Trust Issues in Marraige 3(broken Trust)

[background noise] Churches and fellowships cannot be more spiritual than the individuals and families that constitute them. God greatly desires a godly home front. These are words of restoration and instruction in righteousness from Family Tent Ministry. May ye be blessed as you listen. [Speaker 1] Praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord. We thank our God again for another opportunity in his presence, another time again for our Marriage Forum that comes every second Saturday of the month. August, the eighth month of the year, we indeed are grateful to God for preservation of life. We are grateful to him for helping us thus far since January this year having Marriage Forum every second Saturday of the month. We are continuing with the topic we started in June: Trust Issues in Marriage. Taking from what I sent out yesterday, let me just quickly look at that here. Maybe I should just read as a kind of general introduction for us this morning. I said our topic for this month of August Marriage Forum is Trust Issues in Marriage 3, because we started in the month of June. The first episode was in June, the second one was in July. We are in the third episode of this series, Trust Issues in Marriage. The theme under this series beginning from the month of July has been Broken Trust, and today we are trying to look at possible practical ways forward when trust has been broken. I gave a write-up here. I said in the first episode in June, we noted that trust issue in marriage is a common phenomenon, something that is happening in many spousal relationships today. In addition to this, mutual and affectionate relationship in marriage becomes difficult when there are trust issues. Then we noted that trust is a prized value that gives a life that is trustworthy. In the month of July, we began Broken Trust, and the first aspect of broken trust we looked at is possible circumstances or situations that could lead to trust issues. And I said today, this August, possible practical ways forward when trust has been broken. May the Lord in his mercies meet with us all in Jesus' name. And please do note that your questions can come in at any point, either from the ones we have considered in the month of June, in the month of July, or what we want to consider today. Once it is 11:30, we will respond to available questions, and if there are no questions, then we will close for today. So as we start up this morning, I want us to begin with this song. Let's take this song together. You are highly lifted up, there is no one like you. Halle, Halle, Hallelujah. You are highly lifted up, there is no one like you. Hallelujah, Halle, Halle, Halle, Hallelujah. Oh, you are highly lifted up, there is no one like you. Hallelujah, Halle, Halle, Halle, Hallelujah. Oh Jesus, you are highly lifted up, there is no one like you. Hallelujah, Halle, Halle, Halle, Hallelujah. Almighty God, everlasting Father, indeed you are highly lifted up. There is no one like you. There is none holy as our God. There is none beside thee, neither is there any rock like our God. Lord, you are greater than the greatest, you are higher than the highest, you are wiser than the wisest, you are smarter than the smartest. Lord God Almighty, you are far powerful than the most powerful among men. Oh Eternal Father, we worship you this morning. We thank you for your presence in this place. We thank you for your word that we want to consider. Precious Father, we pray that as we look into scriptures, as we reason together this morning on the topic that is before us, let your spirit work within us, let your spirit work among us in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, we are praying, let there be seed for the sowers, let there be bread for the eaters, enough bread that men will eat and eat until they are satisfied in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you, Eternal Father. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So we want to begin with our focus this morning: Trust Issues in Marriage. And we are looking at possible practical ways forward when trust has been broken. Honestly, this topic is so crucial because when we begin to look at practical ways forward when trust has been broken, a lot of things were coming to my mind. Some of them are historical issues, some of them are not historical, some of them are dynamics that we are facing today. We are facing a lot of dynamics today that when we are looking at how to deal with broken trust, honestly, one begins to wonder what actually is the practical way forward. All the same, as issues were coming up and I was noting them down in preparing for this message, we will take them one after the other and see how we can move on gradually together. In considering the matter of possible practical ways forward, the first thing I want us to consider is to understand the issues surrounding trust today, particularly today. And under this, I have three important things I want us to consider because these are things that will guide the possible way forward. So many things are happening today in marriages, so many things are happening in Christian marriages, or do I say yes, Christian marriages, and sometimes so-called Christian marriages. Many things are happening in the society today, and all of these call for serious considerations. Now let's look at when I talk about understanding trust issues surrounding us today. Number one is broken trust and the changing dynamics of today. What do I mean by this? You see, the issue of broken trust today honestly affects not only marriage. It affects virtually every area of life. I mean, when you look at around us today, the matter surrounding trust, broken trust. But I want to look at something that bothered me more, that is more in my mind, particularly the home since we are looking at the home. I was involved in a study. We are through with the first phase, we are