything about it. So you already, what I'm trying to bring out is that the issue of secretiveness is coming from where? A foundational problem. So are you there, young man, young woman, hearing me, listening to me, you are not yet in a relationship, you are looking towards marriage, ask yourself how are you living your life today. Be careful not to create foundational problem for yourself. Be careful not to create foundational problem for yourself. So it may not be to that extent, it may be to some other extent that has to do with the fear of tomorrow. Some people have a foundational problem of being afraid of the future. How does that come? I will give you a situation where this one was one I handled directly where two people were to go into a relationship and the one of them was telling the other person before they started the relationship when they were still at the process of starting it up, relationship before they go into the marriage, that as far as he or she is concerned—I don't want to go into too much detail about whether the he or the she—as far as he or she is concerned, there is no readiness to marry anybody older. On the part of the other person, this person knows that he was more older. The person was older than the other person. So because that person has said, "I don't want, I will not want this," so the person felt the best thing not to, to still have that relationship was not to be truthful about the actual age. And they went on like that, they went on like that and they married. The fear of the future, "I don't want to lose, I if I tell him or her," some people have foundational problem of being afraid for the future. God can handle your future. The reason why certain people are not truthful in dealing with things is fear of future. Fear of, if I tell and so you find different people enter into marriages, relationships like that, they have already started that thing on a foundation of distrust. Because what I mean by that is that, you know we said something last month, we said trust is a prized valuable. If you are living trust, if you are living a trustworthy life, honestly, your life has a very great value. If you are not living a trustworthy life, your life is almost worthless. So some people don't have that value in entering into marriage. That's what I'm trying to say. That value is a very strong value. It's a prized valuable. I'm not saying these people at one point or the other did not say they didn't give their life to Christ. They may even be pastors. They may be church leaders. They may be, they just have this instinct, they just... and that's why you will sometimes you see but this person speak in tongues, this person does miracle, but you be wondering why the person cannot just be straight, cannot just be sincere, cannot just be truthful. So some people have this kind of foundational problem. Foundational issues again that could be a problem is people that, I hope you know that being suspicious is a fruit of the flesh. Are you aware? Some people are not aware. Some people are just suspicious of everybody. Suspicious, yeah. There are people that have that foundational problem that no matter how much you want to be sincere with them, they still won't be able to trust. They are just suspicious people. Some people have this foundational problem. Like you have people who easily trust people and then they have been cheated, you also have people who find it difficult trusting people. It's both ways. And so when you say this thing is like this, you say no, I seen it, but I still want to see it. Open it. Open it again. Okay. Are you sure that's the one that wrote it there? And you don't keep wandering, they keep wandering. They want, they just cannot just trust. These are foundational problems, these are personality problems, these are things that come with people. And this kind of people too will also get into relationship, they will get into marriage relationship. They will become born again, they will become believers, but what will be the besetting sin will be that nature. That's why the Bible says that since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside what? Every weight and every sin that easily do beset us. So some people, being suspicious is a besetting sin. Not that they are not believers, but it's something besetting for them. It is a foundational thing that they need to get out of. You also have, in the area of foundational issues again, I also noted something here. Some people have spiritual problems that you just, you just don't know how to explain it. This thing comes, these things are certain things just keep repeating themselves in their life. And because not as if those problems should be something that should continue when they became believer, but because they have not known the truth, they could not be free. Bible says you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Now, that is on foundational issue. So the two things I noted, all of those things that I said can be summarized with these two sentences. Number one, lack of integrity and correct living while single. Lack of integrity and correct living while single. So your problem is coming from your singlehood. Your problem is not coming from your spouse at all. Then the other one is not breaking clean from your past. Some people don't break clean from their past. They don't break clean. You need to break clean