in the second phase now. The second phase started more practically yesterday. It has been a study on sexual violence, the stories of Nigerian women. It is something that really bothers me, it is something that I am seriously involved with. What I want us to see is something that looks like a statistic we would love to bring out that we got from the first aspect of this study, so that we are going to appreciate the issue of trust today. So that when we want to talk about the way forward, we can look forward against this background that we are facing. So that we will not just be looking at way forward, way forward, but against which background are we looking at the ways forward? At the end of that study, we have this analysis to make. Women from across Nigeria shared information about their experiences with sexual violence. I'm just going to give a statistic, something about Nigeria, something that we found out from a fieldwork relating to women across Southwestern Nigeria today. Because you need to appreciate that the church, Christianity is operating within a society, a society that influences that Christianity. Christianity operates within a culture. Our beliefs, our understanding, we are living in a physical world and there is a way happenings in that physical world impact, either positively or negatively, on our beliefs and possible way to handle things today. Look at this: 78% of the women in the study experienced sexual violence for the first time before the age of 18. 48.5% of women who experienced this sexual violence experienced it before the age of 10. 78% experienced before the age of 18. Of that 78%, 48.5% experienced sexual violence before the age of 10. We are talking about children within a family. We are talking about toddlers, we are talking about adolescents. Now having said that, the next thing I want to call to our attention is this: that 5 out of 10 women reported experiencing sexual violence in the home where they were living. In the home. Who are they living with? They are living with, of course, home should be where you feel trust should exist, where people should be able to say oh, my dad, my mom, my uncle, my brother, my sister, my cousin, my nephew, my in-law, an uncle, an auntie. So if we are saying that 5 out of 10 of these women reported experiencing this violence in the home where they live, it means we are saying that 5 out of 10 of these women are saying that they were violated by those who ordinarily they should trust. Now the reason why I am bringing this before us is for you to see that the family today is going through, individuals in the family, even from childhood, beginning from the age of 6, age of 7, 8, 9, even before they come to the junction of marriage, one person, one woman, one man, one individual have experienced broken trust. I mean people have suffered from the hand of those they should ordinarily trust. Before you met with that your wife, before you met with that your husband, that person you are settling down with, that person one way or the other in growing up might have been a victim of broken trust either from parents, either from dad or from mom, or from auntie, or from nephew, or from cousin, or from brother, or from sister. Something like that has happened. Trust has been fundamentally affected as part of developmental process. I'm talking about possible way forward in dealing with trust. What I'm trying to say is that when you look at the dynamics of changing society today, we are seeing that more and more intimate people, people who ordinarily you should not have reason to doubt them, are the ones that ordinarily today it is becoming very difficult to trust. If this is happening to somebody at home, you can be sure of what is happening in the school if it is happening at home. Because at home is where you will expect protection for children, for young people. So what do you think will be going on in the school? What do you think will be going on in the workplace? What do you think will be going on in other areas of society? If the home is not safe, you can be sure places like the church, like the school, like the workplace, they will be an environment that are less safe compared to the home. That is the kind of dynamics we are experiencing today. Now beyond that, the second thing I want to make you see in looking at possible way forward, we are seeing so that if trust is broken in your relationship, I want to make you see that there is a lot of work to do. That husband or that wife you may be dealing with might be somebody who haven't experienced broken trust at some point in life, now stepped into a marriage where the person is expecting home at last, and then in that marriage the person now encounter another series of broken trust. So I'm trying to say that in some situations where trust is broken in marriage today, it is really a traumatizing experience for your spouse because some people may be coming from very, very challenging background already and expecting that now that I'm married, I'm expecting so much. This is now my husband, this is now my wife, I'm expecting so much, and so much that oh, I've come out of one, let me now find solace in my home, and now I begin to experience what I initially experienced that I've prayed and prayed, trusted God to get over, and then I'm experiencing it again. What I'm trying to say is that broken trust in marriage could be a difficult issue, could be a challenging issue to overcome, but that is not to say it is not something that cannot be overcome. I'm only trying to make you see because we are talking about possible practical way forward. And I'm only trying to make you see these things vis-a-vis scriptures. So it's very, very important. The other thing I want to make you see again about understanding the issues surrounding trust today is family situation in the society which the church is a part of. The church, when you say the church, ordinarily when we talk about the church, when the Lord was speaking in Matthew 16, when he was asking the disciples, who do people say that I am? And they said some said you are this, you are that, you are Elias, you are the prophet, you are this. Then Jesus turned the question to his disciples and he said, but who do you say that I am? And then Peter spoke and said, thou art Christ, the son of the living God. And then the Lord said, you are Peter, that is you are petros, a rock, upon this rock which is Christ, talking about building the church on himself. On this revelation that you have received, on this revelation because he said flesh and blood did not reveal this to you but my Father in heaven did. That thing that God showed Peter, the Lord said is upon this rock, upon Christ, that is our rock. The Bible says he was a rock that followed them in 1 Corinthians 10. It said they drank water from that rock which followed them and that rock was Christ. He is our eternal rock of ages. In 1 Corinthians 10 you will see that there. So he said upon this rock, I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail. Now so we understand the Lord building his church. Who do we mean, who are we referring to as the church? We are talking about the called-out ones, those who are called out. They have been called out, those chosen by Christ, those called out to be himself. And then the Lord refers to those people as the church. Now when these people began to live the life of Christ, particularly in Ephesus, people began to approach them and they said, ah, look at these people, they are trying to behave like Christ. That's how we got Christians, that is, so the word Christianity is actually began as a mockery name. They were mocking some people who were trying to behave like Christ because it just mean like Christ. So in mocking them they said, look at this one they are behaving like Christ. That's how we got Christians. So from the point of the world, those people are called Christians. From the point of the Lord, what are they called? The church. So it is from the point of the world that we got Christians, but from the point of the Lord we got the church. Now I said family situation in the society in which the church is a part. I'm only saying that those people that are called out by Christ, those people that are living like Christ, that have chosen the Lord as their Lord, we need to appreciate the fact that these people are not living inside the moon. They are not living inside the sun. They are also on this terrestrial earth where all manners of evil is going on. Now all these manners of evil going on around them, around these people, have a way of impacting upon their perspective, their orientation, their understanding, their philosophy about life. You must also bear in mind that we all once in the world before we were called out of the world to live a new life. For some of these people, they are still trying to outgrow some of the negative things that have been learned before they were called out. Now they are already married. I'm trying to make you appreciate the issues that we are dealing with so that in looking at possible way forward, I don't want us to be myopic, going through some narrow-narrow things. No, I want you to appreciate what we are dealing with. And like I told you when we started this series, I don't know for how long this series will last because it's not a series we want to rush. It is something we want to consider as much as possible, deal with practical questions that comes, to the Lord, the Holy Spirit, the Lord of the church for guidance, relying on scriptures and the truth because we are considering this matter from faith-based perspective, bringing all reality to this matter, bringing science, we are bringing social issues, we are bringing economic issues, we are bringing political dynamics and relational issues. The way forward we are concerned about under this ministry, Family Tent Ministry, is the biblical way forward to these things. But in looking at biblical way forward, I am trying to make us appreciate the things that the Bible pointed our attention to, which we must not be oblivious of. The Bible never created an impression that the church are not inside this same terrestrial earth. In fact, the Bible said among whom you live, shine as light among them. The Bible said be wise as serpent and harmless as dove. The Bible said you are the salt of the earth, you are the light of the world. So there is this interaction. It says all of us were once living for, living according to lust, living in malice and in hatred, hated and hating one another, but for the grace of God that we no more live our former life. So the Bible brings all of this. The Bible said let him that lie, stop lying. So there is the practical aspect of Christianity that relates to practical living in a world that we are relating with. And that is why we must not be oblivious of all of these practical issues we are bringing before our very eyes. We should not behave as if the church is isolated from all of this. The more you can see the church within all of this, the more you are able to come up with holistic biblical approach to solving the problem of broken trust in marriage. And that holistic biblical approach should be something that is practical, practical everyday living thing, something we can relate with, something we can touch, something, by the wisdom of God, we can learn. Practical wisdom, when you look at the book of Proverbs, there are practical wisdom to deal with this life. The book of James teaches us practical wisdom to handle life. And that is what we want to do in looking at this topic as we begin this possible way forward today. Now in appreciating this family situation in the society, I've tried to make you see who we mean, what we mean by the church, what we mean by the Christians, where the church is located or where Christians are located. And then we have tried to see the people