from your past. The other one about trust issues in marriage is upbringing issues. Upbringing issues. The way some people were brought up. Some people have been brought up never to trust a male. And there are males who by their upbringing, by what their father told them or their uncle told them, "Don't trust women." They cannot just trust a woman. Upbringing issues. Upbringing. The way some people were brought up. So you find out that the more they want to go forward in their own relationship, their upbringing, that thing, it makes me remember one of my aunts. She was just telling me what happened. Actually, they married as unbelievers. She and the husband, they married as unbelievers. But along the line in their life, they encountered the Lord. She was the first to encounter the Lord and she became born again and began to live correctly. The husband persecuted her, persecuted her. But she was able to stand the test of the persecution. You can imagine that you have prepared on a Sunday morning you want to go to church, the man will now say okay, you know you are already ready to go, you have prepared the food, it's on the table, he will now say, "Which food? Oh, rice. Sorry. I prefer pounded yam. Pound yam for me." You saw her cooking the rice. I don't know whether you understand. To frustrate and provoke her. She will go and undress again, cook the yam, pound the whatever, put it on the table, pack the rice, and then she will now be late to church. He did everything but eventually because the woman's life was correct, the man encountered Jesus. That's how the two of them became believers. So the man, because of the it was the life of the wife that actually convinced the man that no, something has happened to this woman. The wife I know, she would have... no, something must have happened to her temper. She has actually encountered something. So that thing made the man to know that something has changed. She has changed. And so the man knew that her salvation was real and eventually the man became a believer. So the journey started, you see how the journey started, with his high esteem for the wife. So they'll be living together that way and then my auntie now said she they were having a family meeting one day, her own family meeting. So in that family meeting they were she it the matter got to the principle in the family. The family where she came out from, the decision in that family is that you don't, you don't put wealth together. Their women must never put their wealth together with their husband. They must have their wealth separately. They may be giving the man support but their wealth must be so. She was challenged on that matter that they noticed that she has left the principle of the family. She tried to hold stand her ground, they criticized her, that one talk, the elders talk, all those thing, all of them, they chastised her, they criticized her. She left, she said she left that meeting not happy and also somehow confused. Because they told her stories, stories, stories, stories of how some people went against that thing and it backfired for them. You know when people want to... I call it witchcraft as far as I'm concerned. It's witchcraft. So she got confused. So when she you know what she now does to please the family so that she now get to please both sides. She now got a property, she didn't tell the husband. She just got one. She now told them that she had got one, she didn't tell the husband. And she got it in her in her maiden name. She was the one telling me her story. She said she just want to please both sides. So with her husband they were still holding their wealth together, but she now has one thing that she used to please the family and the husband still does not know about. So they continue their journey until many, many years after, the man got to discover. That thing almost scattered their marriage. What am I bringing out? Upbringing issues. What kind of upbringing? Your upbringing of people can be a source of trust issues. The reason why we are mentioning all of these things is for different individuals because we know we are speaking to different families, different homes. We don't know which one affects your own. But we want you to just note whichever one it is. That's why I said the list is almost endless. It's almost endless. But we are just trying to categorize them under some topic: foundational issues, upbringing issues, just to help us capture a host of this matter. Apart from upbringing issues, is we talk about attitude, attitudinal issues. Attitudinal issues can be a combined product of foundation and upbringing. Or sometimes it may not be, it may not have to do, you may not have foundational issue, you may not have upbringing issue, it's just attitudinal issues. But sometimes attitude can be a product of those other two. But I'm taking attitude as if it's a separate thing from the other ones. Attitude that could form that may not be coming from foundation, that may not be coming from upbringing. Attitude that could form. If somebody don't have foundational problem, somebody don't have upbringing problem, attitudinal problem that we have found that can lead to trust issues in marriage is not intentionally and deliberately saying bye-bye to singlehood. Some people enter into marriage, they don't have foundational issue, they don't have attitudinal issue, but they are not realizing