that you are calling the called-out ones, they were called out from among these confused, hopeless, completely confused people before they now became people of hope. They need to appreciate that until we practically live our life, practically commit ourselves to Jesus, we might be calling ourselves Christians but we might be living in our old ways, not departing from those old ways in our marriages. We may not be like Christ. These are issues. Some of us will be carrying the cultural things that we learned from our parents, our mom, our dad, we might be bringing them and not the practical wisdom of the Bible in dealing with issues in our marriages. Some of us may even be justifying some very wrong things that we are doing that is causing problem in our marriages in respect of trust. We may be validating and consolidating it because we haven't been able to see what is wrong from our perspective to life, our orientation about life. But more importantly, what I really want us to see is that if you look at the society today, you ask you that is listening to me, how would you describe the state of trust in families today in the society? If we are to look at society today, what are we seeing? Are we seeing things that are encouraging? Are we seeing things that are disturbing? You could see the level of deceit, deceit, wickedness, selfishness, evil, callousness, selfishness going on in marriages in the society today. Look at the level of marital infidelity, a thing that have become a serious concern for the church, for public health workers, for diverse religious body, governmental agencies, government themselves, non-governmental agencies. You can see the rate of things going on today, the rate of study, the rate of research, everything going on around us today. You know, look at the way family, family dynamics. I just read, was it just yesterday? No, it was yesterday, day before yesterday. A man that went to visit his ex-wife that the woman has two children for the man, and then the man needed to come once in a while to see the children and then to also give allowances towards the children. On the news, the story was they didn't really know what happened between the man and the wife, that there was altercations and before you knew it, the fight that ensued, everything before you knew what, before you could finish spelling boy, B-O-Y, the woman was dead. What I'm trying to make you see that when we look around us today, the negativity that is coming from society is impacting on the ability of Christians to trust one another. Are you understand what I'm trying to say? The negativity going on, the many stories you hear, how this person betrayed the wife, how you hear cases of a woman is pregnant only for the man to discover that the child is not his child, it was the neighbor that impregnated the woman. You hear cases of the woman is at the point of death, that some other wives and children showed up to say we just came to tell you we are your children and your wife. You see situation where, at the point of death, that you start seeing a wife, one woman show up with five children and telling the one who thought she has been the only one with three children. A man of one wife with three or four children, that has been what society knows, only for a woman to show up with children. And when you look at the children, they are the replica of the man who died. You don't even need to go and do DNA test. I mean you can see the image and the likeness. Of course DNA test was conducted, it was show that the man actually impregnated the woman and is the owner of those children. And the other one is dragging with the woman who is at home that look, that account that contains 1 billion, you cannot spend it alone. The one at home don't even know there's an account of 1 billion. They have been having one account that they said shared joint account together and the other account that is shared with somebody else containing billion, the one at home is containing thousands. When people, please don't forget that the people we are calling Christians are interacting with this society where all of this evil is going on. So broken trust is a real, is a real issue today when we are looking at it over and over against this background that we are talking about. When we look at all of these background today, you know we have a big issue in our hand that if you are having trust issue in your marriage, I want to plead with you, don't take it lightly. Don't just analyze it. Don't just feel he should understand, or she should understand. If she cannot understand, or he could not understand, so be it. Me I know myself, my mind is clear. If you are talking that way when there is a issue of trust in your marriage, then you are not facing reality. In fact you are not being Christianed. You are not. And I'm showing you why you are not being Christianed. You are not being Christianed against background. You are acting as if Christians are out of the world, they are not seeing, they are not perceiving. When the Bible say looking unto Jesus, is that not saying that there are things distracting us? It say strive against sin. Does that not tell you that there are things trying to draw our attention? I'm telling you that all of this evil happen in society that we are hearing every day is impacting on the perception of your spouse. There are things and so your spouse trying to take by faith, no, the Bible says, the Bible says, no, I trust the Lord. So whatever you are now contributing to your spouse must be something to help your spouse further overcome, not something that will complicate the complications he or she is already dealing with. Am I making sense to you? Am I making sense to you? That is what I'm saying. There are already complications in our hand. And go and check in medicine when there are complications already. They are bringing somebody, the person is not conscious. They are rushing to the hospital. You go and notice in a normal medical, I'm not talking of a situation where the healthcare delivery system is that of the sick caring for the dying. I'm not talking about that kind of situation. I'm talking about a healthy healthcare delivery system. In that situation doctors, medical practitioners don't first begin to talk about card, this and that. They first talk about, oh, please oxygen. By the time you put the person on oxygen, they are rushing to this, before they will come back to those administrative things. So what I'm trying to make you appreciate is that there's already a complication coming from somewhere. Already complicated. Before you begin to talk as if the person coming to you came with his own two legs and said doctor, you see I came to see you, it's like I'm having a slight pain in the right side of my hand, what ointment can I use? You know the way you attend to such a person is not when you attend to the first case I mentioned. That is what I'm saying. The third thing I want to make you see again about this issue of I'm talking about understanding issues that are surrounding broken trust. I am saying this for one singular purpose. But that one singular purpose has a lot of subsection under it. The one singular purpose is that for you to realize, for you to take cognizance, to come to an understanding that if you are having trust issue as a believer in your marriage today, I want you to appreciate that you are dealing with something that you must handle delicately. You are dealing with something that you must handle with humility. I want you to take cognizance of the quality, the kind of behavior that should become of you when you are having a situation where your spouse, you have broken your spouse trust, or you see your spouse saying things I can't believe you, you did, when you see when you are having these things in your marriage, when there's no mutual trust and you are seeing it in your home, you are noticing it, your spouse is saying something that has to do with the issue of this trust, and it's you that is challenging in your home. I'm trying to make you appreciate that what surrounds it and that is not to say like I said initially that it cannot be overcome. But if we must overcome, you must know what. I'm trying to what I'm doing this morning is first making you to diagnose the problem properly. In science we call it problemization. I'm trying to problematize for you. I'm trying to make you see what we are facing. In sociology we say statement of the problem. I'm giving you the statement of the problem that we are facing so that you can properly appreciate so that you can now have okay, if this is it then this must be our objective. But if you don't know what you are dealing with, your objective may become very, very wrong. How you want to go about it will become very wrong. So the first thing is problematization. Understanding the issue surrounding the trust that you are having in your home. And I'm saying this against experience that we have in counseling sessions. Where a spouse will say look, if you do not want to believe me, that is my spouse' headache but for me I know my conscience is clear. If you are talking that way when there is a issue of trust in your marriage, then you are not facing reality. In fact you are not being Christianed. You are not. And I'm showing you why you are not being Christianed. You are not being Christianed against background. You are acting as if Christians are out of the world, they are not seeing, they are not perceiving. When the Bible say looking unto Jesus, is that not saying that there are things distracting us? It say strive against sin. Does that not tell you that there are things trying to draw our attention? I'm telling you that all of this evil happen in society that we are hearing every day is impacting on the perception of your spouse. There are things and so your spouse trying to take by faith, no, the Bible says, the Bible says, no, I trust the Lord. So whatever you are now contributing to your spouse must be something to help your spouse further overcome, not something that will complicate the complications he or she is already dealing with. Am I making sense to you? That is what I'm saying. There are already complications in our hand. The English saying is what? A stitch in time does what? Save nine. If you stitch something in time, you will save nine other stitches. But when you begin to brag and boast and just assuming that look, if you cannot take what, if you cannot believe, if you, look, if you are not trying to handle this matter with utmost concern, utmost care for the person whose trust has been affected, if you are not doing everything to make sure that you restore trust again, work so hard so that that trust could be restored, then you are not understanding the issues that are surrounding broken trust. Don't ever think that everything around us today, all of these stories that we are hearing, all of these things we hear of these evil that is going on happening in society today, don't ever think it's not impacting on the perception of your spouse. Because every day your spouse hear the news, your spouse see this, your spouse hear that. I am not saying that as Christians we don't live by faith, but I'm trying to make you see that it is very important for us to acknowledge the fact that faith today is something that is struggling with a more wicked world. As it says in Hebrews 12 from verse 1, 'Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us run the race that is set before us. Let us lay aside every weight that easily do beset us. Let us lay aside every weight and every sin that easily do beset us, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of our faith, who because of the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame.' It says who today is seated at the right hand of God. Consider him who suffered opposition of sin men against himself so that you don't go