they are no more single. They are not realizing that, "I'm already married." It doesn't dawn on them that they are married. They just think the marriage happens okay, and then they are still living as if they are single. They are still taking decisions, they are still doing certain things as if they are... they are still just they are not realizing. It's not because of any foundational problem. It's not because of any upbringing problem. It's just consciousness problem. To bring it to their consciousness in whatever they are doing. So it's not because they have any background problem. It's just consciousness problem. To point it out that you need to become conscious that there's also something to learn. That's what I'm trying to say. Some people enter into marriage, but they have not become conscious that look... they still have this attitude of my life, my money, my... there is still this they have not become conscious. That's what I'm trying to bring out. It has not dawned on them that I'm no longer single. So it's not because they have any problem. It's just consciousness problem. To bring it to their consciousness in whatever they are doing. So it's not because they have any background problem. It's just consciousness. You don't understand that you are no more single. Those have to do with attitudinal, behavioral issues. So attitude leads to behavior. You will know that you have that attitude when you are seeing the I'm just using different things to point it out that will make you know that you are not conscious that you are married. Your bank PIN, your phone, your emails, everything, this account to that account, anybody can access any email, anybody can access this. My husband says, "I saw one mail and I was wondering..." "Why did you have to check my mail?" Which type of question are you asking your spouse? Why do you have to check my mail? It should be, "Okay, you saw something. Okay, what?" I'm showing you how you will know you have the first problem: attitudinal issues. When you begin to notice that you are not seeing that you ought to be accountable with your life. You no longer own your life. Somebody said no, it's not like that. I had to point the person to 1 Corinthians 7. That see, you need to get something clear. I had to point him to Matthew 19 that they are no longer two but one. He then said but these are physical things. I then took him to 1 Corinthians 7. I had to read it to him over and over and over and over. I said bro, how do we explain this scripture? And I like to read it because somebody somewhere might be saying... please, keep gathering your questions. If you have questions on these things, brethren online, please let your question be coming. Brethren who are here, let us be having your questions because we are trying to deal with this matter. Trust issue is a very, very common phenomenon today. I had to read it. I took the brother to 1 Corinthians 7. So I read it from verse 3. And please, I want to read it again from here because the brother said no, "I own my body, I own my life. I know what I'm doing before I married her." I said bro... I said bro, let's take the scripture. I took the brother to 1 Corinthians 7:3. It says, "Let the husband render to the wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." So if we are to ask brethren, bro, who owns your body? Your wife owns your body. You don't own it again. Sis, who owns your body? The husband. It's not only... here he says wake up, wake up. This is marriage. This is marriage. Wake up. That person has not done anything to you. The person, the person saw a mail and you are angry that the person checked the mail. After all, it is your mail. It is your own mail. I said bro, go and add all your email to her own. Go and add accounts to her own. He said, "You know but there are some things..." I said what are the things? He said, "You know there are..." I said bro, there is nothing. There is nothing. There is nothing anywhere to hide. There is nothing anywhere to put anywhere. So you will see it in not wanting to be accountable, fighting accountability. It comes in different ways. You don't want to be accountable, then you fight it. You'll be bringing quarrel. He says, "That man that you are working with, who is he?" He said, "I can't work with a man again? Have you shown your..." when you notice you are fighting accountability. "Oh, he's my friend. Oh, he's this person." When you notice these things, I'm saying it because we have seen it severally. You will see husband or wife fighting accountability. You have become that person you married. That's why we sometimes use this word when you are not yet married, they say you are not yet responsible. You must have heard that word before. When you are not married, they say you're not a responsible man. What that thing also means, I tell people, is that to be responsible is to be accountable. Anybody who is not accountable is an irresponsible person. And that's the truth about it. So when you notice you fight accountability, you notice you're fighting accountability, then you need to tell yourself, "I need to change this attitude." You need to change this attitude except where now the reason why you are fighting all of that is because there are what? Foundational issues. Do you get it? Or upbringing issues. There are people who don't break up with their ex. And so they are afraid of my WhatsApp. There