weary, because in your strife against sin you have not yet done it to the point of shedding blood. The Bible is making us to see that faith is striving against sin. There are distractions around us. You hear this person killed the wife, this person betrayed the husband, that person betrayed the wife, this person betrayed the children, father killed the mother, father killed the children, children used their mother for rituals, this and that. All of these things that you see around us, they are challenging, they are challenging everything, they are challenging our perception, they are challenging our faith. But we are saying no, we are looking unto Jesus. So please, I'm trying to make you see that there is the place of taking time to tread softly. There is the place of understanding all of these societal pressure that surround our spouses. So that when the issue of trust happen, when the issue of broken trust, you need to appreciate that there is the need for us to deal with this softly, carefully, wisely, with humility, with patience, practically. It becomes very, very important. Then issue surrounding trust, the last thing I want to say today, this is 11:35 already. I don't know, technical do we have questions? Is there any question? Please if you have questions, brethren listening to us, if there are questions at this point that we are, please let's have your questions quickly with what we should be looking at now before we look at this final thing I want to say for us to close for today about this matter of trust. So what we are looking at today, possible way forward. First that we have looked at about the possible way forward is the first subsection: you must understand the issue surrounding broken trust. Why we must all understand these issues that you may appreciate the kind of response as Christians we need to give to broken trust. Understand all this practicality. Don't just say I should be believed, I should be trusted, I know I'm a Christian. That is not the solution. Me I know I'm sincere in my heart. Look, that is not the thing that solves problem. That is just being blind to reality. Believe it or not I'm a Christian. Who is arguing with you in the first place? If you have not done something that makes your life questionable, will somebody be arguing with you? So why are you now saying believe it or not? Although I actually saw that as a sticker, there was a place of something so I was wondering, is it a Christian sticker actually? Why would you tell me believe it or not I'm a Christian? By their fruit, we shall know them. By their fruit. Yes, on one hand the Lord knows those that are his, but I'm telling you those that are his, if you carefully, patiently ask the Lord to open your eyes, just like I'm telling you about my dad, you could recognize plantain from banana while they are growing. You are able. That is my final word actually. My final word is an important precaution and encouragement. Please this, it doesn't mean that with all that we have said, there are no true believers again. Don't think all that we have told that we have said all sisters are fake, all brothers are liars. No, that's not what we are saying. I have never said that and I will never say that. I am telling you that is why I said the contradiction is in the church system, it is not the church. How do I know? You will see that again in Matthew 7. Look at this in Matthew 7. The contradiction is never in the church, it is in the church system. Matthew 7, let's quickly look at that and then we close. Please if there are questions let's have it. We are closing, we are just rounding up. I'm supposed to be answering questions. Matthew chapter 7, I want you to look at something about what the Lord said in verse, I want us to look at it from around verse, it's actually from verse around the early verses, but I want to take from somewhere, okay let me take it from verse 15. Start from around verse 12, 13 but let's take it from verse 15. It says, 'Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are,' what? 'ravening wolves.' What did he say? 'You will know them by their,' what? 'By their fruit.' That tells you that if eventually you don't know them, it's not because we cannot know them, it's because you didn't rest on the Lord to know them. You can know them, you can know a true brother. I don't want you to be afraid and say hey, how am I sure I will not marry the bad and the ugly? The first thing I want to ask you, are you true yourself? Because birds of the same feather, they flock together. If you are not sincere yourself, you are saying, we are coming to that anyway when we are coming to dealing with the matter of trust. But I'm giving you an encouragement today. The encouragement is that don't think that you cannot marry and be happy. No. Don't think that what we have said, there are no marriages today that there are no trust issues. There are marriages, not marriage, marriages, plenty marriages where spouses are enjoying themselves. So don't let what we have said become a discouragement to your heart. If you are a genuine person. But if you are not genuine, please be afraid because my prayer is that you also not get a genuine person. That's my prayer for you. But if you are a genuine person, I pray the Lord bless you with a genuine person. My wife is saying something here, let me add it. She's speaking to me that but what of if the person repent? So don't let me be too harsh. Maybe I was too harsh. Except you repent, you will perish in your sin. But if you are a genuine person, please don't be afraid, don't begin to have hey, hey, I've been traumatized today, so this is the situation, hey. No, relax. Those that trust in the Lord they will not make haste. It says you will know them, you can know evil people, you can know bad people. It says look at what the Bible now says. It says, 'Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears,' what? 