are people who just if there are no foundational issues and there are no upbringing issues, then it's just attitudinal issues. Then you deal with it. But when you notice this behavior is not correct, why are you...? why this, why that? Then it becomes a problem. Another thing that comes up when you are not conscious of this married life is placing value on things above your spouse. That's another sign that you have not left singlehood. You have not left singlehood. How will you know this one? This is how you will know. You say be using this car, I'm using this car. I'm just giving example. And then the person drives the car and maybe the person bash the car for one reason or the other. And the husband say, "Ah, look, you will never ride this car again. This car. Ah! You know this is the one I normally take to the office. Please, henceforth, use this other car permanently. Me, I'll be using this one. This one is my own car now. You'll be using... I don't want bash on my car." You are placing higher value on things above your spouse. It's a sign you have not left singlehood. Your spouse is your greatest value. Nothing is more valuable than her. Nothing is more valuable than her. You will know these things because these are the things that begin to make you become independent, independent. You say my phone, don't touch it. Don't... I don't want you to go and spoil it now. I don't want you to... don't, hmm... this one, I don't want you to spoil it. I don't want a situation where you... you will begin to, you'll be wandering they want they cannot just trust. He said the reason why I don't want her to use it is because she can spoil it. Because I don't want her to because she can or because he may, because he can whichever way. That is your greatest treasure. And I want to tell you this. Let me tell you this. The Lord Jesus said something. He said don't put your treasure where on earth, where what happens, where the moth, where the thief can break into and all of that. He said put your treasure in heaven, where those things cannot happen to it. Is that not? But what is the main reason for putting your treasures in heaven? He said because where your treasure is, is where your heart will be. What that simply means is this. It is not necessarily because thieves can steal our treasure here, that's why we don't put it here. The real reason why you must not treasure, why your treasure should not be in things here is that when thieves steal it, you will not have hypertension. When you treasure your car so much and another Okada man mistakenly break your your lamp, you would have killed the person when you remember that the person worth more than the whole car. Because, "Ah! my brain is...!" you put so much treasure. You have placed so high a value on it that... now, you know what I'm trying to bring out of that? You see, where your wife is not your ultimate treasure, your heart will not be in her. That's just what I want to draw out from that. Your heart will not be in your spouse where your spouse is not your what? Ultimate treasure. Your heart will be in some things, some things you will prefer them to her. And that is why you will notice situation where third parties can come between you people, where in-laws can come between you people, where things can come between you people because she's not your ultimate treasure or he is not your ultimate treasure. Once we have entered into marriage, our spouses become our what? The ultimate of all the treasures. We are not saying that you throw away every other person. And somebody say, "Are you telling me to go and kill my siblings?" that is not what we are saying, bro. You know some people have a way of making exaggerated statement because they don't want to accept the truth. We said ultimate treasure. It means there are treasures. There are people who have contributed to your life when you were coming up as a single person. There are people who have been there for you. A lot of people have been there. But we're saying that the ultimate treasure where it has to be in conflict with this one. So you do everything to systematize, deliberately, intentionally systematizing them together. But the point we are making is that when you know you have not left singlehood, it's a sign of not living singlehood. You don't understand that you are no more single. Those had to do with behavioral issues. Attitude leads to behavior. You will know that you have that attitude when you are seeing the behavior. Please note what I said that attitude can stand on its own. Somebody may not have foundational problem, somebody may not have upbringing problem, may just have attitudinal problem. And attitudinal problem can be as a result of a combine of your own attitude, your own upbringing, your own foundation. When that becomes combined, it becomes a very, very complex situation. If the reason why somebody does not want to leave singlehood is because he is still relating with his ex, or there is this thing that has been hidden, maybe you have hidden about you have not told the truth about your age, you have not told the truth about yourself. You were no more a virgin. As a young man, you have done this, you have not you have kept all of that away. So anything that you think could make the person have any hint to say, "But dear, you told me that..." you quickly begin to you know you need lie to cover lie. So