'good fruit, but every bad tree bears bad fruit.' Look at what he says in verse 18. 'A good tree,' the Bible did not say, it did not say 'will not'. Did it say will not? It said what? 'Cannot.' 'A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore, by their fruit you will know them.' Jesus is assuring you that you will know them. But many times because you yourself you are not born again, and even some of us who have born again, we don't have a walk with Jesus. You are not walking with your shepherd. The Lord is your shepherd, the Lord is the guide of your life, the Lord is your life. If you are not spending time to deepen your relationship with the Lord so that your discernment can be sharpened, you are busy forming chain around sisters. Ah, this one looks very nice. This niceness must be a true Christian. You keep leaning on your understanding. You keep leaning on your understanding. But if you wait on the Lord, Bible says those that wait upon the Lord, I'm not talking about just fasting nor eating, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being able to rest on the Lord to lead you, to wait on him to say, Baba, lead the way. The Bible says, 'Where is the man that fears the Lord? Him will he teach in the way that he should go.' There is a way you should go. There is a brother you should go with, there is a sister you should not go with if you are a genuine person. There is a way you should go. It said in that way your soul will dwell at ease, your children, your seed they will be established upon the earth. There is a way to go. There is a way you should go. If you miss that way, hey, you are in fire already. You can know them but it is not with your eyes. It is not with your understanding. It is by the spirit of the Lord. It says, 'Not by power, not by might, but by my spirit,' says the Lord. You can know them by their fruit. That's why I tell people, the Lord knows those that are his, but those who truly belong to God, the Lord said we will know them, we can know them by their fruit. So if you are saying that, 'Believe it or not, I'm a Christian, the Lord knows,' he tells me that you are not genuine. If you are genuine, we should know. We close the meeting here today. That's just my encouragement to you as we close on these matters surrounding trust. That's for those of you who have not yet married. Please get it, get it well. You can get it right. And I would pick it from here because I know some things will be coming to your mind now but I would pick that off next month, second Saturday in the month of September. Does it mean that when you say they cannot bear good fruit, does it mean they cannot make mistake? Does it mean that they can be people who cannot err? Is that what it means? That's not what it means. I will expatiate that further in our next meeting. Yes, those who belong to the Lord they can make mistake, they can err, but there is a fruit we are talking about. Study them and not take them. That's what we are saying. We pick it from there next month, second Saturday in the month of September. And for those of you who are already married, you are having trust issues in your home, please put all these things before you. You know you need to deal with something carefully, gently, soberly, with humility, understanding the situation of your spouse so that you don't just take the person for granted and think that your marriage will work. Don't forget, I like saying this: marriage works when we work at it. Marriage works when we work at it. You must work at your marriage. The Lord bless you, the Lord keep you, continue to shine his light upon you. We'll meet again next month in September. Have him in all, in all our ways in the name of Jesus Christ. I want to ask my wife to close this meeting for us in prayers since there are no questions for us to answer. [Speaker 2] Eternal rock of ages, we are grateful unto you. Thank you for speaking to us, coming to us again. Thank you for blessing us by your word. Lord, we go forth in this strength, in this grace and power. Establish us in this truth in the name of Jesus. Help us, Oh Lord, to take the right steps in the right direction as touching issues, trust issues in our relationship, homes, and any level in the name of Jesus. Help us, Oh Lord, to look inward, help us to work on ourselves, help us to be true, true unto the Lord. If we are not first to you, we cannot be true to anyone. Please help our heart in the name of Jesus. Thank you Father for your son you have used. We pray for more grace, more of your unction and more of your life in the name of Jesus. We ask, Oh Lord Jehovah God, that you will cause us to gather same time next month to be blessed by you in the name of Jesus. Thank you for answers to our prayers. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. The grace and fellowship, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forevermore. Amen. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life and we shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever. Amen. This message is coming to you from Family Tent Ministry, a Christian ministry involved in enriching the lives of singles and married through preaching and teaching of God's word, discipleship, family life enrichment, social and community development and mission aid. Our regular activities are: Discipleship class, every Monday 5:00 PM; Adolescent and Singles Club, every first Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Marriage Forum, second Saturday of every month at 10:00 AM; Family Life Seminars, regular school outreaches, and everyday counseling. For further counseling, you can reach us at our location: Life Camp by the first bridge, Elere community, opposite Very Joy filling station along Ije road, Akure, Ondo state, Nigeria. You can also reach us through our social media handles: familytent@yahoo.co.uk, familytentministry01@gmail.com, www.familytentministry.org. Our phone numbers are: 080-33-86-11-36, 070-33-61-38-48. God bless you all.