if there are if there are if if the reason why people could not leave singlehood is coming from foundational, upbringing, attitudinal, if all of them combined together, then it becomes a very complex situation to solve. Because you have to first take them one by one. The person has to go and start from his or her foundation and then first correct the foundation. Then when correct the foundation, then the person move to become you know. The ones that are easier is when there are no foundational issues, there are no upbringing issues, it is just attitudinal issue. Because upbringing again is a very, very complex thing. Somebody have been like that for 30 years or 35 years before the person married. Suddenly someone just coming into his life, you are talking about 30, within a day, want to change 35 years upbringing. It will first be challenging it. It will be challenging it, it will be challenging it. Like the example that my wife gave in the first part in June when she was taking it. She gave a very, very perfect example. The brother who grew up in face me, I face you house where when you are entering the house you must always close door. And the sister who grew up in flat. You know inside flat, after you have closed the two main doors, you don't close in between the room doors. So they got married and everything, and the brother would be wondering why the wife will enter into the room, talking of bedroom now inside a flat, I saw closing door. "What is your problem? Can't you just close door?" The person did not grow up and it becomes a matter for them and they were ah! until God had to correct the brother, "Ah! What is your problem? You didn't marry a wife that can close door. Can't you close it yourself?" So upbringing sometimes becomes very difficult to to deal with. But when you become deliberate and intentional you are able to overcome. The more difficult one to handle is the foundational ones where you have not entered with a correct foundation. And that's why sometimes you notice that they will ask you in marriage, "Do you know any impediment for which you will not marry this person? Say so now." If you have not told the person before, but I know, if you have not told the person before until you get to that point, nobody will still say it. Do you see anybody who will say it at that point? Nobody will say it at that point because the point they have said it is what we call for those of us that did contract in business administration, they call the thing utmost good faith. Utmost good faith. Utmost good faith is a principle in business that you must give the person all the information about that thing to make the person take informed decision. If you don't give the person all the information about it and you go into a contract, the person now discovers something, the person will charge you for breach of the principle of utmost good faith. You must say everything. This thing I want to sell to you, it has this problem, it has that problem, it has this, it has that. So you must come with utmost good faith to the place of making marital decision. You see me, I am like this, I am like this. This is who I am, this is what I am. This is where I am. Whatever you know could influence the person's judgment in taking decision must not be hidden from the person. You must bring all out. "Ah, you are proposing to me. God led you to me. Are you aware that...?" "He said I'm aware, no, God will handle it." "Me, are you aware that...?" You know we were in a program and they were asking each of the husband to say what they said to their wives the day they proposed to them and what was the answer of the wife. The wife should tell us again. So one that was very, very interesting to me and my wife was the one that they asked the husband what he told the wife. You know say no, tell him, tell him again the way you did it then. Just tell her again the way you did it then. And the husband said, he said, "I want to marry you." Then they asked wife, what did you answer what you told him? "Are you sure you can carry it?" The lady was physically challenged. So he wanted to be sure. So they now asked the husband, "That's what she said? That's what she told you?" And so he said, "What did the husband say? He said 'I can', he said 'I can carry it'." What I'm trying to bring out is that the lady was giving utmost good faith. "You see me the way I am?" The same thing, there are some impediments that are not obvious. Utmost good faith demand that we talk about it. That's laying a correct foundation for a relationship. Anyway, we move on to the last one about source of circumstances that could lead to trust issue is ignorance. Ignorance. What do I mean by this? You see over time as me and my wife, as we relate with couples, relating, counseling, dealing with couples, we realize something that many husband, many people that goes into marriage today, they did not they are ignorant of this divine principle. And we discover it's a major problem today for people in marriage. Look at the divine principle, it's in Genesis 2:24 and 25. Permit me to read this thing in KJV. Not as if we could not read it in other translation, but KJV did something that I like to emphasize. If you look at verse 24 and 25 of Genesis 2, it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh. Verse 25, he says, and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Please look at the way King James put it. Do you know that if we read this thing like this, "And they and they were naked and were not ashamed," will it be the same thing? "They were naked and they were not ashamed." Does it not capture the two of them? It capture it. Okay. We take it again like this, "Both were naked and were not ashamed." Does it not capture the same thing? But look at what King James did. He says and they, two of them. He put again, both, repetition, naked. As if you don't know who he's talking about. The man and his wife. Three times. Three times. They, both, the man, his wife. If he had said, "The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed," it captures it. That's why if you look at some newer translation, they have looked at newer translation, they didn't write it that way. They would just say, "And Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them were ashamed." They do not those emphasis. But do you know why I'm picking that emphasis from KJV? Because most people don't realize that once you are entering into marriage, you should understand the principle of nakedness. That is covering, covering what? Nothing. Nothing to be covered. Nothing. It is a principle that he who made them male and female commanded. It is what... what I'm trying to say is that it is not marriage if they are not naked. It is something we must not be ignorant of. If they are not naked, it is not marriage. Nothing covering. Nothing. Everything must be on the table. Everything. There is nothing everything on the table. But have we have seen this resound ignorance. Even older couples, some people 10, 15 years in marriage. We have seen where people who have gone for marriage seminars, people will say that, "There are some things you don't let your wife know." I'm serious. There are things you don't let your wife know. Yes. I mean older couples. There are things you don't allow her to know. I remember in one of the meeting, one was saying that one of them is that you don't make her know when you have a lot of money in your hand. Because we have to ask in one of the meeting, "Can you give? For example, you don't make a woman know when you have a lot of money in your hand." And we said why? She said she'll begin to misbehave. I don't know where we got all these principles from. I don't know where we got all those belief from. They are... what I'm trying to bring out, there was another thing that I asked, this one about 13 years in their in a relationship, we were just talking. I said he said, "There are some things you don't make a woman know," it was a brother, we are both talking. I said what? He said, "You must not show if you really love her, you show it small." I said, I said why? You know people I have seen all, you know. He said, "You show it small." This person I'm talking I'm talking with, he's among the leaders in his church. He said you show it small. And these are things that they'll be teaching the younger generation. You show it small. And I said but why? Why? He said see, once a woman know you really, really love her, she will be thinking that you cannot replace her. So she will not be submissive, she will not fear you. She will not fear you. So if you if you want her to fear you, you keep the love inside. You know it's good to listen to people, honestly. You know sometimes you don't listen, you just you shut people up so you don't hear them. He was teaching me the way to deal with women. He said that way you will notice that when you say do this, she will do it. Because she is not sure, she knows that look... she just behave anyhow, someone else can replace her. So you will now hide love. That's how you will be able to control her. I said I see. Then we began to talk. But I'm just showing you something about some things you make your spouse to know. Don't make them know you love them. Maybe women too should not make us know they love us. So that we too will be afraid that look their ex can take them away so that we too will have to care for them and what? You know I'm saying that because I remember in a situation where there was an issue in a relationship. I think it was me and my wife in that meeting that day, I can't remember, both of us or me alone. And the wife said, "Look, if you know how many men are looking at my face in the office. If you know, look, look, hey, don't push me oh." So what you trying to say? "Let me control you, let me control you." I'm available, many people are available. So plenty people are looking at me and you know maybe that's that woman's version too to control the man. I don't know. But the point I'm making is there is a principle of God and we should not be ignorant of this principle. What is that principle? They, both, the man and his wife, they were both naked and they were not ashamed. So when you have when you notice that you don't come into marriage with that principle, you are an ignorant person. It's a principle of God. It's not it's not anybody demanding it from you. It's a principle of God. You come in that principle, you come God's way. That is God's way of entering marriage. Any other way is not God's way. God's way of entering marriage. Anybody who is fighting transparency does not know God. He may be born of God, I hope you know there are two things about that matter. He said to be born of God and to know God. Jesus spoke to the disciples who believed in him, "If you continue in my word, you are my disciple indeed, then you will know the truth." So somebody can be a disciple but may not know the truth. That's what I mean. I'm not saying these people are not Christians. I'm not doubting the salvation of that brother who spoke to me. He's a fine believer. Because I know him very well. He's a fine believer. Not as if he's messing up outside. He's too and faithful to his wife. But you can see he has a he's ignorant. He's ignorance. He's somebody I know one-on-one, very true, very faithful to his wife. But we were just talking, we just just got engaged that day, and he was telling me some things a woman must not know. So please, God's way of entering into marriage is enter naked. That's God's way of entering into marriage. Technicals, I want to believe no question came, that's why no question came to me. We in the house, I believe there are no question, that's why no question came to me when it was 11:30. I believe that is the situation because I believe it should have come to me by 11:30. So as we close today, I would want to ask if there is any comment anybody wants to make before we pray. Comment on this important topic that we are looking at. We'll continue with where trust is broken next month. Where trust is broken, how do we handle it? Because some situation, that is their situation. Trust has been broken. How do we handle it? Okay. So in the absence of comment from people in the house, let's go ahead this morning to pray. Let us talk to the Lord. The talking here is not, I don't want you to rush into prayers. Please if you have been listening to us wherever you are, don't just rush into prayer. Look at the areas of your life where you need amendment, where you need to amend. That's what we that's why we are taking this thing, we are not rushing them. Do you have foundational problem? Do you have upbringing problem? Do you have attitudinal problem? Do you have behavioral problem? Do you have ignorance problem? The list of what can cause trust issues, they are endless. We just try to capture them under this heading so that we will be able to discuss it. The list is endless. And if there are some things you feel that we have not mentioned, please brethren online, you can put it, please send it, let us have your view. Let us have your comment. But the whole essence of the forum this morning is let us look inward. Let us look inward. Are there things to amend? Are there things to amend? Are there things to correct? Are there things to shape? Are there things to shape? Are there things to adjust in terms of your attitude, in terms of your behavior? Are there things, are there things to deal with? Are there things? That's what is important this morning. That's what you should pray about. That's what you should make up your mind about. Make up your mind and then pray. God, just like the day you got born again, you make up your mind to give your life to Christ, then you ask Jesus into your life. That same way, I want you to take a decision today that me, this is what I want to start doing. This is how I want to be doing it now. I will not do it this way again. Then you bring that decision to the Lord and say, "Lord, Lord, I have no strength of my own. Lord, enable me, let there be a working of your spirit in me to go this way. Let there be a working of your spirit in me to go this way. This is the way to go and I'm going this way. I'm going this way. I'm going this way in the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. Thank you eternal Father. Blessed be your holy name, our God. Blessed be your holy name. Blessed be your holy name. Talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord as we close this morning. Talk to the Lord. Just talk to the Lord. Talk to the Lord. [Speaker 1] Let me invite our daughter, Mrs. Faderede to close the meeting for us. Please come and give us the closing prayer. [Speaker 3] Our Father and our God, we thank you for a time like this. We say unto you be the glory in Jesus' name. Lord, we commit ourselves unto your hands once again. We pray that you will help us to be accountable in the name of Jesus. Help us to be trustworthy in the name of Jesus. Help us to trust our spouses better in the name of Jesus. Help us to be accountable unto our spouses and unto you in the name of Jesus. Help us in Jesus' name. We thank you for this ministry. We pray that you will continue to uplift this ministry in Jesus' name. Thank you as we go. We pray that you go with us in Jesus' name. Guide and direct us in the name of Jesus. Be our shield and our buckler in the name of Jesus. Thank you everlasting Father, for in Jesus' mighty name we have prayed. Amen. And may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen. [Speaker 4] This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development, and mission aid. Our regular activities are the discipleship class every Monday, 5:00 PM; adolescents and singles club every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; marriage forum second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; family life seminars, regular school outreaches, and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp by the first bridge, Ilere community, opposite Veryjoy filling station along Ije-Aare Road, Akure, Ondo State, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are 080-3386-1136, 070-3361-3848. God bless you all.